Rissington Inn Blog - Rissington Inn

The Rissington Rag - March 2026

2026-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

It’s now full-on summer in Hazyview and time for a laid-back, easy-going, musing sort of Rag – so pull up a drink and an armchair so that you can settle in for a good read …

Summertime and the Living is Easy

The spider lilies are in flower. It must be summer.

We always think of our southern hemisphere summers as being focused on Christmas but, in reality, the true beginning of the SA summer is actually early January and it runs through to February and early March. The same is true of Europe where the middle of the year is not actually the middle of summer, which starts in July and carries on through August. As time goes by and travel becomes such an accepted feature of our lives, we now not only go on holiday in summer, but we actually often shut down our businesses (unless we are in tourism) and all but close down our countries’ economies for a month.

That happens here over Christmas or, bizarrely, in Dezemba, a new concept of doing nothing even vaguely constructive for a whole month. I am sure everyone is familiar with many South African-isms with no real depth or discernible meaning at all. For example: 'Yoh', 'Eina!', "Eish', 'Mzansi Fo Sho' and, going back a bit further in time, 'ayoba' and 'Yebo Gogo!' but 'Dezemba' was a new one for me (and I had never heard of a 'palooza', either, until Pick n Pay brought it up this month - I believe it's American, so how did we just end up with it here?!)

Here’s the inevitable somewhat-clunky AI summary of 'Dezemba':

‘Dezemba’ (or ke Dezemba) is the festive, summer holiday season in South Africa, representing a cultural mood of celebration, relaxation and travel. Characterised by hot weather, beaches and braais (barbecues), this period features significant public holidays like the Day of Reconciliation (Dec 16) and the Day of Goodwill (Dec 26).

Key aspects of December in South Africa include:

Cultural Feeling: It is described as a ‘mood’ rather than just a month, characterised by a lively and celebratory atmosphere.

Lifestyle: The country slows down, with many travelling for holidays to the coast, attending concerts or enjoying outdoor social gatherings.

Activities: Popular activities include braais, beach trips, shopping for holiday sales, and watching cricket, particularly the traditional Test Match.

Summer Season: December is in the summer, bringing hot, sunny weather suitable for outdoors-, coastal- and nature-oriented activities.

‘Ke Dezemba’ Vibe: The phrase ‘Ke Dezemba’ is used to mark the start of this celebratory, high-energy festive season.

You have no idea how many pointless ‘not-even-Oxford’ commas I removed from that badly-constructed piece of AI-generated text but the whole concept of Dezemba just sounds wonderfully South African, doesn’t it?

And something of a contrast to the European summer holidays which conjure up thoughts of overcrowded airports, busy roads, lack of parking at the coast, overbooked restaurants, queues at toll plazas, slathering on oil and frying on Mediterranean beaches and then the total chaos of what the French call ‘La Rentrée’ at the end of August. In France, this is more than just an end of the holidays. It is a reboot, almost like a new year resolution. Here’s a summary from the ‘France Channel’ website:

“La Rentrée is a time of excitement and renewal (for workaholic sociopaths). Schools and communities often hold special events to welcome students back. These events foster a sense of community and shared purpose. For families, it's a time to re-establish routines and embrace new challenges.

La Rentrée is more than just the French version of ‘back to school’; it is a cultural reset that permeates all aspects of life in France. Its comprehensive scope, economic impact and cultural significance distinguish it from the simpler notion of returning to school. La Rentrée reflects the unique rhythms of French life, marking a transition that is both practical and symbolic, preparing the entire nation for the year ahead.”

Of course, your choice of travel destination dictates your summer experience with climate change also impacting on that. As Europe gets hotter, so the trends have changed and people are escaping the European heat and humidity that can only be relieved by sitting in a shady bar or paddling in the Trevi Fountain and they are heading, instead, for the warm, sunny-but-not-sunburning southern Hemisphere winters in places such as Hazyview.

Forty years ago, February was our busiest tourism month for Europeans escaping the cold of winter. Now July is our busiest month at Rissington as they escape the heat of Europe’s summer. Go figure!

So, what are the Current Travel Trends?

As we mull over all of this, here are a few pieces discussing the direction in which travel is heading.

Firstly, the idea that travel runs the risk of imploding its own very raison d’être by ramping prices, expectations and obligations. Here is a seriously well-thought-out piece:

The Luxury Travel Industry is Breaking Travel

This has the spin-off effect of increasing the tendency for us to travel back to the same place year after year. We have about 35% return guests at Rissington, many staying for a week or two – in one case, this year, for four weeks and this will be that person's seventh visit. A month at Rissington, being looked-after and attended by our wonderful team. On an average night up to one in three of our guests has been here before. What a treat!

I now go back to the same place in Kenya for a month every year for the very same reason. Why Kenya? The same reason why people come here for long stays. It’s quality, it’s sensibly-priced and I know exactly what to expect. You can’t experiment all the time. Sometimes you just need to KNOW that you are going where you want to be. It’s a genuine relax and reinvent.

The Surprising Joy of Going Back to the Same Place

Travelling as South Africans, the combination of Trump noise and Schengen paranoia makes going abroad something of a challenge from a visa perspective, so we’re thinking of heading for Turkey in June for a month. We don’t need visas to go there and the more I look into it, the more fascinating it looks. We'll be there before the heat and the hordes.

We had been thinking of heading to the USA for the 2028 Olympics but that is beginning to look as if it might quite simply not be possible. It’s funny how isolationism in any form disrupts such basics as holidays and international events, as much as it does business and immigration. The smaller world is becoming less and less accessible and the days of hassle-free travel planning are fizzling out. So, we’ll go to Turkey and Kenya – and you all come to South Africa, where visitors from most of our key tourism markets can stay for up to three months without buying a visa in advance.

One of the great aspects of running a hotel, of course, is that one meets people from all over the world, offering a brief glimpse into the cultures of other countries without even going there. It helps with decisions as to where to visit and where not. I once worked out, from the occupancy levels of the places I have worked in over the years, that I have met over a million people during my hotelier career, which means that I have met one in every ten thousand people on earth. I think that sounds like quite a good insight into the people with whom we share our planet! Many of them made me want to visit their countries. Others, maybe not so much.

What a racquet … or racket …

In the December Rag, we were talking about the current noise surrounding Pickleball and Padel and the argument as to which is better. We were thinking (you might remember) about building a court at Rissington for one or the other.

With both the boys living at home again now (and working very hard – more about this below), we have a Sunday afternoon tradition of playing tennis at a local club. For some reason it always seems to be 2-against-1 and I am more-often-than-not the one. It does lead to the odd little piece of recognition in the form of a back-handed compliment and sometimes-grudging admiration. As one (to-remain-unnamed) twenty-ish person said to me last week: “Wow. You’ve still got it, hey?!”. I almost glowed with pride at the rare praise and tried not to think too hard about the hint of surprise with which it was obviously tinged. I then beat the pair of them 6-4, just to prove the point.

As part of my research into the Padel/Pickleball debate, I came across this video:

Patrick McEnroe on Pickleball

The boys were rather amazed when I told them that, in my teens, I had played a match in a local tournament against this Patrick McEnroe (yes, younger brother of John). Although Patrick was two years younger than I was, I don’t think I won a game – maybe not even a single point – but I was there! And I have “still got it”, even now … apparently.

So that’s settled that, anyway. It doesn’t matter whether it’s pickleball or padel, as long as we don’t lose our tennis courts in the process. Hazyview has both, so I don’t think we shall be building courts here at Rissington after all. And yes, the two tennis courts we have been playing on are now one tennis court and three pickleball courts. Point made, as my ‘old mate’ Patrick McEnroe would seemingly agree..

Generations … again:

Have you tried to buy a red T-shirt recently? Or a bright yellow or orange one? OK, maybe in Wales - Happy St David's Day, by the way - a forlorn-but-hopeful rugby supporter can still pick up a bright red CYMRU shirt but otherwise all bright colour seems to have been phased out. I am putting it down to the Gen Z fear of standing out or making a scene. The same applies in interior design shops. No bright towels or bed-linen.

We have talked about this before as well. Everything is black, white or charcoal (which is a fancy word for grey). Clothes, cars, homes, everything. Compare the hotel rooms of the 1970s with today’s. We have gone from bright orange overlapping circles and stylised flowers with a bit of brown and green thrown in (yes, OK, it was a bit much sometimes) to the undeniably dull and blend-in colours of the 2020s.

This priceless, short (real) video from the BBC in the 1970s (as you will see from the presenters and especially their hairstyles!) shows the colours of that era specifically relating to the invention of the duvet. (Choose whether to watch on Instgram of Facebook.)

The Duvet FB

The Duvet IG

It’s funny to think that I wasn’t allowed a duvet until I was 16 because my father thought they were ‘nasty foreign things’. It was always sheets and blankets.

Anyway, back to the charcoal problem. Rissington is doing its little bit to counter this blandness by lobbing a bit of bright hippie tie-dye onto the veranda daybeds and resisting black furniture as much as possible. We still love our wooden bookcases too. They will come back in one day, I promise. Wood and shiny black plastic alternate like flares and drainpipe trousers, don't they?

In the meantime, however, don’t throw out your bright shirts. It might be a while until you can get one again.

Portraits of life …

I would also like to share with you my theory about the psychology of portrait photography vs landscape. Don’t you think that the young always seem to prefer to take their phone photos with the screen upright, where older folk hold the phone sideways? There could be many reasons for this, with the main one probably being that ‘old-fashioned’ cameras were designed with the controls on the top when held horizontally, so default, if you like, was always landscape.

But I also think that the clue is in the names ‘portrait’ and ‘landscape’, as popularised by computer-speak. We oldies are accustomed to taking photos of a context. Our pictures often have people in them, yes, but not generally taking up the whole screen. And we rarely feature ourselves in the photos, either.

The younger generations are more likely to take a photo in portrait, of a person or of themselves, where the background is largely invisible or irrelevant. The photo doesn’t say ‘look at me in this amazing landscape’. It’s says look at me pretending to be an emoji, in a random place, with a crooked smile or with my tongue sticking out and piercings or nose-rings on full display like a bullock at market, getting on board an aeroplane or in front of the scoreboard at a rugby match. No real context. Just ‘me’ telling you how cool I am to be where I am. It’s a small difference, but a telling one.

More me-me-me

Another thought about egocentricity is that Rissington always used to have a policy of replying to a booking email on the same day and this was considered pretty quick. Nowadays, if we don’t hit reply immediately, we get a phone call.

Them: “I am just phoning to check that you have received my email.”

Us: “Let me look. Yes, we have. Two minutes ago.”

Them: “When can I expect a reply?”

Us: “Definitely today.”

Them: “OK, but can you look now and tell me whether it is possible for me to get the room I have asked for on the dates given.”

Us: “Of course…(delay for a few seconds) Yes, we can do it.”

Them: “Please confirm by email as soon as you can …”

Blah blah blah. We say: “Yes, of course we will, today …” . We think: But if you lot keep on phoning us and bugging us, we’ll never get our emails done. I’d probably have done all the emails by now if you would just leave me alone for a minute …

And as for the heading of the email:

From: An ordinary person

Sent: Friday, 26 February 2026 16:00

To: Rissington Inn

Subject: Booking for July 2028

Importance: High

Always 'Importance: High'! Have you ever seen anything other than 'High'? There’s no ‘Medium’ or ‘Low’. It’s me-me-me again. I am more important than anyone else because, if you don’t deal with me straight away, I might develop mental health issues. How can it be urgent for us to confirm a booking for more than two years hence?

Try this:

From: Rissington Inn

Sent: Saturday, 28 February 2026 11:00

To: People who have asked to receive it

Subject: The Rissington Rag

Importance: Low (sorry to bother you but do read it sometime or you’ll miss out!)

That’s better, isn’t it?

Music and what it tells us about ourselves:

Our new selection of rather lovely vaguely-jazz (but not annoyingly-jazzy) remakes of popular songs from the last fifty years has been extremely well-received in the Rissington dining room. It’s a good thing, on balance, that I have accepted that not everyone wanted to listen to my Genesis / Soweto String Quartet / Ismaël Lô combo.

The debate about Spotify and Apple Music will continue to rumble as pointlessly as the iPhone/Android debate and I do both in both cases. But one thing I love about Spotify is that it occasionally gives you bizarre insights into your own musical tastes. Here (left) are a couple of screenshots from my year-end assessment last year.

The age is about right, but is it any wonder that these apps never know what music to play to me when left on 'random'? Who even knew that there were 221 genres of music in existence?!

We are glad our music is working though. Somehow it seems to appeal to all generations, which is a miracle in itself.

Music time:

I know how many of our readers look forward to our occasional musical discoveries and how popular the Ndlovu Youth Choir is. In case you haven’t seen it, here’s their superb interpretation of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Bohemian Rhapsody

They are on tour in Johannesburg and Cape Town during the year, so keep an eye out.

I also found this amazing hark-back to the 2010 South African World Cup and salutary reminder that “It’s time for Africa”. This is Hisma RK, a francophone African from West Africa somewhere but I can’t find out where, doing (or maybe even miming, I am not sure but it doesn’t matter – he nails it!) a wonderful rendition of that song. (I can only find it on Instagram and Facebook – so sorry to those who won’t have access). It’s very feel-good indeed!

It's Time for Africa FB

It's Time for Africa IG

Chapeau!

The small changes at Rissington keep us fresh and yet still consistent. A tour operator friend (and big Rissington supporter) from The Netherlands sent me a lovely message the other day including this:

“It’s also amazing that you’ve managed to keep the Rissington standard so high for 31 years. Chapeau!”

It’s the perfect compliment, and I like to think that it is a recognition that we are not just keeping up standards but also keeping ahead of expectations.

We are hopefully pleasing everyone, upgrading but keeping the vibe the same, whilst accommodating innovations and trends. It’s an important balance and complicated one.

Challenges in hotel management:

Among the manifold challenges facing hotel managers, the weather ranks high and the endless heavy rains in January of this year really pushed us to our limits. Nobody wants rain on their travels – and certainly not all day, every day, for weeks and weeks, with road closures, no activities, no views, nothing to do.

I have to thank our guests, though. They were tolerant, calm, patient and highly appreciative of all our efforts to keep them informed, to keep them dry and to keep the Rissington road open.

Pretty soon after the rain, everything got back to normal – or as near normal as Africa ever is – and we cleaned up, applied over 200 litres of paint and assessed the damage, none of which was permanent.

But, boy, I have never known so many umbrellas to disappear permanently from the rooms! We are used to losing the odd bottle of shampoo and our swimming towels are in very high demand, but umbrellas …?

Some guests should maybe more like Winston Churchill and organise their requirements well in advance. This letter is on display outside the Rissington Bar and was written by the great man's doctor in preparation for a visit to the USA during Prohibition in 1932.

And someone else commented during the deluge that they were surprised not to have been able to connect to the WiFi in the outside shower. The mind boggles – just as the phone would probably have done, out there in the rain, sending (selfie?) updates from the shower to the world …

Thabiso and the Rissington dogs:

Rusty is now 14 so he is going a bit deaf and I was explaining this to Rissington gardener / maintenance man / cycling supremo Thabiso and his older colleague, Selby.

Thabiso just laughed. “Rusty is old but he is still small; he hasn’t grown as much as Bruno, who is younger!” He thought this was hugely funny. “And Bruno is younger but he has grown bigger.”

No matter how Selby and I tried to explain that Rusty is a Jack Russell and he’s not supposed to get any bigger and Bruno is a Canis Africanis, which is always bigger than a Jack Russell, it was no good. We worked our way through a discussion on different breeds and their attributes. Thabiso just wasn’t having it.

Selby and I eventually agreed with Thabiso’s own rather neat theory that Rusty "has grown on the inside and Bruno has grown on the outside".

How lovely, is that? At least Rusty is bigger than Bruno in this photo of a sizeable Rissington termite mound.

Competition Time - Where in the World:

In the last Rag, we asked you to tell us why you enjoy the Rag. The winner was Peter Smithson who told a wonderful story about how he met two other completely unconnected Rag readers at a function in Brussels. Peter wins the week at Rissington but big thanks to everyone who joined in. Many of you went to a great deal of trouble and I am just so glad that Rag is still giving pleasure and bringing people together.

In this month’s competition, we go back to our traditional Where in the World. See if you can work out where this photo was taken without using some cunning AI device.

The winner gets three nights at Rissington on a bed and breakfast basis. Entries to info@rissington.co.za by 1st April, please.

JJ’s photos - and Rissington's media going forward:

All the roads are open after the floods. We were up on the escarpment last week and everything is back to normal. In case you missed them in our social media, here is one of JJ’s pictures taken at God’s Window the other day:

For more of his wonderful photography, do follow him @jjslensadventures on Instagram.

@jjslensadveNtures

And while you are on social media, don't forget to follow Rissington by clicking on one of these buttons:

RISSINGTON INSTAGRAM and/or RISSINGTON FACEBOOK

It's also time to tell you that, with more and more news going out frequently on our social media channels, we have decided to make the Rag a biannual publication, rather than quarterly. From now onwards, each year, there will therefore be a May Winter Rag, with all our usual updates and our suggestions for the dry season in the Lowveld, and then a December Rag with all the news and ideas from the year and plans for the following year. Each Rag will be bigger and better. All the fun will continue, along with the news, the 'Where in the World' and other competitions, the music, the tourism trends, the great photography and the tales of the challenges which we sometimes face as hoteliers! I think it will be a good refresh button for all of us. For more regular fixes, you will find a couple of posts per week on our Instagram and Facebook feeds, along with the latest information and occational competitions and offers.

If you are reading this and you are not already a subsriber to the Rissington Rag, you can sign up here for it to be delivered to your email Inbox twice a year. You will not receive anything else from us. Just the ever-popular Rag. That's a promise. And we will never pass on your details to anyone else.

We only need you email address. All other information on the form is optional.

Winter specials:

Much as we are still in summer now, we still need to discuss the specials for the early part of our autumn and winter, when the grass dies down, the game-viewing is easier and the temperatures hover between 12 (in the middle of the coldest nights) and 26 (an average daily high). The bush is golden brown and it never rains …

So, for May and June, we are giving you a ‘book four nights, pay for two’ offer. So book a four-night stay at Rissington for any time in the months of May and June on a bed and breakfast basis and we’ll only charge you for two. You choose your room. You just settle with us for your two nights BB and all your dinners and other extras. We will upgrade you, if possible, from a budget room (if you book one) to the best room on the day but if you want to be guaranteed a superior room, a garden suite or a hillside suite, you’d need to reserve and pay for one of those. Offer applies to new direct bookings only and guests taking it up must be Rag readers or followers on Facebook or Instagram. Email info@rissington.co.za or call/WhatsApp 082 327 6842.

That’s all:

We very much hope to see you soon. Here comes that list of names again! All the names of all the lovely people you will see when you get here. And if you are wondering what happened to Quinton, the intern chef, he completed his three months at Rissington and headed off into the real world with about 150 recipes under his belt. He’s a wonderful enthusiast and a very driven chef, so if anyone has a job for him, let me know!

See you in the warm, Lowveld winter, we hope - and you will hear from us again in May …

Chris, Shirley, Nonhlanhla, Natasha, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle and Thandiwe; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Delinah; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen, Fisokuhle and Tumi; Sipho, Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Pieter, Thabiso and Coco; and Simphiwe and Hazel in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. JJ and Lungi are both here too, starting businesses at home. And Rusty and Bruno are on monkey patrol around the dam where there is still plenty of water (but there are no crocodiles this year).

The Rissington Christmas Rag - December 2025

2025-12-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to the December Rag and to all the wonderful celebrations that go with it: Summertime in the southern hemisphere, three decades of Rissington and, of course, Christmas, New Year, festivals, fun and holidays.

2025 has been a great year for our little lodge and we shall be heading into 2026 with our highest-ever forward occupancies, which is very exciting.

So ... let’s take a look at what we have done during our thirtieth year to make sure that we keep up with - and stay ahead of - all the trends. Then, further down, you will find all the usual useful humour and quirks, a generous competition, some great photos and memories, a bit of jingoism and some music …

And definitely don't miss the brilliant Julien Cohen's Christmas Flashmob in Paris at the bottom of The Rag. It is absolutely SUPERB.

OK. Here we go ... (and if you don't have the time to read it now, snooze it for when you can relax and enjoy it with a coffee or a glass of wine on another day - there's no rush).

A letter from the bank :

Let's start (for the very last time) with a final mention of our three decades of Rissington. These photos put it all into persective. A typed (on a real typewriter) message from a real locally-based bank manager, typed by a real secretary on real paper with a real message. Dated 31 August 1995. 30 years ago.

Ben van Rensburg was the man who made Rissington possible by jumping through many many hoops in order to approve the bond (mortgage) and the overdraft facility required for this penniless 31-year-old to buy and rebuild the property and ultimately to create the Rissington we all know and love today.

That is how it all started. And Ben and his Hazyview business friends came for lunch every Friday for months and months to help keep us going. We braaied for them and they drank lots and lots of brandy and Coke.

This was all pre-Internet. There's no website on the letter; no email address; no link to Internet banking. No PINs. No form to fill in online to accept. No Password to open an encoded document. No Scam Warning. No instruction to recycle the paper.

Just a personal message of good luck from the bank manager.

That's how business worked in those days. I kept the letter. It means a lot to me.

Plenty of tweaks and treats :

And now, back to the present and more signs of how far we have come, thanks to Ben van Rensburg. These are the latest innovations :

· A new concierge desk is now located in the shop off the bar to assist guests with their day-planning and activities bookings. I know. Very grown-up! But it will help everyone to make the most of their time with us. And the shop is now offering a much wider range of interesting, stylish (and, predictably, some rather bizarre) items.

· The walks, hikes and cycling trails have been improved and re-marked.

· The dining room, the stoep and the terrace are undergoing a gentle upgrade with improved table-lamps and ceiling lights, new salt-and-pepper sets, better napery and more flowers and plants as well as a few extra dishes inspired by our African travels.

· We are phasing in new crockery, serving boards, pots, bowls, buckets, jars and jugs to brighten up the meals a tad.

· In case you missed it, there’s a new à la carte breakfast picnic menu so that you can have a different picnic every day (and all-recyclable packaging). The idea is getting great reviews. (Phew!). Rissington will never send you out with a bruised apple, a dry cheese sandwich and one of those hard-boiled eggs with the weird grey skin on the yolk. With us, you choose from a menu. A really different menu with plenty of interesting ideas.

· We have upgraded our general picnic choices, which are all now presented in a range of baskets. These are especially popular with our Joburg market and particularly on their birthdays, it seems. They LOVE a picnic, preferably in their bedrooms! But they can be taken down by the pool, on the road or wherever you like.

· There’s tea, there's coffee and there are two delicious cakes. All day, every day. Just look at the delicious cake in the picture above. Vienna, eat your heart out. Here comes Hazyview.

· We are using metal straws, instead of non-recyclables.

· The new light music playlist is getting enthusiastic compliments from diners. I am not sure that we have ever been complimented on our music before but it is happening now...

· All staff have the new branded uniforms and fleeces with the big R. The fleeces are GREAT!

· There’s a Big (even bigger) R for selfies (see left for how it works!) and there’s a Os and Xs set by the pool. There’s also croquet and (tucked away) volleyball in the garden. (We are even looking at putting in a padel or pickleball court, so let me know what you think of that idea.)

· We’re introducing non-alcoholic wines as an option.

· Blackout curtains have gone in everywhere. We are also, at last, putting safes into all our rooms in December/January. They will have good old-fashioned keys, not complicated codes that lock you out when the batteries die, thus imprisoning the very items you were trying not to lose.

· All showers are being re-tiled with new non-slip floors where necessary.

· All daybeds and hammocks are being refurbished and upgraded with some bright colours. In a world where the new 'fun' colour is 'charcoal', we're taking it back to the bright colours of our youths. Yes, even tie-dye cushions. What is it with charcoal, for goodness sake? There are charcoal-coloured cars everywhere. Even charcoal-flavoured toothpaste. Soon we'll be brushing our teeth with sticks rubbed in ashes again.

· New linen is being introduced, including larger towel sizes and luxurious king-size pillows throughout,

· The spa is a huge success - beyond our expectations, I must admit - with sometimes as many as a quarter of our guests making use of it.

· The restaurant restrooms have been retiled and refitted.

· The Nespresso machines in our rooms now have a range of excellent Terbodore coffee capsules. These are fully compostable in line with our determination to follow sustainability principles wherever possible.

Every little upgrade makes a difference and gives us so much pleasure! And there’s even more to come next year.

It's all about service and hospitality, after all. Here's an odd story from the Karoo. Do you know what it means if someone leaves a pineapple outside their front door. Read this and find out, along with other fun quirky foodie things:

THERE'S A PINEAPPLE ON MY STOEP

In other news, Philippa leaves Rissington; Waidon joins :

Philippa and I go back a long (very long) way, to the 1980s, so it was something of a jolt when she announced that she was going to leave us and move back to the UK (where she was born). With Team Rissington having been ‘looked after’ by her so ably for the past five years we were however happy to recommend Philippa strongly for her intended role as a carer in Britain and, in early October, off she went. Currently, she tells me that she is looking after a 102-year-old in the Chilterns. I can imagine that this might occasionally be something of a battle of wills!

Philippa’s priority, of course, will be finding easy-going care patients with lovely houses and plenty of dogs. Volunteers and victims welcome! There’s no need to worry if you are hard-of-hearing. As PG Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster used to say of his Aunt Agatha, Philippa can be heard ‘across three ploughed fields and a spinney’. We shall miss that. So will Rusty and Bruno.

As Philippa pulled out, so Waidon weighed in. Or waded in. Or some other such awful obvious pun.

Where Philippa was resolute in describing her role as that of Office Manager and (strict) Head Gate-Keeper to the Scissors and the Paper Clip Supplies, all of which were kept well-hidden from the rest of us mere mortals "in case (we) used them", Waidon Maritz has been employed as our General Manager. He’s an experienced hotelier and has been in Hazyview since he was seven years old, which I have to keep reminding him (and myself) was also seven years after Rissington was born. We have been here all his life! You will like him. He’s fun, helpful, popular and he’s settled into the team with great skill. They love him.

My amateur video of Rissington’s farewell to Philippa is below. The planning of it took no more than about five minutes of discussion by the team. They huddled in the kitchen where an idea formed and was followed by literally about half a minute of rehearsal before they sprang it on her. The poster, which you can see, with its suitably-outsized Rusty and Bruno superimposed on a photo of the whole staff, was designed and organised by the team whilst I was away. Philippa, who never liked a ‘fuss’, was visibly moved (and that didn’t happen often!).

You can see the Video here, with a cameo performance by Waidon (at the top of the steps and clearly thinking "what on earth have I got myself into?") ...

A FUN FAREWELL TO PHILIPPA

And what has the owner been up to?

My travels this year – and particularly during my month in Kenya in September – have given me plenty of time for reading and I have been doing a fair bit of writing as well. The days of freelance travel-writing are more-or-less over, worldwide, as most publications have come under pressure from the Internet. Their budgets to pay non-staffers have been dramatically cut or even abolished altogether.

So, I am left with a number of choices and I am pursuing them all, one way or another. I am working on a cookery book (and her life story) with an old friend from my Cybele days back in the early 1990s. It’s a fascinating opportunity and it has raked up a veritable raft of happy memories whilst at the same time reminding me of numerous clever thoughts, ideas and tricks relating to food. The book is hers, not mine, but we have had a lot of fun (and relatively few arguments) putting it all together. It will be coming out next year if all goes well. I think it is going to be really good.

I was holed up on a beach in Kenya, writing the book, when I took this amazing photo. Faced with such beauty, how can I not be inspired?

Once that job is done, I shall be taking up where I left off with my own manuscript - working title ‘Hotel Havoc’ - the intention of which, with my tongue very firmly in my cheek, is to teach the young and the not-so-young how to run a tourism business and simultaneously to teach the tourist how to get the most out of a hotel, specifically without causing a scene!

The book is half-written but has had to take a back seat over the past five years. The time has now come to get stuck in again. It’s really just an excuse to tell all my best stories from 43 years of running hotels. All true of course. And ‘no names, no pack drill’, as my prep school form-master always used to advise.

The final option was to become an influencer myself and to blog online, but you will be delighted to hear that I am not going to do that. In fact, it is not even vaguely tempting. Instead I shall carry on with my quarterly Rags and my occasional photo blogs on Tripcast, as well as the regular posts on Rissington’s social media. Well, we wouldn’t want you to forget about us between Rags, would we?

RISSINGTON ON INSTAGRAM

RISSINGTON ON FACEBOOK

In fact, where I used to prefer essays and long reviews, I now actually enjoy the short, pithy nature of social media writing, suited as it is to the bullet-point brains of the youth. It keeps things focused.

Bookish travel:

I rather approve of this idea. It is aimed at people who travel to the places which were the settings of novels that they have read.

I recently saw that there are guided James Bond Tours of London scenes featured in those movies, for example, and we all know how long the queue is on Platform 9 ¾ at King’s Cross where thousands line up daily, for hours, in anticipation of the opportunity to take a photograph of themselves not disappearing into a wall.

It can get out of hand, though, as 'Sound of Music' tourism apparently has in Austria, leading to daily dozens of otherwise-sane adults, clad in short lederhosen dungarees and dresses fashioned from green-and-yellow flowery curtains, skipping and swinging from the trees along a Salzburg lakeside avenue and belting out Do-Re-Mi with a tunelessness that belies the very purpose of the song and would have absolutely horrified Julie Andrews.

This Bookish Travel genre is rather more refined (and more grown-up) than that and focuses on less-visited tourism regions where less well-known books are set. You go there and you read the book with a group of like-minded folk but without all the pitfalls of overtourism. Read more about it here:

BOOKISH TRAVEL

I am really hoping it takes off, especially with my friend Tony Park’s fans. Rissington puts in an appearance in a number of his books and this is a really great place to read, so there might even be a few spin-offs for us here. (I always ask Tony to stick to his word and not to set any gruesome fights or shootings at Rissington, for fear of over-enthusiastic re-enactments.)

For Tony’s latest book ‘Die by the Sword’ and details of how to buy all his books in countries where it was previously challenging, visit his website here:

TONY PARK

Keeping it affordable:

We have kept our rates unchanged this year out of deference to our regulars and in recognition of our government’s determination – so far mostly successfully – to keep inflation down.

We have also been dishing out some very generous deals over the past year. Just ask the people who are currently taking up our end-November and early-December Regulars' Special of R200 per person bed and breakfast (with the only condition being that you must dine with us in the evenings). It’s really worth following us on social media so that you are always aware of these deals.

This one is still available to any Rag Readers and/or social media followers until 12 December. There are still one or two slots available. And as for the definition of ‘our regulars’, our research shows that almost 35% of our guests return to Rissington again. And again. And again. Isn’t that just amazing?

Formophobia :

One of the downsides of online shopping and of so many other aspects of Internet-based communication is the number of times that we have to fill in our details on random forms and the variety of different complicated payment systems that have been set up to convince us that we are not being scammed.

There really is a condition called ‘formophobia’ (which you might have been forgiven for thinking would actually be a psychological issue faced by sharks and cows looking at the prospect of co-operating with Damien Hirst). There’s also an associated ‘scriptophobia’ which relates to signing forms but both seem to promote that same tiny panic attack that you have every time you click ‘pay new beneficiary’ or choose YES on a payment authorisation for your credit card.

Nothing is as bizarre, though, as Mortuusequusphobia – which is the phobia relating to an abnormal fear, of ketchup. The name comes from the Australian slang term for tomato sauce, ‘dead horse’ which is then translated into a Latin-based term meaning ‘dead horse phobia’. It is all derived from Cockney rhyming slang. This rare condition can trigger extreme anxiety and panic attacks in those who suffer from it when they encounter ketchup. I wonder whether it has anything to do with fake blood on film sets?

Rissington photography

We have had plenty of new photos taken in our 2025 photo shoot so if you haven’t been onto the website recently, please take a look at www.rissington.co.za. And anyone in the travel industry reading this, please make sure you have only up-to-date photos of Rissington in your online presence. Drop us an email and we’ll send you the link to our OneDrive collection of recommended photos. Thanks to The Guys in Nelspruit, as ever, for all the great photos and videos. You can see their website and contact them here: theguys.co.za

There is nothing worse than seeing out-of-date content on the Internet (it’s where AI picks up all its wrong Information) and I still see photos on travel websites of Rissington with its old swimming pool. That was five years ago! Look at the collage above. It's hard to imagine it now. JJ and Megan with their German friend Julius in their early schooldays. The old pool and the new!

For your further entertainment, there are some fun Rissington videos to watch on our YouTube channel here too.

RISSINGTON VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE

AI and travel issues (again) :

The Internet has become such a scary place. A friend of mine asked Google why a lion would be licking the skin of a buffalo calf that it had just killed and the first entry (from AI Overview) was that it was to be kind to it and send its soul to heaven. I see it has been updated to a much more realistic reason now but it shows how things can get out of control.

Look up ‘why does my dog rattle his teeth’ (a new Rusty habit in his dotage) and AI will give you so many theories – love, anger, excitement, fear, pleasure, smelling something – that you won’t know whether to reach for the tranquillisers or the dog chewing gum.

Anyway, with all of this being the case, why would you entrust your holiday planning to AI at all? Well, you wouldn’t. Read this:

DON'T LET AI PLAN YOUR HOLIDAY

Although TripAdvisor seems somewhat to have fallen by the wayside, I still get that same mild moment of panic, to which I referred earlier, every time I check the reviews of Rissington – mostly on our Google profile nowadays. The vast majority are five-star reviews which give great pleasure to all of us but then, a few months back, someone wrote (in German) that our breakfast was ‘schlecht’. No reasons given – just ‘bad’. I mean, really? Everyone loves our breakfasts! What on earth was ‘schlecht’ about it?

Of course, we can reply online (and we did), asking for more details by email, so that we could look into it. Predictably, we never heard from them again, so we are stuck with the review for ever and no way to rectify whatever the complaint might have been. My guess is that they never actually found the breakfast buffet at all, with its heaving piles of fruit, cold meats, patés, bobotie, quiches, scones and so on. ‘Schlecht?’ I don’t think so.

Perhaps he should read this Gen Z take on the irresponsible breakfast:

IS IT THE END OF BREAKFAST?

Living the good life ... in France :

Talking of food, some readers may remember ‘Steppo’ – my stepsister, Sarah – who was behind a number of Rissington’s favourite recipes in the early days when she helped out here. Sarah has been living in France since 2012 and, after being based in Brittany for 11 years (running gites, cooking and being a real-estate agent), she has now moved down south to the wonderful walled mediaeval city of Carcassonne, not running gites but still catering and still being a real-estate agent.

If you are looking to buy a main residence or second home there, please take a look at Sarah’s Facebook page. It has some wonderful properties and a few foodie things too. She will be happy to help you with your property search – from chateaux and properties with business potential, to the euphemistically-named ‘fixer uppers’ – so please check it out. I know you are all secretly looking for a chateau.

Please Like, Share, Follow, even it’s just for the joy of snooping at some really gorgeous houses, and mention Rissington if you are looking for a property so that Sarah knows where the intro came from. You can DM her on Facebook if you want to chat.

SARAH'S BEAUTIFUL LIFE IN FRANCE

It’s a deal - sort of :

Back to online purchases, where prices seem to change all the time and where, tomorrow, you will always be able to buy two of the T-shirts for the price you paid for one yesterday and you will also get a discount voucher, free delivery and a complimentary keyring, snow-shaker and fridge magnet - tomorrow - as well ….

Remember Rissington’s old Guest Information that included so much fun stuff that we had to remove it for fear of triggering a Gen Z Snowflake reaction (yes, it’s Christmas and Christmas isn’t Christmas without a bit of snowflake-bashing). So here’s a flashback to an old favourite.

It's called ‘If Airlines sold Paint…’

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well sir, that depends on a lot of things.
Customer: Can’t you give me an approximate price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is our introductory special at $12 a 5-litre. After that we have dozens of different prices up to $199.
Customer: What's the difference in the quality of the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there’s no difference. It's all exactly the same stuff.
Customer: Well, in that case I'll take your $12 paint.
Clerk: Well actually the $12 variety is only available on our website. If you want to buy it here in the store you’ll be charged an additional $20 Customer Convenience Fee
Customer: So if I go home and get it from the website, it's only $12?
Clerk: That’s correct sir - plus a Credit Card Usage Fee of $6 and then there’s standard Shipping and Handling of $15.
Customer: What? So in other words buying online would cost me almost exactly the same as what I’d have to pay here in the store?
Clerk: I suppose so, but if you buy it here you get to use it immediately. Online purchases take ten business days to get to you - unless you pay the optional $25 Express My Paint Fee.
Customer: You've got to be kidding me!
Clerk: Well no sir, but it’s academic anyway as right now the $12 paint is completely sold out in both places.
Customer: That’s nonsense. I’m looking at shelves full of the stuff.
Clerk: Ah, but that doesn't mean it’s available for sale. We sell only a certain number of introductory priced cans on any given day. Oops, look at that! It just became available again - at $17.50.
Customer: C’mon! You mean to say that it went up while I’m standing here?!
Clerk: ‘Fraid so. Inventory control changes our prices all the time. I strongly recommend you to purchase your paint as soon as possible as it could go up again. How many 5-litres do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe three 5-litres. No, make that four, I don’t want to run out. I assume I can return anything I don’t open?
Clerk: Certainly sir. The $12 paint is non-refundable, but if you return it within 48 hours you will be entitled to a $5 credit towards the future purchase of another 5 litres of the same colour at the same or a higher price.
Customer: That’s crazy. In that case I’ll just give any unopened cans to my brother as he’s planning to repaint his home soon.
Clerk: Sorry sir, no-can-do! Our terms and CANditions – that’s a little in-house joke – prohibit paint transfer. It is strictly for the use of the original purchaser.
Customer: But wait a minute, I hadn’t spotted those "Paint Sale - $9.99* a Can" signs over there? That sounds like a much better deal.
Clerk: Ah yes, that's from our low-cost paint division. The asterisk denotes that the cans are actually 2.5 litres and the price is based on a minimum purchase of two. There is also an additional Environmental Fee of $5 per can, a non-refundable Can Deposit of $3.50, a Paint Facility Charge of $5 and if you want more than one colour, the second has a $25 surcharge and the third is $50 extra.
Customer: This is utterly ridiculous. To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: Well sir, you may be able to buy paint for some rooms from another store, but you won't be able to find the paint for your connecting hall and staircase anywhere but here. And I should also point out that if you want Uni-Directional paint it is priced at $249 a 5-litre..
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $199!
Clerk: That's only if you paint non-stop all the way around the room and back to the point at which you started. Staircases and hallways are considered one-way exceptions to the rule.
Customer: So, if I buy the $199 paint and use it in my hallway what are you going to do about it - send someone in to paint over it?
Clerk: Wow, I believe you're getting it now sir. But no, please, that would be plain silly. We'll simply charge you a Direction Adjustment Fee plus the difference to $249 on your next purchase.
Customer: Next purchase? No way! I’m leaving.
Clerk: We never forget you have a choice, so thanks for shopping with us. Have a nice day!

And yet, we have all had to get used to booking our flights onlline and not complaining when the same flight is offered back to us by the same airline for half the price ... the day after we have already booked and paid at the higher price. Bonkers!

Amazing scams just go on and on :

Also seemingly made worse by the Internet, this is an extraordinarily intricate scam - one of dozens sent to Rissington by email every week - but I mean, honestly, does anyone actually fall for these things nowadays? Look at the trouble they have gone to in order to try to make this ‘convincing’:

Attention, Dear

We would like to inform you that, due to the impossibility of transferring your funds via online banking, Western Union, or bank check, we have credited your total amount of $4.5 million to an ATM MasterCard. We have already paid the fees for card reactivation and shipping. The card, valued at $4.5 million, is registered with EMS for seven days and will then be returned to the US Treasury Department.

We decided to assist you to prevent the card from expiring. We trust that you will reimburse us for the funds and even pay us an additional amount for our assistance. Please contact FedEx Express at the following email address: fedexexpressdelivery43@outlook.com and provide your address so that FedEx can deliver the card to you as soon as possible. Phone number: +256 75356014

As mentioned, we have covered the fees for crediting, reactivation, shipping, and registration. However, the storage fees at EMS were not paid, as they were refused. EMS stated that they didn't know when you would contact them, and the fees could have increased by then. They told me the storage fee was $25 per day.

Here are the contact details for Mr. Isacc Morgan, the customer service manager at FedEx Express: Email: fedexexpressdelivery43@outlook.com. Contact him today and pay the storage fee to avoid higher costs. Please notify us as soon as you receive the card. Important: Your package was registered as a gift so that customs officials do not know its contents.

Please provide all the codes to prove that you are the legitimate holder of the ATM Visa card.

ATM card shipping code: AWB 99xPF
ATM card registration number: xgt644
Security code: sctc:2001dhx:471
Transaction code: 233:cstc:101:001091
Certificate code: sctc:bun.xxiv:75:02
Customer name: Ms. Linda James
Bank: Stanbic Bank

To avoid any delivery issues, please complete this process immediately. Otherwise, additional fees may apply. Please let us know as soon as you receive your VISA card.

Sincerely,
Ms. Karim Patrick
IT Analyst
Stanbic Bank Uganda

Ms. Karim Patrick <sakura21@palette.plala.or.jp>

ATM card shipping code: AWB 99xPF

Does anyone want to give it a go?

Under African Skies :

These two photos were taken in Hazyview by a couple of friends, during the recent eclipse.

I was in Kenya when it happened and I saw it from Nairobi. The next day, on the beach south of Mombasa, I took that amazing photo (above) of the Indian Ocean at night. I am quite enjoying my photography after last year's big trip.

And there's always good signage to keep me amused. The neighbouring beach restaurant had a surprising (seemingly Scottish or maybe Zimbabwean?) highland theme. The chicken sounds particularly unusual.

As Cyril Ramaphosa said at the recent G20, in an unexpected quote from Pliny the Elder: ‘ex Africa semper aliquid novi’. There’s always something new coming out of Africa. It’s probably a good thing, considering that the continent is expected to be home to a quarter of the world’s population by 2050. Only 25 years from now.

Making your mark on Rissington :

A friend of mine came up with an idea (for herself) the other day and I thought I would share it, just in case anyone else is looking for a permanent connection with Rissington.

We would be more than happy to offer the opportunity for you to sponsor a bench here with your name on it - or someone else’s name – looking at your or their favourite view. We have found highly durable benches made from recycled materials which will last for ever and save the name – and the planet. Let us know if you’re interested. No pressure. Just an idea. They start from just under R2000 for a ‘king bench’.

Living with wildlife :

All the usual critters appear, regularly as ever, in the garden, on the trails and on the bush cameras. The grey and the red duikers seem to be doing particularly well. The birding has been astonishing though. Our usual five cuckoo species are all around for the summer. And our four regular kingfisher species. Our woolly-necked stork still strides the lawns at breakfast.

We have had a few real close-up experiences though. The usual war continues above my front door between a proprietorial white-browed robin chat and a feisty groundscraper thrush which is again trying to defy gravity by rearing chicks high in a bougainvillea bush, way above its habitual ground-level. It failed last year, so let’s hope this year’s brood fares better.

Last week, we nursed a tiny female amethyst sunbird back to health after she flew into a window. Then, the next day, this African goshawk (above) flew right inside the house and perched calmly on the floor. He took a lot of persuading to leap off and fly away. Just this morning, whilst typing this letter, I have already had to usher an ashy flycatcher and a brown-hooded kingfisher out of my office.

Black-collared barbets usually nest in the tops of trees but this pair (there actually seem to be three of them around) have mined out the inside of a dead forest-fever tree stump just outside the Rissington office. It’s a significant excavation at waist height, allowing some extraordinary photographs to be taken. Here’s one of the birds, with a face full of wood chippings from its dig, which it then ejected onto the ground at the foot of the stump.

I offer this next link just because, as we can see above from the way we live, South Africa is the third most connected-to-nature country in the world (and not because Britain is the third least-well connected country!).

NATURE-CONNECTED COUNTRIES

Here, also, is a simply stunning (cellphone-long-distance) photo of a violet-backed (formerly plum-coloured) starling in the top of a Rissington jacaranda last week, taking a break from a whirlwind flying-ant-eating frenzy with dozens of other species of birds. Just look at those colours!

Competitions :

It has been a year of monthly competitions to celebrate our three decades and it’s time to announce the winner of the September Rag competition in which you were asked to tell us about your favourite view in the Lowveld. It was an interesting and broad range of answers, making it a struggle to judge, but in the end the Team decided (in true millennial/Gen Z fashion) that the winner was Jake Allitt, who actually reported over a couple of days on his view ‘in real time’ as he celebrated his honeymoon, staying at Rissington, dining overlooking the pool and visiting Elephant Whispers and the Blyde River Canyon the next day. Nice one Jake. You have won a week at Rissington on a bed and breakfast basis and a picnic at your favourite spot which, from the list you gave us, I think is probably the pool at Rissington, but you can decide on that when you get here.

For the December Rag Competition - and therefore the last of our ‘Three Decades of Rissington’ prizes – we are going even bigger and you have to dig even deeper. Tell us: What is your favourite aspect of the Rissington Rag? Why do you read it? What does it do for you? And what would you change?

You can give examples, if you like, to back up your answer. If you are looking for inspiration, blogs dating back to 2020 are available on the Blog page of the Rissington website here:

RISSINGTON RAGS OF OLD

The winner will earn a free week at Rissington for two, including return domestic flights from/to anywhere in South Africa, a picnic-in-a-basket, two Rissington fleeces, two massages, all your breakfasts and two nightly cocktails. Entries by 15th January please. Go on! Interact and win a prize.

Some music to end the year :

Going through old Rags as I wrote the previous paragraph, I realised that it had been a while since we had heard from the Ndlovu Youth Choir. They have featured in the Rag many times over the years and there was once even a plan for them to play a private gig at Rissington’s 25th birthday which was cancelled by the world chaos of five years ago. Since then, they have toured the country and the planet and have changed lives everywhere they go. Here’s a favourite clip of mine which featured them recently. It’s just so fabulously, uniquely South African, isn’t it?

NDLOVU CHOIR SCHOOL VISIT

It’s Christmas and the sun is beating down on beautiful Africa :

Looking for Good News about South Africa? Take a look at this very sound and sensible view:

Why South Africans are flourishing

To make it even easier to get here from all over the southern African subcontinent and see our successes for yourself, there are now regular flights from George to Hoedspruit (only an 80-minute drive from us) if you want to cut out the drive from the Garden Route. KMIA (Kruger Nelspruit), 45 minutes away, now has way-cheaper flights with FlySafair, on certain days of the week, from Cape Town and Johannesburg. There are also flights from Durban, Livingstone and Victoria Falls. Skukuza has more and more flights coming in too.

We hope to see you in 2026 so that we can show you all the exciting little (and not-so-little) innovations and improvements at our lovely lodge. And you should meet Waidon too!

And, if I may, a special Nadolig Llawen to my lovely Welsh friend Pat, who was brought up in the old Rhodesia (but is now back in Wales) and who sent me a couple of the memes which fitted the context beautifully. Diolch yn fawr iawn, Pat. Let's hope for a good Six Nations contest...

I have said this before but you all - yes all of you - really mean the world to us, so you keep coming ... and we’ll keep smiling!

Now, here it is. Time to get that Christmas vibe going. Turn up the volume and click below for a unique and spectacular festive 'flashmob' from Paris with one hundred musicians performing the well-known and beautiful Carol of the Bells which - did you know this? - is, aptly, of Ukrainian origin. Here goes!

JULIEN COHEN'S CHRISTMAS FLASHMOB IN PARIS

Merry Christmas and a very Happy 2026. All the best from all of us:

Chris, Shirley, Nonhlanhla, Natasha, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle, Sindile; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Delinah; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen, Thandiwe and Fisokuhle; Sipho, Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Pieter, Thabiso and Coco; also Waidon, who would love to see you all; plus Charlotte in the Spa; also Simphiwe in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on info@rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. And JJ and Lungile, both now fully-educated. Oh, and love from Rusty and Bruno and every single bird in this garden …

And, at Christmas, I can never resist this photo of JJ, taken 15 years ago! Now he's 21, he's finished his studies and he's starting his career in digital marketing and branding. Amazing. And he's still the nicest guy in the world.

The Rissington Rag - September 2025

2025-09-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to the September 2025 Rissington Rag as we continue our celebration of 30 years of Rissington with a few more stories and a photo shoot. Enjoy the new pictures dotted around this Rag. There’s also a generous competition.

South Africans really are the friendliest people in the world

We had the daughter of old friends staying a couple of months ago. A lively and inspiring life-enthusiast in her early twenties, she headed off from Rissington for a day out up the Blyde River Canyon and, just before the entrance to the Three Rondavels viewpoint, unexpectedly slid off the road and into the long grass on the verge.

This is where it could all have gone horribly wrong. A couple of passing male youths stopped and offered to help her. They were very friendly (she says) and called the police at nearby Dwarsloop, offering to stay with her until they arrived. A cynic would say that this might have been a worrying development and that anyway the police would take hours to get there, but ten minutes later a SAPS officer arrived. Worried about the young lady and any possible injuries she might have incurred, the policeman called an ambulance which turned up pretty promptly as well.

In the meantime, the guest had, herself, called Avis, who started to make plans for the vehicle to be collected and for her to be driven to the nearest Avis office in Hoedspruit to collect a new car. While they waited for this to play out, the ambulancemen, having established that the young driver was uninjured and not to be outdone in the helpfulness stakes, then off their own bats drove her to the Three Rondavels to see the view “because otherwise (she) wouldn’t have seen it”.

A tow-truck arrived an hour or so later and drove my friends’ daughter to Hoedspruit and a new car in which she duly drove herself through Bushbuckridge and back to Rissington, arriving just after dark. So many good Samaritans and a great South African story.

They even talk to their cars …

A regular South African guest turned up the other day in a new car. A brand-new, bright-red Chinese-made JAC bakkie/pick-up/ute. Yes, I have just been to Australia, where they are called ‘utes’. It’s a whole new language: servo (service station), bowlo (bowls club), pokies (slot machines), arvo (afternoon) and so it goes on. Dunny, kindy, sunnies, rego, esky, thongs (not what you think), Maccas (yes, it’s everywhere), snags in swags (hotdogs!) … I could go on forever.

Anyway, I digress. So, our guest was South African and driving a bakkie. He was smartly dressed in a camel-coloured overcoat and black fedora with his lady alongside him in the passenger seat. It was clear from his beaming white-toothed smile that he loved his car, so I thought I would compliment him on it.

Me: That is a very fine vehicle you have there, sir!

Bakkie-Driver in Camel Coat: Thank you.

Me: Do you love it?

BDICC: I do. I do. I absolutely love it. I think it is very beautiful, like my wife.

Me: It certainly is. It must also be very strong. (I was not intenionally implying that his wife was strong, although she clearly was quite powerful.)

BDICC: It is very very very strong. And do you know you can talk to it?

Me: Really? What do you say to it? Do you tell it that it is beautiful?

BDICC: No, I just shout “Make a Call!”

The (slightly nasal English-accented) Voice of the Vehicle emanating from his near left: Who would you like to call?

BDICC (looking intensely at the dash): Oh no sorry My Boss. I don’t want to call anyone now.

The Vehicle: I can’t understand you. Who would you like to call?

BDICC (flustered): I don’t want to call anyone now, My Boss. Sorry for the trouble.

A beeping noise emanated from the dash as the Voice of the Vehicle switched itself off after the intrusion. The driver looked mightily relieved

What a lovely story. Totally true, I promise.

Now, let’s talk about the weather

I know I missed winter last year when I was away with my tent but this year July seemed particularly cold at night. The days, though, are beautiful throughout the winter with clear blue skies every single morning and temperatures rising to between 25 and 30 degrees during the day. There’s no humidity and minimal risk of sunburn if you are even vaguely sensible.

One guest has (politely) commented that our bathrooms are not very winter-friendly and suggested underfloor heating but, in reality, all our rooms have aircon which is currently cranked up to 30 degrees of heat in all the rooms and the beds are decked with great duvets and blankets. We really only have about 20 cold nights in the year and what better way to start the days that follow them than with a hot outside shower in the chilly bright morning sun?

I think as South Africans we live in a bizarre sort of denial about our climate. Thus our homes have no central heating or anything like that. It's fine in Hazyview when cold days are so few and we can still sit in the winter sun to warm up but Cape Town is another story. I was there for 10 consecutive cold days recently and the people seemed literally to be hibernating, huddled over portable heaters. And that cold winter wind! It never stops! Their summers are beautiful though.

I don’t think underfloor heating (or heated towel rails) are really going to crack it here in Mpumalanga, do you? The coldest it gets in the middle of the night is eight degrees. It’s not exactly terminal.

Plus there’s always breakfast in the sun. We have also had people swimming almost every day of the winter, then turning the full gecko and tanning by the pool to dry off.

Capetonians, on the other hand, need to get real and take precautions if they're planning to stay so close to Antarctica and survive the winters!

An icon remembered

Many people who regularly visit Rissington had also previously been guests at the former Cybele Forest Lodge, between Hazyview and White River, where I worked between 1983 and 1994. Cybele closed its doors about ten years ago and owner Rupert Jeffries died two years ago. On 30th July this year – a month ago – we lost Rupert’s wife Barbara, a total hero, the true face of Cybele and someone I had known since I was five years old.

Barbara taught me everything I know about running a hotel – absolutely everything – and was the trailblazer that nurtured and perfected the South African country lodge hotel, a genre for which this country is deservedly famous and into which Rissington fits firmly. Many members of Team Rissington worked for Barbara over the years and she was a huge inspiration to all of them and to many many more.

Hamba kahle, Barbara. Your lively joyful unforgettable voice has fallen silent. You were an inspiration and you are sorely missed.

The modern world

I first worked with Barbara in the days of the telex and the party-line telephone on which we turned a handle to get hold of the exchange and then ask to be put through to a number. To phone overseas we used to have to book a call in advance. The operator would get hold of the foreign number and then call back, saying: "Ons het Londen op die lyn” – we have London on the line. It seemed like a piece of magic.

Now, 40 years later, we are all on-edge about the impact of AI and the accommodation and travel industries are not exempt from this. Tour operators and travel-writers are justifiably concerned that their jobs will become redundant, although one of the main faults of AI when it comes to travel planning is that it doesn’t keep up-to-date and therefore spills out a lot of old, stale information. Put in ‘Top Ten Restaurants in Cape Town’ for example and the chances are it will suggest at least one or two restaurants that closed or moved long ago.

As far as hotels are concerned, AI is not really causing any major problems. In fact, it offers opportunities when it comes to information presentation and design. It can however be unreliable on the marketing front as Grant, a friend of mine from Hazyview and now living in the UK, discovered when he ran Rissington past Chat GPT and it threw out this photo and blurb (left).

We all remember the scene with Mrs Richards in the Fawlty Towers ‘Communications Problems’ episode. As Basil said: “You can see the sea. It’s over there between the land and the sky”. But of course, not at Rissington. Nor can you see “herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically’’ although we did have once have one here for a couple of weeks. And some zebra too. (It's actually a picture of Arniston from a Rag competition earlier in the year - but what a bad mistake.)

For a reminder of what can be seen from a Torquay hotel window, here’s Basil again. Click on the link. It will make your day : BASIL FAWLTY AND MRS RICHARDS

According to IMDb, John Cleese always said that Mrs Richards was his favourite character in the series. Many years ago, Cleese stayed with us at Cybele, my alma mater as above, for ten days. It was a great challenge for us - a bunch of hoteliers trying desperately not to be anything like Basil Fawlty. We often failed. And still do...

We had a guest from Cape Town staying the other day who bemoaned the fact that we do not have access to Netflix on the TVs in our rooms. Long-term Rissington fans will remember how long it took me to agree to put televisions in at all.

I pointed out to her that she had a huge bouquet of some fifty satellite television channels but she said that nobody in Cape Town watches DStv anymore and that she had forgotten how to use the remote. Sounds more like an operator error to me?

It’s all in the details:

We have been rebranding with our new ® for Rissington logos and here are couple of photos of just how smart that looks.

We have also bought new beds for a number of the rooms and we continue to work on the gardens.

We always take feedback very seriously indeed (although not seriously enough to put in underfloor heating or heated towel rails). We have added a few more interesting dishes to the menus and we have tweaked our ever-popular biscuits in the rooms. Any other suggestions welcome!

As usual, we ask our guests to be considerate about not hanging their underwear out to dry on the stoeps, especially in the rooms by the gate as it is a very questionable first impression. And also please not to break the loo seats. I am sure they don’t break them at home!

One of the oddest comments this week was that the shower floors are slippery. I mean, I ask you. Really!? But just wait until you see the signs in the next paragraph. …

Saving the planet. And Australia.

After my recent Antipodean trip where I hired and drove a hybrid car for the first time, I am wondering how long it will be before we have to put in a recharging facility for fully electric vehicles at Rissington, although South Africa is certainly lagging behind on that front. I do find the stalker-like silence of electric cars a little unnerving though. I never knew whether my hired RAV4 was on or off and I felt that I should play loud music – obviously Genesis, the greatest rock band on earth; maybe singing Follow you, Follow me, for the irony – to warn pedestrians that we were coming. Although, because this was Australia, there were no jaywalkers anyway. I have never seen such an obedient country. There are signs everywhere. Even on the ski-runs. I couldn’t help thinking that the majority of accidents were probably caused by people distracted by the long wordy signs or baffled by the meaning of the pictures!

Never make the mistake, though, as I have done in recent Rags, of talking about your intention to put in solar power at your home or place of work. You are heading straight for the “My solar panels are bigger than yours” conversation, which never ends. Or not until they have shown you the installation itself or photos of it, demonstrated how they can talk to it on their phone and shown you numerous graphs, buttons and apps which enable them to monitor their battery usage and the minutes of power remaining before the system bombs out due to overcast weather, leaving them stranded in a WiFi-less mediaeval world of candles and cold water.

Inn-Spirations – the Spa at Rissington

The Rissington Spa is operating at full tilt, so I would recommend booking a treatment in advance to be sure of a spot. Charlotte has nine people booked for the day on which I am typing this. It is a wonderful innovation for us (and far more exciting than televisions or Netflix). We now even have bath robes and slippers available for those who would like them.

I had been resisting building a spa, as much as I had always resisted televisions, bath robes and slippers (and French fries) but I now have to say it is the most exciting thing to happen to us since the new swimming pool. And I am sure no-one will pinch the robes. After all, we have never lost a coffee machine and the Covid days have passed, when guests used to pour the contents of our shampoo and body lotion pumps into 2-litre Coke bottles, stash it in their bags and then come to the office for a refill.

Wandering around Rissington

The Rissington walking trail always affords interesting sightings and the bush camera also gives us some great insights into what is going on out there without us. Bruno stood totally astonished as a red duiker dived straight through the electric fence yesterday. Both dogs know that this is not possible without being zapped. They have tried it.

There are arrows on the trail, marking the route, and to my amusement, the other day, I met a couple from the Low Countries coming at me from the opposite direction of the arrows. I often vary my direction so I smiled at these two in their twenties and said it was “great to be doing the walk the wrong way around.”

Their answer, with a beaming smile: "Yes – we are totally crazy!". Sure thing, I thought. Completely off the wall. Really living life on the edge!

Every now and then I also bump into a Rissington bicycle or two along the route, with guests on board. Remember to book your cycling next time as well. We have access to routes on neighbouring properties, giving us a good half-hour or full hour of cycling, with a guide from here. For those wanting to go further afield and on longer routes, we can transport bicycles for you to some excellent long trails around the mountains and waterfalls in Sabie or, for something completely different, there’s a relatively flat ride along the Kruger National Park fence – outside it – on the track from Phabeni Gate to Numbi Gate and back.

It’s all about marketing

The Rissington Rag is a piece of entertainment to keep us all in touch with each other but it is also obviously also about marketing to a certain extent. Good writing is an art and a very important one.

I was recently sent a lovely piece from Blackwood’s Magazine dated July 1969. It was an excerpt from a book written by a relation – Rupert Grayson. Uncle Rupe was born in 1897. I remember him well; a fascinating man who lived the most wonderfully exotic life and wrote about it absolutely beautifully in a couple of autobiographies. He was friends with the great and the good - and this particular excerpt was about his friendship with Rudyard Kipling.

It was, however, the magazine’s accompanying advertisement (left) that caught my eye.

Can you imagine this coming out today, with the sensitive views of Gen Z? I am not even sure that I fully understand it myself!

For more on Blackwood’s magazine look here: BLACKWOODS MAGAZINE

It doesn’t sound like my political cup of tea, but there were some impressive contributors. According to the link above, the controversial style of the magazine got it into trouble when, in 1821, John Scott, the editor of the ‘London Magazine’, fought a duel with Jonathan Henry Christie over libellous statements in the magazine. Scott was apparently shot and killed. Wow! Surely this is taking defending your honour to extremes?

Talking of Marketing

As I say above, we are celebrating our 30 years with a new series of photographs of Rissington, this time concentrating on some of the details which make Rissington so special. They will be going onto the website and into the Marketing Dropbox soon, so that anyone can use them. (Thanks to @theguyssa for the highly professional photo shoot as always.)

Keep an eye out for more on our Instagram and Facebook feeds as well. There’s always a good variety.

Join us and follow us here if you haven’t already done so.

RISSINGTON FACEBOOK

RISSINGTON INSTAGRAM

After the September competition below, there will still be three more competitions this year on Social Media to celebrate our three decades. Free stays and more to be won.

Remember the current specials in place until 31 December 2025 to celebrate our 30th birthday:

For all Rag readers, but only if you are already on the Rissington Rag mailing list or if you already follow us and find the Rag on Instagram or Facebook, we are still offering you a 20% discount on your bed and breakfast for any number of stays during the remainder of 2025. The deal is not transferable and can be applied to new direct bookings only. It rises to a 30% discount if you stay for a week or more.

Spend your birthday here during 2025 and get a free night as long as you book for two nights or more but you MUST be here on the actual night of your birthday. (NB Deals may not be combined.)

In addition, as a last blast in our celebration year, we are offering FREE accommodation to Rag readers on two-night (or longer) stays between 24th November and 12th December 2025. You just need to pay R200 to cover your breakfast each day and you must have dinner in the restaurant every evening. You can’t say fairer than that.

Contact Philippa or Simphiwe on 082 327 6842 (call or WhatsApp) or email info@rissington.co.za.

The Competitions – a huge prize to be won

We had a wide variety of interesting entries to our June competition asking for your memories of your favourite meal at Rissington. Here are a couple of the judge’s favourites:

We were seriously impressed to receive the first ever Rissington haiku from Andrea Rae:

Trout cheesecake and wine

At a picnic in the bush

Perfect harmony

And Lara Feakins managed to be almost equally poetic in prose and to describe a perfect Rissington dinner experience:

Our most memorable meal was the night we had no power, not from load shedding but from a fault on the line, which only added to our "Out of Africa" fantasy!

We had every intention of heading back to our room to shower before dinner, after a particularly hot January day, but fell in to the pool instead. We ended up seated in a mix of swimwear and kaftans having Mojitos expertly made by Shirley on the stoep. When we went through to our table, there were lanterns everywhere, a chilled bottle of Ken Forrester and a smiling Sindile. Dinner was ostrich stir-fry, which has always been a favourite, followed by chocolate mousse & ice cream, James had the banoffee (for the 7th night running...!) As well as remembering what we had each night for dinner, we remember how we felt. Where else can you feel so at home, so taken care of, so relaxed? That is the magic of Rissington.

In the end, the entry that caught Suzi’s eye and sense of fun was this photo from Fabienne Martinie. Great artwork Fabienne, which has earned you the prize of free lunches and dinners for every day of your next stay.

For the September competition, we are now asking you to tell us about your favourite view in the Mpumalanga Lowveld. Where is it? What do you love about it? Photos welcome but not required. The best entry will win a week at Rissington on a bed and breakfast basis and an escorted visit to their chosen spot, with a driver-guide and a lunch picnic. (No accommodation venues – so don’t try to slip in a bid for a free trip to Londolozi!). Deadline 30 September.

Are we busy? Yes we are!

So much so that, when I came back from my recent travels, all the chairs had been purloined from my house to seat the extra people in the dining room at the lodge and all the loo paper in my bathrooms had been raided.

It is so rewarding to see all of Team Rissington’s hard work paying off. We really do have a gallery of wonderful smiling front-of-house faces welcoming guests, our food is utterly wonderful, Coco and the team are working miracles in the garden and the rooms and views are absolutely great. Not to mention the spa (again!).

Come and stay soon. We’d love to see you.

Chris, Shirley, Nonhlanhla, Natasha, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle, Sindile; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen and Thandiwe; Sipho, Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Peter, Thabiso and Coco; plus Charlotte in the Spa; also Philippa and Simphiwe in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. And JJ (who turned 21 last week) and Lungile (who turns 20 next month). Oh, and of course Rusty and Bruno…

PS Here's some more information on the Spa:

The Rissington Rag - June 2025

2025-06-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to the June 2025 Rissington Rag – a light, short, fun winter edition. Back to more of our old favourite subjects and some lovely photos, this time of Rissington as it is now. At 30 years old. Three decades.

Firstly, a little cameo ‘Day in the Life of an Hotelier’ story...

The Small Nut-Brown Gentleman

I was walking with Rusty and Bruno the other day, when we came across a small nut-brown gentleman of a certain age, camera in hand, halfway up a tree along the Rissington driveway. (Yes, people of a certain age do still carry cameras. Remember cameras? And they do seemingly still climb trees too.)

Convinced he was onto a rare avian species, I asked him “What have you got?”

The small nut-brown gentleman replied “Nothing, but I saw a small blue one yesterday” and gingerly descended to ground level, carefully shielding his camera from scratches.

Me: That would have been a blousysie, a blue waxbill.

SNBG: Would it? It was on the ground and making short flights with others the same.

(His accent was guttural and difficult to place. I settled on Portuguese but it didn’t seem right. Anyway, now we got chatting.)

Me: Yes, that would be it. What else have you seen?

SNBG: I am more interested in insects. You speak very good English.

Me: That’s very kind of you to say so. It is my first language.

SNBG: You are very good at it.

Me: That’s great to hear; I have been speaking it all my life.

SNBG persisted: It’s clearly a strength of yours. You should keep it up.

Me (exhausted from all the adulation and changing the subject): Thank you. I intend to. Where are you from that you have developed an interest in insects?

SNBG: Malta. But we don’t have a lot of insects. Many other problems though. But it is very beautiful. A bit too small perhaps.

And so we chatted for a while about insects, birds (he showed me dozens of fuzzy photos of blue waxbills and scrub-robins), spiders, Malta, South Africa, big and small countries with and without problems. We also talked about sunshine and about a friend of mine who lives part of the time in Malta. We stayed off corruption. And the Malta Convoy. And that old ‘How do you make a Maltese cross’ joke. I love my job and the SNBG is the perfect example of why. A happy half-hour of meandering discussions in the afternoon sunshine with a true gentleman from another world altogether.

SNBG: You have a very beautiful place.

Me: Thank you. I am so glad you found it and are enjoying it.

SNBG: Keep on with speaking English.

Me: I definitely shall. You keep on taking photographs and don’t fall out of any trees.

We smiled and went our separate ways. The magic of Rissington.

Another Guest Story. This time a Traffic Cop.

One of the spin-offs of Covid - which, amazingly, was five years ago – is an increased steady flow of local South African guests. A large number of them are from Johannesburg, naturally, for weekends and longer breaks. Also, at this time of the year, many are from the Cape enjoying our warm winter sunshine when it is cold down south. Quite a few, though, are business people either with their own businesses here or passing through on a rep route every month. A recent visitor was attending a conference of traffic officers at the Traffic Training College in Mkhuhlu, a nearby town.

I once addressed that college’s trainees on the thorny subject of traffic officer corruption. As many readers will remember, this was a problem a few years ago, with officers preying on tourists for bribes. The action we took then has borne good results and cases of extortion have dramatically reduced.

I told the senior officer, who was staying here, about our efforts and about my interactions with the college and he said. “Good. There is a lot of work to be done.”

He then said that he, personally, had never taken a bribe from anyone and never ever would. "Not even five rand," he said. "In fact," he stated firmly “Now only eight out of ten traffic officers are corrupt.”

ONLY EIGHT OUT OF TEN! Wow. Yes. There is indeed still a lot of work to be done!

Remembering Guests. And Oil Barons.

Social Media has many faults. Many. But it also has so many reasons for existing and for us, the main one is for keeping in touch with our guests. We love talking to you, day after day, and telling you what’s happening here. We love the comments you post in our feeds. We love the memories you share. We love the reminders you post, telling us that you are coming again and we make sure that we are ready for you when you do return.

We try to check the bookings every day and to pick out the friends and the returning guests for an extra welcome. Even an upgrade if possible.

There are also, naturally, some names which catch our eye and we wonder whether they are politicians or celebrities. One such was ‘Getty’, booked in at the end of last year. There were no other details, but then if you were a Getty, you probably wouldn’t expect to have to put down a deposit or give away your contact details. So it was a case of wait-and-see.

On the day, though, it became clear that this actually was not a famous Getty, in the billionaire sense, at all. Every year in early December, we invite all the members of Team Rissington to stay over with a partner in the rooms on the night of their choosing, as a Christmas present and so that they can experience dinner, bed and breakfast the way the guests see it. This was not a Getty, therefore. It was Gertie, the Head Chef in the Rissington kitchen. A celebrity in her own way, of course. I have been working with Gertie (fourth from the left in this photo of our six talented chefs) for more than 40 years, here and at the late great Cybele Forest Lodge, where we both trained. I hope she felt like a billionaire that evening at Rissington in early December last year.

Tea and Cake

A longstanding client returned this weekend after a longer-than-usual absence and her comment was that what she loved about Rissington is that it just gets better and better and that every time she comes, she sees more and more new ideas and improvements.

There have indeed been many steady improvements – the new mountain bike trails and walks, the Nespresso machines in the rooms and the fresh milk in the fridges, the new magazine selection, the ‘new’ swimming pool (now, amazingly, 5 years old), the new dishes on the menus, the fantastic WiFi Internet, all of which are exciting and, now, the new ‘spa’ which we are currently putting in.

It is important to see all of this in perspective. It’s such a balancing act for us to keep Rissington up-to-date and to institute new ideas, to make improvements, to keep up the team upliftment with its own succession plan (as some of us are slowly getting a little older) and to maintain what we have built, but all of this has to be done without changing the ethos of our lovely place or losing its delightful country vibe. There’s always going to be pressure from certain quarters to upgrade Rissington to something that it isn’t and doesn’t want to be. The art is to continue with improvements to make our little lodge into an even better version of what it is. And not to turn it into something else. I hope we get that right.

Now, back to the important stuff. For those with time to spend wallowing in the warm winter sunshine, Rissington has introduced a Tea (and Coffee) and Cake Menu, available all day. You know you want to. It might just turn out to be the best Chocolate Cake and/or Lemon Cheesecake or Scone you have ever had. Made by Gertie the Getty, of course. And, if you’re really feeling daring, try the Swahili Dawa Tea.

A New(ish) and Utterly Fascinating South African Tourism Offering

A couple of months ago, on a drizzly day in Cape Town and on the way back from a day out in Paarl, we stumbled across 'The Long March to Freedom' statue collection at Canal Walk in Century City, just off the N1 about 10km North of Cape Town itself.

We actually thought, in almost passing it by, that it was a bunch of oldies playing bowls in the rain alongside the highway but don’t make the same mistake! It’s an absolute must.

It was Heritage Day when we visited, and we were lucky enough to have a wonderful guided tour with a highly-knowledgeable local historian. There are 99 (soon to be 100) life-size statues here, featuring all the great names in the fight for freedom in South Africa dating back to the 1600s and coming right up to the present, each with their own board giving details of their backstories and their contributions to the creation of our country. Please go. It was a gloomy day (and the very-dashing umbrellas, as used by Lungi and his Ndebele King Mzilikazi, were supplied!) so my photos really don’t do it justice but it seems to be a little-known venue and it deserves great support and acclaim.

And if you can’t imagine what we were doing in Paarl, well, then you really need to head there for a day or more. Among other attractions, there is wine- and cheese-tasting, olive oil, a spice trail, chocolate-tasting, the Toeka tractor museum, spectacular Cape Dutch architecture and, of course, the Afrikaans Language Monument, all the more interesting this year as we mark the centenary of Afrikaans becoming one of our official languages. Yes. Paarl is where it’s all happening.

And The Long March to Freedom is on the way there. Google it!

Animals Caught on Camera

It has been a while since I updated you on the fauna of Rissington and we have enjoyed some great sightings recently. The banded mongoose run amok daily in their dozens and the grey and the red duikers bound around, day and night in the donga, no doubt celebrating the fact that the crocodile has gone although its cousin, the leguaan, still scrabbles around in the sunshine on the edges of the fast-receding dam. The gymnogene (African harrier-hawk) soars and whistles overhead and a woolly-necked stork stalks around on the lawns in the mornings. In fact, the birding is still great, despite the absence of the migratory species on trips to the north. The other day, a guest also had the enviable experience (although it was not exactly her cup of tea) of seeing a magnificent four-metre African rock python crossing the dirt road in front of her as she drove in. We know they are around but we rarely see them. I found the tracks in the road. It’s amazing how light the impact is.

This last sighting prompted me to put out the bushcam for a few days and it came up with some great photos. Here are a few of them. Our genets are still clearly very busy at night and this is the first confirmation that we have scrub hares at Rissington. Maybe not surprising, but nice to have proof.

Let's hope the python doesn't know.

Good to see Rusty and Bruno are keeping an eye on the monkeys as well!

Exhaustion and Travel Trends

I like to keep up with what the world (according to the media) is looking for in terms of travel trends. This piece came out a few months ago and combines the expectations with the realities of being young today. According to this report, 79% of Gen Zs are exhausted from online dating – yes, from the utterly knackering process of online dating! – so one of the trends for them is to 'travel and meet real people'. Who would ever have thought it? Actually meeting real people, unannounced and without a single swipe left or right. In 2025, we’re all finally going the full Shirley Valentine.

Read the piece here for some more trends. It’s short and interesting.

SEVEN TRAVEL TRENDS

This next one is similar but it also deals with the ways in which Gen Z (and others) are being encouraged and enabled by TikTok to stretch their holidays. The good news is that mass tourism has finally been identified as the real issue that it is. The days of endless selfie poses balanced on cliff-edges might be coming to an end. What a relief!

2025 - TRAVEL TO FEWER PLACES

And here’s a really extraordinary story. A trip to avoid at all costs. Talk about melting icecaps!

EXTRAORDINARY ANTARCTIC TRAVEL CONCEPT

Finally (inevitably) an old hobby horse of mine. No-one seems to be taking any notice of TripAdvisor these days, especially since they have undermined their own integrity by becoming an online booking agency and thus shooting their impartiality firmly in the foot. In this very short piece, it seems that booking dot com is also under fire from the industry. We don’t take bookings from them any longer, preferring to deal direct with our clients for reasons of good personalised service, but the whole industry is now up in arms because of the site’s entitled and bullying tactics. Not to mention the fraud problems from fake bookings and hacked contact details:

THE CASE AGAINST BOOKING.COM

Back to the Books

Many South African readers will know of Jennifer Stern, an old friend of mine and a popular travel-writer and media contributor. The time has finally come for Jen to write her own book and here it is : A Big Hand for the Spirits.

It’s a fascinating amalgam of travel, culture and psychological, philosophical thought, played out in Southern Africa and taking the reader on a mind-stretching journey around many of our favourite playgrounds with all the makings of a great whodunnit and some very fine recipes too. It’s a most unusual book and I really recommend it.

You can see more and pick it up here: A BIG HAND FOR THE SPIRITS and the Amazon e-book link is : AMAZON E-BOOK LINK

From the Loo

Rissington’s bathrooms off the dining room have always been a place of humour with some great memories from Rissington’s past scattered across the walls. The other day, I rediscovered this – a serious 2011 newspaper article from Zimbabwe. It always makes me feel chortle so I have taken a photo of it for you.

Well done to the blind guys! Gosh, I love Zimbabwe!

Competition Time

The March Rag featured a tricky competition in which you had to name as many team members as you could from this photo, taken in 2005 when Rissington turned 10 years old.

You received an added point for every correct name and a deducted point for every incorrect one. This was intended to stymie those people who might go through old Rags and name everyone who has ever worked here, although it didn’t stop a few people from coming up with fanciful lists, as long as their arms, of team members over the years. Those also brought back some good memories too, so thanks for sending them, even if you received fewer points than Alan Davies on a bad QI day!

The correct names were as follows. From left to right and from the top step (the back) to the bottom step (the front), see if you can see some of your favourite people:

Connie, Frances, Dixon, Betty M, Cindy, Phumzile, Victoria

Sipho, Joseph, Differ, Colgate, Tutos, Cassim, Julia

Anton, Melanie, Kuki, Sithembile, Anna, Joyce, Jeanette

James, Mercy, Shirley, Nomcebo, Amanda, Shaun, Chris (actually, I took the photo and was cut out and superimposed in a piece of cunning early-days photo-shopping!)

And the winner is Rosalie Williams. Great job! The prize is a stay for two people of anything up to two weeks at Rissington at the 1995 accommodation prices of R160 per person per night bed and breakfast.

Rosie correctly named seven people from the photo. The lowest score was (in good old QI style) minus 33 from a person (to remain un-named) who clearly lifted all the names they could find from the website Blog page and somehow got 11 right answers and 44 wrong answers, so a nett of minus 33. Nice try!

Now, Back to the Present – Another 30-Year Competition. This time it's creative.

This month’s competition plays out in the Rag, as always, but also on Facebook and Instagram as we continue our 30 Year Celebrations with a different competition every month.

For June, we are asking you now to tell us about your best-ever foodie experience at Rissington. We’ll post some of the finest answers. The judge will be Suzi Holtzhausen, a South African celebrity chef with whom I am currently collaborating on a writing project.

Just email us a quick, brief description (any format but maximum 50 words) of what you remember as your best or most enjoyable Rissington meal and why.

Entries by 1st July please to info@rissington.co.za and keep an eye on our social media for the monthly competitions for the rest of the year. We have given away some amazing prizes including plenty of long stays and even some flights and safaris.

Specials for June – Name Your Price

Winter is still my favourite time in the Lowveld and this year we are offering you the chance to name your price. Simply tell us when you would like to come (between 1 June and 7 July but not including the public holiday weekend of 13 to 16 June) and suggest how much you would like to pay. We’ll check availability and see if we can slot you in at your chosen rate. Minimum R300 per person per night for a budget room but if you would like a bigger room, you might want to offer a little more.

Email info@rissington.co.za or WhatsApp 082 327 6842. Give it a go!

Spend your birthday here during 2025 and get a free night, as long as you book for two nights or more. You MUST be here on the actual night of your birthday. (NB Deals may not be combined.)

Rissington at 30

Last time, we gave you plenty of interesting photos of Rissington over the years (See the March Rag HERE if you missed it) so this time, we are giving you a quick gallery of what it looks like nowadays, just as a reminder or an update if you haven’t been here for a while. A few more photos are also dotted around the Rag and the new spa is shown below these ones so keep scrolling.

Back to the Spa

Now, more details on the current building job, which is almost complete. Here are the new steps and railings on Saligna, one of the original Rissington rooms. All looking very spruced up, I am sure you will agree.

The interiors and the landscaping are still underway for the spa, which will be accessed from under the Euphorbia steps at the other end of the building. Finally, we get to go to Mr Price Home and buy some of those kitsch LIVE LOVE EAT posters and amass collections of pots, fancy grasses and pet rocks, knowing that we have a real home for them. We are still working on the new Bush-Zen garden outside, with sliding doors which will allow for massages in the sun, the shade or inside the room. There's even going to be flowing water and a sand rake. It’s going to be wonderful. I am drawing the line above wind chimes though!

The Rissington Inn-Spirations Spa will offer a great range of treatments with professional masseuses who will come here especially, at a time to be arranged with you. If you would like a guaranteed booking, ideally you should try to tell us before you get here but we will always be able to find someone even at the last minute.

By special request from an old friend, we also now have bathrobes available on request, for use in the rooms or in the spa, which will open at the beginning of July.

Social Media

If you want to keep up with our news in-between Rags – or maybe to post a message to tell us when you are coming, so that we can be sure to be extra-ready for you – please find us on INSTAGRAM HERE or on FACEBOOK HERE.

It’s well worth it and you’ll see some good photography too.

And with that enticing thought, we hope to see you soon. Come down in the winter if you can, for a blazing fire in the dining room, soup, coffee, cake, warm blankets and endless sunshine. And maybe a massage?

All the best from all of us.

Chris, Shirley, Nonhlanhla, Natasha, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle, Sindile; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen and Thandiwe; Sipho, Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Pieter, Thabiso and Coco; plus Philippa and Simphiwe in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. Oh, and Rusty and Bruno…

The Rissington 30th Birthday Rag - March 2025

2025-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

WELCOME TO THE MARCH 2025 RISSINGTON RAG
MARKING THREE DECADES OF FINE HOSPITALITY

We are shaking things up a bit this time. This March 2025 edition of the Rag is largely pictorial, to mark Rissington’s 30th birthday. I think we have all had more than enough Rissington Rag words during the past year to keep us going for a while, so … here’s a Photo Shoot Rag, albeit with a few paragraphs of explanation here and there.

Thirty Years in the Life of Rissington, if you like, and it is probably best viewed on as large a screen as you have available. It’s going to give you plenty of happy reminders of just how far we have come, so settle in and revel in it, maybe with a good coffee or a glass of wine. I hope you enjoy the memories.

And yes, of course there are prizes and deals. In fact, there's also a year-long discount for Rag Readers. Details below. So here goes!

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TEAM

In a rare (and rather random) reference to the new Bridget Jones movie/film/fliek (which is well worth watching by the way), it is interesting to bear in mind that, when Rissington opened in 1995, I was only 31. I was just a boy. Now, 30 years later, it’s no longer about me at all. It is ALL about the team. The shot below – taken this week – is, I think, only our second ever full team photo. What a wonderful group of people. There are plenty more photos, further down, of the chaos that ensued right after this shot was taken!

These are some of the most admirable people I have ever met. I am constantly amazed at their total dedication to Rissington, always giving it their all and always smiling and laughing, despite the long hours and busy days. And all of this is achieved whilst juggling their endless responsibilities to their children, their extended families and their communities. They really are remarkable.

The earlier team photo, shown below, was taken in 2005, when Rissington turned 10 years old. There are actually only three people who feature in both the 2005 and 2025 photos and Sipho (along with me) is the only remaining member of the original 1995 team of seven still to be working at Rissington. It's also heartening to bear in mind that everyone in the current team above receives a remuneration of at least 30 times the salaries that we were able to pay to the 1995 Rissington pioneers. Heartening indeed ... and sobering. This is all thanks to you and to your support for Rissington.

Today's team means the world to me. And you mean the world to them. Thank you.

In one more staff memory along the way, in 2003, we also took the team to Cape Town on a four-day trip by rail, road and plane. It was one of the highlights of my life. Here's a little collage (below) of that great event with some old favourite faces you might remember. We went down by train. They saw the sea for the first time, they went up Table Mountain in the cable car and wandered around the Waterfront marvelling at the sights and sounds, they visited Cape Point, saw penguins and ate prawns and then finally flew home exhausted! So many firsts - and so much fun.

OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

In a selection of 1995 vs 2025 then-and-now photos and some others in between, here's a pictorial diary of some of the changes at Rissington over the years.

I bought the farmhouse which was to become Rissington, in a very run down state (the house was run-down, not me), in April1995. Here you can see the roof going onto the stoep as part of the major renovations and changes we had to make. The building work took five months altogether. The picture on the right was taken this week, in 2025.

When we opened, the bar was outside on the stoep. We knocked through in 2001 to increase the size of the dining room and reinstalled the same bar counter in the room behind, which had up to that point been my office and bedroom. Talk about sleeping on the job!

My 1995 office was very basic - a desk in my bedroom with a typewriter and a fax machine. (I am sparing you a photo of that.) This was before the use of email or the Internet. We then moved it into the 'cellar' in 2005 (left). Note the ancient computer and fax machine. On the right, you can now see Philippa. Natasha and Simphiwe running the much-bigger and more high-tech office today.

In 1995, the site of the bay window was in the kitchen - actually it was the larder. We knocked it out as part of the renovations and built the sitting room there instead (right and below).

1995 knocking out the larder and converting the kitchen into the sitting room/library you see today..

Opening up Combretum and Kapok and increasing the size of Camelfoot in 1995. And the same building today.

Another garden shot from before we opened in 1995 and the same view today.

A 1997 Kapok budget room interior photo and 2025 pic of the same room today.

1997 The view after we cut back and cleared out the bush and the grass in front of the lodge. Then 2025, the same distant view across the new pool during the day and at night.

The old staff accommodation from 1995 gave way, in 1999, for us to build Sycamore and Ivory, our first new rooms and the origins of the garden suites. Then, on the right, Sycamore and Ivory today.

2000, looking across at the lawn. 2024 and 2025, with the new pool in place

In 2021, we built three new superior rooms. Kigelia, Mahohany and Baobab. Here's the team that built those rooms, with Sipho directing operations on the left above the septic tank. And those rooms today.

The amphitheatre was a feature of Rissington for many years. A previous owner of the farmhouse had built it for when his tree-hugging friends came to visit. We inherited it as shown on the left, put a roof on it 1997 (second pic), held a few weddings there (including my own) and, among other thrills, also a concert by the Welsh Male Voice Choir of Johannesburg in 2001. (Happy St David's Day, today, to those men in red and to all our many Welsh readers - let's hope the rugby improves!). We eventually removed the amphiteatre after building the three rooms next to where it stood under the jacaranda on the west side of the new pool.

A 2001 interior shot of Kigelia, Mahogany and Baobab. Oh, those duvet covers! 2025 (centre and right) as the rooms look today, with king-size beds, white cotton percale and brand new bathrooms. .

In 2003, the building of Acacia and Coral, Ebony and Teak. Then 2025, Acacia and Coral today. These were followed by the Hillside Suite family rooms in 2007. These are pictured further down the Rag.

The final addition of the four newest rooms was made in 2019. Frangipani, Kiaat, Marula and Matumi. The pride of Rissington.

The old swimming pool, pictured in 2008. The terrace today in 2025, taken from the same spot, just outside the bar.

Of course Rissington would not be Rissington without the dogs. The top left photo is from 1998 and shows James (JJ's father, then 14 years old) with Sport and umQmbothi. The remaining photos show JJ himself with Rusty and Bruno. Below them, Rusty is 'home-schooling' during Covid, jumping on a trampoline with JJ and getting festive for Christmas. Bruno is (for some JJ-inspired reason) wearing my slippers!

CELEBRATIONS HAVE BEEN A HUGE PART OF OUR LIVES

We have had so much to celebrate in our 30 years. Here are just a few shots of some of the more notable events, including birthdays, weddings, staff get-togethers and Rissington milestones. I particularly love the look of total joy on my mother's face in the bottom right photo, taken at Rissington's 10th birthday celebration, 20 years ago. She was such an important part of the success of Rissington and she absolutely loved it here.

We have also obviously celebrated a huge number of birthdays with guests as well as giving parties for JJ. See top left, where he became a 6 year-old wizard....

Numerous people have become engaged here too. Last week, I was reminded by one of them just how unsophisticated we were in our early days. When she and her husband got engaged at Rissington in the 1990s, the only bottle of celebratory ‘champagne’ that I was able to rustle up was a bottle of rather disgusting South African sweet red sparkling wine called 5th Avenue Cold Duck. I think it must have been given to me by a car dealer when I had bought a cheap bakkie and I unashamedly sold it to the happy couple to mark their betrothal.

Since then, of course, we have improved our style and service in so many ways. Here are some photos of a few of some of the more recent innovations...

NEW R40 ENTRANCE AND SIGNAGE

Finally, our neighbours up at the main road have very kindly cleaned up and paved our turn-off by the R40 and we have supplemented this with some improvements to our own access, further down, with a new gated-fence and user-friendly access-control.

Here’s the new driveway and a photo of Rissington-regular Herman Kieft, with his tongue firmly in his cheek, receiving the first ever guest gate-tag from Anita at breakfast one day last month. Down on one knee, naturally!

THE BIG R ®

We have also carried on with the upgrades to our branding and have received many compliments on our new uniforms, which you can see in the staff photos above and below. In addition, we have ® beer mats and ® drink stirrers and ® everything. You might say it’s our new (ahem!) trademark, I suppose, but Relax. Revive. Remember still remains our core principle. (Remember the early days when we rather pompously styled ourselves ‘Purveyors of fine South African food and comfortable accommodation’!?)

We’ve also branded the vehicles and we have commissioned a giant R to stand by the pool and enhance all those fabulous Instagram shots of the view. Next it will be the caps and we’ll be selling ® T-shirts as well. A guest sent us the photo on the right, which shows just how far our merchandise has travelled. All the way to Devon!

LOCAL EXPERTISE

We are also focusing on the team’s side-hustles. So many of our staff and friends have cunning little businesses to supplement their income and we are trying to support them whenever we can. For example, Betty Khoza (left below) one of our long-standing housekeepers, runs a sofa-, chair- and carpet-cleaning company and the lodge uses her little business regularly. Our new office genius Simphiwe has a husband with a railings business and he will be updating our balconies later in the year. Linda Nyoka (an old friend who used to teach the boys at their prep school) makes a superb chilli sauce which we now use in the restaurant. Side-hustles are the way forward and it’s great to be able to keep it ‘in the family’, so to speak. And, of course, the food leftovers still go to team members Aubrey and Lucky Mashaba’s exceptionally well-fed pigs (although I see there's some bacon in the photo, which might be entirely recommended for pigs to eat!).

THE ENVIRONMENT

We previously mentioned that we are selling off four 1-hectare off-the-grid plots at Rissington and, in the process, also changing our hot water heating systems at the lodge to solar and all our remaining globes (light bulbs) to LEDs. We now have a SWITCH IT OFF policy in place as well as a GET IT FIXED rule for any damaged items and for plumbing issues, in order to save water. There’s also a fair bit of spekboom growing around the place, to do our little bit for the environment. If you look at the Rissington MAX/MIN for 2024, you will see how important this is.

It is just possible that one of the Rissington plots might still be available. Please let me know if you think you would be interested or if you would like more details. I will be in touch with everyone on the waiting list during the next month to discuss the options.

IN THE KITCHEN

A broad range of teas, a ginger dawa, cappuccinos and espressos, interesting sauces and relishes are now on offer throughout the day, along with some new cakes and scones. There’s also a tailormade breakfast picnic service. Gone are the days of the soggy sandwich and the brown banana. Rissington is now offering you the opportunity to choose a different breakfast picnic, perfectly suited to you. Every day.

IN THE RESTAURANT

We have DIY wet face- and hand-cloths on all the tables. Yes, they look a bit like Extra Strong Mints (see them pictured in the chilli sauce photo above) but just trickle on some water and watch them grow into smell-free wipes to clean your face and hands before you eat. People love them.

IN THE ROOMS

The Nespresso machines are a huge hit in all the rooms. You can also order room service at any time on WhatsApp. We have fresh milk in the fridges every day - no more UHT, no more sachets. There are also now blackout curtains on all the windows to improve your night's sleep in the summer months when it can be light at 4.30am.

Importantly, we have expanded and improved our offering in terms of easily-accessed rooms for wheelchair and walking-stick users, specifically with better access ramps and easy-to-use showers and lavatories.

THE DAM HAS BEEN FULL

After all the rain in January and February this year, to our amazement, we found that we had our very own crocodile for a month or so. She seems to have moved off again now. I say ‘she’ advisedly, as there were some young as well. It was an interesting period, but I am slightly relieved that it all came to a happy ending before she grew big enough to take an interest in passing Jack Russells.

THE GREAT GARDEN UPGRADE

The Rissington garden has always been self-managing but that wasn’t Coco’s style, so when we put her in charge, there were some shake-ups. Out with the random old out-of-control bushes and in with plenty more indigenous stuff: aloes, cycads and herbs. The whole garden is booming and all the views are being opened up after the lovely rain.

THE HILLSIDE SUITES POOL

The team told me that a child had dropped a pot in the hillside suites pool, breaking the cement in a metre-wide ding. They were far too discreet to tell me who the guilty child might have been – but we took the opportunity to fix up and patch the entire pool. The large white bag (called a bladder) is where we stored all the water while we worked on the pool base. The patches will blend in over the next few weeks.

And just for fun, here are some more pics of the Hillside Suites pool as it has evolved over the years ... From farm reservoir to hotel pool.

What a position! As you can see, we have also now added a handrail.

BIKE AND WALKING TRAILS

Lungile and Thabiso have been opening up routes on the neighbouring property and we now have five mountain bikes for hire. The routes vary from 5km to 10km and the chaps will also gladly guide the cycling trips if requested.

The walking trail on Rissington has also been expanded and walks on the cycle trails alongside us can also be arranged. Here are Thabiso, Rusty and Bruno, all kitted out and ready to show you the way.

There’s plenty of excellent birding on the next farm and even the odd kudu and bushpig as well as all our usual red duiker, grey duiker, monkeys, bushpig and some porcupines, which can be seen from Rissington's rooms almost every night with a good powerful torch.

BAR STOEP CHAIRS

We love these. Comfortable and stylish. Very Rissington. Nothing stands still here for long. The bar has new ceiling fans as well. I was persuaded by the electrician that 30 years was a good innings for a ceiling fan and that the old ones should be gracefully retired. Resistance was futile.

EVER-FASTER WIFI

Of course, in the early days of Rissington, as I said above, we had a fax machine and a typewriter. And a Post Office! No emails, no cellphones, no Internet. We had clock-radios in the rooms. Nowadays we have four computers in the office and high-speed internet in all the rooms. And yes, even televisions. Ridiculous, isn’t it?!

BEE REMOVAL

For a while in January, we were involuntary apiarists with one swarm of bees in the avocado tree near the pool and another by the water tanks, up behind the hillside suites. First attempts to relocate them led firstly to an attack by the first swarm on the gardeners every time they started up a lawnmower; soon after that, the second swarm flummoxed us by relocating inside the Shonalanga bathroom. Eventually they were all persuaded to move into hives for relocation.

A NEW BOREHOLE

To supply the new plots at the northern end of the property we have had to drill a new additional borehole. It was a fascinating exercise and it's hard to believe that, although we humans know where the water is on Mars, we are unable to know where it is right beneath our noses. The only way is to take pot luck or get a water diviner.

This is our diviner, doing his thing. It worked first time. I didn’t feel anything at all, when copying his stick technique, until he put his hand on my arm and the stick then pulled instantly downwards. Yes. It is real and we drilled a good strong hole.

A SPA FOR RISSINGTON

As from this southern hemisphere winter, we shall be offering massages in Rissington’s very own spa. The masseuse will come in by request. You will be attended to in airconditioned Zen bliss without even leaving the property. More details soon.

BEFORE WE GET TO THE SPECIALS AND THE COMPETITIONS...

If our newsletter’s photography, old and new, has in any way inspired you, please take a look at JJ’s new photos on his new Instagram profile: @jjslensadventures

There’s a lot more new content to come over the next few weeks. Those of you who were already following him (thank you) will automatically find the new content, as he has merely changed the name of the profile. For those who weren’t doing so, please do follow him now. He spent last year studying Photography and Videography in Cape Town and this year he’s still down there and following a course called Digital Content Creation. It’s the way forward and he’s posting (when he finds the time) some really good and creative content. There will be much more as the year progresses. (Sometimes the Instagram follow-links can be temperamental, so if the button doesn't work on your device just search for @jjslensadventures).

Also make quite sure that you are following Rissington on Facebook and/or Instagram.

Every month this year we are running a combined competition on both platforms to celebrate our three decades. So far, in January we gave away two free nights and in February we gave away a week’s accommodation, free, mahala and for nothing. Join up now in time to follow the March giveaway, which also features further down the Rag, as it unfolds.

THE 30TH BIRTHDAY RAG READERS YEAR-LONG SPECIAL

For all Rag readers, but only if you are already on the Rissington Rag mailing list or if you already follow us and find the Rag on Instagram or Facebook, we are offering you a 20% discount on your bed and breakfast for any number of stays during the remainder of 2025. The deal is not transferable and can be applied to new direct bookings only. It rises to a 30% discount if you stay for a week or more.

Also, if you spend your birthday here during 2025 we will give you a free night as long as you book for two nights or more but you MUST be here on the actual night of your birthday. (NB Deals cannot be combined.) Unfortunately we are unable to employ the services of a magician for all birthdays, but we might rustle up a cake on request!

COMPETITIONS AND PRIZES

The December Rag contained cryptic clues leading to six iconic places in South Africa. The winner of 3 nights for up to 5 people in a Rissington Hillside suite is Lauren Humphreys. Nice one Lauren. Come any time.

Here are the answers:

1) A refectory ridge perhaps,
The ocean way below me laps;
Standing flat, high above the Mother,
I am just an icon like no other.

TABLE MOUNTAIN

2) I was Bay of Rock, then a lagoon,
Here dolphins cruise and penguins croon.
By Coega’s coast swims many a seal.
St Croix is here, as is Jahleel.

ALGOA BAY

3) The sea’s my home, a hollow shape,
This place of thunder, Eastern Cape.
A cliff detached. You have it right:
A polo, topped with dolerite.

THE HOLE IN THE WALL

4) I am Jim’s crossing of the Buffalo
Where Officers Chard and Bromhead bellow
“Fire!” to red-coated heroes encamped
In fortifications tight and cramped.

RORKE’S DRIFT

5) Where wagons lurk in every frieze
With tales of conquest, war and disease.
I am Moerdijk’s paean to history
But whose exactly is your mystery.

THE VOORTREKKER MONUMENT

6) I’m a peaceful defence which makes a crater
From two million years back, not one day later,
A meteoriticist’s deep-impact dream,
I’m a massive ancient astrobleme.

VREDEFORT DOME

THIS MONTH’S NEW COMPETITION - THE MARCH GIVEAWAY

This time, we are asking you to name as many people as you can (whether or not they are still working here) from the old 2005 team photograph or any of the staff in the Cape Town trip photos at the top of the page. (NB not the current team photograph, as the answers to that are at the bottom of the page!).

You will get a point for every right answer BUT you will also lose a point for every incorrect answer. This competition is obviously easier for those who have been coming here for a long time, but I think that is fair enough every now and then! The prize is a stay for two people of anything up to two weeks at Rissington at the 1995 accommodation prices of R160 per person per night bed and breakfast. Yes, that was the rate 30 years ago. Answers to info@rissington.co.za by 01 April 2025 please. The winners will be announced on Facebook and Instagram, so make sure you are following.

SOME MEDIA STUFF

While we are on the subject of media and prizes, some long-standing readers might remember that we used to have a very strong connection with the SAfm radio station, where we ran competitions, and specifically with the then-presenter (and station manager) Tony Lankester. Some of you may even have caught up with the recent announcement that, in a great result for him and for South Africa, Tony has recently been announced as the new CEO of the Edinburgh Festival (having cut his teeth on the South African National Arts Festival in then-Grahamstown). What a coup!

Anyway, whilst travelling recently, I finally got my head around Podcasts and if you are not already doing so, I am strongly recommending that you get into Legacy, produced by Tony’s wife Jayne Morgan, who is also one of my oldest friends. Clearly, I am unashamedly biased but, tired as I am of boring middle-aged white men bickering on various history podcasts recommended to me, Legacy is a triumph (and features no bickering).

You can find it on Apple HERE or wherever you usually find your podcasts, by searching for 'Legacy by Wondery'. Don’t settle for ‘The Rest is …’ anything. This is way better.

THAT’S ALL!

Here’s a photo the first Rissington birthday cake, made when we turned 10 years old.

Happy 30th Birthday to Rissington and thanks to all of you for your ongoing love and support for our magic little place.

Looking at the photos, it may seem to have changed a lot over the years, but there are a couple of things that haven’t changed at all : our welcome, our food and our service are just as wonderful as ever and our team of 34 is just as wonderful as our team of six – Sipho, Joseph, Deborah, Lettie, Frances and Anna – who kicked it all off with me, three decades ago, along with those two memorable Rissington founder dogs, Sport the corg-ish and Fitz the Weimaraner.

For interest's sake. I have also copied in, below the sign-off, the first ever Rissington Rag from 1996. They have become a bit longer and more colourful over the years! How marketing has changed. Imagine sending out your newsletters in the post, with a brochure included!

Come and see us soon. We LOVE our return guests and all our other Rag readers. Actually we love everyone (except for the people who hang their laundry out on our verandahs).

All the best from beautiful, sunny Hazyview...

Chris, Shirley, Nonhlanhla, Natasha, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle, Sindile, Andrew; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen, Thandiwe and Felicia; Sipho, Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Peter, Thabiso and Coco; JJ and Lungile; Rusty and Bruno; plus Philippa and Simphiwe in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box.

The Rissington Christmas Rag - December 2024

2024-12-01T00:00:00+02:00

30 Years of Rissington Inn

1995 – 2025 and counting ...

Yes, unbelievably, Rissington turns 30 next year. Just to keep this relevant for the young, that makes us the same age as Harry Styles.

I actually share a birthday with Harry and I am currently exactly twice his age – but with fewer tattoos. And a lot less hair. Actually, I probably have nothing in common with him at all except a birthday.

All of this does however mean that I have spent exactly half of my life here at Rissington. And it’s been a great half. And now it’s almost Christmas. What more could we ask for? A choir, maybe? Well, there's one near the bottom of the Rag. A really good one.

Throughout 2025, we shall be celebrating our three decades with fresh branding and plenty of exciting new ideas ...

There’s more on the recent updates coming up below and you should stay glued to Instagram and Facebook for great prize-winning opportunities. (Search for RissingtonInn). We shall be giving away a free stay every month on social media from January to December 2025 and you wouldn't want to miss that.

We are also keeping our rates the same for the next two years, which means you can stay at Rissington in one of our budget rooms for R690 per person, including bed and a stupendous breakfast, at any time until the end of October 2026. That is 35 Euros. Or 20 British pounds. We are still wonderfully affordable - and we always give free upgrades to our regulars if we possibly can.

SO WHAT'S NEW?

Well, quite a lot actually. For starters, if you look at the names at the bottom of the page (when you get down there), you will see plenty of new people in amongst the older ones, as the team gets some youthful, fun and professional new members to pep everything up just a tad. Don’t worry. All the faces you already know are still here too, but they now have some sprightly youngsters to keep them on their toes and to do some of the heavy lifting. And for those who might remember him, Andrew is back in the bar. He left us for a good few years to sell shoes in Acornhoek, but now he has seen the error of his ways and returned to Rissington to sell cocktails instead.

We also have Simphiwe bravely helping the delightfully-formidable and idiosyncratic Philippa in the office, whilst highly-efficient former-postmistress Felicia continues to create an essential link between the housekeepers and the maintenance team. These additions mean that Rissington now has the largest staff complement it has ever employed, thus upping the service whilst keeping exactly the right vibe. I genuinely think our guests are enjoying Rissington more than ever. I know I am.

So, we have the following either in place or on the way in time for 2025:

· New uniforms - including a good fresh new look for the team’s evening wear - and with T-shirts, caps and fleeces also available for sale to guests who want to pretend they work here ...

· New music playlists for the dining room combining some African genres with classic soft rock and gentle acoustic. We love it.

· A noughts and crosses board on a rock by the pool and a rather spectacular R selfie-spot in the rose garden (which doesn’t have any roses but has wonderful plumbago). Finally, Rissington panders to the age of the selfie!

· Huge upgrades to the access off the R40 main road to Rissington. The entrance has been widened and paved. The lighting has also been improved, as has the signage. There's a new nursery up there too, variously known locally as Hippo Grove, Hippy Groove and Hippo's Grave.

· Those leaving early for the game reserve can now select an individual picnic breakfast daily from a range of choices on a broad à la carte picnic menu. You can have a different breakfast picnic on every day of your stay, if you like.

· Bowls of honey, lemon slices and fresh ginger now go out with all tea trays. We also still have our delicious welcome drinks and the excellent free home-made biscotti.

· More home-made sauces and relishes are accompanying many of the main courses. East African style, learned on our travels.

· Freshly-dampened napkins are situated at the tables for hand-washing before meals.

· New blackout curtains have been added to all the rooms that needed them.

· Three of the superior rooms – Kigelia, Mahogany and Baobab – have new bathrooms, along with an upgrade to king-size beds in the bedrooms. Ivory and Sycamore’s bathrooms have had an uplift as well.

· A new hiking and mountain-bike trail is under construction on the next-door property with direct access from Rissington, excellent birding and interesting (but not dangerous) wildlife including kudu, bushbuck and bushpig. Bicycles are available for hire, with a guide on request. Routes vary from five to ten kilometres and include some jeep track and some single track.

· A new horticultural expert is supervising an overhaul and upgrade of the Rissington gardens as well as growing fresh herbs, fruits and salad items for use in our dining room.

· Interesting new, flavoursome, mild-spicy vegan and vegetarian dishes, inspired by our travels, have been introduced to the menu, in addition to our range of popular meat and fish dishes. We ensure that vegans are fully catered-for on all our menus.

· Improved disabled facilities are going into the two disabled-friendly rooms.

· We have upgraded our fences and security systems with more guest-friendly access control.

· The bar verandah, terrace and pool areas have some new furnishings and fittings, making more space to sit, to lie and to loll. LOL. And talking of the pool, the Hillside Suites' private pool now also has a hand rail for ease of access.

· We offer room service and a concierge service in person or on WhatsApp, with team members fully trained on activities, maps and local expertise.

· Remember all the rooms have their own Nespresso machine and we now also serve cappuccino and espresso in the dining room for breakfast at no extra charge.

· We are working hard at improving Rissington’s sustainability programme, increasing solar power and reducing our dependence on the national grid. We continue with our highly-successful recycling plant and we are streamlining our water usage.

· Rissington now has spectacular unlimited 100Mbps high-speed WiFi available at no extra charge throughout the property.

SO, DON'T YOU DARE ...

With all these new touches, please let’s finally do away with the idea that we are rustic once and for all! I like to think that,when people say we are ‘rustic’, they are actually mistranslating the Afrikaans and Dutch word ‘rustig’, which means calm. Or maybe the French ‘roustique’ would be a translation of the name of Rusty the Rissington Jack Russell.

I see it on a lot of other lodge’s reviews as well, where self-appointed wannabe interior designers comment on ‘dated interiors’ but I think it maybe tells us more about the reviewer’s own pretentions and a misunderstanding of what is actually, to my mind, ‘classic’ or even ‘delightfully retro’! No interior designer has ever been anywhere near us here (in a professional capacity, that is, anyway). Just as most people don’t have an interior designer coming to their homes, we just buy things we like and bung them in where we think they fit. It doesn’t really take an expert to do that. Just (I hope) a bit of taste! And it makes our little lodge all the more homely.

I recently stayed in one of Cape Town's (to-remain-unnamed) iconic hotels and although the views were incredible - day and night - it demonstrates just perfectly that, no matter how wonderful a hotel's location might be, the offering still needs to be good.

So yes, there it was: the 'marn-tin' as Capetonians call it, standing there in all its glory in the window of my 27th floor room. But that was where the wow-factor fizzled out.

There were dozens of besuited staff lurking aimlessly around the reception area, but there was only one person serving dinner (cold, as it turned out - or rather by the time it turned up) and charming as the waiter was, he was totally overstretched ... and then couldn't produce an invoice.

The basin in the bathroom drained out through the ill-fitting plug faster than it could actually be filled. The only light bulb you really couldn't live without (by the pitch-dark wardrobe) had blown. The safe was broken. The telephone (yes, how quaint) by the bed was dead. All of that was just a lack of management - and there is much more I could say and haven't - but the interior decorating was the strangest aspect of it. You're in Cape Town, yes? With one of the best views in the world, why is there a furniture design plan on your wall of an 'escritoire'? And another one of a bench? I mean what were they thinking? Perhaps that you might, in a bored moment on the 27th floor of a Cape Town hotel with a view of Table Mountain, want to knock up a desk for yourself with the available materials? And take it home with you? Or leave it for the next occupant so that he (or she, because lots of girls build their own escritoires these days) could write their list of complaints from it?

The hotel was badly-cleaned and poorly-maintained, with a great view but it was the interior designer who made the most ridiculous impression of all. And isn't making writing desks a bit of a rustic art, anyway?!

FOODIE CORNER

After a long trip such as ours, we have all inevitably come back changed people in many subtle ways. I am finding it hard to settle. I love being at home but I miss the nomadic lifestyle where we had something new to see and do every day. I loved the rituals of the camp and I revelled in the planning of each day's activities. I loved being master of my own destiny as much as I loved being at the mercy of the elements and of random officialdom; I loved the freedom to plan and to change the plan.

We took a lot of exercise: hiking, climbing, kayaking, lifting heavy items in and out of the car, climbing on its roof and tightening equipment.

We also ate well, mostly from the roadside stalls and dukas. There was little meat to be found and we became past masters at creating tasty curries and stews with fresh red onions, tomatoes, green peppers, sweet potatoes, okra, spinach, beans and occasionally real luxuries like carrots. There would be a chorus of "ooooh carrots!". There were no mushrooms at all and fruit was mostly limited to bananas and naartjies/satsumas with occasional apples. "Ooooh apples!", they cried.

We livened up the dishes with lots of fresh ginger and garlic plus whatever spices were to be found along the way. We drank water as the ubiquitous cold drinks (or sodas, as they are known) are horribly overfull with sugar.

So what's the point of all this? Well, we are still eating like that. We ate so healthily and exercised and slept so well on the trip, that we are carrying on with that and - accidentally because there was no interesting bread to be found in most places - the one item we have cut out almost completely (as well as potatoes) is gluten. I have never really understood this before, but I am loving gluten-free pasta and bread and biscuits.

The funny thing is that genuine celiacs or coeliacs (those with a genuine gluten intolerance and/or allergy) seem to get upset with other people who give up gluten for their own reasons. I just find gluten-free food to be somehow less oily and lighter. But I also find myself apologising to coeliacs for eating their biscuits. It's bonkers really. It's like apologising to the Indians for eating their curry! And anyway, I still eat muesli, so I am not a total fraud.

OVERHEARD IN WOOLWORTHS:

Hazyview’s Woolworths Food is a fascinating microcosm of the town. We have the wealthy mamas (the wives and mothers of the politicians, poachers and traffic cops) looking for high quality meat and vegetables; we have the down-to-earth locals marvelling at the price of a pineapple and, yet more, wondering at how much the price of that pineapple increases if Woolworths cuts it up for you; we have the kugels (look it up) from Johannesburg, down here for their week of timeshare and looking for apple-scented hummus, pumpkin seed salad sprinkles and pots of fresh pomegranate rubies; we have the singles wondering why all the meals seem to be for two or four; and we have the rest of us.

You overhear some fascinating conversations and, unlike normal people, Woolworths clients don’t seem to move away to take phone calls or to measure their tones. They feel that it is important for the whole world to know what they think. (As one, this morning, said loudly into her phone for the entire store to hear: “Nobody cares any more, love, whether you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a cat or a dog, nobody gives a damn. Just live like you wanna live.")

The other day, at the veg fridge, I saw two khaki-clad rangers from a well-known private game reserve and I promise the one said the following to the other:

“You should try one of these, boet, I am telling you. They’re great. It’s not actually meat but it’s the next best thing. They ripen slowly which is so handy. It’s called an avocado.” Wow, the wonders of the bush.

TRIP ADVISOR CONS

Still on food, this a great story, although not a new one. I really like this journalist's style. It just shows how easy it is to show up the luvvies and the braggarts and to take them for a spectacular ride.

In case you missed it, here’s the full saga of The Shed at Dulwich and how it became famous as a top restaurant without ever even having existed.

THE SHED AT DULWICH

THE SERIOUS TOPIC - OVERTOURISM IS A VERY REAL ISSUE

We read more and more about overtourism and how different places are dealing with it. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to put people off, you will still get those tourists who are determined to visit the very places that are already over-run. And why shouldn't they, I guess? It's a kind of 'my-turn-to-see-it' mentality, along with a need to 'do' places, as in "We have DONE Cape Town many times".

Venice has famously banned cruise ships altogether, has instituted a limit on daily visitor numbers to the old city and also now added an additional entry fee. I see that Pompeii has also just introduced a limit of 20,000 visitors per day. Twenty thousand?! Can you imagine sharing any location with 20,000 people? It’s like being squashed into a stadium.

When we visited Machu Picchu, almost 15 years ago now, it was drizzling which meant that there were fewer visitors than usual - probably only a thousand or so – but the site receives 1.6 million tourists per year, averaging out at almost 4500 people milling around there every day. The day before our visit, the authorities had closed the historic Inca settlement to the general public so that Tom Cruise could tour it on his own. Isn’t that bizarre? But I suppose it gives the place a break from the trampling hordes when Tom is there communing with L Ron Hubbard through the ancient stones!

I wonder whether Tom has a Cruise ship and, if he does, whether they would allow it into Venice? Twenty million people visited Venice last year. That equates to 400 visitors for every person that lives there. The Venice situation is being described as the world’s overtourism tipping point.

Our recent trip to East Africa really opened our eyes to the dichotomy presented by the need and the desire for tourism, juxtaposed with the dislike of being socially and environmentally overrun.

Africa is certainly handling the issues better than most. The continent has to contend with so much more than Venice does. Overcrowding might be a ‘first world problem’ but the tourism centres of southern, central and East Africa have bigger issues and they have to come up with new ways to look at the overtourism problem, solve it and benefit from it. This seems slowly to be working.

Whilst scenes like those shown in Lungi’s photo above (taken in Amboseli) undoubtedly occur, there are so many glorious parts of our continent just crying out for visitors. Lovely places like Tarangire, Katavi, Ruaha and Selous in Tanzania. Like Bangweulu, Lochinvar and Kasanka in Zambia and Liwonde in Malawi. And in northern and western Africa too.

Yes, the Ngorongoro crater can get crowded, but if offers game-viewing unlike any other place on earth. Yes, the Serengeti can be a bit of a bun-fight at times, but get out on the plains and you have them to yourselves. In early July, at the height of the migration, we drove through massive herds of wildebeest in the western corridor, with nary another vehicle in sight. Even in dusty Amboseli, we left the crowds behind and found wonderful pelicans and flamingos among the gorgeous water-birds of the lakes.

All of these factors are solutions as much as they are so-called problems. The downward spiral can be so quickly reversed into an upward spiral. Here are some upbeat thoughts and positive spins:

· For every job created, more mouths are fed and bellies filled, making poaching for food less likely and saving under-pressure wildlife populations from being turned into bush-meat.

· The more the income, the more spending can be justified on protecting elephants from ivory-hunters and rhinos from being poached for their horns. Ngorongoro has pushed up its crater entry fees to a staggering US$295 per vehicle per day plus $70 per person. These increases were instituted ostensibly to ‘put people off and keep numbers down’ but of course this doesn’t work in reality. The people still come and the park’s income simply climbs and climbs as the bush and the wildlife come under more and more pressure but if that income is going back into the communities (and as long as the wildlife is not suffering) then so be it. Last year’s earnings were 176 billion Tanzanian shillings – that is 65 million US dollars.

· A broad range of tourism is desirable. For the record, we were the only private vehicle in Ngorongoro and in most of the places we visited. All the others were commercial safari vehicles owned, mostly, by a handful of big operators and they can be overwhelming. Backpackers and self-drivers are just as important as high-end tourists, though, and are in fact more likely to get off the beaten track to areas like Lake Tanganyika, the Udzungwa and Usambara Mountains; to Zambia’s Kafue National Park and Zambezi flood plains; to Zimbabwe’s Matusadona and Matobo; to Kenya’s Mount Elgon, to Uganda’s Kidepo and Rwanda’s Akagari National Parks. The fact that so many people have never heard of most of these places, is indicative of the problem!

· Spread the pressure and share the spoils. Put away the begging bowl and stop selling off wildlife assets. It’s a unique opportunity to make and to keep tourism relevant to the younger generation in the region and to educate as well as to entertain the visitors, while proving to the surrounding communities that the setting aside of land for the protection of wildlife is worthwhile on every level and can be self-sustaining.

· Visit the less well-known reserves if you want to avoid the crowds – making tourism relevant to more people and saving animals as well as saving face! Stronger cashflow in these more-remote places will enable the authorities to improve infrastructure, maintain campsites and create artisanal employment.

· I realise that it is hypocritical of me to complain about overcrowding in East Africa. After all, we were there too, weren't we? But I will be digging around for new experiences in the future. I have had my go, my crack of the Serengeti whip, and I have seen Machu Picchu. Give me Kruger and Great Zimbabwe any day of the week. The experiences we had on our journey were a salutary reminder of how relatively-unspoilt and empty are the Kruger National Park and other South African gems like the Karoo National Park and Addo. There are very few charter flights and buses too.

· Let’s face it. Kruger has imposed visitor quota numbers in busy periods for many years now and I have never heard anyone complain about them. South Africa appeals to all markets and caters for them all but we have somehow avoided being overrun and we have remained affordable. There is a middle ground and in South Africa we seem, remarkably, to have found it.

For reference, here are a couple of Tanzanian newspaper pieces with Tanzanian reactions to the Tanzanian problem.

MASS TOURISM IN THE SERENGETI

TANZANIA TACKLES CONGESTION IN SERENGETI

Out of interest, on a similar topic and connected with travel, as flight-shaming is a thing, here is the latest map of projections for the world in terms of achieving carbon neutrality. In Africa, Gabon and the Comores are doing well and Mauritania is clearly taking the issue seriously. Sadly, I think the only country telling the truth is probably Morocco.

The recent COP summit has also finally got stuck into tourism, which is a good thing. We definitely need to work on getting and keeping tourism sustainable. Travel is important, enjoyable and educational but it must also clearly be sustainable.

TOURISM TACKLES CLIMATE CHANGE

COMPETITIONS

Now, on a more cheerful note, it’s time for the competition answers from the October Travel Special.

For the Six Pics Fix, the top three entrants EACH won two nights dinner, bed and breakfast for two at Rissington. The winners names are below but first, here are the answers:

1) Nyamepi Camp on the Zambezi at Mana Pools - alone!

2) Coco at Lake Chala, crater lake on the border of Tanzania and Kenya, near Kilimanjaro

3) Mombasa’s famous tusks at Uhuru Gardens on Moi Avenue

4) The Likoni ferry from Dar-es-Salaam to the south coast. (I was arrested for taking this photo and then released quite promptly.)

5) The Gombe Stream National Park, where Jane Goodall carried out her research into the behaviour of chimpanzees

6) Lungi jumping into Lake Kariba, Zimbabwe, which is currently sitting almost empty, with the water level at less than 10% of capacity. It's not surprising there is constant load-shedding in Zambia and Zimbabwe.

In the Quiz-cum-Questionnaire The winner gets a three-night stay at Rissington for two on a bed and breakfast basis, with a return domestic flight, transfers to Rissington from KMIA (Nelspruit) airport and a full-day open vehicle game drive in the Kruger National Park thrown in.

1) What is the kiSwahili for a green pepper? Pilipili ya kijani (with the generic for a pepper being the rather magnificent pilipili hoho)

2) What year and model was our Land Cruiser? It was/is a 2018 200 VX.

3) Which country, of the ones we visited, has been governed by the same political party for more than 60 years, what is the name of that party and what does it mean? Tanzania's CCM. Chama Cha Mapinduzi, meaning The Party of the Revolution.

4) We visited a vegetable farm and nursery on Lake Naivasha. Guess a) how many broccoli plants they had in their hothouse and b) how many they were able to send to Nairobi on a given day. It houses 3 million seedlings and can deliver 500 000 per day to various farmers around Nairobi on a given day. That's a lot of broccoli!

5) How many Tanzanian shillings does it cost to fly as a passenger in a hot air balloon over the Serengeti? One million six hundred and ten thousand shillings. Or US$600.

6) If it is nine o’clock in the day, Swahili time, what time is it in western time? It is three o’clock on the afternoon.

7) Toyota or Land Rover (give reasons) Opinions obviously (!) differ but more and more Land Rover drivers are seemingly conceding that Toyotas are more reliable although (they maintain) not as much fun. I have to admit that doing the trip in our very comfortable Land Cruiser did feel a bit like cheating but ours is such a magnificent car and this is exactly what it was built for. I would argue that it is the most verrsatile vehicle ever made. We drove it up and down rocky mountains and cliffs, traversed awful awful roads, forded rivers and drove through the flooded edges of numerous lakes and carried (at times) five people with all their camping gear in great comfort and without a trailer. Sometimes we were astounded at the amount of kit others were carrying and wondered whether they even knew what some of it was for. We lacked nothing and carried nothing that we didn’t use. So yes, Toyota!

8) Which would have been your top country if you had been on our trip (give reasons)? Most people seemed to go for Tanzania and I wouldn’t disagree. Although it is a much less relaxed country than it was 20 years ago, it still offers plenty of far-flung isolated spots to hang out. Lungi would go for Malawi because he found it the least intrusive. Claire said Rwanda, which surprised me, but I think she found it edgy. Tim went for Kenya (especially for the diving) and JJ I think would also choose Kenya, but largely because he seems to know almost everyone there! As for Coco, she has gone for Tanzania, her first East African country, which she says "stole all the magic" - not to mention the close-ups with lions, Marangu, Kilimanjaro and her ever-obscure falling in love with a whole roast chicken in a roadside motel in remote Biharamulo, west of Lake Victoria.

9) Which National Park in these ten countries would you most like to visit (give reasons)? Most people said the Serengeti and yes, it is marvellous and unique although it has issues, as we have said. I still want to go back to Mount Elgon (we were rained out this time) in Kenya and also to Nyerere NP (incorporating the former Selous) in Tanzania. And I still haven’t made it to the Bengweulu Swamps in Zambia. Next time. Zambia is close, after all.

10) What would have been your top experience from our trip (give reasons)? Answers here varied from rafting the Nile to ballooning in the Serengeti or climbing a volcano in the Virunga Mountains. I can’t answer this. I think my top ‘experience’ was the moment I realised we had stayed in a total of 86 different places on the journey!

The first winners of the Six Pics Fix photo competition are Hans and Winnie Sondergaard, great Rissington regulars. Congratulations.

The second winner is Anne Pohl, herself an avid traveller and about to head off on a trip of her own to a fine list of top birding spots in Zimbabwe.

And the final winner is my good friend Ian Madgwick, who, as well as being a pilot on the World's (once) Favourite Airline and a foolhardy but determined Land Rover driver, is an artist and cartoonist of note. This was his sketch of the Land Cruiser as it set out northwards ...

You have all won two nights at Rissington for two people, dinner, bed and breakfast.

The winners of the 10-question Quiz-cum-Quuestionnaire are Peter and Sherryl Scott, who not only followed our every move on Tripcast but also had a really good go at the questions, putting themselves firmly in our shoes (which probably didn't really fit them at all) and looking at the journey very much as if they were about to set out on it. Congratulations on a really superb effort. Your flights up from the Cape are included in the prize, so come up as soon as you can and enjoy three nights and a complimentary escorted open vehicle morning drive in Kruger. You have really deserved it!

A NEW COMPETITION:

So, coming back down to earth for our Christmas competition this year, here are six riddles leading you to six South African landmarks. Which location are they referring to and where in South Africa are they?

1) A refectory ridge perhaps,
The ocean way below me laps;
Standing flat, high above the Mother,
I am just an icon like no other.

2) I was Bay of Rock, then a lagoon,
Here dolphins cruise and penguins croon.
By Coega’s coast swims many a seal.
St Croix is here, as is Jahleel.

3) The sea’s my home, a hollow shape,
This place of thunder, Eastern Cape.
A cliff detached. You have it right:
A polo, topped with dolerite.

4) I am Jim’s crossing of the Buffalo
Where Officers Chard and Bromhead bellow
“Fire!” to red-coated heroes encamped
In fortifications tight and cramped.

5) Where wagons lurk in every frieze
With tales of conquest, war and disease.
I am Moerdijk’s paean to history
But whose exactly is your mystery.

6) I’m a peaceful defence which makes a crater
From two million years back, not one day later,
A meteoriticist’s deep-impact dream,
I’m a massive ancient astrobleme.

The winner gets a three-night stay in a hillside suite for five people. Answers to info@rissington.co.za by 15th January 2025, please, to go into the hat for the draw!

THE BOOK SHELF

Since I mentioned it in the last Rag, I have finished reading Jane Bryce’s Zamani. I really recommend it if you sympathise with the concept of maintaining a connection to Africa which cannot be broken. Jane conjures up beautifully, through personal experience, the joy, the sense of belonging and the idea of growing roots in Africa. Roots, unlike any other place on earth. Roots which cannot be torn up.

We experienced this on our trip, as well ,and not for the first time. “Where are you from?” We are South African. “Hello my brother. Yes. We are brothers; we are all Africans.”

Far from being politically-correct, we Africans are forthright in our dealings with others and in our politics. We are honest when it comes to whom we like and who we don’t get on with. Sometimes therefore we hear things about ourselves that we don't like. Jane’s introspection when it comes to dealing with other races and different cultures leads to some interesting realisations born, not out of obligation, but out of respect and fascination – as demonstrated by her relationship with Martha, who works in the Bryce household, among many others.

It’s a really good read. You can buy a copy on her website ZAMANI There’s a link from here to the Amazon page.

I also promised that I would get back to you on Africa is Not a Country by Dipo Faloyin. The blurb for this book includes the following comments, among others, from reviewers: “Impossible not to relish”, “This book should be on the curriculum” and “Warm, funny, biting and essential reading”. Quite simply, I couldn’t have put it better. I read it in three sittings, the breaks just to gather my thoughts and to try to reassure myself that I wasn’t one of the ‘white saviours’ or the ‘arrogant colonists’ that he writes about. It is a genius book and its arguments are superbly presented. If you only ever buy one book that we have recommended, make it this one.

WHERE IS WOL(LY)?

For anyone looking for a good free bird app, sign up for Merlin. It lists 377 species for the Hazyview region – our Bird List for Rissington includes 194 birds. Just by way of comparison there are 712 species in South Africa and 375 in the whole of Britain and Ireland. Anyway, download it free – and then download the Pack for any country or region you are visiting, also free. No limits. The screenshot shows the species of owl that is currently nesting by the pool at Rissington.

The bird list also includes sounds and calls from the entire range of each bird's worldwide habitat as well as a call identification system and easy-find checklist. It really is a great app, produced by Cornell University in the US (hence US spelling).

You can download the app FREE from the Merlin website by clicking here MERLIN

VISAS FOR REMOTE WORKERS

In another Public Service Announcement, for those interested in spending more time in South Africa than the regulation 3-month Visitor Visa, there is now a longer-term visa for remote workers. You can see more details here:

REMOTE WORKING VISAS

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Too many Gen Zs can be damaging to your health. Just ask Kenya and Mozambique. In the good old days (or ‘back in the day’ as people seem to say now) if the government didn’t stick to its manifesto we used to write to the newspapers and sign our letters ‘Disgusted of Hazyview’. The Gen Zs have a different approach though. They take to the streets immediately (well it saves them going to work or to university for the day) and they demand their democracy back. It seems to work, though – and governments are terrified of them. These youngsters can be forceful but they are not generally dangerous, so they are no threat to tourism. It's a safe and healthy way of keeping politicians accountable.

In places, this has been a heavier and more thoughtful Rag than usual but if you don’t agree with me, you’re welcome to turn up here with a banner and demand that I change my mind. This has been a highly thought-provoking year for me - and I thank deeply all those who have followed along, in person and online.

As we head for the end of 2024 and everyone stops working anyway, let’s all have a great festive season, with a very happy Christmas, Hanukkah or any other family celebrations we are marking. South Africa is one country which miraculously just keeps on spending and partying, whatever the state of the economy!

And to celebrate the end of another year, here's an absolutely wonderful version of 'The Circle of Life' performed by the Stellenbosh University Choir. Sheer magic. And performed by Gen Zs, so they do know how to have fun after all.

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Have a great break and then come and see us next year when we start with our Rissington 30 Year Celebrations. It would be madness not to! And yes, I am sure to lighten up even more for those ...

A very merry Christmas from all of us.

Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Nkateko, Anita, Lindokuhle, Sindile, Andrew; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Rosa, Lilian, Maureen, Thandiwe and Felicia; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky, Peter, Thabiso and Coco the Horticulturalist; plus Philippa and Simphiwe in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. And, of course, not forgetting Rusty (aka Roustique) and Bruno.

And here's a reminder of what we look like, when we celebrate Christmas. It's tiime for the Rissington Carol Singers at the swimming pool. Have fun, everyone. Happy Holidays!

The Rissington Rag Special Travel Edition - October 2024

2024-10-16T00:00:00+02:00

Hello Fellow Travellers and Rissington People

This is a Rag like no other and it's dedicated entirely to our recent journey around ten African countries. It contains a lot of useful information for adventurers and armchair travellers alike by comparing one destination with another and offering plenty of good old vicarious travel.

There are interesting facts and statistics; there is great photography; there are opinions; there is food and accommodation; there are prizes (big ones - and even one including a domestic flight and game drives); and, because we love them, there are also plenty of stories tied into the pictures below. Every day was a story, after all.

Have a quick glance through and if it is not your bag then I fully understand … but if you have even a passing interest in Africa – and in what makes God’s Own Continent tick – then it is most definitely for you.

For reference and for further information on the journey and for some great photos, please feel free (now if you like, or even later – but this bit's totally voluntary) to access our Tripcast photo diary, which we set up for everyone to be able to see what we were up to while we were on the road. Information and a link appear towards the bottom of this page. Almost 400 people followed to see the trip unfold and we loved having them along. People are still joining.

But that is for later. Firstly, here’s a map. This is the final route we followed:

Now, let’s kick off with some statistics:

· Total duration of journey: 167 days

· Distance covered 24,412 km - equivalent to our having driven all the way from Hazyview to Paris and back to Hazyview again by the shortest possible road route.

· We visited 10 countries (not including South Africa): Botswana (passed though twice), Namibia, Zimbabwe (twice), Mozambique, Malawi, Tanzania (twice), Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya, Zambia. We crossed in and out of these countries at 14 different border posts and stayed in 86 different places along the route, some for one night, some for more. We slept in tents for more than two-thirds of that time, with the 'hotel' stays mostly on the one-night stops. 'Hotel' is in inverted commas for good reason. There were some good suprises and some very dodgy experiences.

· The average driving speed over the entire journey was eventually 40km/h, which equates to a total of 612 hours driving. This gave us an average of 3,7 hours of driving per day.

· It amounts to 50 full days of driving if we consider that there are 12 driveable hours per day (and we tried very hard not to drive at night at all).·

· So, we spent just under one third of all the daylight hours of the trip in the car. A good balance, I think, bearing in mind that this includes all the driving, and not just the travelling from country to country, town to town and camp to camp. It includes game drives, excursions, market trips, drives to hikes, day trips and so on.

· The car used 12.2 litres per 100km in fuel consumption. That is 8.33 kilometres per litre or 23 miles per gallon. It's not a cheap car to run, but we knew that.

· Six of us travelled altogether for varying lengths of time: Lungile (aged 18) and I did the full 6 months, Coco (retired person ...) was with us for 2 months, Tim (17) for 6 weeks, JJ (19) for 3 weeks and Claire (25 and a former Rissington gapper) for 2 weeks.

· Hottest day: Mongu, Zambia - 42 deg C

· Coldest night: Ku Chawe, Malawi - 0 deg C

Before we left, a number of people asked us similar questions about the then-proposed trip, and, in the March Rag, I speculated as to what the answers might be. Here is the updated reality, or wisdom after the event, so to speak:

Will you be writing a book?

No, not this time. I think it would have been very difficult for a new book not to have ended up being a mere maudlin or nostalgic list of places and how they have all changed since I was last there on my 3-month trip 18 years ago, or on my slightly different 8-week route from 12 years ago or on the various other shorter forays in between.

We came up with the Tripcast idea in order to avoid the distraction of posting on social media and – because I love writing – it slowly morphed into a sometimes-quite-wordy blog. So, if you are looking for a book, the Tripcast is the closest you will get!

I am told it is interesting, amusing and well-written. Thanks to those who have told me this. It was a labour of love. Some of the pictures appear in this Rag but there are many more great photos like this one on the Tripcast itself, along with many more stories.

Are you going to El-Karama (as featured in the title of my previous book)?

We never planned to go, although at one point we had been hoping to climb Mount Kenya which is nearby. This never happened either (too many grockles and way too expensive) so we didn’t get close to or try to visit El-Karama. I understand it has become a very different place to the lovely laid-back spot in which we stayed back in 2006, so I am afraid I couldn’t bring myself to go there.

How will you get around?

Well, as I predicted, we got around just fine. The roads have much more tar on them than they had a decade ago but many of them also have more traffic, with hundreds of trucks and myriad consequent potholes. That said, there are still some areas where the roads are very much under-construction or in a state of total collapse but there are also many areas, notably in Tanzania and Zambia, where there are long stretches of superb new open highway with little to no traffic at all. The road networks in those two countries were an absolute (and largely positive) revelation.

How will you survive?

Just like anyone who lives there survives, as predicted! We felt 100% safe the entire time. There was water everywhere, often even clean enough to drink. Fresh food was available on the roadsides – we hardly ever frequented a formal shop except for an occasional top-up of fruit juices, coffee and pasta. There was cellphone coverage most of the time and frequent 4G. Elon Musk’s Starlink high-speed wireless satellite Internet is available in many places and has been a total gamechanger for everyone throughout the region.

What if you get sick while travelling? Well, we didn’t. Apart from a couple of very minor Imodium moments and a blister or two after some heavy hikes, everyone was absolutely fine. There were plenty of hospitals and mission stations, had we needed them.

What if the car breaks down? It didn’t! It is a Toyota, after all, and it suffered very few issues indeed. The poorly-fitted (in Nelspruit) roof rack caused some near upsets with its broken brackets and a nut which literally drilled a hole in the base of a jerrycan and drizzled diesel all over the roof.

We had only one puncture, caused by a 6" nail picked up in a Tanzanian camp and ably fixed with a gaiter by a roadside 'fundi' in Morogoro.

In Tanzania’s Katavi National Park during Month Two, a small passing car threw up a substantial rock which punched a big star in the windscreen and, as any replacement would have taken six weeks to arrive from Japan, we just kept strapping it up to stop it spreading and carried on. With this monster fist-sized-ding right in my line of vision, it was to be like driving with a cataract for the next four months.

There were a few knocks and rattles here and there but we tracked them down eventually, tightening the nuts with spanners and tying down any loose panels with cable ties.

The vehicle had two 10 000km services along the way, at Toyota Tanzania (Mbeya) and Toyota Kenya (Mombasa). At the second service, we replaced the front shocks and the back brakes.

Due to dirty diesel in Tanzania, it was also given a new fuel filter at Toyota in Kabwe, Zambia. There are official Toyota workshops at rare but regular intervals right across the region. For what it’s worth, I didn’t see a single Land Rover garage, although there were ancient and/or wrecked Land Rovers everywhere, very few of them moving!

What is it going to be like? Well, what was it like? It was truly and constantly amazing. I have just run through the Tripcast again and it is a superb memory and an invaluable record of an extraordinarily varied voyage of discovery: walks, climbs, cycling, kayaking, ballooning, swimming, diving, snorkelling, foodie experiences, beaches, mountains, volcanoes, massive national parks and conservation areas, different animals and birds, museums, art, history, culture, palaeontology, views, people, sun, rain, wind, smells, memories. I could go on and on. But that is what it was like.

Before we left, in the March Rag, I also made some predictions in terms of where the highlights might be. Let’s see if I was right:

Prediction: The biggest effort would be the climbing of Mt Kenya or maybe Mwanihana in Tanzania’s Udzungwa Mountains.

Reality: We didn’t climb Mt Kenya. The Udzungwa Mountains did provide some amazing primates, including red colobus and – although they swore that we wouldn’t see them, we did, twice – some mangabey. But the biggest effort was climbing the Bisoke Volcano in Rwanda in heaving rain and mud to a crater rim filled only with fog; maybe also eating supper with four of us in one tent in a Naivasha downpour but still managing to finish the Crossword and play some Gin Rummy, despite the special limitations; my (literally) almost drowning in the Nile was something of a lowlight too.

Prediction: The most beautiful beach will likely be somewhere on Kenya’s Swahili coast.

Reality: This was true. Lantana Galu beach, at the southern end of Diani Beach, south of Mombasa, was a total treat. White sands, waving palms, an ever-changing range of ocean blues and greens, very few people and even fewer ‘Maasai’ beach boys flogging their wares (and, to the unsuspecting single females, flogging themselves).

Prediction: The best restaurant? Not sure. Maybe in Kigali, Rwanda?

Reality: Definitely nothing in Kigali, where even the ubiquitous coffee shops didn’t serve interesting food. So … probably Ali Barbour’s Coral Cave in Diani Beach for its unique open-roofed underground location; or the restaurant at the Livingstonia Beach Hotel on Lake Malawi for its utterly delicious smoked barbel (catfish); maybe The Lookout on the clifftop above the Zambezi River in Victoria Falls for its fabulous and imaginative menu, served with a full moon above the Falls when we were there.

Prediction: The best street food? Possibly Uganda. The ‘Rolex’ almost-omelette springs to mind.

Reality: Definitely not the Rolex (which is a eggs rolled in a chapati, named from ‘rolled eggs’, and utterly disgusting)!

The Kenyan Swahili island of Lamu really delivered on the street food every day, though, with Lungi out foraging each morning and coming back with delicious fruits, scotch eggs, vitumbuas (cardamom rice cakes), samoosas and fish goujons among other toothsome delicacies. Every street has food, though, although some of it is rather difficult to identify.

Prediction: The friendliest people? Malawi, probably kayak-guides on the lake.

Reality: Yes, Malawi. Everyone smiled and waved. Everyone tried to sell you something, but in a good way. Everyone, in fact, seemed to be trying to sell us the same Liverpool plaque every time we walked anywhere, with the same misspelled inscription: ‘You’ll never wolk alone’. Indeed,

Prediction: The most expensive campsite? Hmmm. Botswana, I am sure!

Reality: Actually, not Botswana, but we did avoid Moremi and Chobe because of the cost.

For what it offered, Seronera, in the Serengeti was stupidly expensive. TANAPA (Tanzanian National Parks) never failed to deliver really awful facilities at gaspingly high prices and Seronera was the worst and the biggest rip-off.

For a really plush and expensive but good-value camping experience, Mutinondo Wilderness in Central North-Eastern Zambia takes a lot of beating and it offers some of the best hikes anywhere. Dozens of them!

Prediction: The best roads? Namibia.

Reality: Namibia’s gravel roads are always excellent, but Rwanda’s roads are immaculate, even on the mountain passes and there are streetlights everywhere. Even out in the countryside between the towns. It was, however, just about the only thing we really liked about Rwanda, which is a miserable, gloomy and rather unsettling place in many ways. I have never seen so many roadside cameras. Good roads do not a happy country make!

Prediction: The biggest potholes will be in Burundi, unless surpassed by Angola.

Reality: We missed out on our side-trip to Burundi because Lake Tanganyika had flooded many of the major routes, leaving the pothole-indent size a mystery if you are not carrying specialist depth-plumbing equipment, and we didn’t go to Angola as the borderpost had disappeared. So, the pothole prize goes to Northern Malawi, where the roads are nothing short of atrocious and the town of Livingstonia, by the Nyika plateau, is now totally inaccessible from the direction of the lake, except by motorbike. The road has, well, gone! We struggled our way from Mzuzu to Karonga on the Tanzanian border, at less than walking speed, with every (friendly Malawian) driver, windows open, wishing us ‘Welcome to Malawian roads!’.

Prediction: The best music? Tanzania, particularly the Taarab music of Zanzibar.

Reality: Tanzania’s music has deteriorated into Swahili-pop rubbish and it was surprisingly and depressingly loud, everywhere we went. I loved the Congolese rumba which was to be heard in most countries; to Lungi’s delight, Kenya is now also producing some good amapiano and many South African artists of all genres were to be heard, along with a fair scattering of good Nigerian Afrobeats.

Prediction: The best view? Across to the Serengeti from Tanzania’s Usambara Mountains, I reckon.

Reality: Not Irente View in the Usambaras, as predicted. There was thick thick (and I mean thick!) cloud there on both our attempts to take it in. East Africa can in general be a bit smoky, especially in burning season.

Lungi has voted for Otter Point and the view from the Nkhunguni Peak at Cape Maclear in Malawi and I think he is right.

Coco says that her favourite view was of Kilimanjaro from the garden at the Marangu Hotel, as it emerged from its shroud of cloud and seemingly rose into the evening sky. She is probably right too. It was spectacular and we were spoilt. Many travel there and even climb it but never get to see it.

Prediction: History will be a Zambian speciality, I think, along with Zimbabwe’s bushman paintings.

Reality: No, not Zambia, although there’s plenty of WWI history there and in Tanzania, relating the Brits and the Germans battling things out inland and on the lake. Malawi’s dinosaur, the Malawisaurus, was possibly our most bizarre find. The Gede Ruins near Watamu, in Kenya, are a superbly-preserved record of early Swahili/Omani culture; iNanke Cave in Zimbabwe's Matobo (Matopos) National Park offers some of the best San (bushman) rock art anywhere on the continent. And Livingstone was everywhere too. We bumped into his memory wherever we went. Him and his mango tree.

Prediction: As for the best game-viewing … well, we are going to no fewer than 35 national parks and game reserves, so I will have to reserve judgement on that one for now

Reality: We watched a lioness kill a wildebeest in Ngorongoro – a superbly executed stalk-and-attack which could have graced any David Attenborough programme – but the overcrowding was simply appalling with lines and lines of pop-top stretched Toyota game-viewers tearing around the crater and kicking up thick gravelly clouds of dust; the Kasanka sitatungas were a treat in remote northern Zambia; we saw lovely Cape clawless otters when we kayaked on Lake Tanganyika; the huge and numerous scattered herds of Ugandan cob in Murchison Falls NP and its Patas monkeys were just irresistibly photogenic. The monkey in the picture is L'Hoest monkey, taken on the roadside in Rwanda's Nyungwe National Park.

Prediction: Most beautiful waterfall? I don’t know … maybe Kundalila Falls in Zambia?

Reality: We didn’t stop at Kundalila. Obviously, Victoria Falls takes some beating, but its little sibling, Sioma Falls, upstream near Mongu, was a rare treat; and the tiny William’s Falls (in the picture) on the Malawian Zomba Plateau was magically riven with rainbows.

We also chose random award-winners along the way in any number of other categories:

Most corrupt traffic police: Zambia. It was “where’s my drink?” everywhere. You actually had to go to them, as they were too damned lazy and overweight to get out of their cars and come to you. I eventually yelled at one on the Great North Road, telling him I was utterly fed up with the corruption and I wasn’t giving him anything at all. Ever. He looked at me as if I had hit him and Lungi was certain I was about to be arrested (again, as I had already been threatened with arrest for taking photographs on a Tanzanian ferry and for looking as if I might photograph the military in Zimbabwe, Malawi and Tanzania) but the cop was so astonished, he let me go. For the record, we never bribed anyone, anywhere.

Biggest shock: Loadshedding in Zambia. Up to 20 hours without power every day. But unlike South Africa, where businesses stop working if the power goes off, in Zambia they rush out and buy solar panels so that they can carry on.

Best food generally: Malawi, for its delicious fresh fish and specifically a campsite in Mzuzu that prepared homemade pasta so good that we stayed an extra night.

Best road network: Tanzania… but …

Worst roads: Tanzania:

.... yes, they have worked on many of them, but the ones they have left are generally abysmal, largely because you are driving in rocky muddy pits alongside where the new road is going to be. In ten years' time, what with its new SGR railway heading to the DRC in the interior and with Dar-es-Salaam’s Bus Rapid Transit System plus the roads under construction, Tanzania is set to have the best infrastructure on the continent.

Best climate: Lake Tanganyika. Clear warm days with a gentle breeze every afternoon. Blissful.

Politest officials: the Kenyan police and the Tanzanian bureaucrats.

Rudest officials: the Zambian police (see above)

Best campsite: Best Equal: Lake Shore Lodge at Kipili, a third of the way up Lake Tanganyika. The friendliest team, wonderful food, great snorkelling, funky campsite bathrooms with style (see kayaking pic below. We wanted to stay forever.

And Kapishya Hot Springs, near Mpika, Zambia. The best hosts, homemade international-menu meals with home-grown ingredients, camping right by the Mansa River and the funniest rafting trip I have ever undertaken. Bathing in these hot springs is a joy beyond your imagination.

Most interesting newspaper: Kenya’s Daily Nation. It's written in a glorious English of bombastic description and bizarre analogies. It challenges politicians. It offers fascinating Opinion pieces and intriguing Agony Aunts and Uncles, dealing with problems I never even thought existed. It employs the most obscure-minded Cryptic Crossword compiler of anywhere on earth, I reckon. We bought the newspaper every day and it gave endless pleasure!

A moment of joy: Throwing a new soccer ball into a dusty field near Kigoma, where two teams of children were playing with a 'ball' made from tied up plastic bags. We threw it to the smallest kid – the goalie. We just hoped he got to keep it or, at least, survived.

Best hotel: The Victoria Falls Hotel. Unimaginable luxury after more than 5 months on the road and such a contrast to the same establishment in the early 2000s when Zimbabwe was in meltdown and they couldn’t even rustle up a cheese sandwich for us.

Worst hotel: Aturukan in Kitale, north-western Kenya. The worst food which took three hours and the most appalling décor of anywhere I have ever been in my life (and I have been to some really awful places). Just look at this photo! Ouch!

Best guide: Moosa in the Usambara Mountains was the only guide who was prepared (or maybe who even dared) to criticise politicians and the prevailing cultural mores of his country. A fascinating couple of days of hiking in the teeming rain.

Best camping food: Of course the one-pot dish is king when camping and we made some superb veggie curries and stir-fries but the dish of which we were most proud was probably the Camping Goat Stew Marsala à la Bushfire.

The staple ingredients for absolutely everything were red onions, tomatoes, green peppers and ginger. If we found carrots, we jumped with joy. Mushrooms were out of the question.

Best birding: Bwabwata National Park, Namibia – a guided walk with Petrus, whose knowledge was astonishing. The birdlife, unlike just about everywhere else, is positively prolific and well-protected by law. The villagers used to nail the spurwing geese with catapults here (quite a skill!) so we asked Petrus whether they still shoot them. "We are not allowed to." Yes, but do you? "We are not allowed to." Yes, I realise that, but do you? He just smiled. He wasn't going to take this any further. (But there are huge huge flocks of them on the Kavango river - and I mean HUGE.) Other highlights for ornithology were the Murchison Falls NP and Tsavo East, where we saw our first ever Rosy-patched Bushshrike, among other delights. There were plenty of Ross’s Turaco along the way too, especially at Kapishya, where we also saw the Yellow-throated Leaflove.

Strangest social experience: Paje town, eastern Zanzibar, where the opulent and showy wealth on the beachfront contrasts so dramatically with the simplicity (notice, not poverty) of the villages behind it. With Stone Town already totally overrun with tourists, it was unsettling (to say the least) to see the number of continental western Europeans colonising the beaches and beachfronts of the island.

Best surprise: The lack of litter. All the countries were clear of litter, almost all the time, but with occasional shocking and depressing exceptions in built-up areas.

Worst surprise: The noise, music and chaos that seems to have accompanied cellphones, electricity and Chinese tat! You really have to search to find a peaceful night, especially in Tanzania.

Worst experience: Ku Chawe Trout Farm, Zomba plateau. Lungi is adamant on this one. Deforestation on a massive scale, broken-down infrastructure, filthy camping facilities without water and with overflowing long-drops. Plus baboons running riot! But the hostess was charming, as you would expect in Malawi.

Most useless app: Google Maps. Yes, Millennials. I know you live by it, but in much of Africa it is hopeless and downright dangerous. Roads are shown where there aren't (and never have been) roads. Just because someone can scream up and down the veld adding to the algorithm on a motorbike at 100km/h doesn’t mean there is a road there. And the thousands of motorbikes (used as boda boda taxis and also carrying deliveries) that ply the roads at speed also make a total nonsense of the journey-time predictions.

Most surprising fast food experience: Peponi Beach campsite, Pangani. Just about the only junk food we ate … but it was a damned fine pizza!

Most efficient border: Beit Bridge Zim side. Totally transformed. All done in about 15 minutes!

Most inefficient border: Beit Bridge South African side. Minimal staff, overweight to the point that they could not even lean across to stamp a passport, let alone actually stand up. And there were rude beyond belief. Is this really the welcome we offer to our visitors? There were 100 or more Zimbabweans queueing and being ‘processed’ and frequently verbally-abused, by one official, at a rate of one every five minutes. An absolute disgrace.

Heaviest rainfall:
Lake Naivasha, although it rained persistently for 4 days in the Usambara Mountains of Tanzania. On the whole, though, rain was a rarity and the photo shows sunrise over the lake instead.

Worst game experience: The game seems generally to have been poached out in so many National Parks in the entire region. Clearly this is an understandable issue in countries where so many people are going hungry - but, interestingly, where begging is rare.

In Kenya, Tsavo West and much of Tsavo East appeared to be almost completely bereft of game – at Lake Bogoria we just saw one tortoise, nothing else - with the same shortage applying to Ruaha and Katavi (both inTanzania) and Kasanka (in Zambia). Something has to be done before these places choke in their own dust and the remaining animals die. Dramatic, I know. But serious.

Best mission station: the Moravian Mission in Sumbawanga, for its three identical ‘restaurants’, all serving chicken, chicken or chicken.

Where in the world? The Six Pics Fix:

There are plenty of photographs in this Rag, but below are the six, taken along the away, which we want you to identify. Where do you think they were taken? (No Google please – and anyway, I don’t think it would help you much!). The Top Three Answers will each win a 2-night stay at Rissington on a dinner, bed and breakfast basis.

Send your entries to info@rissington.co.za by 20th November 2024 to be eligible for judging.

There’s also a Quiz-cum-Questionnaire …

... the winner of which will win a three-night stay at Rissington for two on a bed and breakfast basis, with a return domestic flight, transfers to Rissington from KMIA (Nelspruit) airport and a full-day open vehicle game drive in the Kruger National Park.

Here goes. Ten simple questions:

1) What is the kiSwahili for a green pepper?

2) What year and model was our Land Cruiser?

3) Which country, of the ones we visited, has been governed by the same political party for more than 60 years, what is the name of that party and what does it mean?

4) We visited a vegetable farm and nursery on Lake Naivasha. Guess a) how many broccoli plants they had in their hothouse and b) how many they were able to send to Nairobi on a given day.

5) How many Tanzanian shillings does it cost to fly as passenger in a hot air balloon over the Serengeti?

6) If it is nine o’clock in the day, Swahili time, what time is it in western time?

7) Toyota or Land Rover (give reasons)

8) Which would have been your top country if you had been on our trip (give reasons)?

9) Which National Park in these ten countries would you most like to visit (give reasons)?

10) What would have been your top experience from our trip (give reasons)?

Send your entries to info@rissington.co.za by 20th November 2024 to be eligible for judging.

Books, maps and more stories:

From a learning and literary point of view on our travels, the main villains of disinformation and way-out-of-date content were websites and The Lonely Planet. The latter has taken on a new look and a style which tragically renders it almost entirely useless, It's a real shame. I used to swear by it; now I just swear at it!

The best maps (as Google is so unreliable) remain the Michelin maps, closely followed by the ‘Ultimate Africa Atlas’ by Into Africa but the answer is to pick up as many maps as you can and compare them for a consensus. Even police officers recommend Google maps if you ask them, across the continent, but I can assure you that printed maps are more useful, however hard they might be to find.

We met many, many fascinating literary and book-connected people along the way, not least of them my good friend Mark Harvey at Kapishya Hot Springs, whose grandfather, Sir Stewart Gore-Browne built Shiwa Ng’andu, known as The Africa House, near Mpika in northern Zambia. If you haven’t read Charlotte Lamb’s ‘The Africa House’, please do.

The Tsodilo Hills in north-western Botswana reminded me how much I enjoyed Laurens van der Post’s ‘The Lost World of the Kalahari’ on the subject of the San and their culture and rock art. Van der Post, although much-maligned by the literati these days, is a local hero there and his books are great both for young and old.

We were also lucky enough to attend a book launch at the Marangu Hotel (one of the finest spots along the way) at the foot of Kilimanjaro. Author and academic Jane Bryce’s ‘Zamani’ is, at the same time, travelogue, memoir and social history, dealing, as it does, with her complicated love for Tanzania and her mixed emotions arising from the fact that (she and) her parents were deported from there under Julius Nyerere. I am halfway through and loving it, reading snatches whenever I can, in between catching up on six months of emails.

The aspect which really strikes and appeals to me is that Jane, a 'child' of the colonial era, manages to handle the issues of empire with rare and extraordinary skill. She deals particularly deftly and insightfully with her affectionate but also unnerving memories of her relationship with the family's Tanzanian friends and servants during her childhood and then looks at them again through new eyes on her return to the country three decades later, long after independence, when everything has changed so much. It's a master class in getting it just right.

You can look up more details on the website www.janebryce.com and you can direct order on Amazon HERE

There’s also my own 'Do NOT Take This Road To El-Karama', of course. Dated and maybe even occasionally a bit unintentionally politically-incorrect, it came out in 2006 but it’s good fun and still available as an e-book online from Amazon HERE. It covers many of the places we visited on our recent trip too.

Also on that 2006 trip I met the Andela family on Lake Malawi. I was thrilled to hear from them recently and that they are still travelling. For up-to-date advice on equipment and some great stories of their experiences, you can link up with their some of their news here: https://mag.toyota.co.uk/toyota-people-andela-family/

My next read, after ‘Zamani’, is going to be ‘Africa is not a Country’ by Dipo Faloyin, which has been recommended by so many people, followed by Peter Godwin’s ‘Exit Wounds’. Many will remember his ‘Mukiwa’ from almost 30 years ago. ‘Exit Wounds’ is his new offering.

The Tripcast:

Our Tripcast photo diary – in fact the whole story – begins at the start of this year with some travels and preparations for this so-called ‘Big Trip’, which was also, in different ways, a Gap Year for all of us (hence the name of our page). It covers the entire 24,412 kilometres of the actual road trip which started in early April and finished on our return to South Africa at the end of September. As with social media, the latest post as always at the top so, to go through it chronologically, you need to scroll all the way down through the 700+ photographs and comments before working your way up. This is easily done on a laptop or a PC (these would also give the best viewing) by holding down ‘Page Down’. On a cellphone, you simply scroll with a finger, but it will take longer. Here’s the link:

https://tripcast.co/c/OjlJV0ZPLkA

(We do ask that you don’t add comments now, as we are planning to have the photos. along with some of our written posts. printed in a colour album and we have already whittled down the content ready for printing. Thanks.)

Free advice:

It was a truly incredible trip and we can’t get enough of talking about it, so we are very happy to give any help or advice, free-of-charge to anyone who is planning to visit some of the places we stayed in.

Also for travel professionals reading this, if you would like me to expand on any of the stories above or just to update you on the countries and their products, I am happy to help. (And while I am on the topic, if you are a travel professional and you do not read our very occasional – I mean maybe once a year – updates for the industry, please email info@rissington.co.za and ask to be added to the Travel Industry Update mailing list. It gives you the latest rates, deals and specials for industry people).

That’s All Folks!

Thanks for reading this. I hope it was enlightening and entertaining. Your thoughts (and competition entries) are always welcome on info@rissington.co.za See you on 1 December for the back-to-normal Rissington Christmas Rag.

Safari njema (as they say in East Africa) and all the best.

Chris and my amazing, heroic travelling companions, Lungile, JJ and Claire to my left in the photo and Coco and Tim to my right.

The Rissington Rag - September 2024

2024-09-29T00:00:00+02:00

WHERE DID WE GO AGAIN?

We drove just over 24000 kilometres in six months, which is the equivalent of travelling from Hazyview to Paris and back again by the most direct road route possible. We covered ten countries: Botswana, Namibia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Malawi, Tanzania, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya and Zambia; some in great detail. I feel as if I drove every single road in Tanzania – but more on that in the next edition.

WHO NEEDS A SABBATICAL?

Well, I think everyone does! We have come back from our journey totally fired up with enthusiasm and brimming with new ideas for the lodge. Over the next few months, you can expect the following from Rissington:

· A fully pepped-up, funky and highly-trained front of house team with some happy new smiling faces alongside the old favourites. Professional, reliable, friendly service. Our renewed watchwords.

· Increased effort going into energy- and planet-saving. We are taking a chunk of Rissington’s electricity demand off-grid and increasing our use of solar as well as stepping up our successful recycling plant and making our water systems more efficient.

· We have employed the services of an expert horticulturalist to give the Rissington gardens a very gentle overhaul and, in the process, to improve our range of fresh herbs and salads. We love Rissington's gardens and we want to give them some attention.

· We have some new menu ideas, especially when it comes to the vegan and vegetarian options. East Africa is SUPERB when it comes to tasty mildly-spicy food, so we are going to incorporate more of these dishes into our menu.

· We are designing some new, long bicycle- and walking-trails on neighbouring properties with direct access from Rissington. This will be a mixture of single-track and jeep-track, some farmlands and some indigenous bush. There will be wonderful opportunities for birding, especially. Remember we have three bicycles here for use by guests – and a couple of willing guides too.

· We have some other intriguing ideas as well: funky hand-towels to wash before dinner; a new music selection; a new look for the team; more blackout curtains in the rooms; lots of tasty little side-dishes and snacks; new presentation techniques; some fresh styles from East Africa, where they are very classy about clever little details in food and service.

So watch this space … and book your space at Rissington soon.

THE RETURN OF THE RAG AS WE KNOW IT

The Rag usually goes out every three months at the beginning of March, June, September and December but this year has been a bit different. This September Rag is just a quick one (at the end, not the beginning of September – sorry!) to let you know what you can expect for the rest of the year…

A ONE-OFF RISSINGTON RAG TRAVEL EDITION WILL COME OUT IN MID-OCTOBER

This will be a unique edition of the Rag, giving everyone a chance to read about our findings on the six-month journey to those ten African countries. It will contain some great photos, plenty of fun facts and statistics, handy travel advice, good news, bad news and many ideas. We will be giving you our list of the BEST and WORST in various categories. It will be enlightening, alarming and entertaining all at the same time. Some serious, some fantastical, some very light-hearted!

If you would like to catch up with the full story, you are welcome to check out our Tripcast Photo Diary, called Team Gap Year, which we put together while we travelled, with photos, reactions and commentary. It’s all very easy to use. Here’s the link:

https://tripcast.co/c/OjlJV0ZPLkA

To see the entire journey you will need to scroll down to the very beginning and work your way upwards. If you were following and seemed to drop off the list, just sign in again and find your place. Tripcast did seem to lose people sometimes. Please don't be one of those. We loved having all our vicarious fellow-travellers along with us so, if you were one of them: A BIG THANK YOU!

There will also be a Mega Photo Competition in the October Travel Special, with great prizes, so get revising! And please forward the details of the coming special edition to any keen travellers you know, or anyone who might be planning an African odyssey. We are going to be offering free advice to anyone who needs it, just as we are happy to do so for South African travel, whether people are staying at Rissington or not (but why wouldn’t they be?).

THE DECEMBER RAG WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL …

it will feature all the usual thought, merriment, competitions, deals and Christmas cheer and from then onwards, everything will be back to normal with our quarterly editions. You might notice a few minor changes to the layout and a few new features next year, but I think you will be comfortable with what we are going to do.

INSTAGRAM AND FACEBOOK

As you will know, Nonhlanhla has been handling the Rissington social media in my absence and I think she has done a great job. From now on we have therefore decided to share the responsibility. Nonhlanhla will do some of the day-to-day Rissington stories and I will try to step up and give more of the ‘bigger picture’ regarding what is going on in the area, to keep everyone informed.

To this end, I have, of course, started my return to Rissington’s social media with a couple of dog pictures (what else?!) and then some photos of the amazing Springbok vs Argentina match in Nelspruit over the weekend. Take a look, if you haven’t already done so. You can sign up to follow us at any time on the website or on the covering email which would have sent you this Rag link.

It doesn’t matter how much I travel, I am always happy to get home and to feel the positive vibe that forever emanates from my fellow South Africans. Just look at these pictures of the sea of green and gold from the 40 000 people who filled Nelspruit’s beautiful Mbombela Stadium with their bright colours and enthusiastic yells and cheers. The result was 48 – 7 to the Springboks and we took home the Rugby Championship title, fought between the four major Southern Hemisphere Rugby nations. We have a fabulous country.

THE TEAM SAYS HELLO

Team Rissington has done an absolutely phenomenal job of keeping things ticking over at Rissington whilst I have been away on my travels and left me with an absolutely tiny pile in my in-tray along with plenty of emails from thrilled guests, telling me how good it has all been and how redundant I am. But I am not going anywhere, although we have a few more (much shorter!) journeys lined up for next year.

So let me get stuck into planning your special October edition and, later, the Christmas issue and in the meantime, we all send our very best wishes from a very warm September patch in Hazyview. Come and see us. We have missed you!

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian, Mildreth, Maureen. Thandiwe and Felicia; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; plus Philippa in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. Rusty and Bruno would love to see you too, just as they were pleased to see us again. Here's one of my favourite photos, taken of Rusty this time last year.

The Rissington Rag - March 2024

2024-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

Hi there – and welcome to the March 2024 Rissington Rag.

As Rissington bathes in sunshine and accolades, we are about to head out on our long journey through this magnificent continent. So, here’s something completely different. The brief Rissington Rag - Travel Edition Special! There's some other stuff too though, including the story of Bruno's disastrous day. And some deals, of course ...

Route-ing for us …

Here’s our proposed route again. It has changed in a few places – and it will change again - but this is the basic map of our itinerary for the next six months, starting on 12th April this year. 35000 kilometres. Botswana, Namibia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Malawi, Tanzania, Burundi, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya and back through Tanzania again to Zambia, then slowly home to South Africa. Twelve countries. There may even be a little side-trip into Angola.

It’s hard to say what the highlights might be. The biggest effort will be the climbing of Mt Kenya or maybe Mwanihana in Tanzania’s Udzungwa Mountains. The most beautiful beach will most likely be somewhere on Kenya’s Swahili coast. The best restaurant? Not sure. Maybe in Kigali, Rwanda? The best street food? Possibly Uganda. The ‘Rolex’ almost-omelette springs to mind. The friendliest people? Malawi, probably kayak-guides on the lake. The most expensive campsite? Hmmm. Botswana, I am sure!

The best roads? Namibia. The biggest potholes will be in Burundi, unless surpassed by Angola. The best music? Tanzania, particularly the Taarab music of Zanzibar. The best view? Across to the Serengeti from Tanzania’s Usambara Mountains, I reckon. History will be a Zambian speciality, I think, along with Zimbabwe’s ancient bushman paintings. As for the best game-viewing … well, we are going to no fewer than 35 national parks and game reserves, so I will have to reserve judgement on that one for now. Most beautiful waterfall? I don’t know … maybe Kundalila Falls in Zambia?

But why am even I trying to guess? Let’s get out there and see what we can find. This Rag is brief but it offers you an opportunity to get involved, from a distance, in a 6-month road trip. The next Rag will be filled with the tales of our adventures and with our discoveries along the way plus an update on our philanthropic plans for each of countries that we are visiting on our entrepreneur-backing programme.

There will be no June Rag this year – the first time we have ever missed an edition - so you will have to wait until September for the follow-up. And the September Rag might just be a tad late too, depending on when we get home.

In the meantime … you can follow us on Tripcast. Please do. Here’s how it works.

Tripcast is ingenious

The whole point of this trip is that we are going off-grid, offline and off duty so we will not be posting on Instagram or Facebook for the six months that we are going to be away.

We are however inviting you to join our group and to follow 'Team Gap Year' on Tripcast. You will then be following our travels all the way from April to September. Tripcast is a diary of photos with comments from the travellers. It is brilliant. It is social media but without the chat, posted whenever we have access!

When one of us posts, you will receive a notification email (but only if you ask for it when completing the 'Notification Settings'). You don't have to open every notification email but when you do, you will be taken to our Tripcast feed and you can scroll through all the pictures since you last visited. So you really don't have to visit for every post. The photos and our comments will be there forever. Even the photos we posted before you joined. In fact, we have started posting already. Take a look!

But .... PLEASE RESPECT OUR RULES. DO NOT COMMENT. DO NOT POST QUESTIONS OR EMOJIS OR 'LIKES'. The only people allowed to comment are the admins. No-one else. If you are not an admin, please follow silently! We will be ruthless about throwing out transgressors. It's only fair!

The idea is that we are ditching all social media chat for the full time that we are travelling, so this is our way of keeping followers informed but it MAY NOT be used as a chat forum or for commentary from anyone not travelling. If you have any suggestions for the route, you are welcome to SMS or WhatsApp one of us and we will pick it up when we get the chance.

Please DO JOIN if you are interested - and enjoy the journey! You can always drop out or ignore the notifications if you lose interest. We will never know.

Click on the link below. Please add your name to your profile (and a pic if you like) so that we know who is following us! We promise you will receive no junk mails from us or from Tripcast unless you have agreed to them in the 'Notification Settings'.

Finally, here is the link! Click below and start following. https://tripcast.co/i/WKCXS4J3

or click on this button FOLLOW RISSINGTON TRIP

Thanks for being interested ... And if you do forward the link to anyone else (and you are welcome to do so) please be very sure to explain the rules to them!

Email-free

We will also be going email-free. Even if it says : ‘This email has been marked High Importance by the sender.’ Have you ever seen an email Marked ‘Importance: Low’? Everything seems important. Don’t they realise that emails marked ‘High Importance' go straight to the bottom of the pile, like the creditor who phones every day reminding you that your payment is due next week. I mean, how arrogant is a person who really believes that his or her booking is really more urgent than anyone else’s?!

Anyway, we won’t have email but Rissington will do, so if you are used to dealing with me direct, please email Rissington on info@rissington.co.za instead. Philippa and the team will be only too happy to help you with your bookings or with your search for advice and information. Thanks!

Bruno’s journey

We have been on a warm-up road trip past the Karoo National Park (marvellous), Cape Town, Arniston (near Cape Agulhas) and Umngazi on the Wild Coast. All strongly recommended, of course.

We then arrived home the day before yesterday only to be told that Bruno had disappeared and hadn’t been seen for four or five hours. Rusty was around, but was looking somewhat baffled and disconsolate. Not good. Absolutely no sign of Bruno whatsoever. And a very stressed and distressed Team Rissington.

One’s first thought, when a dog goes missing in the Lowveld, is ‘snake’. Our dogs are good snakers, though. They never attack any snake and they both have a very specific, wary, deep, urgent snake-alert bark. The next thought is that the dog has been run over. Or worse, taken. Hunting dogs like Bruno and terriers like Rusty are both especially popular. The final possibility would have been a snare, but the property is regularly checked for any form of trapping, so it seemed unlikely and Bruno had already had his foot trapped in an animal snare, driving him berserk when he was young, so he has always been wary.

Anyway, they say that only one in ten dogs in our neck of the woods dies of old age, so it didn’t augur well.

We searched; we shouted; we cajoled a sullen Rusty to join the expeditions through the bush. Nothing. We put out an appeal on various neighbourly WhatsApp groups. We offered rewards on staff and community groups. Nothing. It was most unlike Bruno to disappear. And even more unlikely that he would go off without Rusty. We could only imagine the worst.

I spent the whole of that night looking for Bruno on forays into the bush with a spotlight, shouting dumbly into the darkness. It was the quietest night I can ever remember. No birds. No frogs. No insects. Certainly no distressed dog barking. Just a solitary bushbaby called at about 2.30am. Otherwise no life whatsoever.

Yesterday we spent the whole day trekking in teams through the bush, driving through town in case Bruno had become hungry and was scavenging in the market stalls, leading search parties and appealing to the neighbours to keep an eye. Nothing. A trained tracker with a dog spent six hours searching every corner of this and several nearby properties. He found a few tracks but couldn’t be sure they were Bruno’s. No snares. No barking.

We finally found a rather listless lonesome Bruno on a neighbouring farm yesterday evening, after more than 24 hours spent sitting with a wire snare round his neck. He was covered from head to toe in ticks. Luckily he had been bright enough not to struggle and pull the wire tight. Sadly he wasn't bright enough to bark and tell us where he was! But he survived and he is uninjured. And hopefully wiser.

It was very lucky it had been a cool day. I took 47 ticks off him. The other 500 or so, he seemingly rubbed off on the floormat so I am still picking those up too. He drank two bowls of water, ate voraciously, then slept deeply and was up and off to Rissington early this morning – as if nothing had ever happened – looking for bacon at breakfast, no doubt. Not a scratch on him. Lucky dog. It could so easily have gone the other way.

Let’s hope he has redeveloped his wariness of running into deep bush. In the meantime, two soulmates are reunited … and I can sleep again.

Fugitives' Drift Lodge

Many will know of my long-standing association with the Rattray family and with Fugitives’ Drift Lodge, at Rorke’s Drift, just south of Dundee in KwaZulu-Natal province. We recently stopped there on our road trip as well and I am really encouraging all readers to go there if they haven’t already been and to go back if they have already stayed there. The South African winter is a great time to visit for dry, sunny days out on the battlefields of Isandlwana and Rorke’s Drift (among others) and the lodge is offering some wonderful heavily-discounted deals (especially at the far more affordable Guest House, a few hundred metres from the Lodge) for the months of May and June.

Please contact them direct on book@fugitivesdrift.com for more details of the great deals they have negotiated for you. They are also throwing in a complimentary guided nature walk in some of most beautiful scenery on earth.

Do it! And quote ‘Rissington Rag’ with your enquiry so that they know we sent you. It can only be to your advantage!

A tall story

Every Rag has a couple of rather random cartoons and this one is no exception. There was a mention of potholes as deep as giraffes in the last newsletter and we shall be seeing more than our fair share of those over the next months, I am sure. When I stumbled across this cartoon, it struck a chord. In fact, it is probably even more ironic than it realises as giraffes are now genuinely under threat. (We hope to see Southern Reticulated, Masai and Rothschild’s giraffes, for what is worth, on our route.)

Where in the World Competition:

The December Rag had one of our highest readerships ever and by far the largest number of emails sent with comments afterwards but, oddly, nobody won the competition. In fact, nobody out of our almost 10000 readers even entered it, which is also a first, so this one was clearly a lot harder than I realised. Or maybe Rag readers just don’t visit children’s playgrounds!

There’s no competition this time, but there will be a bumper one next time around. In the meantime, the first person who can get the answer to the location of the December playground before we leave on 12th April can still win three nights for two bed and breakfast whenever they like. I have made it a bit bigger this time so that you can check out those mountains properly!

Send your answer to info@rissington.co.za by midnight on 11th April 2024.

Specials:

Bear in mind that we continue to offer our amazing specials for stays during the few downtimes that we have at Rissington. That is in the whole of May and June when the Lowveld is quite simply the BEST place to be. Perfect dry sunny days. The best game-viewing. No-one around. Sunbathing without burning.

The deal will stay the same for 2024. That is R5800 per person per week, dinner bed and breakfast. Best room available at time of booking. Minimum 7 nights, extra nights charged pro rata. Children subject to quote. Email info@rissington.co.za

We are also really enjoying our new menus and our new dishes – and so is everyone else it seems. Great reviews and happy comments abundant …

So we have decided on two ways forward to build on that. Firstly, we are encouraging non-residents to join us for meals as often as they like between now and mid-July (when we will get hugely busy again). Please come and see what all the fuss is about. We are aware that many of Hazyview’s favourite classy restaurants are not open to passers-by and locals or, in some cases, have disappeared altogether, so we are encouraging you – locals, Nelspruiters/Mbombelites, Mpumalangans, timesharers, visitors, anyone – to have breakfast, lunch or dinner here. Great food, great staff, great view, great ambience. And you can use the pool too.

What’s the second thing, Chris? Well, to get you to come and see what we are all about, we are offering a 20% discount on all food and drink at Rissington, whether you are staying with us or not, from now until the end of June. You just have to say the magic words ‘Rissington Rag’ and your restaurant bill will suddenly be cut by a fifth. Just like that. New direct bookings only – tell us when you book.

Hope to see you. Book early if you can. Or just turn up and give it a go. You’ll love it. There’s the daily-changing menu, plus a terrace menu and something for the kids too.

And talking of kids, remember that the school holidays are coming up and kids get free accommodation and breakfast in all our rooms except the hillside suites. If you ask nicely and it’s not busy, Philippa might even negotiate on that too.

Bear in mind also that the service at Rissington is unaffected by loadshedding.

The plot thickens at Rissington

After six months on the road and once we have become used to not moving day after day, I know how glad we shall be to get back home to Rissington, even if we will still wonder occasionally why we own so much clobber and why we have a house at all.

But we have decided anyway to look at a new idea for the place. We have been letting the bush grow back at Rissington for nearly thirty years now and it is thick and dense and teeming with interesting wildlife such as civets, genets and porcupines as well as the usual duiker and bushbuck. The birding is simply superb with about 200 species on our 20 acres alone.

So here’s a plan. If you have always thought it would be wonderful to live some or all of the time at Rissington, give us a shout. We are looking at allowing a couple of houses to be built on the northern end of the property, each on an acre or more of land, more than 300 metres from the lodge but with access to all its facilities and a similar view. Obviously we will need to iron out the details with interested parties but it doesn’t need to be big or expensive. If you are interested, give me a shout and we can explore the possibilities when I get home in September, then go about our discussions and the securing of ownership. Hmmm. That got you thinking, didn’t it?

Team Rissington takes over the social media

From 10th April for six months, I will be taking time out from posting on the Rissington Instagram and Facebook pages. Instead, during that time, the team will be posting their pictures and thoughts. I am sure they will come up with all sorts of new angles on life at the lodge and you will enjoy their input for a change. Lungi and I will take over again when we get back. So bear with us. It’s going to be fun! Until then, it is business as usual on the social media, so join us on Facebook and Instagram by clicking on the links below. @RissingtonInn

RISSINGTON FACEBOOK

RISSINGTON INSTAGRAM

Please review us while you are at your computer, as well. People can be really daft about assuming that there is something wrong with a lodge when the owner is away, so please keep the good reviews coming in order to counter any such stupidity. I am really not integral to the success or excellence of Rissington these days and my presence plays no crucial part in that. It’s all about the team. And they will be giving it their all. Please support them!

That’s it for now. Short and sweet and to-the-point. We are almost ready to leave with just a few details to resolve. For example, we have given up trying to agree on a music playlist across the generations and have signed up instead to Audible, where we're downloading suitable audio books. We are currently half-way through Orwell's 1984, read by Stephen Fry. Suitably dystopian for a voyage through African democracy, we feel, although we might not be listening to it in Zimbabwe in case Big Brother is tuned in ...

Come to Rissington and visit the team whilst we are away. Everything will be running 100% normally and up-to-standard – I know this for sure – and remember that winter in the Lowveld is warm and sunny. Africa at its best.

As they say in kiSwahili: Kwaheri. Safari njema. I am sure you wish us the same! If you'd like to do so in person, we'll give 35% off the tariff to any readers who come and stay specifically to say goodbye before 12th April (new direct bookings only!)

And Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus to all our Welsh readers. Gwnewch y pethau bychain!

All the best

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian, Mildreth, Maureen. Thandiwe and Felicia; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; plus Philippa in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box.

Also all the best from JJ (who will be taking time out to join us for a month in East Africa during the breaks in his university course) and Lungile, who is travelling with me all the way to Murchison Falls on the Nile and back! And from Rusty and Bruno (thank goodness...).

The Rissington Rag - December 2023

2023-12-02T00:00:00+02:00

Hi there – and welcome to the Christmas 2023 Rissington Rag. This year-end, as well as some Rissington news, we are also having fun – riotously, in places – with the online community, whilst taking a broader look at tourism and how it works (or sometimes quite simply just doesn’t really work).

Most of it is entertaining; a few tiny bits are quite serious. And we are hitting the road too. More below. Plus there’s a competition, of course. And some other goodies. But first, I need to clear up a possible misunderstanding …

No Politics Permitted!

I was told by a reader of the September Rag that I had been ‘political’. The Rag, though, is never political. Never ever. So, if you are reading between the lines and finding a political standpoint, you are definitely reading incorrectly, I promise! My point was merely this: as always and as with everywhere in the world, in South Africa we just carry on regardless of our politicians. All of them. Anyone. Government and Opposition alike. And all those caught and confused in-between.

No-one knows how we at Rissington vote and we have no interest in how anyone else votes. South Africa is a complicated country and a tough place to find a permanent political ‘home’. SA still holds political rallies by the stadium-full, for example, and we are subjected to endlessly heavy brainwashing both by mainstream media and by social media. In fact, we have plenty of challenges but, quite frankly, who would you confidently choose as your first-choice leader anywhere? Any of those on offer? Trump or Biden? Sunak or Starmer? Macron or Le Pen? Ramaphosa or Steenhuisen or Malema or Mashaba?

Anyway, let’s not get political. Keep the blinkers on. Don’t look too carefully – because it is really not there, I promise.

We are tripping ...

Next year, we are hitting the road. Don’t be alarmed. Everything is fine. Rissington will be well cared-for as always by the excellent team and we shall all remain in permanent touch. In this sense, it is a far easier journey than the similarly long road trip we undertook in 2006; there were no cellphones then and contact was rare and sporadic.

Nowadays the lodge is also far better-equipped to deal with our absence; the team (with Philippa now in the office as well) is way more experienced and qualified. Rissington itself is in tip-top condition and looking amazing. It is generally a far better accommodation establishment than it has ever been and we are all hugely proud of it. In fact, I shall miss it when I am away – and how many people can convincingly say that about their place of work?

Please make a point of paying the team a visit as usual next southern hemisphere winter and checking on them for me! Maybe ask them if they miss me? But then again, maybe don’t. I think I know the answer. Rusty and Bruno might miss me though. They will definitely enjoy your company even more than ever.

So … where are we going?

Botswana, Namibia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Malawi, Tanzania, Burundi, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya and Zambia. Eleven beautiful and diverse countries; some new to me, most not. All fascinating. And all places we want to know more about. The map shows the current planned route.

Why are we doing it? Well … because we can, that’s why! Because I am turning 60. Because I have worked hard and long hours for 42 years. Because the ‘boys’ have left school and are ready to travel their continent. Because I would like them to see what I have seen.

Because someone – a friendly German guest with otherwise exceptionally good English – stopped next to me as he and his wife were driving out while I was walking towards the gate to go to work and asked me a very simple question:

“Do you belong to this place?”

At the time I thought nothing of it. He went on to tell me how this was their second stay at Rissington, that they had loved it, that the ‘new’ swimming pool was wonderful and so on … then, vowing to be back again soon, they drove off.

In the office, I told Philippa that I had met another happy guest and I quoted him … then the unintentional irony of the question struck me. Do I belong to this place? Or does the place belong to me? Well … it belongs to all of us, I guess. Our guests and Team Rissington alike. But do I belong to it? I decided that I didn’t – not full-time anyway – and that, to prove it, I would go for a thirty-five thousand-kilometre drive.

There will be two of us travelling for the full length of the journey but a number of other good friends and relatives of all ages will be dropping in and out at various points. It will be campsites all the way.

To spare you putting them to us, here are the answers to some questions we are regularly asked about our voyage :

Will you be posting on social media? No, because this is a ‘getaway’ in every sense of the word, but we shall all be posting photographs on Tripcast from time to time, with a brief commentary as we go along. This will be our video diary. Anyone will be able to ask to follow us and we will add them, subject to the strict condition that they follow silently and without commenting on any of the posts! Each posted photo will explain where we are, interesting facts, beguiling observations and impressions but (with the best will in the world!) we don’t want to be dealing with loads of messages. No ‘gosh, how amazing’. No ‘mooi mooi mooi’. No ‘have you caught any fish? … seen a lion? … met anyone interesting?’ No ‘are you OK?’.

Don’t worry, we will be OK. The Tripcast details will be sent out in the March Rag, before we leave. If you don’t know Tripcast, all will become clear in due course. It is brilliant and totally unobtrusive. Anyone with any specific recommendations or discussions about the actual route will be welcome to WhatsApp us directly as we go along and we’ll read and reply when we can.

Will you be writing a book? No, not this time, but the Tripcast will be turned into a photo album (which can be printed) and will be our permanent record of the trip. I loved writing Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama but this journey is going to be all about the different views of everyone else who is travelling – not my views!

Are you going to El-Karama? No, I don’t think so. It was a lovely cheap option in 2006 but it’s not so affordable now. We are going to be close, though, because we are planning to climb Mount Kenya. If they invite us, we might go…!

I thought you were in the middle of writing another book? Well, yes, I am. But I think I might be taking a bit of a break from that. These trips take a fair bit of organising and I am easily distracted, especially by such a great project. ‘Hotel Havoc’ will not go stale, though, and we might well stumble across some content for it in the campsites of East Africa. It’s all about hospitality, after all.

How will you get around? Well, just like anyone else gets around, I guess. By travelling on good, bad and almost non-existent roads to places where people are already living. They all got there OK, so we can get there. It might be a bit easier for us, as we have a Land Cruiser…

How will you survive? Easily, I imagine. Even taking fuel into consideration, it’s going to be cheaper than staying at home. If there’s no electricity (a bit like at home in South Africa) we will use candles and rechargeable Lumeo lights. (What? You don’t have Lumeo lights? Look them up. They are brilliant). If there’s no hot water, we’ll use cold water. If there’s no cold water, we’ll wash in mud. Or dust. Or just smell for a bit.

We will eat what the people who live there eat. Here's a photo of a home trial session with our new braai, which we have named 'Brian'. Every region has its own specialities. There might not be a lot of meat up north but there will be no shortage of sweet potatoes, onions, tomatoes, butternuts and avocados the size of rugby balls. There will be occasional excitements such as carrots. Or eggs. Mushrooms are very unlikely. There will be fish from the lakes and the rivers. There won’t be much chocolate or milk. And every now and then we’ll stumble across a monastery or an abbey, where they will be making wonderful cheeses, growing olives or baking delicious fresh bread. Eating from the roadside is a great treat and we shall be very healthy; I am sure of it. In the cities, we shall occasionally splash out and spoil ourselves in world class restaurants (but only on the days when we don’t smell).

What if you get sick while travelling? We’ll do what the people who live there do. We’ll find a clinic or a pharmacy or a hospital and get treated. We’ll also be carrying a first aid box and clean needles. We’ll be fine. Just like most of the other people who live in Africa!

What if the car breaks down? It won't. It’s a Toyota ... but if there is an awry moment, then we will do what the other people there do with their Toyotas. We'll just stop a passing politician, revolutionary or mercenary and ask them who their preferred mechanic is when their Land Cruiser breaks down in the middle of launching a coup. I am sure they will have a contact.

What is it going to be like? Well, I can’t really answer that but I know that I am going to love it. I am certain that my fellow-travellers will too. They will get into the groove very quickly. It’s a wonderful way to live. It’s unimaginable freedom. If you have not yet read my 2006 book, please feel free to do so and get some idea of life on the road in God’s favourite continent. Occasional second-hand paperback copies pop up but it is permanently available as an eBook online from AMAZON . Follow the link.

And now back to the usual chaos …

Random views from hotel life – some of them very random indeed!

I have so many interesting discussions with guests which prompt them and me to come up with a variety of topics and views: nostalgic; cheerful; outrageous; funny; shocking. Any thoughts from your side? These are some of ours:

What has happened to airports? As the guest said: “I used to love airports”. I think he’s right. Airports were magical, exotic, international, cultural experiences. Like fantasy worlds, filled with all the promise of travel, holidays and excitement.

Nowadays they are depersonalised and aggressive places for the processing of travellers. Everything is homogenised: the food, the shops, the people, the awful, intrusive shoe-removing security with its little plastic bags for liquids, the tiles, the walls, the carpets, the airlessness. Where did all that magic go?

And how can any place have so many keyrings for sale? I mean who buys a keyring of the Eiffel Tower or Big Ben or the Empire State Building with all those spikey bits that anyway make holes in your pockets? For goodness sake!

And what is it with the aeroplane language? Why do we have to learn a whole new form of English to be able to understand the terminology used for announcements in planes. It’s not a language we speak in any other aspect of our lives and it must be very confusing for foreigners not well-versed in the English of the ocean-going liner and of ‘Titanic’.

We don’t ‘board’ or ‘disembark’ a car, for example. We don’t ‘stow’ our vehicle luggage in a ‘hold’. We bung our bags in the boot and then get in ourselves! It’s quaint but slightly odd. Aeroplanes have overhead lockers, galleys, captains, cabins and decks. They have (alarmingly) lifejackets under the seats – as if they are going to do us any good when the plane plunges into the Bermuda Triangle. Airports are ‘ports of entry’ to countries. Planes dock at landing piers and use gangways.

It's fun, quirky and interesting … but imagine if we had to explain to our children that they needed to stow their ‘personal items’ in their bedrooms and to open their lockers carefully in the morning in case the contents have moved around during the night.

Hotels are arrogant. They have way too many rules and signs. There is a crucial difference between being helpful and bossy. I think we are sometimes a little guilty of this ourselves. We have a ‘No Cellphones’ sign in the restaurant, for example, but this is to stop people shouting into their phones at dinner and Skype-ing videos of their food to their relatives at home. (I mean, if you really need Grandma to see what you are eating, bring her to Rissington with you and talk to her live at the table).

Other signs are at the demand of Health and Safety. I mentioned in the last Rag that we had just undergone a very successful assessment, but we had to do some pretty bonkers things. Think about this:

We had to put a picture of a firehose above each firehose and a picture of a fire extinguisher above each fire extinguisher. But in reality, the firehose is itself bigger and looks much more like a firehose than the firehose in the picture. And the fire extinguisher is bigger and looks much more like a fire extinguisher than the one in the picture. So what is the point of the picture?

We had to put up a ‘No Lifeguard on Duty’ sign at each swimming pool. Like we are Jeffreys Bay or Bondi Beach. Can’t they tell, without a sign, that we don’t have David Hasselhof strutting around in his speedo or Pamela Anderson hurtling pool-wards down the steps in her red bikini, a board under her arm? Perhaps we should? Then we could take the signs down …

As for those garage coffee cups marked : CAUTION - CONTENTS MIGHT BE HOT … well, perhaps it would be a more useful reminder if they were to be marked : CAUTION – CONTENTS MIGHT NOT REALLY BE HOT ENOUGH. PLEASE TAKE A SIP BEFORE PAYING.

How should we address clients? And other people? “Everything alright with you guys?” – Don’t you hate that? Who guys? What happened to ‘Sir’? ‘Madam’? ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’? Are women now guys? And what would anyone think if someone came to the table and said “Everything alright with you chicks?" Especially if some of them were guys who identified as chicks or chicks who identified as guys. Or chicks who identified as chickens or even (careful here) cockerels.

And then there is this scenario:

And what is your name? (I have just walked into the bank.)

My name is Harvie.

And what is your surname?

That is my surname.

So what is your first name?

Why do you need my first name?

So that I know what to call you.

You call me Mr Harvie … it’s as simple as that … or Sir. Or Meneer. Or Mnumzane.

What is your cellphone number?

Why do you need that?

So that I can call you.

You don’t need to call me, I am standing here. You can just call my name …

(It was going to be a long day.)

What puts us off travelling nowadays? Here’s a chart which tells us. But isn’t it interesting that environmental impact does not even get a mention? I see airports feature, especially when they double up as massive dormitories where the staff are on strike or flights are delayed by computer malfunctions. But there is no mention of the French ski resorts that have recently given up being ski resorts because it simply doesn’t snow any more. They are reinventing themselves as walking and cycling centres. Surely that is more worrying? And more likely to put skiers off going skiing generally?

Didn’t we think we were going to fly less often after the pandemic? Not that I am in favour of that for obvious selfish reasons, but I do think carbon offsets and planet-saving are important. Hence the huge effort we put into our recycling initiatives at Rissington.

The Recovery of Tourism. How many more years can it be, anyway, until we have recovered from Covid and stopped blaming it for everything. Isn’t it just possible that the fact that tourism is still not totally back to ‘pre-Covid’ levels has more to do with the general cost of living than it has to do with the aftermath of (or fear of) the lurgy?

This chart would seem to back up that theory but then business travel is reportedly absolutely booming so perhaps we just need to stop worrying about Covid and embrace whatever travel we can afford. And maybe think about the planet a bit too.

What if Tourism had never existed? We have always been tourists. Madagascar was the country I visited most recently. And it was also one of the last landmasses reached by man – or woman. Or guys and chicks.

I love the map below. I have published a similar one before, but this one is so clear. Look carefully at how we all moved around and how long ago. How recently the antipodes were settled! How the land bridge from what is now Russia was the route to the US! And how long it took us to spread back into some parts of the southern hemisphere, once we had left our first African homes some 200 thousand years ago! Even then though, plenty of Africans already seem to have been packing for Perth, 65 thousand years ago …

How do our computers rule our lives? This might not be quite what you are expecting. It’s not about the flight delays above, or identity theft, or our phones listening to us (which I happen to think is incredibly handy as I am planning the road trip and my phone tunes into all my conversations and magically posts me lots of information on accommodation options on the route and high quality camping equipment – from Lumeo).

No, it’s not about that. It is about the amazing information your computer gives you unasked. Where would we be without headlines like “Former Miss South Africa in horrific frozen fish truck crash”. Or the little link that pops up day after day in the top corner of my home page: “The Canary Islands are incredibly diverse”. I don’t dare click on it in case I am totally blown away by the totally unanticipated variety to be experienced in Lanzarote (especially when it comes to the party animals).

And then one day it changed, without warning, to: “Who wrote the original spider-saga comics?” That was easier not to click on because I know that I simply don’t care.

But where does my computer find these imaginary interests of mine? And what depths of irrelevance is it trying to drag me into. (OK - I read the Miss South Africa one and it was nothing like as interesting as I had hoped for.)

Blackmail. Yes, really.

Here’s an odd way that computers can be used to cheat hoteliers, which turned up last week. Read this email. It is unbelievable.

There is obviously no truth in the content whatsoever but it makes you think, doesn’t it? It’s potentially very convincing for a bigger hotel with a less hands-on management style than ours. Whatever next?

Have tourists crossed the line?

Here’s another story that keeps popping up in my newsfeed. What a strange BBC headline: IS THIS THE SUMMER OF BAD TOURISTS?

What can they mean? Well, take a look at the link and see what you think.

Obviously, there’s some rubbish in this, but there are further signs that, in addition to their crazy comments online,a tiny minority of tourists have some bizarre ideas, requirements and requests. And they are giving everyone else a bad name.

It is public knowledge that I am not in favour of people doing their own laundry and hanging it out in full view of other guests, on chairs, stoeps and windowsills. I just think it is odd. We are not a campsite. But even more odd, I think, is the person who wrote to us months ahead of their stay, asking for a copy of the laundry prices. What were they doing? Planning the budget ahead so that they knew whether they needed to bring their own washing powder with them from The Netherlands? Or might they go mad and buy extra underwear?

Also I get food fads – I really do – but nowadays we get a list of ailments as if we were doctors and might need to treat the clients ourselves. A booking which used to look like this:

PLEASE CONFIRM NEW BOOKING AS FOLLOWS: Mr and Mrs T. Smith and 2 children. Hillside suite, arriving 23 Nowonder departing 26 Nowonder 1999.

Oh those happy days! Now – a quarter of a century and more than a full generation later – the very same booking from the tour operator looks like this:

PLEASE URGENTLY BOOK !!! In 23 Nowonder out 26 Nowonder 2024

Mr Terence Smith (known as Terry) 55yrs

Mrs Pamela Smith (often called Steve) 52yrs

Polly Jones 17yrs (Pamela/Steve’s daughter by her first marriage)

Joshua (Josh) Smith 14 yrs

NB !!!

Terence has a heart condition, treated with prescribed medication. He pursues a gluten-free diet as a result but can eat bread rolls. He enjoys train-spotting if there are any possibilities nearby. Needs permanent power at night for apnoea machine.

Pamela (Steve) is diabetic and allergic to bees. She carries an epi-pen. Please keep all bees away. She is also terrified of snakes but not actually allergic to them. Please keep all snakes away.

Polly is an ovolactovegetarian but identifies as vegan. She votes for the Greens and does voluntary work for Greenpeace. Please keep climate-change denialists away from her (or ‘them’ as she/they prefers to be known) as she/they is prone to panic attacks.

Joshua has no special requests. He likes just about everything, especially tree nuts. He turned 14 four months ago. Please arrange cake (taking into account family dietaries above).

Please note: Terence and Pamela (Steve) would like a king-sized bed with non-allergenic pillows and extra towels (Pamela/Steve likes to use a different towel for each foot). NO TRACES OF HONEY IN ROOM PLEASE.

Polly and Joshua can share a room but must have two beds far apart and all items which could be used as weapons or for self-harming should be removed.

Please confirm URGENTLY !!! Pax want to hear back today !!! VVVIP!

See what we are up against? It’s not that I don’t think any of the facts referred to in the booking requests are relevant. I just think that much of it is detail that we don’t need to know in advance. We can deal with all of it, but we would just do so if/when it arises. Or as a Gen-Z might say: “TOO MUCH INFORMATION!”

Review ratings:

We have no real connection with the Rissingtons, which are actually small villages in The Cotswolds in England. The name was the original name of the property when it was a farm and we decided to keep it because we liked it. We have been served well by the Rissington name.

We actually have signs, referring to the ‘other’ Rissingtons at our Rissington. Upper Rissington is the restaurant, Great Rissington is the bar and Little Rissington is the loo. There’s a Rissington Wyck as well, which is now the games room where the pool table hangs out with its associated teenagers.

I know this is a road sign, pictured, but imagine if it wasn’t and if this was a rating for your hotel out of five…

What is it with rating everything all the time? Are hotels stupid? Are tour operators daft?

I know I go on about the review system often but I think, in this febrile post-pandemic era, that through the process of helping our industry to recover by taking ever greater care of our images, we have actually done ourselves a disfavour. Tour operators, especially in my view, ask way too many questions of their clients on their return home.

The travellers are just heading back into their normal lives, still brimming with well-being and filled with fabulous memories of their great South African holiday when … in comes an email :

Good day

This is Monique from Africa-At-Its-Most-Ludicrous Travel.

Welcome back from South Africa. Please rate your holiday for the benefit of our future customers. A feedback form is attached. Be honest in your assessments and be sure to tell us all the negatives, however small, for each property, as well as any positives …

And so it goes on.

Well, there will always be the keyboard warriors who are straight onto Google or TripAdvisor with even the tiniest niggle and there will always be the busybodies with nothing better to do than to write self-aggrandising nonsense about how they feel ‘let down’ by the fact that their grim, scowling faces were not met with constant smiles from everyone they dealt with but the feedback form thing is a real danger.

What is the point of asking for bad news that has not been offered? People arrive home thinking that they have had a perfect holiday until they are coerced into providing negatives. "Is there anything you would like to complain about?” Does every traveller now have to be a travel writer or reviewer?

The tour operators are asking for trouble, not only because they are asking for complaints for which people now have to grapple around (or otherwise, if they can’t think of anything, to feel they have somehow failed) but also because the tour operator then gets back to the hotel, which then has to defend its corner and find out the truth behind the accusation, however untrue, false or petty, ‘so that we can report back to our client’. It is all so unnecessary. Any reasonable person who had a problem with a hotel would have taken it up during their stay anyway and it would have been be resolved. Water under the bridge with lessons learned and no need for a bollocking from a tour operator. Everybody happy.

We received a message the other day that said an operator’s client had loved Rissington, enjoyed the food, loved the garden and the views as well as the helpful smiling team but that ‘it looked as if a homeless person had been sleeping on the daybed outside on the verandah’.

A homeless person sleeping on the daybed? Really?! Where did they think this ‘homeless person’ had come from? Down the road and through the fence, unnoticed? Did they see a vagrant shaking a tin at the gate, perhaps, with a cardboard sign saying ‘HUNGRY’? Do they know what an outside daybed looks like after a ‘homeless person’ has slept on it? Do they have an intimate knowledge of nomads and their sleeping habits? The client was scrabbling around for a negative comment to give to their tour operator and they had found one, so now they were going to milk it and go full-on witty travel writer in the process.

Clearly, either the monkeys (or more likely Bruno?) had been on the verandah. Not something to complain about really, I don’t think, but then they wouldn’t have done so had they not been pressurised. Maybe we should put up a sign saying ‘NO WILDLIFE OR DOGS ON THE DAYBEDS’. I just hope the monkeys can read better than Bruno can. But at least the tour operator can report back to the clients that their feedback has scared us out of our wits, forced us to take action and soured our relationship for no good reason whatsoever.

I suggest the tour operator ‘welcome home’ letter should simply say:

Hi! Welcome home. I am sure you have had the most wonderful holiday and the last thing you want to do is fill in a questionnaire but if there is anything you would like to bring to our attention, please feel free to get in touch whenever it suits you.

In the meantime, we look forward to being part of the planning of another magnificent African adventure for you as soon as you are ready to head back that way …

All the best

Monique

To finish off this section, here’s another piece of feedback showing how the input we receive after people’s stay can sometimes be absolutely bizarre. This is a comment on a hotel in Limpopo province, where we stayed a few weeks ago. They were foolish enough to leave out a Comments book at Reception and this is what someone wrote:

I know the writer is trying to be helpful – maybe even trying to show solidarity with a fellow ‘downtrodden’ human being but seriously? It’s a job, isn’t it? And not a particularly arduous one?!

Misleading websites:

After giving tour operators a hard time (although we really do love most of them) it would be remiss of me not to mention again, quickly, the risks of using certain online booking agencies. Although there are some online agencies we like to deal with, there is one with which we won’t work. Here DISASTROUS JAPANESE BOOKING is a story to illustrate why you might not get quite what you thought you had booked.

And the sites are simply not secure and can lead to users and hoteliers being scammed. Read the story from the BBC HERE.

Is everything really getting pricier?

A London restaurant is charging £900 for a steak. Just under R21 000. Aragwa, the Japanese restaurant in question, is located in Mayfair and offers five different choices of wagyu, with wines priced to match. Rissington’s fillet (pictured, sliced for breakfast) is R160 (£7) when served hot at dinner and just as good, I am sure. If not better. #justsaying And it comes with our magnificent gratin potatoes, not ghastly chips.

There does seem to be a much greater diversity in the tourism offering nowadays and I worry that the Rissington market (the three-and-three-quarter star 'comfortable' market) is being ignored by the marketeers. Everything is either five-star/boutique or low-budget/mass-market, whereas Rissington is neither of those. It’s almost as if we are fighting our corner just for the right to exist and charge R160 for a perfect steak.

I read this morning about a new lodge at Mana Pools in Zimbabwe. It looks absolutely magnificent. Take a look at MOLORI MASHUMA SAFARI LODGE. The rates start at $1724 per person per night. Yes. Per night. That is R32 000 or fifty times what it costs to stay in a budget room at Rissington. Yes. Fifty times.

Sure … it helps the community by employing a few people and improving a few lives, but can we really justify such wealth disparity when there are people in Zimbabwe trying to survive on the smell of an oil rag in a country where there is no oil?

According to statisticians, by 2050 one in four people on the planet will be Africans. We are going to have to do a bit more than employ a few of them. We are going to have to rebuild the entire economy of the continent and change with way the world sees Africa – and the way it sees itself.

Where in the World Competition:

The winner of the September competition was Andrea Hundermark for correctly identifying the Tsiribihina River in Madgascar. You see? It was that easy. Andrea – you have won three nights for bed and breakfast whenever you like. What a pleasure for all of us!

Here’s December’s challenge. Where in the World was this photograph taken? It's a bit of a tricky one, but well worth taking a random guess. We were celebrating Lungile's 18th birthday that October day, so the guys decided it was time to hit the playground!

The closest answer will win three nights’ accommodation for two at Rissington. Send your answer to info@rissington.co.za by midnight on 15th January 2024.

Rissington changes (for the better)

There has to be some blatant marketing, so here are a couple of news items, presented to you in ‘ad-speak’ and news media format:

Wake up and smell the coffee! All rooms at Rissington now have a Nespresso machine with free self-service coffee at any time of the day. The restaurant now also offers Cappuccino and Espresso in addition to our delicious local Sabie Valley Coffee. Life has never BEAN so good.

New Breakfast Picnic Menus get you going! Rissington now offers an à la carte picnic choice for those leaving early for Kruger or for a long drive. Plenty of ideas and new additions available including vegan/vegetarian options. Just place your order and pick up your delicious tailor-made breakfast before you head out in the morning.

Queen size beds grow to King size in three favourite Rissington rooms! Three of our most popular rooms (with the best views) have received an upgrade. These 'superior rooms' now boast new furnishings and a King size bed in each. There is still an extra single bed where you can dump your suitcase. Or your child. The bathrooms have also undergone a significant revamp with new tiles, cupboards and fittings. All looking very FRESH. Live like a King!

Daybeds upgraded after surprise hobo scandal! Signage has been mounted on the walls above all Rissington daybeds after an unlikely story emerged of a homeless person sleeping on one.

Actually, ignore the last one. It’s not true. But we have bought some new cushions for the daybeds, so that we can say we have done something.

Rugby World Cup :

I have nothing to say about the Rugby World Cup except that we sympathise with all the countries that didn’t win but we are absolutely thrilled that we did! A number of people sent messages of Springbok congratulations to Rissington, which was really good of them. We had a majestic braai on the night of the final and a great buzz in the library where everyone was watching the match (except the French). Many media commentators picked up on the fact that the Springbok victory somehow had a symbolism and a nation-building aspect for South Africa way beyond the winning of a big cup. The following video was made by Siya Kolisi’s old school in Gqeberha (formerly Port Elizabeth) before the big match. Watch it here: SIYA SALUTE.

Goosebumps, for so many reasons!

Christmas and Phobias:

I know we all share the same phobias about Christmas decorations going up in early October. We simply don’t get it. I avoid going to the local Checkers supermarket from when the first dedicated decorations aisle is set up by moving all the critically important items (chilli sauce, chocolate, Bakers Eet-sum-mor biscuits) to some unidentified invisible far-flung corner of the store for three months; from the first sounding of the ‘Little Drummer Boy’ over the store’s music system until sanity returns in mid-January. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas but how can we bang on about neutralising it by rendering it as ‘the festive season’, with ‘year-end functions’ instead of ‘Christmas parties’ and yet still subject ourselves to Christmas carols out shopping and (especially in Africa) snow and robin redbreasts on cards? Bah humbug!

But I really do love Christmas, so let’s not get all Scroogy. I have a couple of suggestions for other phobias.

Firstly, I am not allergic to cucumber or coconut but, similar to many people, I really really don’t like them. Especially coconut. It should be totally illegal to sell anything containing coconut without a WARNING: CONTAINS COCONUT label. There is nothing more disgusting than biting into a cheesecake, only to find that the base is made from Tennis biscuits and therefore contains those heinously awful desiccated coconut bits.

A new one though: False eyelash extensions. I just hate them. The ‘Little Drummer Boy’ is one thing but if there’s a teller wearing false eyelashes in Checkers, I will stand in another queue. It is rapidly reaching the point where they all have them and I will have to avoid the shops altogether. I don’t get it. It makes the wearer look like a demented bovine.

Specials in 2024:

Bear in mind that we continue to offer our amazing specials in the few downtimes that we have at Rissington. That is in early December, late January and the whole of May and June - which is particularly odd as the Lowveld is quite simply the BEST place to be in May and June. Perfect dry sunny days. The best game-viewing. No-one around. Sunbathing without burning.

The deal will stay the same for another year. That is R5800 per person per week, dinner bed and breakfast. Best room available at time of booking. Minimum 7 nights, extra nights charged pro rata. Children subject to quote. A week in the sunshine at Rissington. Delicious food. Friendly staff. Lovely views. Bliss.

Merry Christmas!

Yes! Merry Christmas indeed! Wishing everyone a wonderful time and Rissington looks forward to seeing you next year. If you haven’t been here since Covid 19, you haven’t been here for almost five years, so you really need to make a plan to visit us. Five years is a long time!

All the best from Team Rissington, represented once again by this fantastic photo of JJ, taken 12 years ago…!

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Felicia, Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian, Mildreth, Maureen and Felicia; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; JJ and Lungile; and Philippa in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements.

Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. See you soon!

The Rissington Rag - September 2023

2023-09-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to The September Rag - back to normal(ish)...

There was a ‘secret’ reason why June’s Rag was different as you will see further down but, in general, the aim is going to be to vary the format of the Rag a little more often in the coming years. This is partly in order to keep it fresh and sharp – and maybe sometimes just a little shorter(!) – but also to change the emphasis from time to time and broaden the appeal. A few aspects are guaranteed, though...

The Rag will continue to be published four times a year; it will always contain news, views, good deals and prizes. It will always entertain. Other than that … well, anything goes. Let’s see what music and laughter this September Rag has in store for us…

What’s in store:

Maybe it’s a poor and pointless pun but, firstly, Hazyview has a Woolworths food store as of September. This is very exciting for us locals. In a bizarre way, it recognises our town for its increasing influence as a great place to live, a gateway to Kruger and an adventure hub. For time-sharers, it means no more panic shopping before you leave the major cities. For Kruger visitors, it means you can stock up before you head into the park. For the rest of us, it simply means great fresh food and quality ingredients. Our town has come of age! And for the British readers, as you know from your own (unconnected and now-defunct) version of the chain: “That’s the wonder of good old Woolies!”

Hazyview has come a long way in the four decades that I have been associated with it and living nearby. In fact, when I first worked at the late lamented Cybele Forest Lodge, forty years ago this year, there were only eleven shops in Hazyview, including a couple of basic hardware shops, a mechanic, two petrol stations, one or two general dealers, the fabulous Hazy Dazy Café/Kaffee, a Post Office and a very small Spar – called the Soenie Spar because it was tiny and shy like the small Suni (in the English spelling) antelope.

Nowadays, thanks largely to developer Arnold Pistorius, uncle of Oscar, we have several hundred stores and our little Soenie Spar has become a giant Ndlovu (elephant in isiZulu) Spar. Everything is now bigger and better except that our Post Office is smaller, not often open and, when it is, it doesn’t even have any stamps for sale.

The demise of the postal system is one of South Africa’s more embarrassing disasters. It could be argued (somewhat disingenuously) that we are ahead of our time because we all use email instead of snail mail, just as we are getting on with solar because we have run out of electricity and just as it likewise doesn’t matter that all our telephone lines have been stolen because we all have cellphones. This way, though, lies madness. We could stop fixing the roads (maybe we already have?) on the basis that we will soon all be flying around using jetpacks.

Anyway, the lack of a postal service has led to a flourishing network of planet-battering courier companies all plying the potholed roads, accompanied by their own security back-up vehicles (now that the police ‘service’ has also become dysfunctional) and sometimes even their own helicopter escorts. Note that I have even found you a cartoon featuring a Hazyview banana-courier, as befits our status as one of the world’s largest areas for banana-growing. Such attention to detail.

This may seem like an odd discussion for what is essentially a cheerful missive, trying to persuade you to come back to Rissington and to send your friends and clients to South Africa, but it isn’t really incompatible. The solutions are the embodiment of the old Afrikaans adage of ‘n Boer maak ‘n plan (I don’t think you need a translation for that one) …

For example, when we don’t have electricity from the national grid we make our own and anyway Eskom, the electricity supplier, is usually thoughtful enough to minimise the power outages at weekends so that, although ‘loadshedding’ has led to the collapse of hundreds and hundreds of businesses, it doesn’t interfere with our crucial leisure time and we can always watch the rugby on television. We also have VOIP telephone lines and high-speed internet at Rissington, supplied from a nearby tower. The bad roads slow down the rhino poachers and gangsters and are anyway being fixed up in time for next year’s elections, which will almost certainly bring about some ground-breaking changes in our political landscape, one way or another. The sun shines almost all the time and we have the nicest people in the world (OK, after the Malawians, maybe, and the Zimbabweans, but then most of them live here anyway). And we still have a better infrastructure than almost anyone else on our continent, as shown by this photographic map, taken with the lights on. Look how well Nigeria and Kenya are doing, though. Eye-opening!

So anyway who needs post offices? They only lead to corruption in pension payments. We will just have to find a new way of measuring distance from one town to another instead using their post offices as the central references. Maybe the police station? Oh no, wait. That’s also corrupt. Perhaps we should start measuring the distance from one Woolworths Food store to another …

Driving us Mad:

Potholes notwithstanding – and we had a discussion about those in the March Rag - the fact remains that there is no-one we curse louder than a driver who has just carried out the exact infraction (such as undertaking, using the yellow line area or overtaking on a white barrier line) that we just thought of ourselves and then rejected, even though we would normally have done the same.

In South Africa we treat the rules of the road not as firm laws but as guidelines. Here are a few more useful tips to be borne in mind:

· The guy speeding up at the approach to the robot is a sure sign that the light has just turned red from his side – and the use of the word ‘robot’ for a traffic light is indicative of just about the only functional and predictable aspect of driving here. Robots are incorruptible and, unlike on the rest of our continent, here they actually work (except during loadshedding when anything goes) but the humans generally anyway ignore the robots, possibly as a form of pushback against Artificial Intelligence.

· We talked before about South Africans driving not on the left or the right but on the best side of the road. So the driver coming at you over the hill on ‘your’ side is probably avoiding a car-swallowing crater on ‘his’ side. Be ready for that when cresting any rise.

· It’s an old one but increasingly true: if you see two ears sticking out of a South African pothole, it’s not a rabbit. It’s a giraffe.

· The second most dangerous vehicles on the road are the so-called first responders. The ambulances and the tow-trucks rush vulture-like to be first on the scene and scoop up the body-parts and panel-beating jobs, causing a demolition derby of more accidents. The most dangerous vehicles on the road are, of course, the police cars.

I Queue – like everyone else, but not exactly …

However maddening it can be to deal with the authorities in South Africa there is always a lighter side, even if it is just the spectacular people-watching to be enjoyed whilst sitting in the queue. Yes Britain, you may have invented the queue, but we have perfected it here ... by adding chairs. Every time someone (agonisingly slowly) progresses to the very front of the queue to be served, everyone behind them moves up by one seat. It’s like musical chairs without the music, whether you are waiting for your turn in a pharmacy, trying to check into a hotel or applying for a driver’s licence, the same system applies. We queue sitting down, shuffling towards the front, one seat at a time.

The Department of Home Affairs has however taken this whole concept a few steps further. Masters of frustration and holders of the key, in South Africa, to every critical moment in our lives such as being born, getting an ID book, obtaining a passport and dying, they know that we can’t avoid them. They have us completely at their mercy and they are therefore ruthless in their handling of their patrons. In the case of the Hazyview office, in addition to the inside lines of dozens of chairs (which are always filled with hopeful punters) and the lines of desks in front of them (which are almost inevitably completely devoid of officials for long periods at a time) there is an outside section, separated off from the access to the building by strips of danger tape. Outside the said danger tape are more lines of people, sitting on the tarmacked ground of the dusty car park, rain and shine, filtered into unmarked lines of 1) ‘new applications’, 2) ‘collections’ (wishful thinkers) and 3) ‘enquiries’ (not a chance!). They sit outside there day after day just in the hope of getting inside the office and having a proper chair to sit on. And we are defenceless against this system, with no way of speeding up the process, let alone bypassing it … except …

… this morning, I went to pick up my replacement SA passport and a miracle occurred. It was raining slightly as, armed with a book to read, an umbrella and a flask of coffee, I gingerly made my way past the snaking queues towards the danger tape. I just wanted to talk to someone and make absolutely sure that I didn't squat to no avail in the wrong queue for the rest of the day. There was no-one to be seen. I waited. Then I waited a bit longer. Inside I could see long lines of ominously full chairs. Still, I waited at the tape and …

… just as I was about to give up, a short glaring security guard (as I took her to be from all the badges she was wearing on her uniform) appeared at the cordon and this is how it went:

Guard: What do you want? You can’t come in.

Me: I have come to collect my new passport please. Which of these lines should I be in out here?

Guard: How old are you?

Me: How old am I? Does it matter?

Guard: Yes. How old are you?

Me (truthfully): I am 59 years old.

Guard: That is the wrong answer. Try again.

Me (not-quite-so-truthfully): OK. I am 61 years old.

Guard (lifting the danger tape): You can come in.

And so it was that I went straight to an inside seat in a special section, with only two people in front of me – both of whom, I noticed, were holding babies – and I was in and out in 20 minutes. So, South Africans, when you next go to the Dept of Home Affairs, be at least 61 years old. And if you don’t think you can get away with that, take along a baby (someone else’s will certainly do, if you don’t have one of your own). It can only help.

I felt a little guilty as I passed the sinuous lines of patient souls on my way back to my car, but I can’t apologise. Getting older has to have some perks, after all, doesn’t it? And they would all get as far as a comfortable inside chair eventually, I was sure, even if it was on another day. The never-ending patience and calm of the South-African-in-the-street (literally, in the street in this case) never ceases to amaze me.

Just as I got to the car, the power in the building in front of me went off. Load-shedding had just added another three hours to the waiting time of the people in the snaking queues. Oh dear.

Our country might be in a bit of a mess at times but as a well-connected 'someone' said to me only the other day: “Don’t worry. The whole world is in a mess!”

And, in the words of the great John Betjeman: “thus we dissipate our fears”.

The War is Over :

Covid-19 was our generation’s war. It taught us to be cautious and never wasteful, just as the rations system did the same on a larger and more painful scale for our grandparents during ‘The War’. It also taught us never to take anything for granted. Not our health; not our businesses; not our holidays.

Life is always going to be a conspiracy for some. The potholes are always on their side of the road. But for the rest of us optimists here are a few Positive Spin-offs of the Covid War:

· WFH Work from Hotel – it’s a Thing. We can all become Digital Nomads and work where we want. We can micromanage to our hearts’ desires but let’s do it from the bush or the beach or the berg. Rissington offers great deals to long-staying Digital Nomads.

· Health and Safety has improved everywhere. We never want to have to go back to wearing those horrible masks again. Rissington recently underwent a ruthless health and safety check by international consultants and passed with flying colours. I think the same is generally true everywhere. We had never heard of Sanitiser five years ago. Nowadays it is ubiquitous.

· Hotels have stepped up their game. Well, most of them have. There are still a few hiding behind Covid as an excuse for short-staffed teams and broken-down facilities but that’s a bit like blaming apartheid for the potholes. The majority, though, have really invested for the future.

· Rissington is one of them, of course. How? Well, we have told you before about all the upgrades, but here’s an exciting new one. We have a Cappuccino machine in the restaurant and … wait for it … a Nespresso machine in EVERY room. How sophisticated is that? As the team here would say: “We are like a really really hotel.”

· And in case you are wondering about the environmental impact of the coffee pods, they are all recycled and turned into … wait for it again … bicycles. Even Gretha Thunberg approves of bicycles.

We have also received another chart-topping accolade in that our old nemesis-friends at TripAdvisor have awarded Rissington the TripAdvisor Traveller’s Choice Award for 2023. How cool is that? OK, in the dying days of TripAdvisor maybe it’s not actually that cool, but it is better than not getting one. All fads die out eventually and mercifully Covid seems also to have killed (or at least dampened) the (wo)man-in-the-street’s formerly-endless enthusiasm for constantly reviewing things. And also for repetitive web-based addictions. I bought a shower-arm online from China (sorry, Gretha) and I was amazed a) that it arrived at all, b) that no-one else on ‘Hello Peter’ seemed to have received their items from the same supplier (because only the ones who don’t receive their order will post a comment, I suppose) and c) that the suppliers have emailed me daily since my first contact, begging me to post a review of their 'shower-arms-to-Africa' service. I never do these reviews. Do you?

Quite honestly, I don’t know why anyone thinks it can possibly be constructive for them to air their dirty linen in public, but then I also think that airing your clean linen is just as bizarre. Look at this lingerie sullying the architecture of Rissington’s most recently-built rooms, as seen from the road just inside the gate. What weird behaviour. I mean, seriously?! We offer a laundry service. For goodness sake use it instead of subjecting us to sights such as this!

As for other web-based addictions, I am slowly tiring of Wordle after 600 days of play without missing even one. I am sure we are having repeats of words we have had before although the Internet swears we are not. I have only failed to get the word twice and I just want to beat my 292 highest streak before pulling out. Only a few more days to go.

As for Birdle… what? You are an Afrophile and you are not doing Birdle? It is BRILLIANT. Start now! And then come and do the birding trail at Rissington to help you to up your game. We have had a beautiful black-headed oriole flitting around in our trees, right through the winter, its mellifluous call filling the cool morning air. Even the semi-migrant bird species are staying put at Rissington throughout the year. An example to digital nomads everywhere.

Play now on www.birdle.co.za It's great!

Reading and Writing:

In a bored moment, I worked out that the 50 Rags I have written, averaging around 5000 words each, have amounted to 250 000 words, which is the equivalent of two decent-length books.

My current oeuvre is still underway and taking shape quite well. I do find though that, when I am writing, I also read more. I thoroughly enjoyed Sihle Khumalo’s Milk the Beloved Country. Sihle and I shared an editor a decade or so ago and he has an upliftingly fresh and frank take on South Africa. My other writer-friends have been busy too. Tony Park has just released his 21st book, Vendetta, and it is topping charts all over the place. Of course, you must also still read James Hendry’s Return to the Wild if you haven’t yet done so.

In the meantime, here comes a bit of travel writing, exclusive to The Rag. The newspapers seem to have stopped taking pieces from random freelancer travellers like me, so I shall write for my own publication instead …

As Mad as Madagascar:

Why did we go?

No, not to see the penguins. As it is for just about everyone, Madagascar was a bucket list thing. JJ wanted to see lemurs and chameleons. I was interested in the people and the history. We both wanted to hike, bird-spot and also chill a bit.

Where did we go?

· Antananarivo – three nights of restaurants, city vibes, markets and galleries

· Andasibe for mountain walks, birds, chameleons of many different shapes and shades and, naturally, lemurs, especially the huge indri with its haunting cry – three nights

· A boat trip down the Tsiribihina river – three days of relaxing drifting, birding and camping on the river banks. Thousands (literally) of white-faced whistling ducks, stunning kingfishers and more yellow-billed kites than you could shake a stick at

· Tsingy de Bemahara, near Bekopaka – for the amazing rock formations, the hikes, the climbs and the river kayaking. Fascinating remote villages, fresh fish and sacred skulls in the caves.

· Kirindy – for more lemurs, the elusive fossa (yes, we saw one), different birds, including the loerie-like coua, and the baobabs. Yes, those baobabs. The ones where you need to be photographed. (See photo of JJ, who is now officially taller than a baobab)

· Morondava – for the clean beach and the prawns, the fish markets and the soccer on the sand

What did we like most?

The walks in the forests, the tranquillity, the lack of tourists, the well-planned itinerary, the well-organised comfortable accommodation (not luxury, but definitely ‘comfortable’).

What was most surprising?

The food was extraordinarily good, almost everywhere, and included some real delicacies, great fish, prawns and even foie gras. There was a lot of rice, admittedly, but you could always have more prawns instead.

What did we not like quite so much?

Make no (rattled) bones about it, the roads are appalling. Travel in Madagascar takes patience and fortitude. We had excellent drivers but every journey took forever. So, book long stays and plan for a full day or two driving in-between bases. The people are (it's a stupid generalisation, I know) tolerant, helpful and likeable but not overwhelmingly friendly. Service is adequate. Standards of guiding are generally not comparable with South Africa or other African tourism destinations. The effort is usually there but the knowledge is arguably not, although there were a couple of exceptions, whom I would happily (and strongly) recommend.

Was it good value?

Yes, very much so – even if you are paying in rands - with the only proviso being that expectations in terms of tipping are ludicrously high, adding a large chunk to the cost and leaving a bit of a sour taste on occasions.

Would we recommend it?

Absolutely. For the young and the young-at-heart, as long as they are fairly fit. It was a great trip, packed with superb memories of fascinating wildlife and wonderful birding; the lingering taste of gorgeous prawns. And not a penguin in sight.

Who should you book through?

Pulse Africa in Johannesburg. Exemplary organisation and a perfectly-matched itinerary:

www.pulseafrica.com

Contact the fabulously efficient Nicci Lenferna de la Motte by email on:

info@pulseafrica.com

Nicci will fit you out with the perfect tailormade itinerary. Tell her Rissington sent you, if you like. For more photos of this trip (including our fossa) and his other adventures during his wildlife-based gap year, follow JJ's Instagram feed #thewildersideofafrica by clicking on the button below. Make sure you follow, though because there's much more to come!

#thewildersideofafrica

June Rag Winners and Answers:

Yes, that is where I was in June. Madagascar, so I couldn’t publish the usual Rag. Sorry! But we had fun in Madagascar and you had fun with the quizzes.

The answers and the winners of the June Rag competition were as follows:

Rissingtonian Questions WINNER: SARAH BISHOP (yes, remember her?!)

1) When was Rissington founded? SEPTEMBER 1995

2) What was the first name of Rissington’s first Head Chef, after whom the Rissington Kitchen is named (and the lemon cheesecake was once named)? THE LATE GREAT KUKI NGOBE

3) What is the name (not the number) of the road from which you turn into the Rissington dirt road? MAIN ROAD

4) What was that same road’s previous name? TZANEEN ROAD

5) Who was Sweaty Betty? SHE WAS A MUCH-LOVED RISSINGTON WAITRESS. SHE CHOSE THE NAME HERSELF BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WORKED SO HARD

6) Rissington’s address is Portion 38, a subdivision of the farm De Rust, but what is the actual individual name of Portion 38? LENTELUS (MEANING ‘THE JOYS OF SPRING’ IN AFRIKAANS)

7) What is the first name of Rissington’s oldest and longest-serving staff member (excluding Chris)? SIPHO, WHO, APART FROM CHRIS, IS NOW THE ONLY SURVIVING TEAM MEMBER OF OUR ORIGINAL TEAM OF SIX.

8) Who hosted the ‘Rissington Challenge’ on SAfm radio in the 1990s? TONY LANKESTER

9) What were the names of the two dogs at Rissington when it was founded? FITZ AND SPORT

10) What is the most frequently-occurring tree species on Rissington? SILVER CLUSTERLEAF

South African Questions WINNER: STEVE HALL

1) What is the English name of South Africa’s national fish? BLACK BREAM

2) How many presidents has South Africa had since (and including) Nelson Mandela? FIVE – MANDELA, MBEKI, MOTLANTHE, ZUMA, RAMAPHOSA

3) Who was South Africa’s Head of State during the Second World War? KING GEORGE VI OF GREAT BRITAIN

4) Who presented ‘Top of the Morning’ on the old English Service of the SABC? PADDY O’BYRNE

5) When under siege during the Anglo-Boer War, British soldiers ate a Bovril substitute. What was it called and why? CHEVRIL BECAUSE IT WAS MADE FROM HORSES

6) What is the smallest bird species found in South Africa? PENDULINE TIT (THERE WAS SOME DEBATE OVER THIS!)

7) The art of which South African artist used to adorn the panels on the walls of Johannesburg station? JH PIERNEEF

8) Which (then-called) Radio 5 presenter was also the presenter of South Africa’s most popular television cookery show at the time? AMANDA FORROW

9) Which is South Africa’s third oldest town? SIMON’S TOWN (THERE WAS SOME DEBATE OVER THIS TOO)

10) Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu and Harry Oppenheimer were all members of which organisation? THE FREEMASONS

Pictorial Questions – Where in the World

WINNER: URSULA SANER-DAVARE

The photographs were taken in the following locations:

1. Pella Cathedral, Northern Cape

2. Murchison Falls on the Nile, Uganda

3. Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, London

4. Rissington Inn from a helicopter

5. Inanke Cave, Matopos, Zimbabwe

6. Roundstone, Connemara, Ireland

7. Beynac, Dordogne, France

8. Mekelle, Ethiopia

9. Nascer do Sol near Xai-Xai, Mozambique

10. Voortrekker monument, Pretoria

Anagrams WINNER: PAUL MAY (FOLLOWING A HAT-DRAW)

1. Proud new treats PUTSONDERWATER

2. Felt boon in me BLOEMFONTEIN

3. Re a zit grub permit PIETERMARITZBURG

4. Drat it rich soul LOUIS TRICHARDT

5. Dale con CALEDON

6. Hi Bosh BHISHO

7. Lame bomb MBOMBELA

8. Net prods Rev VENTERSDORP

9. Fear great fin GRAAFF-REINET

10. Ripe rota PRETORIA

Crossword Answers WINNER: PETER AND SHERRYL SCOTT (FOLLOWING A HAT DRAW)

Here are the clues with the answers. Take a look through, even if you didn’t attempt it. See if you can get into it. Once you start to enjoy cryptic crosswords, I promise you will never go back. My clues should each give you two separate leads to the answer.

Clues – Across

1. Showdown game cancelled (7) PLAYOFF

5. Headed for small Father Edward (5) PATED

8. Feline form loses number to give us a sign (3) LEO

9. Dumpling mixed up endlessly with cog and China (7) GNOCCHI

10. Value reward (5) PRIZE

11. Backward kids jump up high (4) STOT

12. Drinks from point on fossil skull (7) TIPPLES

14. Serious crime committed with iron on lost single (6) FELONY

16. Untidy cloth label (6) RAGTAG

19. Trap in drum after measurement of type (7) ENSNARE

21. Performers pitch (4) CAST

24. Struggle in court case (5) TRIAL

25. Elliptical in shape after no six (7) OVIFORM

26. Possess but concede (3) OWN

27. Approve of something numeral (5) DIGIT

28. Visionary remade in chaos with Dexter (7) DREAMER

Clues – Down

1. Summon lowly servant (4) PAGE

2. One part of fight reversed (5) ABOUT

3. French language, of course initially German van (8) OCCITAN

4. Cruel describing dry crisp wine (6) FLINTY

5. Emerge surprisingly. On website? (3,2) POPUP

6. Perhaps a small journey. One of three. (7) TRIPLET

7. Horse discipline from robe era (8) DRESSAGE

13. Influenced albeit a bit put on (8) AFFECTED

15. Longing for pain after short affection (7) LUSTING

17. Records buzzing source behind curve (7) ARCHIVE

18. Reassign in a jiffy (6) SECOND

20. Sounds like maybe too many to apportion (5) ALLOT

22. Controversy on the attack (5) STORM

23. Ruler emerges when hoar frost returns (4) EMIR

September Where in the World:

Here’s September’s challenge. Where in the World was this photograph taken? The closest answer will win three nights’ accommodation for two at Rissington. Send your answer to info@rissington.co.za by midnight on 30th September 2023.

It’s a Deal:

In addition to quoting very favourable rates for any long stay, we are offering our mind-bogglingly good-value 7-night stays for fixed periods in the coming months. You can have a full seven nights, dinner, bed and breakfast at Rissington for only R5800 per person for the entire stay during any of the following periods:

· 20 November to 14 December 2023

· 11 January to 1 February 2024

· The whole of May and June 2024

New direct bookings only. Email info@rissington.co.za

We are also offering a 20% discount on all direct bookings made more than six months in advance, at any time, if fully prepaid at the time of booking. (Prepayments will be refunded if the booking is cancelled more than 30 days before arrival, after which the usual cancellation fees will be applied).

This offer is open to Rag readers only, so please quote ‘September Rag 20% Discount’ when making your reservation and give us the email address or social media handle on which you connect with the Rag. This offer may also not be combined with any other special offers or added to any other discounts given.

Bear in mind that we are also always happy to make activity and game drive bookings in your behalf. There are quite a few unscrupulous and unprofessional operators loitering about on the internet these days, so we strongly recommend sticking with one of our recommended suppliers. Also, if you are a Rissington regular and you are going into the Kruger overnight, we are always only too happy to help you with the bookings and to lend you coolerboxes and any other camping equipment you might need. Just let us know in advance.

Some music to herald the Rugby World Cup

This is a bit of a gulp-maker actually. South Africa has just welcomed its twelfth official language - South African Sign Language - and here is a performance of Mtakamama, performed by the 'Silent Choir' of Johannesburg's St Vincent School for the Deaf, in an advert wishing good luck to the Springboks as they head off to France to defend their title. Watch the very short video here: MTAKAMAMA

Our country is so magnificently uplifting when we get things right. You might not think this one will get to you, but it will, every time you watch it. And I can guarantee you will watch it more than once.

And finally …

We are currently enjoying our four busiest months ever at Rissington. Thank you for supporting us and being excited for us. We love what we do and we love seeing our little place full with happy people. It’s what we live for.

Come and see us. After all, the whole world is a mess and there’s no better place to sit it out than here.

All the best from all of us with a flashback photo to last Christmas. Only 3 months to go until the December Christmas Rag. Watch this space!

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny and Dellina; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian, Mildreth and Maureen; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; Sipho, JJ and Lungile; And Philippa in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. See you soon!

The Rissington Rag - June 2023

2023-06-01T00:00:00+02:00

**The June 2023 Rissington Rag – Fewer Words and Huger Prizes:**

In the immortal words of Monty Python ... and now for something completely different … just for this edition. The Rag will be back to its usual newsy format in September ...

As the March Rissington Rag explained, over the past couple of decades there have been 50 Rags of around 5 000 words each, which amounts to 250 000 words of news, information and (hopefully) entertainment. The equivalent of two decent-length books, I think that’s enough words from me for a while so we are going to do something new in this edition to keep you amused (and gently challenged) wherever you are. Sitting in the sun on a glorious cool African winter’s day? Stretched out on a beach, celebrating summer in the Northern Hemisphere?

Instead of lots of words and views, therefore, here’s my mid-year quiz with plenty of prizes, right after this very quick bullet-point summary of Rissington. which you should read first. It is brief:

The sun is shining and the days are sunny and warm. The southern hemisphere autumn and winter are fabulous months to visit Rissington.
We have stopped cutting the grass for the winter to allow a wildflower and grass meadow to grow back for a few months and to encourage bird and butterfly activity. The grasses change colour every day, through green, red, white and brown. It’s really rather magical.
The winter special is still available for the whole of June. Book a week for just R5800 in total for 7 nights, dinner, bed and breakfast. Extra nights charged on a pro rata basis. Minimum 7 nights to benefit from the rate. Winter special rates and upgrades will also be offered to all our Rag readers for the rest of June, even on shorter stays. Direct new bookings only.
A reminder that, for reasons of their integrity, you are no longer able to book Rissington through Booking dot com or Expedia. Bookings should be made direct with us or through a reputable tour operator. Let us know if you need a suggestion. You can also book through Air BnB and the South African websites Lekkeslaap and Safarinow.
Yes. Thanks for asking. The book is going fine. I am enjoying writing it. If you are looking for something to read in the meantime, get stuck into Simon Sebag Montefiore’s The World : A Family Story. It is a simply superb and very-readable world history. You can see a review of it from The Daily Maverick HERE.
If you have been following Vusi Sindane in Rissington’s social media – and you really should have been – then read this. It is a cause VERY close to my heart. Education is everything. The future of our country depends on it one hundred percent. And there can be nothing more humiliating than going to school without shoes because you simply can’t afford them. Read about Vusi’s incredible journey HERE and make your donation. Only R100 for a pair of shoes. Or £4.25. Or $5.40. Or €5.00. Donate as many pairs as you can afford. Please!
The winner of the competition last time around was Nicky Fitzgerald, respected South African travel doyenne of note, who was the only person to work out that the 1983 photographs in the March Rag were taken at Londolozi Game Reserve. How far we have all come, with Londolozi now being a leading member of Relais at Châteaux and one of the best hotels in the world. A long way from floral print cushions on wire chairs …

Time for some FUN …

There are five sections to the Rag mid-year quiz, each with different themes and challenges. There’s a two-free-nights-for-two stay on offer for each section. Win two sections and you have won four nights. Win all five sections and you have won a ten-day stay for two. All stays are on a bed and breakfast basis. There will be a hat-draw between the top performers in each section if necessary.

Each winner will also receive a bottle of SA Méthode Cap Classique on arrival and a jar of homemade fudge and chocolates as well as a pair of Rissington T-shirts, two caps and two water bottles. Something for everyone!

Some of the answers might be gleanable from the Internet, but I hope not too readily. Earlier Rags might also help with some of the questions but not many of them. I trust that I have also baffled any Artificial Intelligence apps and robots too. HUMANS RULE OK!

The questions and challenges are, in places, deliberately quite difficult and we are not expecting anyone to get everything right which means that, even if one section seems to be completely beyond you, it’s still a good idea to give it a go. For every section there is a free weekend up for grabs. Entries must be in by 01 July 2023. Send to info@rissington.co.za only. Not to any other address you might have. No acknowledgement of emailed answers will be sent until after that date. The winners will be announced on Facebook and Instagram in early July and in the September Rissington Rag.

Here goes – and please copy the word questions into your reply email, with your answer alongside them. For the Where in the World, you may number the 10 photos any way you like. In the case of the Crossword, print the grid, fill it in, scan and send it back to us as an attachment.

Section 1 - Rissingtonian Questions :

1) When was Rissington founded?

2) What was the first name of Rissington’s original Head Chef, after whom the Rissington Kitchen is named (and the lemon cheesecake was once named)?

3) What is the name (not the number) of the road from which you turn into the Rissington dirt road?

4) What was that same road’s previous name?

5) Who was Sweaty Betty?

6) Rissington’s address is Portion 38, a subdivision of the farm De Rust, but what is the actual individual name of Portion 38?

7) What is the first name of Rissington’s oldest and longest-serving staff member (excluding Chris)?

8) Who hosted the ‘Rissington Challenge’ on SAfm radio in the 1990s?

9) What were the names of the two dogs who lived at Rissington when it was founded?

10) What is the most frequently-occurring tree species on the Rissington property?

Section 2 - South African Questions :

1) What is the English name of South Africa’s national fish?

2) How many presidents has South Africa had since (and including) Nelson Mandela?

3) Who was South Africa’s Head of State during the Second World War?

4) Who presented ‘Top of the Morning’ on the old English Service of the SABC?

5) When under siege during the Anglo-Boer War, British soldiers ate a Bovril substitute. What was it called and why?

6) What is the smallest bird species found in South Africa?

7) The art of which South African artist used to adorn the panels on the walls of Johannesburg station?

8) Which (then-called) Radio 5 presenter was also the presenter of South Africa’s most popular television cookery show at the time?

9) Which is South Africa’s third oldest town?

10) Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu and Harry Oppenheimer were all members of which organisation?

Section 3 - Pictorial Questions 'Where in the World?' :

Where were these ten photographs taken? The more detail the better.

Section 4 - Mixed Up Places:

Identify the following South African towns and cities from their anagrams. All names are current and all are one-word answers except for one which is two words and one which contains a hyphen.

1. Proud new treats

2. Felt boon in me

3. Re a zit grub permit

4. Drat it rich soul

5. Dale con

6. Hi Bosh

7. Lame bomb

8. Net prods Rev

9. Fear great fin

10. Ripe rota

Section 5 - Cryptic Rissington. Never a Cross Word …

If you haven’t tried to solve one of my cryptic crosswords before, here is your chance. I have created this one especially for the Rag. See how you get on. As with everything, it’s worth giving it a try. Just print it off, fill it in, scan it and send back as an email attachment. No need to show your workings. The entrant with the highest number of clues correctly solved wins the two nights for two.

See you soon!

We look forward to receiving your entries. Remember that you have a whole month to complete the quiz and send them in. Don’t rush … but don’t forget! Then come and celebrate your prize with us. Also we loved your nickname stories sent in response to the March Rag. Please keep sending them!

With very best wishes from Team Rissington. Come and stay this winter. It would be madness not to …

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian and Mildreth; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; JJ and Lungile; And Philippa in the office, whom you may email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or simply book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us all about yourself in the ‘Special Requests’ box. See you soon!

The Rissington Rag - March 2023

2023-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to The Fiftieth Edition of the Rissington Rag. Yes - the 50th edition of news and views from Team Rissington, with all the regular unusual competitions, thoughts, ideas, fun and statistics. Plus details of a new book. And introducing the new Rissington video. Grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and read on ...

So how did the The Rissington Rag first come about?

It all began in the year 2000 with a typed annual Christmas newsletter, personalised and signed by hand (or topped and tailed, as we used to call it in the days of typing pools full of secretaries). This was snail-mailed out to our top guests, between 2000 and 2009, folded inside a signed Christmas card. At the end of 2010, that one-page letter morphed into an email and became a quarterly event, meaning that this March 2023 edition is the 50th Rissington Rag in its current quarterly form. What a long way we have all come! And how much longer (and how much more popular…) it has become!

Through the years, The Rag has charted the story of Rissington. It has been collated by recording thoughts over a three-month period and then pulling it all together in one long and very concentrated weekend just before it is due to go out. I know it has become quite lengthy at times but I do honestly try to keep it varied and vaguely focused. If you find this hard to believe, just imagine what the ‘chatbot’ ChatGPT would churn out if it was asked to write the Rag! The mind boggles.

According to a recent report, a global expert on Artificial Intelligence estimates that ChatGPT currently outputs 110 times the daily wordcount of all the tweets on Twitter and that it churns out the equivalent of the entire printed works of humanity every 14 days. Incredible. However, as Wikipedia tells us: “its uneven factual accuracy was identified as a significant drawback” – something that could never be said of the Rissington Rag. Hmmm!

So, let’s celebrate our 50th edition with a few more milestones and a wander through some of our favourite Rag topics with even a gentle rant here and there. Let me start by saying that I do apologise if this Rag seems a little self-indulgent, but the past four decades of tourism has been quite a journey for all of us, including our guests and staff, a good number of whom I have known for many or all of those 40 years!

40 years ago …

I started my 'gap year'. I touched on this in the December Rag. It was on February 1st 1983 that I began my career in South African hotels at the wonderful Cybele Forest Lodge, only 25 kilometres from where Rissington would finally emerge. Here I am, aged 19, pictured sitting in one of Cybele's rooms and writing the daily log that I kept of all my experiences in that era that changed my life.

These two 1983 photos (below) of Cybele were taken in its simple early days (look at how random it all looks, right down to the abandoned chairs...!) but it went on to become one of the first five-star hotels of its kind and was a ground-breaker in the country lodge hotel genre for which South Africa would become (and rightly remain) famous. From humble days as a former hunting ‘box’, Cybele was developed and grown by iconic hoteliers Rupert and Barbara Jeffries into one of the world’s greatest hotels, a member of Relais et Chateaux and a South African icon in its own right.

I was the barman. I was paid just R100 a month (then about £50 – now, alarmingly under £5 a month), which I had to share with Simon, the schoolfriend who accompanied me (who can be seen sitting on the steps in the photo). It was worth it.

I would later go on to become General Manager of Cybele and to be included and involved in the founding of a minibus transfer company, its helicopter sightseeing arm and, eventually, a tour operator as well as the formation of the Leading Hotels of Southern Africa. These were the golden years of South African tourism as we approached the transition to democracy and showcased our beautiful country to the whole world for the first time as a tourist destination.

Sadly Cybele closed a few years ago but it lives on in the spirit of Rissington, where a significant number of Cybele alumni now work, including Philippa in the office and Gertrude, our Head Chef. We are all paid a lot more than £5 a month now too!

30 years ago …

I think I always knew that I wanted to open a place of my own but, at 29 years old (and not yet quite grown-up enough), instead I moved on and started work at another truly ground-breaking South African lodge, Fugitives’ Drift, with the late great storyteller David Rattray and his consummate-hotelier wife Nicky, who is still runs it today with the next generation of her family. The picture below of the view from the lodge was taken in 1993. I had thought I was going be helping out just for a month or two but I ended up staying the best part of two years.

Fugitives' Drift was very much ‘bush and basic’ in those days (unlike today, where now it is an absolutely top-ranking establishment www.fugitivesdrift.com) but it was there that I learned that the true art of hospitality is getting to know people as individuals and hosting them as you would your friends. It might seem obvious but it is not as easy as it sounds.

These were two of the happiest years of my career. Ten years into that Gap Year! The following year South Africa voted for a new multi-racial dispensation (it seems bizarre to talk about it now as if that was what it was all about, but it really was …). The dawn of democracy broke and I was one of only two white people among tens of thousands of Zulus to vote at Rorke’s Drift in the ground-breaking 1994 general election. The year after that, Rissington was born, with an ethos firmly rooted in everything I had learnt at Cybele and Fugitives’ Drift.

Book writing

Sometimes, even now, I think my gap year has lasted four decades, with that feeling further heightened as JJ starts his own year of volunteering and adventure. Of course, the reality is that I am just lucky enough to have had a career spanning forty years in which I have always done pretty much what I wanted to do. I have loved almost every day of it.

I have also travelled Africa and the World (yes, I still prefer Africa – sorry World!) and somewhere in the middle of my Rissington career, I accidentally seem to have become a writer. This sideline, in a strange way, was itself born out of the Rag which had come to the attention of a newspaper editor, who then asked me to write a few pieces for him.

This Rag is not the end of anything though - I am planning on at least another 40 years running Rissington - but I have also decided to mark the start of my fifth decade in hotels by writing another book; this one is under the working title of Hotel Havoc. It’s a handbook full of my best stories from my career. I like it already.

So what’s it about? Well … there will always be people who, rather than sensibly looking for a hotel which already caters to their needs, instead choose one that doesn’t and then try to tailor it to their requirements. To help with this, I am writing a book from my own experiences, clarifying for travellers (in a kind and light-hearted way, naturally ...) how not to fall into that category and explaining to hoteliers how they should deal with such people. The primary purpose is to enlighten travellers (so that hoteliers will like them because that is going to be to everyone's benefit!) on what it is like to run a hotel with the secondary aim being to make hoteliers better at understanding the trickier clients and how to foster good relations with them.

It is principally a bit of fun, of course, but I think it will be quite an eye-opener as well. There will be much tongue-in-cheek stuff and it will be filled with all your favourite anecdotes from the past four decades. The what-went-wrongs. The how-did-that-happens. The can-you-believe-they-really-did-thats. Then some handy hints and some DO and DON’T advice. I have a cartoonist lined up for illustrations (because everyone secretly needs pictures in any book) and it will be an easy layout on-the-eye, good for dipping in and out.

Then, 40 years from now, when I am on the cusp of turning 100, I shall start writing the sequel to update Hotel Havoc. In the meantime, there will be at least another 50 Rags. In fact, by the time I reach a hundred, there will have been another 160 Rags. Now there’s a great thought.

Hotels on Television

One of the realisations that promoted the writing of the book is that, for some reason, we are all slightly intrigued by hotels. We wonder how they work. Hotels and also hospitals. Where does the leftover food go? How do they keep rooms clean and safe? Where do the staff sleep? How do they deal with tricky customers? What do they do with the dead bodies? (OK – that’s just the hospitals, although we have had a dead body in one of the hotels I have worked in and that story will, of course, be in Hotel Havoc).

I don’t really know where this fascination comes from but it is probably partially fuelled by spy-on-the wall documentaries such as the one made at The Savoy and also by the exploits of Giles Coren and Monica Galetti, as well as the likes of Fawlty Towers, Hotel Babylon and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, not to mention (for the dead body bits) Casualty, Holby City and The Good Karma Hospital. (I have only ever seen the last of these three medical dramas, but you get my drift.)

Hotel Havoc takes some of its inspiration from all of these and I am enjoying putting it together as much as I hope you will enjoy reading it. Like the Rag, it will have a broad reach and will be far from exclusively South African. There will be stories from my travels as well.

In the meantime, John Cleese has helpfully announced that he is making a new series of Fawlty Towers with his daughter. Here’s the story: NEW FAWLTY TOWERS

Cleese stayed two weeks with us at Cybele in the late 1980s. Can you imagine being a hotelier doing your level best at all times not to be anything like Basil Fawlty – and then having Fawlty stay with you for a fortnight in your hotel?

Also topically, we had Priscilla Presley staying for a week in the '80s when she was starring in Dallas. Unfortunately, during a delivery of salad ingredients to the lodge, she was accidentally pinned up against a wall by the Lettuce Lady's Land Rover, although it was not the accident which upset Madame Presley but rather the fact that the Lettuce Lady had no idea who Priscilla was. But that, like the whole book, is another story ...

ClearScore and other rubbish

Talking of television and returning to a familiar theme, is it just me or are advertisements on television still getting more and more unbearable? BBC World News is bad enough with all its obsessing over one story per day but these repetitve reels drag on long enough, without their broadcasts being rendered even more unbearable by ceaseless ClearScore ads (hasn’t everyone that really wants to know their credit score downloaded the damned app by now?), explosions of yuppies mysteriously making a world-class cappuccino using Jacobs instant coffee and the endless cajoling of South Africans into online-betting on everything from cricket to the Superbowl, or playing virtual slots and Blackjack? Even craps has undergone an online revival.

It seems to me that ClearScore and BetWay are fundamentally immoral in a country like ours, where everyone’s credit is already way over-stretched and where gambling should never be portrayed as a potential way out of poverty. As far as coffee is concerned, there is NEVER any excuse for drinking instant; it’s even worse to try and dress it up as something exotically Italian. And don’t get me onto Hug-in-a-Mug.

Review sites

A 50th Rag would not be complete without a rant about TripAdvisor (and yes, of course, that scourge of a site will also play a good-sized role in Hotel Havoc).

If you look at our recent TripAdvisor reviews (and you don’t have to; you can take my word for it) we had a long and successful stretch of five-star wonderful write-ups but then along came one of those idiots who just has to make a scene. He described us as ‘Disappointingly average’ and gave us three stars. I remember him vividly and he was a nuisance from the moment he arrived but the point is this: didn’t he realise that, if everyone else loves Rissington and he doesn’t, then there might be something wrong with his attitude? I mean, if I don’t like a place but everyone else likes it, does that mean that everyone else is wrong and I am right? He even implies that he is questioning the sanity of other reviewers when they pay us compliments.

The danger with review websites and comments sections on booking sites is that the reviewers come across as if the hotel’s owners have personally requested them to make their suggestions online. It’s as if there were a notice in the room saying: “Please don’t bother us with your niggles while you are staying here. We are busy. Rather post an exaggerated and self-pitying version online for the world to see. We will get around to reading it when we have time to ruin our own lives. Thank you.”

We all like constructive feedback, obviously, but preferably in person, especially with cases of suggested changes and improvements. An internet forum gives the 'reviewer-guest' an unjustified sense of ownership, as if they are carrying out consultancy work and then posting the results publicly for all to see. In doing so, they are dictating changes that would suit them better, with the owner being disempowered by public demands for services, which hitherto, for reasons of budget, tariff or personal style, he or she has clearly decided not to offer. If we thought Rissington needed a Spa for example, we’d build one and charge a lot more. Our choice is not to do so and to get in a mobile Spa service which travels to the lodge for anyone who wants a treatment in their room or on their stoep with a magnificent view over the Sabi River Valley. A much better system, which saves everyone, in the long run, the cost of paying for a facility they might not use.

We had a tough pair of guests the other day, who insisted that they wanted the à la carte menu which they had seen on the website (although there hasn’t been an à la carte menu on the website for more than three years now). Perhaps, though, they would also have preferred it if we had taken out the new air-conditioning and the high-speed Wi-Fi, then moved the swimming pool back to the terrace where it was three years ago? This is a new issue. People complaining because we have made changes and improvements which they hadn't forseen. This pair also asked that we remove the spare single bed from their room. Why? So that there could be no escape from each other’s clutches, maybe?

Bad reviews breed and they are horrible. Please be kind if you are ever reviewing a hotel or a restaurant (unlike the influencer to the left!). If you are not in the industry then you can’t have any idea of just how much a bad review upsets and hurts its victims – the staff as well as the owner. And do review Rissington, if you get a chance, please. Gently!

Cyclones

As I write this, we are bracing ourselves for our second cyclone in three weeks (seen swirling towards us in the picture below) ... and the potential slew of complaints about the road which always follow extreme weather. The road has held out remarkably well up to now but we can't grade it until the rain stops for fear of making the mud worse. Instead we pack it with rocks and rubble so that everyone can get in without sliding around. Yes, even the people with a totally illogical approach to driving in the wet (and they are many...).

As the African saying has it: Does your roof leak? Yes, but only when it rains. Rissingon's leaks are few and far between these days but the outside walls can get a bit green after prolonged rain and humidity. This month, parts of our region have received more rain than at any time since Hurricane Domoina in 1984 so yes, it has been damp, but clearly, we can't touch up the paint when it is raining.

These storms have such gentle and endearing names - last week it was Cyclone Eloise (who sounds like the assistant at the local pharmacy) and this weekend's one is called Freddy - but they really make our lives difficult. It's all we can do to get the staff in and out and keep the service going, to keep the kitchen stocked and to keep the power on. The Kruger National Park has done a superb job as well, despite huge floods and surging rivers. Even Rissington's dam is full, six metres deep and full of leguaans and the fish which emerge miraculously from the dry mud. Life after rain. It's all rather magical, even if springs have sprung up all over the garden.

Yesterday we painted Rissington. Tomorrow, we shall paint it again. And once it has dried out, we shall grade the road. It's the Circle of Life, after all, isn't it?

Names, nicknames and respectful terms

Every now and then I like to take a quick, light look at how our guests are handling some of this country’s map-reading challenges and place names. And staff names. As is so often true about so many problems in life, it helps to be Welsh when dealing with many of our vernacular pronunciations. So no, Nonhlanhla’s name is not Nonky-Lonky, as one of our regular guests insisted. It is Non-hla-n-hla (meaning Lucky) with the ‘hl’ sounded with the same explosion of air through the teeth and the tongue on the upper palate as is required for the double-L sounds when saying Llangollen. The same applies to eMalahleni (formerly known as Witbank, and the first town most people pass through on their way from Johannesburg to Rissington) and to KZN's Hluhluwe, which is not (as a Brummie once said to me) Hooly-hooly or, as the Germans say, Loo-Loova. As for Skukuza, you might think this fairly straightforward, but we get a bizarre selection of sucks and kisses. And don’t blame us for the funny names. Blame the early missionaries (bless them!) for the messy transliterations.

Of course, one of the greatest creative skills is to come up with good nicknames. It seems to be something of a dying art. Maybe it is simply considered unkind by the younger avo-and-quinoa-chomping generations. I mean, at my school, we had teachers called Kipper, Ratbag, Creeps and Whizz-Bang just to name a few. They were affectionate (although they may not have sounded it) and a teacher without a nickname was somehow left feeling irrelevant. The matrons at our school were called ‘The Hags’ and they lived in a ‘Haggery’! John Cleese’s schoolmaster character in the great South African book and movie Spud was always known, quite simply as 'The Guv' and one of our porters at University was invariably called 'Jimmy The Git'. There was a time when our President 'Nice-One-Cyril' Ramaphosa was affectionately known as 'Uncle Squirrel' but that rather died out when we learned that he had millions of dollars squirrelled away in his sofa.

In South Africa, everyone has a nickname. Absolutely everyone. Often employees use them to discuss each other or their bosses without their knowing but also quite often the sobriquets are very blatant and there is no sensitivity. They say it like it is. There are tens of thousands of 'Shorties' and 'Baldies' in this country. The nickname Sdudla for a short fat person is always used affectionately. And Africans don't shy away from the facts. Where other cultures might pretend not to notice that someone is missing an arm (and hiss "don't stare" to their children) an African will simply say it like it is: "Hey, One-Arm, where are you going?". It should equally be said, though, that all Africans are unfailingly respectful in using terms of respect for older people and esteemed friends and relatives: Baba, Ma, Malumi, Mfo, Bhuti, Oom, Tannie, Sir, Ma'am and so on. There are dozens of them in all of our languages.

Nicknames might not be as sophisticated as the naming of racehorses, but they are fun nevertheless. I think the names people come up with for their grandparents are fascinating too. More often than not, it’s a child’s mispronunciation of Granny and Grandpa – so Bambam and Bumper, for example. Both sets of my grandparents were known (very normally) as Granny and Grandpa but to differentiate between them, we used the names of their dogs, so Granny-and-Grandpa-and-Tiko, and Granny-and-Grandpa-and-Jester, where Tiko was a legendary and apparently-leg-free fluffy ball of Pekinese, while Jester was a rather more traditional yellow Labrador. Family friends had grandparents who were always referred to as 'The Fossil' and 'The Founder'. Now that is sophisticated.

You are welcome to submit some of your favourite nickname stories from your school, work or family. The best nickname story will win its writer a free weekend.

So here it was, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun ...

Talking, as we were a bit earlier, of the staff, let’s take a look back, as promised, at our very lively staff Christmas party.

It is a sobering thought that many of the team had never been to the Kruger before and it was such a joy to get caught up in their enthusiastic giggling and shouting and taking-of-selfies with animals in the background. I don’t think anyone was particularly interested in the cheetah, but the elephants were a hit (with those who weren’t scared-to-pieces by them) and giraffes went down exceptionally well.

We stayed overnight in Berg-en-Dal camp, all 34 of us. It had taken a bit of explaining to the team beforehand that, given its bush location and the need for peace and quiet so as not to drown out the night noises of Africa, there would be no loud music. Instead, there would be a huge braai and a fire pit. And a few drinks.

As we arrived in camp and lit the braai, it began to rain steadily but this wasn’t enough to deter our heroic braai-masters JJ and Lungile who, along with a mate of JJ’s, cooked the biggest mountains of fillet, chicken, chops and boerewors I have ever seen. They kept their three braais going superbly in the warm downpour and by 7pm, we were all tucking into a gigantic delicious meal. Then the singing started, unaccompanied. And the dancing. In a ruthlessly judged competition, the teams took each other on with great creativity. Chefs versus Front of House, then Housekeepers versus Maintenance, followed by a dance-off. It made Strictly look mild and my friend Coco, Hazyview’s answer to Darcey Bussell, adjudged the winners to be the Maintenance Guys, ably led, in a variety of fabulously-random chants and shuffles, by Aubrey Mashaba.

It was a later night for some than it was for others, as the revelries continued amongst piles of plates, chicken and lamb bones, torn crackers and soggy hats. Luckily the ongoing rain through the midnight hours dulled any noise that our ‘game’ enthusiasts might have made and the neighbours were left undisturbed. The next morning, after a breakfast of leftover braai meat and Christmas cake, it was two much quieter combi-loads of Rissingtonians that made the journey back to the lodge where, to give them an unexpected chance to recover from the celebrations, I had closed Rissington for another night.

It was wonderful. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Map-reading for Morons (Part 2)

Further to my comments last time, we do understand that people need help getting around and it is one of our happy duties to assist guests in the planning of their days out in our beautiful region but we do expect some thought to come from both sides.

Visitor: How do I get to God’s Window?

Hotelier (politely, in his imagination): What would you do at home? Ask God?

Visitor: We would use a map ….

Hotelier (still politely): Well, we have maps, so get one! Use one. Some of them are even free … and I will show you where to go and what to see.

But often they don’t ask. Instead, they follow the GPS, zoomed into the tiniest degree on their destination and end up lost in the timber plantations trying to get there. Even God can’t help them find their way out of the maze that is a Mpumalanga timber plantation with its spiralling muddy tracks and endless hairpin bends.

With the recent heavy rains as we transition from La Niña to El Niño, it has become all the more important to take advice, follow a map and avoid falling into the potholes. Having said that, most of the roads in the region around God's Window have been resurfaced and are in very good condition. (The government must have known that God was watching.)

If all else fails, take the advice of my previously-law-abiding Australian friend who knew that he had become a South African when he realised that solid white lines were voluntary and that overtaking across them was generally perfectly OK. That way, potholes are more easily avoided. South Africans, as we know, don’t drive on the left or the right. They drive on the best side of the road.

Social Media

If you are not following us on social media, you are missing out not only on some great envious-making photographs on both Facebook and Instagram but also on frequent deals and amazing giveaways. In January, we gave away two weekends for niks, nothing and mahala to the first person who phoned at a given time, previously-announced on social media. Totally free. You can’t get more generous than that. And the bunfight on the phones was good fun too. Follow us on @RissingtonInn on both forms of social media. In addition, please take a look at us on YouTube - you can sign up to subscribe HERE.

We recently made a really great video so even if you don't want to follow us, you can (and definitely should) watch the video here. It will make you happily nostalgic and you will definitely make a booking! Don't skip it. We think it gives a really good idea of what we offer.

watch: Rissington Inn - The Video

We would be interested to hear your comments.

Where in the World – and the Wildlife Competition

The December Rag always sets a more challenging competition and the most recent one was no exception. A few talented people still managed correctly to identify every exact spot. Goodness knows how they did it, although I know there was some very detailed detective work which saw one ruthless entrant even checking which T-shirt Lungi was wearing in the various photos to work out whether they were taken on the same day and therefore in the same area! The answers were:

1) Trafalgar Square, Central London

2) Madame Tussauds, Baker Street, London

3) The Tate Modern, South Bank, London

4) South Stack Lighthouse, Holy Island, N Wales

5) The Port of Holyhead, with Anglesey, seen from the top of Holyhead Mountain

6) Banks East Turret on Hadrian’s Wall, Brampton, Cumbria

There was some wonderful detail in the answers. I especially enjoyed the gratuitous use of Welsh translation and the speculation as to whether I was running for prime minister in the dying days of what was then the short-lived Liz Truss administration.

The winners were Simon Smith and Andy Kok. Amazing performance!

As for the wildlife competition, this was also exceptionally tightly-fought, so we had to be ruthless in the detail, right down to the size of the genet’s spots. The winner was Brian Pfeiffer and the answers were:

Blue vervet monkey, slender mongoose, large-spotted genet, Cape porcupine, white-tailed mongoose, grey duiker, ground squirrel, red duiker, dark-capped bulbul, Natal spurfowl.

Well done to everyone who took part. It was a huge entry.

This edition’s competition photos were taken - you have guessed it - in 1983, both in the same place and, from all the old photos I have dug out and included here and above, in what seems to have been an era of minimalism and more random chairs …. but what was the name of this (still-operating) hospitality establishment? The more detail the better and no, it wasn’t Cybele. The winner gets three nights for two people, bed and breakfast, at Rissington. (Please remember that you should not enter this competition if you have already won a Rissington prize which you have not yet taken up.)

Music section

South African music tells so many stories and is filled with the brimming love we all have for our country. It occurred to me that many of the people who have made the greatest contribution to some of our most eclectic bands were South Africans who were not actually born here. Who would have thought that Johnny Clegg was born in Lancashire, for example, and that Claire Johnstone of Mango Groove came here from Hertfordshire as a child? The uncluttered desire to fit in from a multi-cultural perspective maybe means that immigrants can appreciate and combine the diverse rhythms of a country in a uniquely special way.

But this is the 50th Rag and it would be criminally incomplete without a contribution from a 100% South-African-born group that has made a mark like no other. Here is the world-renowned Ndlovu Youth Choir with their own composition, We Will Rise, performed after they were voted one of the top America’s Got Talent acts ever and were invited to appear on the 2023 AGT – All Stars show. Wow!

WATCH: NDLOVU YOUTH CHOIR 'we will RISE'

Philanthropy - a short story

Every year Freddie (not Cyclone Freddy, fortunately) comes to Rissington at the beginning of the mango season and asks if he can bring a bunch of young kids to strip the trees of their green mangoes. Freddie is from the nearby community of Mkhuhlu, as are the children. They climb deftly around in the trees, pick and crate the mangoes and load them onto Freddie’s bakkie (pick-up). They then take them away and sell them to the atchar-makers. The funds raised are used to buy schoolbooks and uniforms for the same young pickers. Freddie pays me for mangoes. Of course, I say that Freddie doesn’t need to pay but Freddie insists. Otherwise, he says, they would come from me, not from him. Makes you think doesn’t it?

Rissington’s most valued clients

As we get older, we sadly but inevitably lose many clients to old age. Some are unable to travel and others, sadly, are no longer with us.

As I said at the top, the early editions of the Rissington newsletter went out by post and it was only in the year 2000 that we put together our first email mailing list. A few years ago, I then took a look at that huge and chaotic list of names and asked everyone to opt back in if they wanted to carry on receiving the Rag. Thousands (literally) of people did; many asked that we update their email addresses. We also sadly received (and continue to receive) emails informing us of lovely old guests who have departed this world. We hear how much they loved Rissington, how much it meant to them and, in many cases, how the email-writer, a widow or widower or their adult offspring, would so love to come back and wallow in the great memories of the good times they enjoyed here with a spouse or parent. And they often do exactly that. It is really poignant.

My father’s best friend died just before Christmas. He was a South Africanophile like no-one else. He loved Rissington and he was very important to me. For a long time now, there has been a quote sitting on the Rissington website, from a piece by Justin Fox in Getaway magazine, written quite a few years ago. It reads: “The Inn feels like home … I found one elderly gentleman fast asleep (mouth agape in a bout of blissful snoring) and slowly being devoured by a comfy chair. It’s the sort of place where you can sleep in the lounge all day and nobody would bother you unless, of course, you need to be helped out of the jaws of a predatory couch for dinner.”

That man was Peter Herbert, my father’s best friend and one my greatest mentors. I would like to dedicate this 50th edition of the Rissington Rag to Peter and to all our many wonderful guests over the past almost-30 years who are no longer with us, and who loved Rissington. Rissington loved them too.

It's time for a DEAL

If you have got this far you deserve a prize so, for the first two bookings made by readers for a week-long stay in March or April (not over Easter) we will give you seven nights accommodation including dinner, bed and breakfast for just R5800 per person in total. And we will offer the same week-long deal for any booking made for a stay any time in May and June. Direct bookings only. Minimum stay seven nights. New bookings only. Additional nights pro rata.

Onwards ...

Easter is coming. A time of renewal and the beginning of the beautiful South African winter. Come and stay. We are ready and happy and vibrant! Please share the Rag with your friends and take a look around the website at www.rissington.co.za. You can email us any time on info@rissington.co.za. Or simply book and tell us all about yourself and what you are looking for in the ‘Special Requests’ box.

Life is good. Let's live it!

All the best from all of us at Rissington

Chris and the Team (mostly shown and in no particular order but demonstrating below what to wear for a Christmas party in the Kruger National Park - and if they look a bit like the Ndlovu Youth Choir, they certainly didn't sound like them!): Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian and Mildreth; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; JJ and Lungile. And a friend of mine's children, Tim and Patrick, also shown. Philippa is not in this picture but she was there with us and wearing a radical red outfit!

The Rissington Rag - December 2022

2022-12-06T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to the December 2022 Rissington Christmas Rag with all its competitions (yes, more than one), jollities and news. Also some porcupines, some wild speculation, some unusual human behaviour and a few proprietorial quirks. Read now ... or put aside for a quiet time with a good coffee or a glass of mulled wine but don't miss out.

Goodwill and Snow :

I am just back from a thoroughly uplifting African day, driving through our upbeat neighbouring communities of Bushbuckridge, Acornhoek and Marite; there's music in the air and the children are playing, laughing and dancing along the roadsides; school’s out for summer. In Hazyview, the Christmas trees are up and the decorations have been dangling in the stores for over a month with the PA systems playing Live Aid's Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?. And yes, it’s true, there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas-time but the way things are going, pretty soon there won’t be much snow anywhere. The last few snowbound sites on this continent are apparently going to lose their glaciers completely by 2050, including the great Kilimanjaro. Ernest Hemingway would be mortified but the world will adapt, I am sure. Greta has gone a bit quiet, but we know she is still out there, keeping an eye on things.

I am not sure that the Season of Goodwill has really fully caught on in the Hazyview Checkers parking yet though. Witnessed yesterday: a glamorous 30-something woman, expensive designer sunglasses, straightened hair dyed a soft golden-brown, driving a brand new shiny-blue BMW 4 series … is obviously short of change for the car guard so … she gives him a R10 note … and asks for R8 change. So much for the redistribution of wealth!

On we go with a chirpy Christmas edition from the magical place that is Rissington ... starting with this blast-from-the-past photo of JJ from ten years ago. That’s an orange juice he’s holding, but these days a mango daiquiri would be more likely now that he has finished his matric exams.

Ho ho ho Hotelier tales :

One sunny afternoon last month, a WhatsApp message popped up on the office cellphone from a young couple at the swimming pool asking for a member of staff to come down and take a picture of them dabbling adoringly in the ripples. Yes, honestly! Of course, we complied. It is, after all, one of the best pools in the world and I can fully understand its value as a screensaver. But really?! A selfie-taking service? Doesn’t this defeat the whole object of a selfie?! It is lovely that they felt they could ask, though. And at least if someone else takes your pics, you don’t end up with those strange Popeye-arms, distorted heads, multiple double chins and errant armpits so common in the more traditional self-taken selfies.

However daft the request might seem, I totally agree that this fully-in-touch approach is way better than the 'Remote Hotelier' idea, as practised in so many hostelries nowadays. I really can’t get used to that. I know and understand that we have all been through a few years when other people were deemed best-avoided, but online check-ins and then going straight to the room without meeting anyone? Taking meal orders by WhatsApp? Never chatting with your guests? You can’t call it ‘hospitality’ when you are looking for ways to avoid your clients, can you? I just don’t get it. Next there will be scaled-down camel robots to carry the luggage ...

This is also yet another reason why we are not listed anywhere on Booking.dot.com. We want to deal with people, not avatars, algorithms and auto-messaging. We want to know a bit about our esteemed guests before they arrive so that we can give them all the best possible experience. And we don’t want people announcing themselves online as ‘Genius Bookers’ then failing even to check the details of the room they have booked. Or the style of the hotel. Or its location!

Picture the scene in Bethlehem a couple of millennia ago. Joseph, scrabbling away for WiFi, picks up a vague signal from a distant star and decides to book accommodation through a family-oriented online reservations site called Swaddling.com . But what? No room at the Inn? Oh, hold on… There’s a stable available with hay and a manger. Let’s just book that and see if we can get a free upgrade. We’ll just tell them that we are expecting some royal visitors. That’ll work. We need to impress these VIPs from the East – they might be good for some useful presents. Maybe we can all visit the Dead Sea for the day and ask Michelangelo to paint some pictures of us swimming. We could post them on Gracebook…

Clothes lines :

Guest behaviour has definitely calmed down. People are smiling, excited and travelling for Christmas, which is lovely after last year’s last-minute Christmas Boris Ban on South Africa. Gosh, was it really only a year ago that everyone jumped on that particularly brutal bandwagon?

Anyway, normal service has fully resumed. The theft of shampoo bottles and hair-driers has reduced somewhat, the doef-doef music has been turned down … but the laundry is still hanging on the verandahs. I mean, seriously? Talk about airing your dirty (clean-ish?) linen in public …

I dreamed the other night that I had a gang of guests cooking a braai (barbecue) – complete with loud music, coolerboxes and gazebos – on the lawn right outside my home at Rissington. And they wouldn’t leave, no matter how I tried to reason with them. Maybe the chaos of the past two years does all still occasionally get to me. Remember last year when I (actually) caught two couples, on successive weekends, going at it in flagrante delicto in my garden? That was not a dream. Far from it.

What3words and How to read a map, for the uninitiated :

Have you tried what3words? It is absolutely brilliant and will lead you right to an exact spot, not just to an address or a building. Looking for Reception at Rissington? The what3words location is (wait for it ..) :

important.manager.diction.

I couldn’t have picked a better one if I had tried! See left, then download the App. It’s brilliant.

As this cunning invention proves, though, people nowadays are reluctant to read maps preferring instead to rely on apps to make the decisions. So, they stick in their destination without any thought as to whether there might be two places, hotels or restaurants by the same name. For example, there are two Belfasts in Mpumalanga (and one in Northern Ireland), two (at least) Amsterdams in the world (with ours and The Netherlands' version being just over 13 000 kilometres apart) and there are literally thousands of restaurants called La Trattoria.

Drivers still blindly follow what seems to be the shortest route, regardless of the number of towns or the amount of traffic on the roads, whether they are dirt or tarred, whether or not they go through private properties with locked gates or whether (in Africa) the roads even exist at all.

Please don’t follow Google Maps, especially when travelling from White River to Hazyview. Use the R40, not the App’s recommended R538 route. Get the directions from our website, not from a proposal calculated by a computer aboard a satellite two thousand kilometres from Planet Earth! To drive to The Netherlands from here, Google recommends going via the Trans-Sahara Highway, a road which I am quite sure does not exist and would anyway certainly take rather longer than the promised 181 hours. Amsterdam (Mpumalanga SA) to Amsterdam (The Netherlands) in a week, without stopping for sleep, fuel or a pee? Nope!

I just love this Africa map (left) from Visual Capitalist. A few surprises, I think. For example, what is going on in Casablanca that we don’t know about (apart, obviously, from what’s happening between Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman)? And I don’t know anyone in Alexandria, but maybe we should all should start making friends there if the lifestyle is so conducive to wealth? Last time I went up the Nile towards that city, bombs were going off in the churches. You can open a bigger version of the map HERE for easy reading.

Bouncing Blobs (as my cousin has called them) :

We have now moved from Geography to History.

Occasionally (even in the dystopian world of Elon Musk) something utterly beguiling crops up on Twitter. This is just such a case. Check out this magnificent (and even quite musical) visualisation of European history from 1500-2022 up to (but not including) the relief of Kherson. Set aside the time to watch the blobs bounce and swell and shrink, appear and disappear. It’s superb. This is a You Tube link, so you don't need to be on Twitter to view it: HISTORY BOUNCING BLOBS

And talking of bouncing blobs, this (shown left) is the broken leg of the bed in Sycamore, the Rissington Honeymoon Suite. after a clearly-torrid couple of days last week. Definite signs of a good 'struggle' and a joyful and enthusiastic start to a marriage, such that they have actuallly managed to break the bed, rather than simply tearing the sheets, medieval-style! These are the kind of maintenance issues we are happy to fix. Memories are clearly being made here at Rissington. And maybe - who knows? - perhaps progeny too!

The Entertainment section and some Elephant Action :

Plenty of Rag readers are fans of my good friend James Hendry, so it is my humble duty to point out to you that he has just published the third instalment of his comic bush-based novels. Return to the Wild is now out in a book store near you in South Africa and available online. And if you haven’t read his earlier two books, A Year in the Wild and Back to the Bush, then you definitely should.

James is also now back on Wild Earth, if the real stalkers want to get their dose of Hendry dopamine from their televisions once again.

In addition (and only slighty related), in case you have somehow missed it, you absolutely NEED to see this clip of a Kenyan news reporter’s elephant troubles. Such a piece of African joy! It is short but wonderful. Click HEre

For more African good news, sign up for The Good Things Guy’s Friday emailed newsletters. There are plenty of happy stories and some good music sometimes too.

Modern privilege :

We hear so much about colonialism, slavery and domination of all sorts and I can clearly see why it is so divisive and explosive but there are miniature cameo conversations which also throw the odd shaft of light (or darkness) on how all of us – yes, all of us, sometimes – think. And sometimes don’t think …

In the early days of my 40-year career in African hotels, we had no telephones in the rooms at the lodge where I was working. In fact, we had no direct landline either. Phone calls came through a manual exchange on a shared so-called ‘party line’. We also had a telex machine.

Winding (literally) forward a bit to when Rissington opened in 1995, we had phone lines, but still no telephones in the rooms. Instead we had a very rudimentary system of manual bells, which you could switch on to call for someone to come to your room. It worked, but it was not ideal because the bell looked stupidly like a light switch, which meant many false alarms and embarrassing interruptions. It also needed to be switched off, like the button on an aeroplane seat, once the guest’s requests had been attended to. Otherwise it didn’t work again.

So eventually we put telephones in the rooms and then, with the appearance of WiFi, we took them out again. We now have 100Mbps up and down WiFi so that guests can WhatsApp call us at any time. Or send a message summoning us to the pool to photograph them in their speedo- and bikini-magnificence against the sunset.

So what’s the point of all this? Well … most people in South Africa never had landlines but they have successfully bypassed all of this and our country is at the forefront of the struggle to live without defunct technology. This also applies to planet-saving through renewable resources (such as solar street lights) and recycling. I find myself feeling enormously proud whenever I walk past our recycling plant and I see a sight like this one on the left, showing glass bottles, tins, plastic and all manner of recyclable items packaged up and ready to be transported out of Rissington and magically repurposed. (I really hope Greta has got this far down the newsletter.)

One idea of privilege which I simply can’t understand, however, is the comment that is frequently made (completely without malice) about lights in the distance to Rissington’s north and how they apparently impact on the views of Africa at night-time. Do we honestly expect our neighbours to sit in darkness so that we don’t have to look at their lights at night? I don’t think so. And do we really demand that the music of Africa be switched off so that we can listen to the birds and the insects? There are limits, obviously, but Africa is all about light, laughter and fun. No-one should bully those characteristics completely into submission to satisfy our their selfish idylls!

From another perspective, if you are worrying about your energy bills or struggling to tolerate the threat of power outages – in South Africa or in Europe – then maybe it is time to see how the other half really lives. For a simultaneously uplifting and sobering insight into how to cope with very little and to get used to it, sign up for Cathy Buckle’s occasional newsletters from Zimbabwe on cathybuckle.co.zw . You will never complain again.

Social Media and Generational Challenges :

Much as people might get upset about social media, in its various forms it plays many crucial roles. To those of us who have pretty-much everything we need, social media is a means of learning about the world and getting details of special offers (see further down) at our favourite hotels. Or on Black Friday. (Eeeugh).

For those with greater challenges than ours, though, social media is an absolute lifeline. Consider this story:

Selby Mashaba is a member of Rissington’s ebullient maintenance and repairs team. He is also the chap who washes the cars and collects up, in the process, bizarre quantities of foreign currency. (I wonder what he is expected to do with Argentine pesos?). Anyway, one day, he was looking uncharacteristically glum and I sensed real distress. It turned out that, the previous evening, Selby had been called on his cellphone by an acquaintance, asking him to come back to Hazyview from his home in Shabalala a few kilometres away and to collect the said acquaintance and transport him and a friend back to their village in his (Selby’s) trusty old CitiGolf. Selby did so, but on return to his own home later that evening, he was mortified to discover that one of his passengers had stolen his wallet from the car. Cash, ID book, bank card; all stolen.

After he had finished his distraught story, I gave Selby some cash and prepared him for the tiresome process he would have to undergo in order to cancel his cards with the bank and replace his ID book through our heavily weighed-down government departments. It was, to be honest, going to be a real pain for him. Anyway …

That evening he put out an appeal on a Facebook page for the Shabalala community with a description of what happened. Within minutes, his wallet had been relocated and handed back to him, with everything except the cash still inside. Disaster averted. Social media, the community and the Internet are lifelines right across the world. You can’t do that with a landline. And Selby is back to his beaming self.

Clearly, with all forms of media, you have to target your market through the right channels and that can be complicated. Just when you think you have mastered Facebook, WhatsApp status and Instagram, you realise that the younger generation ONLY does YouTube and Tik-Tok. I was getting my head around this when a mid-20s cousin came to stay at Rissington with a few mates and they told me that they don’t do either of those and then elaborated that in social media terms (and also in actual social terms, I think) a generation lasts only four years. Heaven help us.

We are just getting to grips with the 20-year-long generations of Gens X, Y and Z only to discover that, not only do they all hate each other but they are also sub-divisible into smaller groups. OK Boomer! And don’t get me onto Twitter. I know Musk is South African, but so is Nando’s and that is much more important. As the former Mr West might sing, quoting Georgie Fame, and now that he is off Twitter again: “I say Ye Ye”.

Wildlife Bushcam Picture Competition :

I have mentioned the new walking trails recently, on our social media feed. When we walk with the dogs in the afternoons, we often see monkeys and occasionally a buck breaks cover, but it is at night that it is really all happening. Some real prickly situations! (Was that a Dad joke?).

I haven’t managed to capture the jackal with the camera yet. Or the caracal. JJ also swears that he saw a leopard the other night. And if JJ says he saw one, it was there. Rissington wildlife is thriving.

There's a bigger selection of full-size bushcam photos below the signature at the bottom of the Rag under all our names. Identify the ten different species shown in those pics, email the list to info@rissington.co.za and win a weekend for two if your name comes out of the draw. (No, Latin names are not necessary – that is just showing off.) We often move the bushcam around and a number of the photos show creatures eating wild plums. Yes. They almost all have plums in their mouths...

As a spin-off from our own wildlife plethora, we shall be taking the entire Rissington team into the Kruger for an overnight safari for our year-end party later this month. It’s going to be wonderful. There will be 32 of us, so we shall need a good-sized braai and loads of Christmas crackers. They really are the best bunch of people in the entire world. I can’t wait.

The ‘Where in the World’ Competition :

We drew the name of Rob Cassella from the hat in last month’s competition. The answer was the Big Pineapple, outside Bathurst in South Africa’s Eastern Cape Province. Nice one, Rob. You have just won yourself three nights for two people at Rissington.

The Christmas Competition is always bigger, with six photographs and a three-night stay for 4-5 people in a hillside suite up for grabs. See how you get on with naming these six places from Lungi’s and my recent trip to the UK. The more detail the better, as always. Send your answers to info@rissington.co.za by 15 January to go into the draw.

Celebrations and Offers :

We have enjoyed some real highlight celebrations at Rissington this year. The world has changed and with this change has come the need to spend more time with family. This often appears to take the form of a big party and we love those. If you follow us on Social Media (Instagram or Facebook) you will have seen wedding pictures, an 80th birthday and dozens of photos of our swimming pool brimming with cavorting families.

We don’t take groups of more than eight people, but we make an exception for families and multi-generational groups, especially in the hillside suites. For weddings and big bashes, we recommend taking over the whole lodge and we are happy to negotiate special rates for that. Rissington is quite simply a superb place for a celebration bash.

The three Rs of Rissington – Relax. Revive, Remember – should, as one guest recently said, be extended to four. The fourth ‘R’? Return. On an average night at least a third of our guests have stayed before. Many of them many times. That tells you something. And we love it.

Throughout the year, we have been running specials for longer stays and we shall continue to do that, so keep an eye out. We think a week at Rissington is a pretty blissful idea and the offer has been taken up by literally dozens and dozens of people, some of them again and again. Our current offer, which applies for the first two weeks in December 2022, the last two weeks of January and the whole of May and June 2023, is for 7 nights, dinner, bed and breakfast for R5800 per person in total. People love it. Many have stayed a week; some have stayed two weeks. One or two have stayed even longer than that and none have ever been quite ready to leave.

We could also add a fifth R, I suppose: Recommend. Send your friends. And if you want the ideal Christmas present, just drop us an email to info@rissington.co.za and we will send you a voucher made out to the recipient for a weekend or for a longer stay, which you can give to anyone you like as a gift.

A quick shout-out for our TripAdvisor fans. Thank you for taking the time to give us your reviews. It helps keep a sense of perspective and it means a lot to the team. It is wonderful to see so many five-star reviews in the past few months and we really appreciate them. There is one recent three-star review, but I think I have suitably dealt with him so that he doesn’t do it again …

If you have stayed recently and haven’t reviewed us yet, you are welcome to do so on any platform including Google. For some reason, which I have still yet really to fathom, it is important although I don't think I shall ever really understand how it can be constructive to write a negative review. Obviously, positive reviews are a kind way for happy clients to say thank you and to help with the marketing effort but uninvited negative reviews are nothing short of spiteful, I reckon, and that canot be condoned. I don't know. Maybe we are just too sensitive.

Gapping it again :

No, we are certainly not taking Gap Year students again (no, NEVER again!) but, as of this week, JJ – now 18 – has finished school and is starting a year of wildlife volunteering and travel, whilst I am, of course, still on my gap year too, 40 years on this coming February. As my mother once said: “I am sure one day Christopher will settle down and get a proper job”. Sorry Mum. Life is good if you love where you live and can travel enough. I am just back from a couple of days at the magnificent Fugitives’ Drift Lodge at Rorke’s Drift in KwaZulu-Natal. Life-changing even after 30 years of visits. www.fugitivesdrift.com

The only downside was when I stopped at a shopping mall in Nelspruit on the way home and was asked by the chirpy car guard where I had driven from. I said I had come all the way from KwaZulu-Natal, a seven-hour journey. He looked shocked: “I thought you had just come in from your farm. If you have come from KZN, you should be wearing your smart clothes.”

I looked down at myself. Clean polo shirt and shorts. Flip-flops in fairly good condition.

“These are my smart clothes,” I said. He looked me up and down again and was clearly bitterly disappointed in me. I tipped him generously, just to prove that I could. Much more than two rand.

A very merry Christmas to all you lovely, lovely people and a booming travel-full 2023 from ever-cheerful Rissington. See you soon!

Chris and the Team: Shirley, Natasha, Nonhlanhla, Princess, Nkateko, Rosa; Gertrude, Dudu, Yvonne, Angel, Conny; Futhi, Betty, Noggs, Patience, Bonisile, Lilian and Mildreth; Aubrey, Selby, Lucky and Peter; JJ and Lungile; And Philippa, whom you can email on info@rissington.co.za for all your booking requirements. Or book online on www.rissington.co.za and tell us about yourself in the ‘Special requests’ box.

Here are the Bushcam photos for the Wildlife Competition (ignore the dates and times - they are incorrect!):

The Rissington Rag - September 2022

2022-09-01T00:00:00+02:00

Hello … and Welcome to the September 2022 Rissington Rag ...

... with news from happy guests, lunacy from one or two difficult guests, snowflake news, generous prizes, special deals, JJ turning 18 and the totally-unexpected return of the missing ‘friends-cum-travelling-companions’ from Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama by Chris Harvie. Read on … or put aside to read with a coffee later, but please do not ignore!

Updated normality … and clean underwear ...

With a lodge-full of merry guests from across the globe (except for China… and, well, Russia, it seems) we have been able to settle back into regular hotel life and all the assorted trauma that goes with that: the Dutch self-washed underpants and socks draped across the stoep chairs for everyone to see as they drive in, for example; the French kids getting stuck into the complimentary sherry and dropping the decanters; the Germans starting every discussion with “I have just one question” and then launching into a full interrogation consisting of dozens of probing queries about South African rules and regulations; the English talking about the weather and especially about how hot England has been, followed by a lecture on the morality of their ubiquitous hosepipe bans; the corrupt traffic cops are back on the N4; airline staff around the world are on strike; luggage is going missing en route. And so it goes on.

We have also reverted from the fundamentally-abnormal of the pandemic, where nothing was predictable except for unpredictability, to much more normal abnormalities like corrupt politicians, climate change debate and gun ownership laws. South Africa can offer advice on all these issues, as well as on whether an athlete is really male or female, how to beat the All Blacks (in Nelspruit – yay! – just as the ‘Rhodesians’ did in Bulawayo in 1949, see left) and where a President should keep his money (yes, our own Uncle Cyril keeps his millions under the mattress, just like any sane human being).

One lodge, many markets

So, over these challenging two and half years, we have become past masters at hosting a vast range of people from many different countries and backgrounds, including our own broad South African market.

Has it been difficult? Only very rarely. After all, a good Toyota dealer can service a Land Cruiser, a Quantum, an Etios and a Prius, which is a pretty broad range. He only really struggles when someone pulls in with a huge Mercedes truck or a vintage Triumph motor bike. Hospitality is the same. As long as you want what we are offering, you will get it, for sure, in high-quality spade-loads.

Of course, there have been occasional difficulties. For example, un-confessing anonymous (maybe sherry-fuelled?) children smashed not one but two windows by the pool-table yesterday morning, in a game which must presumably have deteriorated into a Star Wars re-enactment with the cues being used as light sabres. They left without saying a word, or even reporting the damage. Another lot broke a basin in one of the bathrooms and equally didn’t seem to think that to be their fault in any way. Accidents happen, I guess, but we have removed the darts board, just in case…

Then there was the South African mother (with two evidently somewhat inept nannies in tow) who insisted that throwing food at the walls in the room and drawing with a marker pen on the sheets and pillowcases was perfectly normal and acceptable because what did we expect from kids? Well, it’s more about what we expect from parents, actually, when travelling with kids (and even more so with a nanny per child), as we tried to explain!

It has mostly been a total joy, though, for us to see more and more of our compatriots and to have all our worldwide regulars staying again so frequently. If you all keep coming – and if you keep sending your friends – we shan’t need any new business. It has to be hotelier nirvana.

The Review Love Fest

Obviously, there is still the odd total nana like the petulant and entitled millennial who booked through Air BnB and then, according to her review, couldn’t understand why she couldn’t come to Hazyview on a cheap bus line and get an Uber to Rissington from the Bus Stop. I was away so instead she demanded (by WhatsApp messaging the office) that Rissington’s maintenance manager collect her from town in his Datsun Cherry at his own expense, a favour for which she didn’t pay or even tip him. The next morning, she stood and hitchhiked on the Rissington terrace, trying (unsuccessfully) to cadge a day-trip up the canyon with other guests, rather than paying for a guide and transport. True as Bob, as we say in South Africa (for some inexplicable reason).

The challenges and joys of hotelling are familiar ground but in some ways, this has been like starting all over again: new team members, new menus, more families than ever, kids often slightly feral after being cooped up for years…

The latest irony is that our magnificent new-look pool and gardens have led to a couple of reviewers suggesting that our rooms are (to quote one Frenchman) ‘somewhat simple’. The more we improve our offering in one area, the more it seems that people expect from us, which is fair enough, but there is nothing I hate more than having our rooms described as ‘rustic’. Fences and cows are rustic. Sheds are rustic. Rissington’s rooms are not in any way shed-like!

Expectations are also seemingly unusually high due to pent-up demand from people who have been confined to their homes. The ‘New Travel’ is challenging, airlines and airports are struggling and it is as if we are all slightly out of our comfort zones; a little on-edge.

Rissington is on cracking form though and I must admit that our wonderful little place means more to us than ever before, after two years of fighting for our very survival, so if we seem a bit more sensitive to any rare criticism, then please forgive us! I never court reviews (and we spare you follow-up letters asking for your feedback) but if you have recently stayed with us and loved us, please do post a review somewhere. Anywhere! And tell your tour operator – if you use one. After years of peace, we don’t want the lunatics to take over the asylum again. Fair, positive reviews create balance. But, whatever you write, don’t even think about using the dreaded ‘rustic’ word anywhere. Please!!

Spring is in the Air. And Bouncing Bottoms are in the Bushes …

The actual registered name of the farm on which Rissington lies is ‘Lentelus’ and it is a sub-division of a much bigger farm called ‘De Rust’, which obviously means 'The Rest' (and therefore what you come to Rissington for). The meaning of Lentelus is much more romantic though. The word lus is Afrikaans and it actually means lust, but it is broader in meaning than the English version and is equally-easily used in SA English, in such expressions as “I am lus for a coffee”. So Lente is spring and Lentelus can most simply be translated as – you have guessed it : The Joys of Spring.

Talking of lust, though, and given that, last spring, I more than once stumbled across mating guests going at it, hammer and tongs, in the bush along our walking (or bird-watching!) trail, I am rather hoping there will be no repeat performances this time around. The old expression ‘Get a Room!’ sprang to mind, Ironically, though, they had a room at Rissington – but had decided anyway to go al fresco! A Day in the Life of a Hotelier…

Sunset at Rissington

We just love how great our gardens are looking after the unusual rains (and when not occupied by coupling couples). The swimming pool creates the most magical wow factor when people step out of their vehicles, turn around and look into our view of the mountains. Somehow the pool has drawn us deeper into our environment and made us more a part of our corner of Africa. Every afternoon towards sunset, everyone seems to gravitate, glass in hand, towards the sunbeds to watch the sun go down behind the Escarpment before moseying back to the terrace for dinner. Sundowners by the pool, anyone?

Better than Turkey. Long stays (and high-speed WiFi)

To beat the energy crisis, Germany’s government has (in all seriousness) been suggesting that people should leave Germany and head for Turkey for their winter and keep warm without burning German (or Russian, subject to availability) gas. Well, I think you should all be heading for summer in South Africa instead. Check the weather forecast further down.

The days of hectic holidays-on-the-move are over and we now find that our guests are often settling in at Rissington for four or five days at least. Often a week. Sometimes two weeks. Our new fibre-based high-speed WiFi also means that those who miss their friends or their favourite You-Tubers and are determined to stay glued to their phones (or who want to watch a movie before bed) are able to do so. We have a brand-new dedicated 50 Meg line which can support just about any level of demand and has proven to be very reliable. This, of course, also makes Rissington the perfect place for working from ‘home’, or writing that long-intended novel.

Head to the bottom of the Rag (after reading the bits in-between) for details of our special offers for long stays.

Fake News

In these days of scams, lies and fake news, please be aware that one of our official brown tourism road-signs is missing from the R40 where that road runs through Hazyview. If you see our sign elsewhere in the world (apart from these legitimate road signs in the UK, shown left – thanks, Spike, for sending!), please be aware that it is stolen and that it is trying to lure you Trump-style to a fake Rissington. In the meantime, we have ordered another (which might take many years to arrive) and cleaned up our road access with our neighbours. Further huge improvements are anticipated to the first section of our entrance turn-off and we shall continue to work on the dirt road section to keep it easily accessible for you in your low-slung Ferrari - or your suspension-free Avis Chinese Haval hire car.

Recycling

Rissington’s in-house recycling project continues to go from strength to strength and has become ever more planet- and wildlife-friendly. It is now also run for the benefit of a local entrepreneur who profits from the proceeds of the recycled items.

After all, we are all much nicer people these days and we all get the fact that dumping rubbish is just totally unacceptable. Well, almost all of us. Africa has a lot of catching up to do, but then it seems in Europe that, now that dogs are not allowed to poo in public, their owners have to scoop the poop up into plastic bags and dump it (or, apparently frequently) hang it from trees. I mean what is this all about? Biodegradable manure being kept out of the ground and hung from trees in non-biodegradable plastic bags?

Weather patterns

Just as Europe has been basking in extraordinary heat, so South Africa has enjoyed a very mild winter with some unexpected overnight rainfall, which has led to the very odd situation in which many of the birds have not migrated at all and the trees still bear last year’s leaves with this year’s shoots emerging alongside them. I am not going to get into a debate about what this all means, but our lawns have remained green right through the (normally-) dry season, the gardens have flowered all year and there have been people (admittedly Europeans and often rather untanned and blue in colour) swimming in the pool every day.

There was a puzzling media report on the UK weather which contained advice regarding the likelihood of exotic pet snakes escaping in the English heat. Why would the poor creatures be more likely to escape from their aquaria if the sun shines? Our South African Garden of Eden snakes all escaped long ago and live a lovely life minding their own business in the bush so perhaps, like having a prevalence of ‘exotic’ snakes in their midst, the Europeans will all just need to get used to hot sunshine and maybe also to invest in (planet-friendly, of course) air-conditioning. And hats.

In the meantime, the joys of our sunny warm South African winters are in no way lost on the Europeans who came here in July and August to escape their sweaty sleepless summer nights and the smoky skies in Europe. It’s the perfect time to travel here, warm-to-hot sunny days, no sun cream needed, no rain at all to speak of and no fighting over the sunbeds now that we have so many. Quite a number of people have told me that they will be returning to our area and avoiding the hotspots and fleshpots of Spain and Greece in future northern hemisphere summers, where the roads melt, the railways buckle and there are snakes lurking under every rock!

Here (left) are the average annual highs and lows for Hazyview as well as those for October and December for the benefit of those of you on your way here soon.

Snowflake haters are so passé

This weather report brings us back to the snowflakes. It’s an old theme of the Rag which we haven’t touched on for a while but it seems we are not allowed to dislike snowflakes any more, not because (heaven forbid!) we might hurt their feelings but rather because someone has actually written a book telling us we can’t hate them because a) they might be right and b) we are not listening carefully enough to what they say.

Well, you can read a review of the book HERE but I think the problem is even simpler still. It is that almost everyone is a snowflake nowadays. It has become a cross-generational thing whereby, through the awfulness of ‘vox pop’ interviews on television, radio, YouTube, TikTok etc, the heart-on-the-sleeve-wearing public is door-stepped or blocked by reporters in the street and asked for its view on everything from mass shootings and Ukrainian refugees to the health sector, old people dying in hospital, heating bills and who should be the next leader in this leaderless world. This feigned interest in public opinion by prurient journalists just fans the flames and gives Joe Soap the incorrect impression that we really give a hoot what he thinks. And that’s just the political issues. It’s even worse when someone famous dies and we have to watch fans blubbing in public. I mean, I miss Olivia Newton-John as much as the next guy, but I don’t need to tell the world about it.

So, I reckon we should all just grow up and get on with it. No-one really cares what we think and nor should they. We just need to let the snowflakes melt on the flames of the extreme heat and do our bit towards becoming self-sufficient and un-burdensome. If Covid has taught us one thing, it is that we actually are on our own sometimes and we must just get on with it and survive. If you need inspiration, just look at the magnificent people on Team Rissington and right across our complicated country, see how they have weathered (no pun intended) the last couple of years and be in awe.

The ‘We All Love a Good Map’ section

Here’s another bizarre collection of maps showing extraordinary statistics from across the world. We all know already that the Dutch are very tall (although I am encouraged to find myself to be of average height for my background) but from the other 39 maps, we now also know, among other things, every country’s favourite beer, some popular surnames, foods and swearwords, and America’s favourite dog by state (a truly astonishing result!). Have a look through these and be amazed …

SEE THE REST OF THE MAPS HERE

A Very Important Reunion

It has been a while since I have mentioned my book Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama which came out almost 15 years ago now, but I have an unusual reason for doing so now. As those who have read the book might remember, page 100 (of 333 pages) in this otherwise mostly-placid and (I am told) entertaining and interesting southern and East African travelogue, features a spectacular and only-just-unviolent argument between me and a couple of fellow-travellers which quite promptly led to a sudden and lasting parting of ways at the southern tip of Lake Tanganyika. This situation then led to a further 233 pages of African continental road travel in which we all quite simply went it alone, hoped for the best and also hoped not accidentally to end up in the same campsite for the night for fear of further repercussions. In that aim we were successful and, in fact, we never spoke to each other again until … Covid.

As happened in many cases, the strange, enforced, introverted nature of the past couple of years led our former-fellow-travellers to get in touch, 16 years on, and to suggest that bygones should be allowed to be bygones. ‘Mike and Moira’ (not their real names, but as they are known in the book) came to stay in June this year and, after a slightly-nervous start, we all enjoyed a great week of catching up, sharing stories and poring over maps. If you haven’t read the book, please do. It is out of print but the e-book can be downloaded, cheap as chips, by clicking here on AMAZON . You can even check out the book reviews there too. Some of them are really quite complimentary. Just ignore the German guy. I think he missed the point, somehow.

Anyway, just as the falling-out in print was quite spectacular, so the reunion in person was equally wonderful, despite the ‘Mike and Moira’ confession that they were so angry on that day in 2006 that, on their departure at dawn, they even considered tying my tent to the back of their Land Cruiser and dragging it (with me inside it) down to (crocodile-infested) Lake Tanganyika. Thank goodness they didn’t and that bygones are now officially just that.

The ‘Where in the World’ Competition

We have been running a number of competitions on Instagram and Facebook offering free weekends to the winners, so if you aren’t following us, you should definitely do so now. The June Rag’s competition was a tricky dawn view of Tzaneen, taken from The Coach House Hotel, and no-one (of many entries) won it from the Rag, so I published a second slightly different angle of the photo on social media and this yielded our winners: Herman and Sonja Kieft. They are coming in November for what will be their 25th stay at Rissington. Impressive!

Here’s this edition’s competition photo. Where was this photograph taken? The more detail the better. The winner gets three nights for two people, bed and breakfast, at Rissington. (Please remember that you should please not enter this competition if you have already won a Rissington prize which you have not yet taken up.)

Also, for the more competitive amongst you, here’s an Australian 'Spot the Difference' competition (no prizes!) … and how are you doing at Wordle? I hit my 200 streak a couple of weeks ago. Very rewarding!

Quotes for the loo wall

Avid readers will remember that in the last Rag we asked you to send us your favourite quotes and proverbs. Well, we received a flurry of suggestions, almost all of them quite definitely unsuitable for publication in a reverent newsletter such as this. A hospitality theme emerged, though, and one proverb, in various versions, came up again and again. My father (who spoke no German at all except for an uncanny ability to order the best local beer) also used this same proverb in German, so that is how I shall quote it: Gäste und Fische stinken nach drei Tagen. (Guests and fish smell after three days). Googling around a bit, it has been variously attributed to an old Jewish saying and to American founding father Benjamin Franklin, who must have been a bundle of laughs to stay with in his Philadelphia home.

Of course, at Rissington, this adage simply doesn’t apply. The only fish is sweet-smelling fresh trout in many forms and our guests are welcome to stay as long as they like. Days, weeks, months! It has been a particular pleasure to have one of our favourite guests (all the way from California) staying with us for a couple of weeks in August and (way more than three days from her arrival) the team was very sad to see her go.

Specials

Long stays, as I have mentioned a few times, being very much the norm, and following many a request from those who have taken up our amazing week-long offers over the past few years, we shall be offering these deals again. Inevitably, I am afraid, we can only offer the very very low rates at the last minute and in low season and downtimes, so you will need to watch our Instagram and Facebook feeds and our WhatsApp status updates for those.

We are however now offering a year-round special for long stays which can be taken up at any time. With our new superb WiFi speed, they are particularly suitable for those who have begun working from home but would like to work from Rissington instead. The offer is however open to anyone who stays a continuous week or more. It includes breakfast and dinner, bottomless tea and coffee and endless free Internet for the special price of R8000 per person per week, based on one or two people per room. Prices for a third person on request. Direct bookings only. (As I say, lower rates for a similar deal might become available, but these will be announced separately on Social Media and will, in all likelihood, only be available in May and June.)

So … time to work away from home? To pen that long-planned autobiography? To research that family tree? Come and do it at Rissington. Stay as many weeks as you like at that weekly rate but you will need to book early if you are to get in for an uninterrupted sojourn.

The Sunday Times Review

As a travel-writer myself, albeit resting, I know the value of good coverage almost as much as I am aware of the damage of less-complimentary write-ups, although fortunately Rissington has never suffered one of these in the media. I was particularly happy, therefore, to see us featured in the Sunday Times of London. I am not sure that I fully recognise myself in the writer's description of me (and neither is the quoted regular guest convinced that she actually said what he says she said) but we really enjoyed having the paper's Travel Editor staying with us and you can read his exceptionally well-written and somewhat off-beat review of Mpumalanga, featuring Rissington HERE

A Dog Picture

As a final feature, Rissington’s dog Bruno has become a firm and popular fixture both at the lodge, in the social media and in the Rag, so this edition is no exception. The image alongside, however, would seem to suggest that Bruno might have left Rissington and started a rival pub in Graskop. Please be advised that this too is Fake News. Bruno is still right here, with the rest of the team, at the heart of our hospitality. Rusty, his bundu-bashing buddy, also features in a fantastic new portrait in the homepage slideshow of the Rissington website www.rissington.co.za where we have also posted a number of new photos of the lodge and the recent refurbishments. Please take a look around and look at what we have been up to.

Tributes

To the many of you who have been back recently, thank you. We appreciate you and it was great to see you all in numbers. To those of you who haven’t ventured down this way for a while, please do.

And, in a final happy tribute, many readers will have met JJ over the years, or seen him striding, ever-taller (because he is partially Dutch), into the bush with the dogs to keep tabs on the wildlife. Maybe you were even one of the lucky few over the most recent school holidays, to have seen him wandering around the garden in his dressing gown on a cool day, with Rusty and Bruno (not in dressing gowns), during a break from revision?

JJ is pictured (left), dressed and ready for his matric dance earlier this year. He has just turned 18 (amid a weekend celebration involving a great dinner, a number of exotic cocktails and a fair bit of brandy for him and his friends) and he is about to sit the most important exams of his life, so I am publicly wishing him a very Happy 18th Birthday and the best of luck for the upcoming matric exams. He is a wonderful guy; he is my hero and I am very proud of him!

Please come and stay soon – and, if you are coming this way or if you are sending friends, please remind us in advance so that we can organise an upgrade if possible …

All the best from sunny, green Rissington Inn, Hazyview, Mpumalanga, South Africa as Jacaranda Season approaches.

Chris and the talented Team Rissington

The Rissington Rag - June 2022

2022-06-01T00:00:00+02:00

A Warm Welcome to the June 2022 Rissington Rag … please read on ...

Words of Wisdom :

Welcome! This is a good and varied Rag with something for everyone and with some fine prizes and special offers too, so make yourself a coffee (or pour yourself a whisky if you prefer) and settle in. With the Rag coming out only every three months, there is plenty to talk about, as ever, and I hope once again that we manage to throw you a few happy rays of light and sunshine with our stories of small hotel life in rural South Africa. You may not always agree with us, but hopefully we will amuse and entertain. Maybe even occasionally enlighten? So, let’s start with a couple of quotes, picked up during the last week:

“Some are wise, some otherwise” : from the superb track Ripples by Genesis (the greatest rock group ever, not the opening book of the Bible, although the quote might just as aptly be applied to Adam and Eve – and I am not taking sides as to who was which).

Then, closer to home. A (very wise) quote this Monday from Sipho Mhlanga, Rissington’s driver of 27 years and the same age as me. He asked me “Why are young people so much older than us?” It is such a great question! Why indeed?

Send me a good quote that I have never heard before and the top entry will win a free weekend at Rissington and maybe (huge honour) even make it onto the loo wall. Email to info@rissington.co.za

The final throes:

I know you are probably all pandemicked out – everyone is – but unless you are reading this in Shanghai (or in Pyongyang, where we actually do have one reader, although I have no idea who it could be so please get in touch if it is you) we have now seemingly emerged once and for all, so it’s Look-On-The-Bright-Side-Time …

We block out trauma. It’s an obvious psychological fact and it is borne out by the way we deal with not talking about Covid by name. We vaguely say that “it’s been a tricky couple of years” or we euphemistically talk about “the recent mess/complications/situation”. We even find it easier to talk non-specifically about ‘the pandemic’ rather than to use the word ‘Covid’. It’s the new C-word, in the same way that some people avoid the use of the word ‘cancer’ for fear of upsetting people. Well, I know from experience that cancer is a real word and doesn’t need a euphemism that somehow denies or belies its existence. Covid is the same.

So let’s talk positively about Covid for a second. Obviously there have been many, many downsides and, like almost everyone, Team Rissington has lost a number of friends, some family and a few much-loved guests to this awful ‘situation’. In the Rag we did, however, promise ourselves all the way through that we would look for the positives and here are some more:

The game is abundant – never has there been so much wildlife on the move at Rissington and, as regulars will remember, it all started just over two years ago when the footfall fell dramatically as a result of Covid. The uptick continues though and we catch our porcupine (or one of them, because we know they are breeding here) on the Bushcam almost every night. I love the way he's bustling along in this picture! We also see an assortment of mongoose – slender, white-tailed and banded – and civets and genets as well as both red and grey duiker. The most unusual sighting was by a recent guest who swore they saw a lion eating a monkey on the Rissington property. It turned out from the spoor that it was probably a caracal (similar to a lynx) but even that is a wonderful sighting. The presence of these fascinating and secretive creatures is a great indication of sound biodiversity. I am also happy to report that our spotted eagle owls are active again so we can expect them to lay in their usual spot in about 12 weeks’ time. Cue: many more cute owl photos in September …

Wordle – Onto another type of game. Covid gave us Wordle. Can you now imagine a world without Wordle? What we do without the greatest word game ever, to accompany our tea and jelly babies at the end of a day’s work? I even proudly got one of them (the word was SHINE) at the first guess. What a euphoric feeling! A hole in one!

And have you tried WORLDLE (with the extra L)? It is Wordle’s geographical sibling in which you have to identify a daily country by its outline and without being able to see any of its neighbours. It is surprisingly difficult to build up a streak, but at the same time, it is also easier to get a country in one. So, swings and roundabouts. Give it a go. It is simultaneously frustrating and hugely rewarding.

Recalibration – For Rissington, as for everyone, Covid has been a major reboot; a bizarre and very expensive reset. Although some of our staff left us and went onto other things, we have also found some wonderful new youngsters to replace them and you will find that the list of their names has finally returned to the sign-off at the bottom of the Rag. Look for the familiar people and look forward to meeting the new ones too and also to seeing our newly refurbished original rooms (photo below).

Friends – This has been a chance to think about what is really important as well as to see our friends and families up-close at (mostly) their best and (sometimes) their worst. Even during the two-year hiatus, I found that I enjoyed myself most of the time and, looking back now, I am firmly convinced that this reboot was a good thing in many more ways than it was a bad one. I know myself and my family better. I know the Rissington team better and my respect for them all has grown immeasurably. Hard times bring out the best in people. It sounds trite, but it is true.

Working from home – We have upped our game at Rissington when it comes to providing for those who are now working from home (or working from wherever-they-are). So often now, guests here tell us that they just need to do a bit of work before going out into the sunshine for the day. It is a worldwide phenomenon. Never mind the hashtag #ilivewhereyouvacation. At Rissington, you can now work and vacation simultaneously. Here’s a piece from The Spectator entitled ‘Why work from home when you can work from Paradise?’. Why indeed? And paradise is just outside Hazyview. Who would have thought it? Read it HERE.

Privacy – Masked balls (no pun intended) have always been popular and it is an unlikely extension of the concept for us to be able to shop incognito, avoid our nemeses and (presumably, for those to whom it applies) pick up a bottle of brandy or a packet of condoms (or préservatifs, as the coy French rather wonderfully call them) without looking for a brown paper bag to smuggle them out in. With faces masked, we can swing the contraband around with abandon because no-one will know it was us. We are also no longer subjected to a stranger’s halitosis and, because we no longer have to shake hands, we can avoid accidentally wearing another person’s cheap Cologne, just from shaking the mitt with which they thoughtlessly applied it.

In the swing of things :

Many people ask me what it has been like for tourism but I can tell you nothing as, under psychiatric advice, we are blocking out that trauma. I can however tell you a bit about what it is like to be back to ‘normal’ now that we are getting to that stage. Despite our best preparations and two years of upgrades and upkeep, on our first busy night we dealt with the following:

· The removal of three frogs from a (French, ironically) batrachophobe’s outside shower

· The electric gate developing a mind of its own and closing on a guest’s car, causing it a nasty scrape down the side

· A staff member (no names) getting locked into a guest’s room when trying to fix the lock from the inside and not having a phone with her so she could call for someone to release her

· A German guest asking a new staff member for Chianti (which we don’t have) and getting a shandy instead

· A blocked lavatory resulting in my being up to my ankles in the very undesirable substances which emerged from the shower drain when I unblocked the loo

And that was all in one hour on one evening and with us already being well-prepared. Imagine if we hadn’t been...

But there are still the impossible complainers:

We had an unusual situation with one family (luckily only one) in which the father had a bizarre habit of complaining before anything went wrong. “Please take me to my room; I hope the bed is not going to be un comfortable”, “I would like to order the steak but I don’t want to wait too long”, “I hope you are not short of brandy because I don’t want you to run out”, “My wife likes vegetarian food so I hope your vegan meals don’t include meat.” Well, it was extraordinary. His most bizarre request was that we create a topiary in the bougainvillea in front of his room so that he could take a more interesting sunset photograph. We sent Lucky down with the secateurs, but how much easier it would have been, had we been warned in advance of the required shrub-shape.

It’s TripAdvisor gone mad. Maybe people should be able to review in advance what they think might be likely to go wrong on their holidays. It would empower us to prevent problems, a bit like time travel.

Can you believe that we have suffered TripAdvisor for more than ten years now? I do think it has lost a bit of its punch, recently though and we are getting wonderful reviews and have won the Travellers Choice Award for 2022. For a bit of random fun, take a look at THIS LINK to see some of the more extraordinary complaints from various review sites where people have taken a pop at about forty truly iconic venues. Many of them are utterly bonkers. Give it a read.

Here (left) is my own personal favourite recent discovery in a hotel. I know many hoteliers have complained about an increase in pilferage by guests (I have mentioned it before in the Rag) but surely it’s a bit extreme to put padlocks on the loo paper? And we have a total of 26 loo-roll holders at Rissington. Imagine being the cleaner responsible for monitoring and locating all those padlock keys every day! (Parents of teenagers might find this technique useful at home).

Terrorising the newbies:

There’s another fascinating type of guest which also needs to be brought to your attention and I fear that they too might possibly have been emboldened and empowered by Covid. We call them the scaremongers and it works something like this…

Two unconnected couples are sitting at different tables on the sunny Rissington stoep after a lovely, long drawn-out breakfast. They are comparing holidays. Couple Number One is on their first trip to the country. Couple Number Two has been to South Africa many times before:

Couple Number One: Hello. Have you been enjoying your holiday?

Couple Number Two: Oh, yes, but then we have been here many many times before.

One: Oh. This is our first time.

Two: Oh. It’s our sixteenth time (then aside) or is it seventeenth dear, I can’t remember?

One: Have you been to Rissington before?

Two: Yes. Many times. Dozens. We were recommended by our tour operator. They always make all our plans for us because we always deal with them and they have become friends of ours because we spend so much money with them every year.

One: We are going to Kruger.

Two: Oh. We have been to Kruger seventy-four times (then aside) or is it seventy-five dear, I can’t remember? But we have also been to a lot of private game reserves in the Sabi-Sand and the Timbavati and so on. Almost all of them in fact. Our room in the one we stayed in last week was about ten times the size of this building. We kept losing each other. I think Elton John stays there (then aside) or was it Barry Manilow, dear, I can’t remember? It was simply huge. We lost the binoculars for two days.

One: We are very excited. We saw a lot of impala the other day. A lot. Just coming out of the airport. It was wonderful. But we are a bit nervous of the lions. Have you seen a lion?

Two: Oh yes. We have seen millions of impala. We don’t really look at them any longer. Our ranger usually finds us plenty of lions too. And leopards. And cheetahs. You are safe though, as long as you have a good ranger and tip him well. And don’t stand up or make a noise or wear a red shirt or dangle your fingers over the side or click loudly with your camera because then the lions will know you are there and they might get agitated.

One: What do you mean by ‘agitated’?

Two: Well, I mean it is very unlikely, but they might go for you.

One: I don’t think we really want to see lions up-close. Or elephants. I saw a news story about an elephant which charged the fence in San Diego zoo. That looked right scary.

Two: Yes. You need to be an expert to go on one of these drives. And it also gets very cold.

One: Cold? I thought Africa was going to be hot!

Two: Oh no. It gets very cold in the evening in the riverbeds. You will need a warm jersey and coat. Maybe two or three actually. We always have a woolly hat, as well, and thermal underwear (aside) don’t we, dear? Yes, and a scarf and woolly fingerless mittens. And and and …

One: I think we might need to go shopping.

Two: Good idea. But hold on, we have plenty more advice. Don’t forget insect spray especially because of all the malaria. And snake repellent – we have a special make. Maybe also get a catapult to stop the monkeys stealing your clothes and pepper spray in case of any other animal attacking you …

Couple Number One leaves, a very much whiter shade of pale. Couple Number Two, smiling and slightly smug, orders another cup of coffee. (Don’t be that person. Be nice to the first-timers. They are scared enough of the potholes and all the foreign people, let alone the lions, snakes, spiders and the cold …)

Not to mention the dogs:

Rissington has become famous for its friendly dogs over the years and the current pair is no exception. Rusty (the Jack Russell) is a solitary soul and enjoys his own (and my) company but three-year-old Bruno (pictured on watch, outside the bar) is on the other end of the scale. His neediness takes a little explaining – he is a rescue dog from the SPCA, found wandering on a dirt road outside Nelspruit at the age of about two months – but his breed is fascinating. Most people presume that a canis africanis is merely a polite word for a ‘pavement special’ mongrel, but the truth couldn’t be further from that. The canis africanis is a breed with a number of different possible appearances and colourings, a bit like a lurcher. Also like a lurcher, the canis is fast – Bruno’s running gait is similar to that of a cheetah and he is an exceptional hunter. They are also loyal and gentle but very hyperactive. In fact, they are said not to grow up until they are seven or eight years old, a prospect which fills Rusty (Bruno’s favourite prey) with a terrible dread, I am sure. You can read more on the breed HERE

So next time you see a dog in early African art, cave paintings or hieroglyphics, remember that you are not looking at any old mutt. You are looking at one of the oldest breeds in the world, first identified almost 6000 years ago. The canis africanis. The Bruno breed.

Continuing the educational theme, here’s a good map :

We all love a good map and we have found some (actually we have found a hundred) spectacular examples for you here: Amazing World Maps

I mean, for example, look at the Empire Map from 1700 above, then check to see more modern maps of the richest, happiest and most boozy countries in the world. Check out a map of all the countries Britain has invaded throughout history (90% of the world!). And how many countries do you think there are that drive on the left? Or still use the Imperial Measures System? Click on the link and look at literally dozens of fascinating maps. Hours of fun and in some cases, total amazement.

New offerings at Rissington:

I was amusingly accused by one reader, after the last Rag, of using it for hard-sell tactics but part of the purpose of writing you this letter every three months is obviously to entice you to visit so (no hard-sell intended) here are just a couple of ideas from Rissington which might appeal:

· The new daily table d’hôte menu is extremely popular and we also love it because it gives us a chance to reintroduce old favourites from time to time. Who remembers these past hits: Smoked Trout Cheesecake, Beef Carbonnade, Grilled Aubergine, Avocado Rissington …? Well, they now all emerge from the kitchen again from time to time. There are also some new ideas. A delicious Ceviche, for example, some lovely Lamb Chops and a very tasty Trout en Papillote. Of course, the menu changes every day so you never know what you will be offered. It’s just the luck of the draw! There is also a daily vegan option at every course and we always cater for the gluten-free brigade.

· Mountain biking is a hugely popular sport worldwide these days and South Africa is no exception. The advantage of mountain biking, of course, is that it doesn’t hold up the traffic like road cycling and – in case you hadn’t noticed – the people are much nicer. Road cyclists rather look down on us mountain bikers, but they are just jealous because we don’t inhale exhaust fumes all the time and we have so much more fun (a bit like ski-boarders looking down on proper skiers and vegans looking down on vegetarians). Anyway, Rissington has a few mountain bikes available for interested guests and there are also venues in Sabie and in Hoedspruit hiring them out for use on the truly superb tracks that are marked out in both places. Let us know when you book and we will arrange a day of mountain biking for you in properly beautiful South African mountains and wildlife estates.

· Activities are what Hazyview is all about, so we are putting together some great packages for the website to enable you to book an all-inclusive weekend with meals and activities. More details will follow on our social media pages and the next Rag, so keep an eye or ask us in the meantime to quote for you. We will keep you busy for as many days as you want.

· Rissington very rarely hosts events but, like every good rule, there are exceptions. So that other guests are not swamped, we don’t generally accept groups of more than eight people at any time (twelve if they are family) but we do enjoy a challenge so remember that, if you take over the whole lodge as with the recent wedding we hosted, we will happily host your birthday/anniversary/wedding/bar-mitzvah here and we will make it truly memorable, as the photos show, left and at the bottom. Remember to book a long way in advance though, to be sure to find an empty patch with no future bookings already being held. You must also take all the rooms (maximum 50 people) and you must stay three days or more. Look at the pictures of the wedding on our social media feeds. Rissington is a beautiful venue for just about any celebration.

Social media/bookings :

Firstly, a reminder that Rissington has withdrawn from booking-dot-com and reservations may no longer be made through that site. This has been a very popular decision with all our supporters and we are sticking with it. We were just so tired of hearing that our guests had been ripped off or conned by that particular outfit. We prefer you to book direct with us or through a reputable tour operator or South African online booking site. Personal contact is crucially important these days.

Also be sure to follow us, either on Facebook or Instagram if you use those social media forums. The links are on this webesite, where you are reading this Rag. Take a look around. You will see wonderful photos, keep up with news and hear early about all our most recent special offers. You will also get to grips with some fascinating hashtags and see how they work as well as how they sometimes really don’t. I described our recent improvements to our rooms as a #facelift and the next thing we find ourselves being followed by dozens of cosmetic surgeons, so if you’re looking for a collagen implant or a tummy tuck, give us a shout. We have accidentally become connected with some of the world’s finest practitioners!

The Where in The World Competition :

We had so many not-quite-accurate-enough answers to the March competition where I was on horseback near Vaalwater in the Waterberg that we eventually put it out again on Social Media to find a winner and did so in Rissington stalwarts Herman and Sonja Kieft who won themselves the three-night prize.

This time, we have a real challenge for you … which South African town is shown in the stunning sunrise photo below? As ever, the winner will get three nights for two at fully-refurbished new-look facelifted Rissington, including bed and breakfast. A name will be drawn from the hat on the 30th June 2022 and announced on Facebook, Instagram on that date as well as in the next Rag.

And the winning Dad joke:

How much does a pirate pay for earrings? A buccaneer … (groan)

Thank you, Sarah. I got it – and thanks for the explanation too, just in case I hadn’t understood the joke. Our currency is often called a buck in South Africa too. In fact, ours even has a buck on the coin. An impala. The two-rand coin has a buck too – a kudu. And a Krugerrand, if you every get hands on one, has a springbuck. In the meantime, you haven’t won (as we say) big bucks but you have won two nights for two at Rissington. Thanks to everyone who took part. It was a popular competition and no, the winning joke has nothing to do with Johnny Depp, a pirate who clearly has just won big bucks. Somehow!

Let’s talk about the weather :

I know that no-one ever says that the weather is entirely normal but we are now heading for that fantastic ‘normal weather’ time of year, where the sun shines every day until September. You may have read about the recent horrific floods in KwaZulu-Natal though. That weather seems finally to have passed but the extraordinary falls of rain and hail in Hazyview during May (normally a dry month) have left us not only with unprecedentedly green lawns and trees still full of leaves but we are also seeing those trees (particularly our locally most prevalent tree, the silver clusterleaf) budding already, where they should be bare for another couple of months. We have had so much sunshine and rain that, as we head into autumn, the trees seem to think that it is already springtime!

A special offer (actually two) :

For bookings from now until 7th July, we have two specials for you:

Weekend Special : R550 per person per night bed and breakfast

School Holidays 7-night Special : R5900 per person per week including all meals. Children’s accommodation free of charge.

New direct bookings only. Email info@rissington.co.za

A final compliment:

To the Englishman, who wandered up to me after breakfast one morning last week and said to me: “My wife and I are going out for the day but I am just going to go and clean my teeth first” – you made my day. You clearly felt totally at home here and that is simply wonderful. Thank you. I giggled about it for days.

See you all soon but in the meantime, don’t forget to clean your teeth.

Chris, Shirley, Natasha, Thobeka, Dudu; Gertrude and her former Cybele colleagues Angel and Mildred; Philippa, Yvonne, Patience; Nonhlanhla and her cousin Cervin, Ntombifuthi and her sister Nokuthula; Betty and her sister Lilian; Aubrey and his brother Selby and nephew Lucky. Talk about keeping it in the Rissington family – eat your heart out, Kardashians! We have the Khozas, the Shabangus, the Mashabas … and it’s better than any reality show …

The Rissington Rag - March 2022

2022-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

A Warm Welcome to the March 2022 Rissington Rag … something of interest for absolutely everyone with a love of South Africa, Hazyview or just of Rissington Inn. Please read on ...

This Rag will be a little shorter. I know I always say that but, on this occasion, I think it is true and I don’t want to eat into the time you will need to book your trip to South Africa when you have finished reading it, so here is some inspiration …

Up, up and away …

Suddenly it is all systems go. Restrictions are being lifted worldwide and it seems that we may finally have reached a point where it is recognised that travel bans and red lists have no useful effect whatsoever. It is time to book with confidence.

South Africa relaxed all of its policies long ago and, although we still wear masks in shops and follow a few other basic sensible protocols, we have no restrictions on movement within or to and from our country. And masks are very African, after all!

There is also no longer any need for isolation or quarantine for those testing positive in South Africa if they are not showing any symptoms. It is now the way to go for all of us, I think, and we continue to take all the right precautions at Rissington and to keep the entire team up-to-date with vaccinations.

Masks, of course, also have many other benefits in keeping out bad smells such as those derived from sewerage, fish, halitosis, trucks and nappies as well as visuals of bad teeth and acne, although I rather liked the head teacher I heard explaining. on the radio the other day, that it quite simply can’t be good for children to be breathing in their own carbon dioxide for the whole day. He’s quite right. We all need some air. Good Fresh African air.

Seriously impressive major changes at Rissington

As usual, we have not been resting on our laurels. When it was clear that future bookings were picking up, we (once again) put our money where our masked mouths were and took the decision to follow up on last year’s superb new terrace and swimming pool by extending the renovations to an almost total rebuild of our original five rooms (on the right of the main house and restaurant building as you look at it from the front).

As the before, during and after pictures attest, we have made the rooms bigger, replaced all the old, tired wooden doors and windows with smart new aluminium frames and with our signature sliding doors, whilst adding bigger verandahs to the budget rooms and rebuilding the steps and stoeps of the upstairs rooms. It is a triumph – and quite probably a somewhat overdue one! In front, we have also removed all the bricks and built another new paved terrace, landscaped the gardens and cut back the trees. giving the rooms a huge view and a new style whilst still keeping the homely touch of the thatch and the shade.

We have also repaved behind the dining room and extended the herb garden, giving a lovely shady bushy spot (see bottom picture) for a cup of coffee or a bit of quiet work with accompanying birdsong.

As ever, Rissington is looking absolutely great as we go into our glorious, sunny mid-year weather. We can’t wait to show it to you.

In addition, following the loosening of the health regulations, we have also added back, into the rooms and the bar, all those little details you loved. The games are back, the biscuits are back, our Wellness Bar has been extended and the complimentary sherry is back, much to the joy, I am sure, of the man who posted a picture of himself on Facebook, grinning, with the words "They even gave me free Hennessy". Well, we didn't - we gave him good old student-staple Sedgwicks Old Brown Sherry, but he thought it was cognac and that was good enough for him!

How to book Rissington. NOT through Booking(dot)com …

After two years of travel chaos and restrictions, the means by which reservations are being made seems to have changed once and for all. To my mind, there really are only two sensible ways to book Rissington and both are equally effective.

Firstly, especially for short trips and return trips, there is the option of booking directly with us. It is a strange but predictable side-effect of the mess caused by the ever-changing restrictions that people like to deal with real people and they like to have a personal connection and the reassurance that cancellation fees will not be levied in the case of unavoidable changes of plan. Such bookings can be made DIRECT online on our website, but make sure you really are on our website and that we are dealing with you direct, not through an intermediary. All payments are completely secure without giving us access to your credit card details.

Secondly, if you are booking an all-inclusive trip with flights, car hire, tours and so on, it can make absolute sense to book through a fully-bonded specialist tour operator and to benefit from their recommendations (as long as Rissington is one of them!). If you would like us to suggest an operator for you to use, please let us know and we will be happy to propose a suitably-reputable company – one we know and trust from our own experience.

WE DO NOT RECOMMEND booking through an international online portal such as booking(dot)com under any circumstances. In fact, it is no longer possible in most cases as we have removed Rissington from booking(dot)com and Agoda for all future bookings (existing bookings still stand but you might want to reconsider and rebook them direct). There are still countless numbers of unscrupulous websites out there though, trying to get your business and your money. Often, they masquerade as our official site and they frequently mislead their victims with rates, lures and promises which they simply cannot fulfil. Most seriously, they regularly refuse to refund in the case of a cancellation, which means that they keep your money and ours with no hope whatsoever of either of us recouping that.

On balance, Expedia seems to have behaved better but if you do want to use an online portal, we would say that you should use a South African site such as Travelground/Lekkeslaap or Safarinow, all of which offer a personal service from ‘real people’.

Too many of us have been bitten by the OTAs (online travel agencies) in the past two years, so it is our strong recommendation that you deal with a proper person with experience instead of being fooled by an algorithm. If you go to our site and make a booking online, you will receive a prompt emailed confirmation direct from us and it will contain a whole lot of useful information about your stay and current conditions. A good tour operator will offer the same. You have been warned! Make the most of your Hazyview holiday and don’t risk being duped in the booking process.

Hazyview has it all

So … what are you going to do in Hazyview, adrenaline capital and focus of the fun …?

Well, our region is fully up and running, as ever, with a wide range of activities operators offering everything from hiking to riding horses, mountain bikes and quad bikes. There are elephant interactions, nearby wildlife sanctuaries, farm visits, a canopy trail, tubing, kayaking, crocodile tours and everything in-between. Obviously, we don’t recommend kakaying in and out of the crocodile tours …

There are also plenty of foodie, fun and funky stalls, markets and restaurants as well as day tours further afield into the stunning Blyde River Canyon (the world’s third largest, where there is even a bungee-jump in the Graskop Gorge) and into the Kruger National Park, only ten minutes from Rissington.

So, whatever you seek … Hazyview is THE focus.

Dad jokes (used to be good jokes)

The above bad crocodile/rafting joke made me think... I am so often accused of making ‘Dad jokes’. Obviously this is less hurtful than being accused of ‘Dad-dancing’, but what is this ‘Dad joke’ thing? It seems to be a mean put-down when all the Dads have done is come up with a witty comment that their youthful audience wished they had thought of first. I mean where will be – and where will the Rag be – without a few sharp corny lines here and there? And where will The Spectator be when cartoons like these are too ‘Dad’ to be good? Let’s hope it never happens.

This top one strikes a particular chord with me as the dogs look just like Rissington’s original dogs, Sport and umQombothi (shown below it in a photograph taken 20 years ago at that favourite Rissington dog vantage point at the top of the steps). We also have a new office manager who is a dog trainer in her spare time so I am sure there is another analogy to be explored.

For those readers who have not come across Philippa yet, she was once my PA in my previous life at the late lamented Cybele Forest Lodge and has now bravely taken up the role again, about 35 years later. So, where she and I were once all about telexes, Dictaphone tapes, typewriters, letters in the post and deposits paid by cheque, now we are embroiled in computers, emails and Internet banking and all the more efficient for it. I am not sure who is whose personal trainer – and she and I may not agree on that – but it works very well either way.

As for this second one, well, yes, I know that daggers are drawn between cars and cyclists, but being both, I just love this:

If you have a favourite Dad joke, please send it in. Either a cartoon or a good old shaggy dog story or a really ghastly pun. We might award a prize for the best one and publish it in the next Rag. If they are really good. Or maybe just not too ‘Dad’ …

The beauty of Africa, where it all started

Throughout the past couple of peaceful years, as I have sat on my Rissington home verandah at dawn with a cup of coffee looking out over the view of the mountain at God’s Window rising where the morning sun falls on the escarpment, I have been struck time and time again by the same thought: early morning people have the world to themselves in a way that late-night people never do. There is absolute peace. No noise; no cars; no shouting; no intrusions apart from the chirping of the birds. This is nowhere more apparent than in Africa where life began and still begins daily with a fresh new start. We bush people always rise early and this alone-time somehow gives us a strangely primordial connection with our ancestors.

I found this fantastic map and I fell in love with the way it shows so clearly how, far from being 'New World' like the Americas, we are the oldest part of the world in terms of where humans came from. Take a look. Once you get the hang of how it works, it tells an absolutely fascinating story.

Of course, Rissington is fiercely proud of its African-ness and of being proudly South African. I have been saving this video for you since Heritage Day in September last year, not only because, as the article says, it is the ‘most unifying national anthem in the world’ but also because, whilst magnificently celebrating our joy and our diversity, it is also somehow imbued with a soulful hint of the isolating drab loneliness of the recently-past Covid era. You can watch it: HERE. (It might take a moment to load but it is worth the wait).

God Bless Africa indeed!

Competitions: Where in the World … and Tony Park …

In the last Rag, because we were worried about all the young Millenial and Gen Z treasures and their delicate state of mind after Covid, we offered a free two-people-for-two-weeks stay on a bed and breakfast basis at Rissington to the 18-to-25-year-old who told us why he or she had deserved it most. In only 50 words, they had to tell us what lockdown had done to them, what had it taught them and what they were going to do about it.

Well, guess what? Nobody entered, so I guess they are all OK after all. What a relief.

The Tony Park competition, on the other hand, had a huge number of entries and the first winner was Peter Scott. We managed to get Tony to sign the book for Peter personally and sent it to him for Christmas. (Don’t tell Peter it was us – he thinks it was Santa Claus).

So, now that we are all travelling again and the young are evidently fine, let’s revert to the WHERE IN THE WORLD format, which has always been so popular. Where in the world was this photograph taken (by me, bravely aboard a horse) a few weeks ago? And apart from the horse bearing the groom, what is the other animal in the photograph? The winner will get three nights for two at fully-refurbished new-look Rissington, including bed and breakfast. A name will be drawn from the hat on the 31st March 2022 and announced on Facebook, Instagram on that date and in the next Rag.

If you are not already doing so, you should definitely be following us on either (or both) of those two forms of social media. We regularly publish specials and sudden deals. A few weeks ago, we gave away five free weekends at the last minute and all of them were taken up willingly and with great excitement!

As I was saying, deals …

While no-one may have entered our Snowflake competition, we have had great numbers of Rissington addicts taking up our other offers and deals including our gap year special, our offer to long-term remote-workers and our long-stay and ‘watershed’ deals. With July and August filling up very fast indeed, we recommend that everyone should book for those months and for the rest of the year as soon as possible. We are still happy to offer specials for long stays, especially as this seems to be the new trend. More and more people are staying for a week or longer. It makes absolute sense, of course. In this day and age, we all want to find somewhere we like and to stay put for a while. And for so many people, that place seems to be Rissington.

See you soon … or just now, as we say in South Africa

There is still time to book for the last part of our southern hemisphere summer. March, April and May are three of the loveliest months in Hazyview. We have had plenty of good rains, leaving the bush looking exceptionally green, and now we have warm sunshine and blue skies with less extreme heat and humidity. It is perfect for activities, for game-viewing, for swimming or just for lolling around in the sun with a good book and taking day trips out to the glorious scenery that surrounds us all year round.

So, get in touch as soon as possible and we look forward to seeing you back here and climbing those famous washed and spruced up Rissington steps to the new terrace, well, just now …!

All the best from all of us
Chris and the amazing Team Rissington

The Rissington Rag - December 2021

2021-12-01T00:00:00+02:00

A WARM WELCOME TO THE RISSINGTON RAG - DECEMBER 2021

Hotel stories, tempting deals, some competitions, fun facts and (hopefully) intelligent thoughts from the team at Rissington Inn, Hazyview, Mpumalanga, South Africa. Something for everyone, we promise ...

Back to normal(ish) and then … whoops! :

Suddenly … just when we seemed actually to be living quite normally again, the rug has been pulled right out from under our feet. It’s almost surreal. It is 01 December as I write this and we are in a state of flux. Let’s hope for the best for Christmas and beyond. I am sure this is just a temporary glitch. A short-term hiatus. We are getting better at dealing with all the uncertainty and – most of the time – at making sane decisions. Nothing beats the power of positive thinking!

Now … let’s get on with the Rag because we need some sanity. We have seen some mad things, haven’t we? I even saw a woman rinsing her change in sanitiser on the way out of a Hazyview shop the other day, before she felt she could put the coins into her purse. Dirty money? Money laundering? Who knows what she could have been thinking?!

Beyond the Watershed :

Bookings are still (yes, even now) coming in at Rissington from around the world for next year and everyone is excited at the prospect of travelling again. Restaurants have been buzzing across South Africa, our tourism attractions have become busier with some (maybe temporarily stranded!) international tourists as well as domestic visitors; our theatres have reopened; live shows and music performances are at last a possibility once more.

The picture shows Watershed, one of our country’s greatest bands of the past 20 years, performing at The Barnyard Theatre in nearby White River last month. It was a great evening and it truly was a ‘watershed moment’, reminding us old(ish) rockers just how much we had missed getting out and how important it is to support our local events and our tourism itself, lest they cease to be.

This month’s Rag has a much lighter tone than last time (thank goodness for that) but we must not lose sight of all the many lessons we have learned – and continue to learn – from this situation. Look back to the middle of last year when, with no idea how long it was all going to last, we celebrated the peace, the birdsong, the empty roads and the lack of footfall on Rissington’s walking trail. It is therefore crucial that we perpetuate that appreciation of space and silence. A travel revival can still be enjoyed in conjunction with the revival in nature that so excited us last year. Our hatching owls at Rissington. Our many new bird species. Our still-frequently-seen genets, red duikers and porcupines. We need to continue to give space to each other and to every creature that shares the planet with us. (There you go. That was my COP moment. Eat your heart out, Greta. Blah blah blah!).

With bookings really picking up for Easter and beyond, you would be well-advised to book now for January, February and March 2022 in order to get here (assuming you are able to travel to Southern Africa) while it is still going to be relatively quiet and while you will have Kruger, the escarpment and the canyon to yourselves. To encourage you to do so, anyone quoting the words ‘Watershed Moment’ when making a booking for a January, February or March 2022 stay at Rissington will get 20% off their room rate. Do it now. New direct bookings only, as ever! You can book tentative dates with full confidence that there will be no cancellation fees whatsoever if you can’t make it due to a travel ban or to changes to the availability of flights.

New Tourists :

I sometimes walk a bit of a fine line when discussing the challenges of running a lodge such as ours, but just in case you don’t believe me, this is the behaviour we are sometimes up against. I have left the full details of the link visible so that you can see clearly what it is about. Click on the link to read it!

https://www.news24.com/news24/southafrica/news/suspended-sentence-for-kwazulu-natal-lawyer-who-stole-bar-fridge-kettle-vase-and-lamps-from-hotel-20210831

The past year, since the early lockdown days of our armed-to-the-teeth police guests who needed us to lay on extra security to keep them safe (see The Rissington Rag, September 2020 : HERE) we have been able to accommodate many more South African guests which (most of the time …) has been a great joy and a privilege. I sometimes think it has been very good for our country to be locked down with itself and to have to get comfortable. It has, however, also had its challenges, none of them more notable than the recent local elections, which saw support collapse in a pool of voter apathy for all the main parties, to the extent that (as one radio presenter said) most of our municipalities will be run by a ‘collision’ of parties. As that great South African expression has it, maybe it is finally officially a ‘train smash’ after all!

When discussing the new tourism issue, I often make an analogy with driving. As children, almost all of us Ragsters were passengers of our parents who drove us around and as such, we developed some road sense and an awareness of danger and cause and effect when it came to accidents and speeding. Driving now probably comes more easily to us than it does to those who didn’t have that privilege in their youth.

Tourists are similar – and I don’t mean this in a patronising way. It is a skill (maybe an inherited skill?) to be able to plan and to enjoy travel, just as it is a skill to choose the right accommodation and to maintain reasonable expectations, to be thoughtful to other guests and to staff and also to understand what is included in the cost and what is not. Breakfast, yes. Takeaway towels, no.

As part of a plan to rectify this dearth of experience, every single member of the Rissington team has, in the past month, had the opportunity to bring a partner to Rissington for the night and to stay in the room of their choice (free of charge, obviously). They have had the full guest experience from check-in to check-out including dinner and breakfast. The other members of the team, in each case, have done their bit to make the stay special, as shown in the photo on the left when Nonhlanhla's stay coincided with her birthday. Everyone has absolutely loved the experience and it has been so enjoyable to watch them all make each other's stay so memorable and unique.

The Graskop area has unexpectedly (in fact to its total astonishment) become a tourism mecca for young visitors from Johannesburg, many of whom are ‘first generation tourists’, new to travel, and it has created a hugely successful and burgeoning weekend trade of minibus drivers escorting groups of young (and sometimes not-so-young) comparatively well-heeled visitors around the formerly sleepy artisty town and from one viewpoint to the next. Much of this is selfie-driven and focuses on sites such as the superb Graskop Gorge Lift and accompanying bungee Big Swing, as well as God’s Window, Bourke’s Luck Potholes and a number of waterfalls. Another chunk of it is food- and alcohol-fuelled and descends on the numerous picnic sites along the escarpment every Saturday. It is exciting; it is creating jobs and it is, in fact, just a great big African weekend party, after which everyone turns down the music, clears up the mess and goes home.

So, if it’s not for you, don’t go to Graskop or up the magnificent Blyde River Canyon on a Saturday. Go on any other day of the week. But do revel in some of the misprints in the flyers, advertising the minibus shuttles. There’s the PANAROMA ROOT EXPIENCE, for example, which sounds like an exotic smokable drug and includes such delights as the BRAVE RIVER CAYNON, the LONE GREEK FALLS and LUKE BURKE’S POTHOLE. There are the THREE RENDEWLS and of course, there is GRASKOP GEORGE himself. Possibly the most unlikely attraction is the JG Strydom Tunnel, named after the former hard-line apartheid prime minister (and uncle of recently-departed former-President FW de Klerk). Never mind the name, though. The access to the tunnel is a fantastic spot for hanging out in the road on the edge of the Olifants River Gorge and having your photograph taken for Instagram whilst narrowly avoiding being mown down by a truck.

And, in case you wondered, there is even a Wikipedia page about selfie-related injuries and deaths. There were 33000 such cases in 2014 alone. For more information, click HERE

More Positive Spin-offs :

Tourism has generally undergone a huge reset and again there is much to be gained from what we have learned. Over-tourism, for now at least, is a problem of the past (except at the God’s Window knees-up on a Saturday morning), crime involving tourists has plummeted and the traffic officers have had to stick to legitimate ways of making the money to subsidise their extravagant lifestyles (although a South African friend of mine, last week, was encouraged under threat to pay a bribe through his cellphone on an app because he didn’t have any cash on him; the traffic cop even helped him to download the app, which my friend agreed to, but then he ultimately refused to hand over the password which would have enabled the cop to access the payment… So watch out for that ruse – and always carry your Anti-Corruption card!).

The working-from-home concept has been complicated too. The police can’t really use that excuse, so the traffic cops have hardly worked at all (too much close contact when extracting bribes) and the Hazyview police station closes down completely for 48 hours of deep cleaning every time anyone coughs or sneezes, so they all go home (and don’t work at all). My bank manager has been working from home but she has no phone line, no cellphone signal and no Internet so I don’t quite know quite what work she is actually doing. As Mark Twain so rightly said: “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”

The most bizarre case was that of the gate guard at Phabeni Gate into the Kruger. He was working from home and posted a number on the gate for us to phone him. When called, he simply gave us permission to open the gate and let ourselves out as long as we weren’t carrying any rhino horn. (We were not.)

As it happens, the statistics tell us that our Mpumalanga region has the lowest number of Covid cases per capita of any province in South Africa and the lowest overall number of facilities. It must be something in the water. Or the sunshine. Or the wonderful lifestyle; but then don’t get me started on the conspiracy theorists who have now got onto their high horses and insisted that there is something sinister in the fact that the Greek letters Xi and Nu have been abandonded when it comes to naming Covid variants, the former to spare the blushes of the Chinese President (whom we must apparently obey) and the latter because it is the (unlucky) 13th letter of the Greek alphabet. Instead we have Omicron, which the 'vaccine-hesitant' have pointed out is (somehow significantly in their view) an anagram of 'moronic'. In return, I offer them the fact that it is also an anagram of the hotel expression 'inc room', of the chocolate drama 'moc noir', and (back to Watershed) of 'omni roc' as well as (almost, but near enough) of 'macaroni' and 'No Crimbo'. There are so many mad people out there.

What can you expect (and not expect) at Rissington :

As a family, just like so many other people we all know, we unhelpfully contributed to those stats a good few months ago by contracting Covid. JJ ( who is now 17 years old and 6ft4in) and a friend brought it back from school and shared it with the rest of us in the house, although our responsible protocols meant that Rissington’s team and guests were unaffected and carried on regardless. It’s no joke of course (although, having had, by then, a first dose of the vaccine I was almost without symptoms and only really noticed because I was putting a lot of chilli onto my food and was able to share the house with three quarantining teenagers without being aware of the nasal assault of smelly socks and/or excessive cologne that would normally accompany them).

Like all South African hotels, Rissington continues to stick to all the recommendations in terms of masks and social distancing and there are certain services that we will not be able to provide any longer for sensible reasons to deal with not spreading diseases. Here is a list with some reasons, followed by a list of great new ideas and services which we have come up with as result of all the mayhem:

Magazines: I know – it’s disgusting when you think back to how we all used to share public magazines with people we didn’t know. And especially in doctors’ surgeries where literally everyone was carrying some ghastly disease. How stupid were we?
Biscuits: Because of the jars and the handling (but we are making biscotti … see below)
Turndowns: None of us really want other people touching our ‘stuff’ these days, so we are limiting ourselves to cleaning the rooms thoroughly once per day, not twice. We think it is wise.
Chocolates on the beds: See biscuits (above). And anyway, who wants a chocolate just after they have cleaned their teeth? And how many short-sighted people have, like me, often woken up with a molten chocolate in their hair or - worse - in their ear. You can still get our homemade chocolates at Rissington – oh, yes! – but they come with the coffees and teas after lunch or dinner.
Phones in rooms: Very dirty things, hotel phones. So, we are now encouraging our guests to WhatsApp us from their rooms or from the pool or to WhatsApp call us on their own phones if they need something. Remote check-ins are also the order of the day. No more standing around in reception ogling each other in surgical, Laura Ashley or Darth Vader masks. (Completely unrelated but if you haven’t seen Eddie Izzard’s Lego Darth Vader sketch – and if you don’t mind a few F-words – watch it HERE. It is an all-time classic piece of comedy.)

And here are the new ideas:

The WellBeing Bar (located in the Real Booze Bar): an Honesty Bar offering a variety of flavoured Swahili coffees, herbal teas, health drinks, healthy juice shots, fresh flavoured waters, mocktails and (lest we get too worthy here) homemade biscotti, as promised.
New Menus: A whole new range of fixed-price Table d’Hôte menus, changing every day. Many of the same delicious meals as before but tweaked and perked up and the return of some of the old favourites you have been dreaming about. A daily-changing choice of three starters, three main courses and a number of desserts. And if that doesn’t appeal, you can always order from the Terrace Menu with its chicken dishes, steaks, burgers, pizzas and local dishes.
Happy Food: There is at least one vegan dish every day, at every course. (Fewer farting cows but, perversely, more farting humans, especially after chick peas.) Plus a gluten-free option. We realise this is important and we have put a lot of work into it! And the Restaurant is open to all, whether staying here or not, subject to there being space.
In-Room Massage and Spa Treatments from a visiting therapist. No need to go out to the spa and then wake up to drive home. The spa will come to your room and you can immerse yourself totally in a slow drowsy hour or two.
The New Pool is, of course, our greatest ever improvement (costing, I have just realised, more than I paid for the entire property 27 years ago) and it has been a huge success, filled day after day with frolicking youths playing games and exercising adults doing laps. Plastic glasses are available for poolside cocktails and romantic poolside dinners are arranged, especially for honeymooners, anniversaries and proposals. Bring out your inner romantic at the Rissington pool. Then post a selfie. It has to be one of the world’s finest and most impressive Instagram spots.
Sport: Inside the main house there is a new pool table and dotted around the place we have a whole bunch of new games like croquet, table tennis and boules, volleyball and even a mini roulette wheel.
The Library has been radically expanded with works in many languages. Plenty of classic holiday reading, including numerous abandoned copies of The Da Vinci Code, Airport, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and 50 Shades of Grey (so keep the children away) and a few more classic oeuvres from among my French, German and Russian text books at school and university. It’s a really eclectic selection, accompanied, for the more interactive, by Monopoly, Backgammon, 30 Seconds and numerous other games and puzzles.
The View: We have pulled down the phone cables which straddled the garden and even gone as far as (ourselves) painting the tin roofs of the neighbours’ farm buildings, two kilometres away on the other side of the valley, in order to improve the view. Has any other hotel ever demonstrated such determination and attention to detail?!
The Herb Garden has been lovingly replanted with fresh flavours and garnish, there is plenty of planet-loving spekboom in the rocks around the lodge and the recycling plant has undergone a revamp.

Do we miss the old pool? No, not at all. I can’t think why we ever had it there in the first place. The new terrace that covers it over makes the most fantastic new open-air eating area and we shall no longer have sweeping housekeepers and visiting policemen falling in the pool. Yes - both happened. Both in uniform. But only one was armed.

As for the new pool, we have only one case so far where it was valuable for a guest to have brought two masks, one for the nose and mouth and one to act as a G-string in place of a speedo. And does anyone know what the ‘G’ stands for? Well, I have found out for you – it's that magnificent English word: ‘Gusset’. A gusset string. Of course. The Rissington Rag is the only tourism newsletter in the world to provide you with such riveting information.

Where in the World :

Another by-product of all the lockdowns has been the opportunity for all of us to explore our own lands. Actually, South Africa offers the capacity to tour numerous other countries without even leaving home shores. Within 50 kilometres of Rissington we have a Cork, a Kildare and a Clare with not so much as a drop of Irish Guinness; we have a Madras and a Calcutta complete with wandering cattle but no curry; a Somerset with no scrumpy and an Alexandria with no lighthouse, an Arthur’s Seat without a sword in a stone and an Agincourt (but no King Henry V).

There is also a place called Croquet Lawn right alongside Agincourt, although try as I might, I can’t find out why it was named thus. Further afield we have a Ludlow and an Edinburgh without castles, we have an Amsterdam with no canals, windmills or jenever (although there is probably a red-light district if you dig deep enough) and a Newcastle without a Geordie in sight. I could go on and on, but I won’t. The point is, we have all been out and about discovering our homelands unlike ever before and we have turned up some fascinating places. I even went as far as the Wild Coast and Gqeberha (formerly known as Port Elizabeth). If you can’t say it yet, start practising now.

The winner of the September competition was South African tourism stalwart and national treasure Ken Hermer. Another benefit of the lockdowns, I believe, is how it has pulled us all together remotely, so to speak, and whilst we have all (I imagine, because I know I have) lost friends to the pandemic (our industry’s great balloonist Bill Harrop and his wonderful wife Mary spring to mind), I have also found myself in more regular contact with old industry friends like Ken and also with my former colleagues from Cybele Forest Lodge, Fugitives’ Drift and at The Leading Hotels of Southern Africa. It has also brought out some of tourism’s wilder old souls (such as the inimitable Lew Rood) who have helped us all through with their cheerful memory-filled missives. Am I getting maudlin? No, I don’t think so, although I did put together my own Desert Island Discs the other day, with Africa by the great Senegalese singer Ismael Lo landing at the top of the pile.

Ken correctly identified the exact spot on the Olifants River where I took the above picture and with typical self-effacing generosity has asked me to donate the prize to a worthy family, which I shall do when I find one. It shouldn’t be too difficult. There are so many wonderful people out there.

For the Christmas edition, we always offer a somewhat more generous prize and this year we have decided to give a two-people-for-two-weeks stay on a bed and breakfast basis at Rissington to the 18-to-25-year-old who tells us why he or she has deserved it most. We are aware (because they keep telling us) how hard-hit that age-group has been as a result of not being able to travel, hang out with their friends and party, so we are giving them a break from our usual snowflake-bashing and offering them a prize of their own. Are you 18-to-25? In only 50 words, what has lockdown done to you and what has it taught you? And what are you going to do about it? Send a photo with a (very) short description of what it means. And if you are not 18-to-25, give the challenge to someone who is. Maybe they will win and bring you with them!

Here's the Deal:

As I have said, it is very important to us to nurture all the new markets and to ensure that we continue to appeal to them and can accommodate them so, in order to be ‘all-things-to-all men’ (and all women and all the new people who are not sure which gender they are or who think they might be both) we propose the following:

GAP IT - We are offering gap year specials to the youth. This does NOT mean working here (we have been down that road too many times already) but it does mean that we can offer really good-value long-term budget accommodation in our guide’s room and staff accommodation to Gen-Zs when they are finally able to travel. Email us for more details, giving approximate dates.

NO KIDDING - Longer holidays and multi-generational holidays are all the more important these days so, from now on, children under-16 stay for free with their parents in garden suites and superior rooms. The pool is hugely popular with the young and we can also help with all the activities bookings around us : kayaking, tubing, quad-biking, horse-riding, elephant interactions, the crocodile farm and so much more.

WHERE IS THE REMOTE? - For those now working remotely, we are offering (very much subject to availability) the idea of a month at Rissington, with free WiFi and peace and quiet. This would be a great option for anyone working from home on a particular project or writing a book or researching a family tree.

BEFORE THE RUSH - As above, we are offering a special of 20% off our rates for direct bookings staying in January, February and March who quote the words ‘Watershed Moment’ in their (direct) booking email to info@rissington.co.za

REGULAR SPACE - In order to be sure always to be able to accommodate the people who have continued to support Rissington over the past couple of complicated years, we shall also be keeping two rooms free for every weekend until a week before, so that we can try to get those new regulars in whenever they want to stay!

NB NO CANCELLATION FEES will be charged in the event that anyone is unable to travel for Covid reasons not covered by their travel insurance or if they are unable to obtain insurance.

Proudly African moment:

Many wise words and sayings have come out of the African continent, so here are a few which seem particularly to resonate right now:

Bophelo ke molaetsa. Thee letsa (Pedi) : Life is a message. Heed it. (Learn from life’s lessons)

Ukuph’ ukuziphakela (Zulu) : Giving is to serve a portion to oneself. (Kindness is reciprocated)

Umuzi ngumuzi ngokuphanjukelwa (Zulu) : A home is a home when it is visited. (If you are kind to strangers, you will have many visitors).

There is much to be proud of in the way that South Africa has tackled the recent crisis and many people have written to us at Rissington with supportive messages in emails and on social media (if you are not following us on social media, please do so from the website immediately – we are RissingtonInn on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and Mega and Google and everywhere). I don’t know how many times former-guests have told me how they yearn to be in Africa and somehow this video just seems absolutely to ‘get’ that. Here is Jeremy Olivier with the incredible Ladysmith Black Mambazo. If the smiling faces in this video don’t persuade you that you need to be here, then nothing will. Watch it HERE.

Books and Movies:

Books have been our sanity and now a South African has won the Booker prize, which is exciting but means that we can’t get hold of a copy of Damon Galgut’s The Promise for love nor money. I have also booked a copy of An Island by Karen Jennings, another South African nominee. It is odd that bookshops seem not to stock the books we want any more. I had to order online in the end. How we are all learning!

Also don’t forget my old friend Tony Park, who is staying here as I write this. Hazyview features heavily in his books and Rissington and I have even been known to make an occasional cameo appearance. Tony is very busy with his writing at the moment and, with another old contact, Wilbur Smith, having been recently consigned to the great laptop in the skies, Tony is now the only option for new real Afro-drama (and no, that is not a hairstyle any more than it is a recognised writing genre).

There are currently two Tony Park books dominating the shelves: Last Survivor (2020) and Blood Trail (2021). The second of these is set in and around Hazyview.

and Tony will send a free copy anywhere in the world to the first person correctly to tell me how many novels he has now published as of 1st December 2021.

In the meantime, old-time Ragsters will remember that I have written before about my young Kenyan friend Stephen Kazungu, whom I met on the 2006 trip that led to the writing of my first book Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama. Well, Stephen has now outdone me completely by writing four books (his first, he has kindly claimed, was on-a-very-minor level inspired by me – how flattering) and they are all available online. So if you are up for a uniquely random blend of thought, word and deed in the words of a very driven and inspirational entrepreneur in the great Kenyan tradition, take a look HERE and see what you think.

On the other hand, if you prefer a movie and are aware of racial issues in the way that only a truly multiracial thinker can be, watch Passing. You don’t even have to go to the cinema and deal with all the new regulations and danger tape or, masked like Zorro, queue for two hours for your popcorn. It is available on Netflix. Brilliant.

Rissington’s not-so-Wild Dogs :

I have mentioned before that some people really don’t like dogs in hotels, but here is a ‘Tale of Two Maxes’. Both of these little boys coincidentally go by that name and both of them, like so many before them, fell completely and utterly under Bruno’s spell and he under theirs. Rissington doesn’t do cat pictures, but boy, do we do good dog pictures. Or pictures of good dogs. Dogs that don’t eat people.

And a quick recommendation for South African dog-lovers who want to take their dogs away for a weekend: try Stone Hill just outside Magaliesburg. This was another area of the country I hadn’t visited for almost 30 years when I found myself there again a couple of months ago. Stone Hill is the ultimate for dogs and even for those who don’t want to take their dogs along. Take a mountain bike, hiking boots and a pair of binoculars instead. A wonderful place – and the Cradle of Humankind and Sterkfontein Caves are just around the corner.

In case your dogs aren’t able to travel with you, November also saw the UK launch of DogTV, the first television service created specifically for pampered pooches. The channel claims to use research into canine psychology to create programmes that keep dogs entertained, to help with separation anxiety and to prevent loneliness. So at least you can leave them alone with a few biscuits and the television on and be sure that they will cope mentally with your absence. No excuse not to come to Rissington on holiday then!

The End of The Year (no, not the End of The World) :

That’s it. Let’s hope that we soon see The End of what has been a very trying couple of years for all of us. We are almost full for Christmas and filling up fast for next year. We are all fully vaccinated and ready to return to an easier way of living, so here’s wishing absolutely everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Happy Happy 2022 from all of us, as we prepare to grow back to a full-strength team with plenty of old faces (definitely not looking old) and a few exciting new ones too. Come and stay. You know you want to …

Chris and Team Rissington

The Rissington Rag - September 2021

2021-09-01T00:00:00+02:00

WELCOME TO THE SEPTEMBER 2021 RISSINGTON RAG

Occasionally the Rag takes on a slightly more serious (although definitely never boring) tone and this is one of those times. Fear not though. There is some light-hearted content as well, so even if you find the first section a little earnest in places, keep going until the mood lifts. Please read it all, though. It offers some important and alarming perspectives which might interest you.

An industry on mute ...

It would be easy but foolish to look back over the past 18 months and gloss over how serious this all is. I once joked that it would be every hotelier’s dream to have his hotel to himself and to enjoy some peace and quiet in his own lovely surroundings without hordes of troublesome (remember I was joking …) clients. It is however quite simply no longer funny. Instead, I think many hoteliers and restaurateurs, if not all, are rather wishing that they were in another line of business.

Almost any other profession would do. Farmer? Lawyer? Surgeon? Jailer? Traffic cop? Anyone who can make money in a travel-preventing pandemic although, without the tourists, I think the (below-)average South African traffic cops’ income might have taken a bit of a knock. They and the regular police have definitely calmed down a lot. I was stopped at a roadblock this morning and the officer looked me straight in the eye and said "Hello Sir, do you have any illegal stuff?" I told him (truthfully) that I didn't but I am still not sure whether he was checking on my integrity or actively looking to buy something illegal from me. His female colleague then told me that I looked like a handsome actor on my driver's licence photo but that my face is much older in real life. Well, it hasn't been the easiest year, I guess, but what a delightful experience all round.

I keep saying that things are getting better although, in reality, they have simply stabilised and very little progress is being made in getting travellers moving again. The latest estimate is that South Africa is losing R180,000,000 for every week that the country remains on the UK's Red List. This demonstrates the impact of the loss of our UK visitors alone. Many other countries have opened up travel to South Africa, but bookings remain few and far between, even from those who are able to visit. The situation is really dire.

In my brighter moments, I imagine that – at any moment now – Leon Schuster or a director of the BBC's Living the Dream is going to jump out of the bush and tell us that they have been secretly filming us for fun on a hidden camera and we are about to go out worldwide on television for the amusement of the masses as we flounder our way from crisis to crisis.

That is the dream. The crisis, however, is very real and people really need to get moving if tourism is to survive this in any recognisable shape or form. For example, South Africa had about 7,000 formal restaurants at the beginning of last year and already 1,800 – more than a quarter of those - have closed permanently, including some high-profile names such as Cape Town’s world-renowned Test Kitchen. Many hotels and lodges have closed too – either temporarily or permanently and including many in Hazyview – and there is no furlough scheme in this country, so think how many households are now quite simply without any income whatsoever apart from the government Covid grant of R350 per month for the workless, with a current unemployment figure of 44.2% having just been released.

Just imagine having to live and feed your family on less than a dollar a day! So those of us who are keeping our businesses going and keeping on our staff need as much help as we can get, simply to stop them being swallowed up by such desperation and poverty.

Tourism directly employs 1.5 million South Africans. Or it did before this crisis hit us but it is far fewer now. This translated to one in every ten working people and accounted for 8.5% of GDP but, of course, the current negative spin-offs in reduced spending by tourists go far deeper than that.

It doesn’t help to feel sorry for ourselves though – and the reality is that our fellow South Africans have done a great job in supporting their own tourism industry. However, if you are able to travel and you have not regularly visited all of your favourite restaurants and hotels (including Rissington, of course!) in the past 18 months, well, there is a very real chance that they will not be there when you want them in the future. Travel itself needs travellers in order to survive, just as the industry’s employees do, so join in if you can.

Progress despite the inertia

Of course, Rissington has not sat on its laurels. We have grappled for any business we can get and we have spent what income we have been able to generate on making huge improvements to what we offer in preparation for a return to full occupancy. Obviously, our new pool (see top) and the large open terrace (on the site of the old pool, see left) are our greatest achievements and they are the most exciting changes we have made in the 27 years of our existence but there have been many other smaller improvements to the rooms, the doors and windows, the furnishings and the menus.

Oddly, the most exciting change for me is the removal of the telephone lines that used to run across the property. It used to really irk me that every view had a cable (and often a pole) in it, running right along in front of the lodge. Anyway, they were redundant and they have gone. We dug the poles out with spades and chopped the lines down ourselves with a pair of secateurs. If anyone from Telkom is reading this, you are welcome to drop by and collect your defunct equipment before the cable thieves get to it!

It is such a sadness to us though, that we have done so much work on Rissington and yet so few people have been here to see it all. If you can get here, I repeat, please come and see it for yourselves. Soon. We have some ideas further down the Rag to help make that possible for you.

Planet-saving is alive and well …

One of the tourism industry’s greatest fears is that long-haul travel will never return in the same form as before, due to an increasing awareness of climate change issues and to so-called ‘flight-shaming’. This is a many-faceted issue from a developing country perspective with an obvious reality being that increased wealth (from investment, tourism, aid or whatever source) is much more likely to lead to better education and to improved environmental policies than poverty and desperation. An impoverished Africa is not going to be able to afford to contribute to helping to save the earth. On top of this, without sensible, sustainable tourism, there will be no funds to protect the continent's wildlife or its scenic regions. The airlines are all doing their bit to reduce emissions and to encourage travel, which is critical if the African environment itself is to be protected. So, let’s save the third world first, then the planet will start to save itself far more effectively.

Rissington’s own recycling initiatives continue unabated with only negligible amounts of refuse being sent to landfill and the rest being rescued and recycled at our own sorting and recycling plant. Below is the (almost empty) skip currently located at Rissington. I trust that the contents are not going to be dumped on the fascinatingly-spelled country that has been spray-painted onto it.

In addition, South Africa now has more and cleaner power stations coming on line, which will reduce load-shedding and emissions and also hopefully allow us to make inroads in time for electric cars to be charged, when they become the new normal. At the moment, it would seem that we are in the twilight of the combustion engine era in the first world but with no real prospect of charging an electric vehicle anywhere on the African continent. Where will that leave us in 10 years’ time? Walking again? There are currently 54 charging stations in this entire country with the nearest one 100km from Hazyview, so with a range of 350km and an 8-hour charging time on even the average electric car, that’s not going to work very well for a shopping trip, is it? Let alone long-distance travel for tourists…

If we could charge electric cars in 1907, as shown below, surely we can do it now? Admittedly this picture was taken in Detroit, not in Hazyview, but Mpumalanga can’t be 114 years behind Michigan, can it? I really hope not!

We love our social media followers

I truly love the positivity of our social media followers. In a world that complains constantly about the dangers and negativity of social media, I beg to disagree. I can see the dangers of it, obviously, but we also have to love all our supporters. Our Carol Brattons and our Linda Williamses. Our Mike Williamses and our Nikki Balzans. And Therese, Judy, Dave, Trish, Fabienne, Ursula and all the other fine folk who read our feeds and then comment on them. And especially those who forward them, share them and tag their friends. All of these people have, quite simply, kept us going with their optimism, thoughtful input and determination that everything will be OK and that normality will return (and indeed may already have begun to do so). By joining them - and joining in - you could also stay in touch with us and help us to get the word out. And keep us cheerful. Follow us: @RissingtonInn on Facebook and Instagram and be sure to stay signed up the Rag and to share it with your friends and contacts.

In addition, we have just entered the weird and wonderful world of social media influencers, which meant inviting some of these powerful marketeers as our guests, in exchange for having them share photos and comments about their experiences at Rissington and in Hazyview in their posts and stories for their tens of thousands of followers. It works and it increases our follower numbers as well as spreading the news about what we are all about to people who are looking for what we are offering. It is a fine line, of course, willingly to be leaving it, uncontrolled, to a third party to describe us as they see us but we have noticed a huge broadening of our client base as a result of it and that makes us very happy.

Of course, the ultimate success (and maybe risk) would be to have Rissington featured in a television show such as Giles Coren’s and Monica Galetti’s excellent Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond the Lobby on the BBC and more recently The Savoy from ITV (but shown on the BBC channels around the world), narrated by the magnificent Celia Imrie. This last one is really worth looking out for and offers entertaining insights into the workings of the world’s first real luxury hotel. It’s an amusing and enlightening combination of fly-on-the-wall and documentary. The Travel Show meets Fawlty Towers and Hotel Babylon, if you like. There is also a Titanic feel to it, as we watch life go on (spattered with ordinary people plus, inevitably, a foul-mouthed Gordon Ramsay and a couple of extraordinary cameos from the real David Hasselhof and a quasi Marilyn Monroe) in the face of the impending pandemic, which eventually forces the iconic hotel to close its doors for a while. Seek it out. It will show you what we are up against on all fronts as an industry.

Idiot clients

Of course we love the vast majority of our clients, but it would never realistically be possible for us to love all of them. I think ‘idiot’ is a great word especially for the kind of twit that just doesn’t know how to use the internet to pick the right holiday. They are still out there and they know who they are. They are the type who would book a room for R620 in Hazyview (having wanted to pay even less) and then expect unadulterated luxury, with a jacuzzi, a sauna, electric curtains, rose petals in the bath, a full day-and-night butler service, cheeseboards, beribboned fruit-baskets and free champagne. I mean tell me, clot, is there a single rose petal in any picture on our website? What did you see on the Internet that you could not see when you got here? Far from being misleading, the photographs of our rooms were actually taken in the rooms. The photograph of the view is just that – Rissington's view. You can’t see a river in the view because Rissington is not on a river. We never said it was – and we can’t have a river put in for you. It doesn’t work like that.

We have been asked for ‘paid-for female company’. We have had a complaint that we don’t supply dumb-bells on our rooms (from a dumb-bell, obviously). We even had a guest offer a staff member a chance to visit his own house so that she could see what ‘real luxury’ looks like. Well – if your house is so lovely, why don’t you just stay in and stop bothering the rest of us?!

I largely blame the scavenging Internet online booking sites and their attempts to lure clients by whatever means – and to prevent them from booking direct by promising them the earth (and rose petals) – but I still like to think that we are nearing the end of these leaches and their shocking deceitful tactics. Why do we in tourism have to pay commissions to sites that deliberately and deceptively purport to be our own sites and why must we then be subjected to an endless process of reviews and ratings, when doctors, teachers and car salesmen are pretty much immune to them due to libel laws? It still doesn’t seem right to me. But the majority of our recent guests have been absolutely wonderful – and we would really like them to keep coming …

Where are our guests coming from?

Actually, we are again receiving guests from all over the world. And if they can get here, you can too - unless, possibly, you are stuck in Britain, Australia or New Zealand right now - but that too will soon change. Look! Ireland just changed its policy on South Africa overnight this week.

Our southern African guests come from right across the region. They come from Johannesburg, Pretoria, Cape Town, the Eastern Cape and from KwaZulu-Natal. Some come from Maputo; others from right over in Namibia. Quite a number are diplomats and contract workers. A few of our clients also blatantly come from Mars (where there is clearly no shampoo or loo paper and no towels or torches - so they take ours home with them to show to their Martian friends, but that is another story).

We have had Americans, Brazilians, Germans and Dutch. Two of our favourite French guests arrived yesterday for a long stay. I know PCR tests are a bit of a pain but we are all used to them by now and anyone from anywhere is welcome in South Africa so with the end of the Northern Hemisphere summer, it's time to get over the fear and the hassles and head south for some sunshine. Right now, while the deals are really good. You will never again enjoy such traffic-free roads and peaceful landscapes and game reserves or such uncluttered hotels, empty restaurants, easy-to-book activities and tourist-free attractions. So visit Africa while no-one else is. It has to make sense. And it won't last for ever.

Deals and ideas

So what are we offering you, this time around, to attract the sane and the loyal?

We have two ideas, both of which are available to everyone (apart from over Christmas, New Year and Easter). These would especially appeal to regular local visitors and, from further afield, to the so-called ‘VFR market’ – short for Visiting Friends and Relations – which is this country’s largest single tourism source sector both for international and domestic tourism.

REUNION DEAL : We are now seeing newsreels, from all around the world, of the happy hugging reunions when friends and families, who have been unable to visit each other for 18 months or longer, finally get together. What better place could there be to catch up with your mates and your relatives after a long absence than at Rissington? Or just to get away together? For that reason, we are offering two- and three-night (or longer) specials for four people or more, starting from R2000 per night (for all four people) including all breakfasts and one special reunion dinner. You don’t need to pay now or to tell us when you are coming but you do need to tell us that you are interested, so that we are ready to honour the rate when you make your reservation. The more the merrier. Extra people and additional rooms pro rata. Let us quote and give you a great get-together - and bear in mind that we can also organise activities, hikes, game drives and much much more. The offer is open to everyone though, not just to reuniting friends and families. You can quite simply come down from anywhere for a few days and use the same deal. Minimum two nights, no maximum number of nights. Bring friends. Bring the children in the coming school holidays. Bring the grandparents and cousins, whom you haven’t seen for ages. And catch up, while we cook and keep you busy and away from the crowds. All you need to do is arrive and we do the rest.

A WEEK AT RISSINGTON : In a repeat of the exceptional deal we ran in the last Rag (because it has been so incredibly popular) we are again offering, to absolutely everyone in any country, the R5500 rate per person for a FULL WEEK at Rissington INCLUDING ALL MEALS. This time however we are only offering it to people who reply promptly to this Rag and book. So here is your chance if you missed out last time or if you have already been for a week and would like to book another one. We know some people can't yet travel to South Africa, so, as previously, you don’t need to set a date now. You may come for your seven consecutive nights at any time that you are able to get here in the future but, to be guaranteed the price, you must pay for this one by the end of September. This would be a great getaway now or whenever - and it would also make an ideal birthday or Christmas or 'anything' present for a friend or family member who needs a break at any time that suits them. Everyone is loving their week-long Rissington stays. It is the best way to travel these days: just find a comfortable safe spot with plenty of open space and fresh air, then take day trips and organise activities in our adrenaline hub or simply stay put and enjoy delicious food, great service, swimming, lolling and amazing views, all laid on for a week or more with no effort required from you except to turn up!

Both deals apply to new direct bookings only. Not applicable to the period from 10 December to 3 January or over Easter. Extra nights are charged pro rata. Email us NOW on info@rissington.co.za to talk to us or to get more details. Secure payment systems guaranteed.

Public service announcement for our regulars regarding SA's National Parks

Just a tip-off that twelve out of South Africa’s 20 national parks will go cash-free from September 2021. These include the Garden Route (consisting of Knysna, Wilderness and Tsitsikamma), Agulhas, Richtersveld and Namaqua in the Northern Cape, Table Mountain, Tankwa Karoo, West Coast in the Western Cape, Mountain Zebra, Camdeboo, Addo Elephant in the Eastern Cape as well as Mapungubwe in Limpopo and Golden Gate Highlands National Park in the Free State. The remainder, including the Kruger National Park, will be going cash-free from next year on a date yet to be announced.

Residents and long-stay visitors should also remember the benefits of buying a Wild Card to avoid conservation fees. This can be organised online at the sanparks.org website. Click on 'Wild Card' in the menu bar. In addition, day visits, activities and (obviously) accommodation can also be pre-booked on the site in order to obviate the need for payments at the gates and camps as well as to reduce queueing times and crowds.

Interesting maps

I love an interesting map. Try this one for size. Isn’t multiculturalism wonderful? I hope all our American friends are brushing up on their Vietnamese and Tagalog. And maybe also their Pashto and Dari in preparation for an influx of Afghans.

Talking of maps … Where in the World?

The winner of the June competition was our old friend William Wright, who emerged from a hat containing the names of those entrants closest to a full house on the six items shown. There were a couple of trick questions but we were sympathetic as to how these were handled if a logical answer was given:

From left to right, the items were:

1) A maté cup from San Martin de los Andes, Argentina

2) A replica sphynx cap badge from the 24th Regiment of Foot, bought at Fugitives Drift Lodge, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa www.fugitivesdrift.com (they have some really great offers available right now if you have always wanted to go there – email them!)

3) A model of the Atomium, from Brussels

4) A miniature of the (already very small) mermaid statue in Copenhagen

5) A wooden kuksa drinking cup from Helsinki, Finland

6) An ankh – or key of life – on a string, sourced on the Nile in Egypt

Here’s this month’s competition. Where in the Kruger National Park was this photograph taken? It's not as difficult as it seems, with the content containing a huge clue (or a lot of huge clues ...). The most accurate answer will win the entrant a complimentary three-night stay for two at Rissington, including bed and breakfast and a room with an uninterrupted view of the Sabi River Valley (but no river visible – and no cables in sight). Email your answer to info@rissington.co.za before 30 September!

Signing off

On a serious note, we are conscious of meeting all the requirements of the new POPIA (protection of information) act in South Africa. If you received an email from us with a link that led you here, you have the option to sign off from our mailing list by unsubscribing at the bottom of that email. We also guarantee that we will not use your email address for any purpose other than that of alerting you to a new edition of the quarterly Rag and we will not hand over any information about you to any third party for any purpose whatsoever. Not even to cops looking for 'illegal stuff'.

That’s it for now. The next Rag will be out for Christmas and will be full of the usual fun thoughts and stories but this time around I wanted you to know, for once, just how bad things are and to ask you to help world tourism by doing your bit. If you see a great offer, please take it up. If you can pre-book a holiday, please do so, in the knowledge that if you do, you will be feeding many families. And in the case of Rissington (and probably most similar establishments) if you can’t come for some reason, you will certainly be fully refunded. It is all about cash flow right now, until South Africa’s increasingly successful vaccination programme has run its course. It won't be long now. It is going very well.

It is Springtime in Africa. Rissington’s entire team has been vaccinated and, if you need further reassurance, the in-house expert from South Africa’s largest private medical insurance fund also believes that as many as 80% of South Africans have already had the virus. If that is not herd immunity, I don’t know what is!

All the best and keep in touch ...

Chris and the (honestly!) ever-cheerful Team Rissington.

The Rissington Rag - June 2021

2021-06-01T00:00:00+02:00

The Rissington Rag June 2021

It’s time to celebrate our freedom. This Rag is a fifteen-minute read and it contains plenty of generous offers which are valid for everyone now and also into the future when our international travellers are able to return, so please keep going to the end (or skip straight there if you are REALLY in a hurry to save some cash and if you don't mind missing out on the exceptional competition prize).

A New World with a New Language

Throughout all of this chaos, South Africa has proved yet again that it is a unique country with its own often-comic approach to absolutely everything. We also count ourselves lucky that our government has been sharp enough to realise that we really couldn’t afford to be locked down for long, so while the rest of the world has been through absolute torture, we have largely been able to carry on very much as usual here, albeit somewhat isolated from the real world.

In other words, as South Africans, we are generally used to being trusted to make our own decisions and the State President probably realised that even if he had tried to control us, we probably wouldn’t have taken too much notice anyway. Most of our compatriots have nevertheless taken the protocols seriously and we continue to be sensible, to maintain social distancing and to wear masks in public spaces. Rissington adheres firmly to all the rules, obviously.

In the meantime, the world has drawn up a whole new language of nonsense-words which sum up our situation. Some you will know; some you might not. Here is my interpretation of a few of my favourites :

Elbow bump – something you used to suffer from after falling off your bicycle. Now the final move of a bizarre juddering jive following an awkward hiatus in which the two participants simultaneously flinch as they remember that they may not shake hands, hug, high-five or breathe the same air. Let’s hope it doesn’t catch on or it will end up being as irritating as having someone say ‘Bless you’ every time you sneeze.

Maskne – apparently acne caused by wearing a mask. So you get spots from wearing a mask, then hide the spots … by wearing a mask. The problem solves itself, methinks.

Self-isolation – sitting alone for a number of days. A form of naughty-boy-or-girl-you-might-have-caught-Covid syndrome whereby you are imprisoned in solitary confinement in your own personal leper colony and not allowed to see your grandparents because being near you might just kill them or to talk to your children because they might turn into super-spreaders. (There's another hideous word; it sounds like a new breed of easy-to-use margarine, doesn't it?)

R-number (reproduction number) – nothing to do with a population explosion and cannot be squared and multiplied by Pi to give you the area of a circle. This is a previously-fashionable system for calculating the number of people infected by each infected person. It seems to have fallen out of use, I assume largely because, like just about every other Covid statistic, it is wildly speculative.

Herb community – this fantastic South African malapropism works even better than the intended ‘herd immunity’. These chaps probably just smoke some pot and forget about the real world altogether.

Co-mobilities – another unintentionally-ironic frequent South African mispronunciation of ‘co-morbidities’, the rather gruesome name for the seemingly endless range of pre-existing conditions which can increase the likelihood of death from the virus. These can be anything from asthma to ingrowing toenails, especially if it means getting to the front of the vaccine queue.

Anti-vaxxers – not someone who doesn’t want to go for a Brazilian, but more someone who thinks, like the Brazilian President Bolsonaro, that these jabs won’t work. Well, they won’t unless everyone joins in. And if you don’t get the vaccine, prepare to spend the rest of your life in a lockdown without travel.

Variant B.1.351 lineage, also known as 20H/501Y.V2 (formerly 20C/501Y.V2) - the punchy new name, preferred by South Africans, for the former ‘so-called South African Variant’. As it is, while the rest of the world still fumbles around, South Africa has a relatively low prevalence of any variant whatsoever, so to lumber us (like Kent) with a variant named after us is as mad as it is irresponsible. Many more livelihoods will be lost as a result of the ongoing tourism collapse that the name has caused. Tragic. Luckily the WHO has now decided that countries and regions may henceforth not be used in variant names as it could lead to unfair stigmatisation. Ah, diddums. Yes, well actually it makes sense, even if it does sound a bit snowflakey.

Covidiot – This is just a great word with so many potential meanings. Never mind the definition. Just use it.

The world has clearly gone mad and no sooner do we finally have a day when the news focuses on something Covid-less (like a new US President who is not a Covidiot or a Good Old South African Government Corruption Scandal) than up the pandemic pops again with another country having a virus disaster with which to dominate the media. There is some good news, of course, every now and then, like the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s welcome declaration that the latest Ebola outbreak is now over. It had killed a grand total of 12 people. Alleluia! Thank goodness that has stopped its trail of destruction.

Selfie Syndrome

South Africa’s ‘isolation’ and consequent dependence on domestic tourism have led to many moments of mystery but the most bizarre of all of these is the Instagram-inspired Saffer Selfie Syndrome in which people walk around backwards imperilling their own and others’ lives whilst taking pictures of themselves and their friends perched on cliff edges, hanging from trees, spreadeagled under waterfalls and suspended from giant frames in front of impressive views.

Having seen such a protagonist, phone held high in his hand, obliviously reversing on foot into a road full of traffic whilst gesticulating to the photo’s subject to ‘go left a little’, I can only assume that we shall soon be adding ‘Insta-splatted’ to our new list of covidefinitions.

While Rissington continues to post sunsets, pool shots and dog portraits, the rest of Instagram has become increasing bonkers with more and more lunatic photos of daring antics best-suited to the Darwin Awards. Let us hope that the ends (without becoming too fatalistic) justify the rewards.

Learning How a Hotel Works

Our industry’s complete reliance on inexperienced tourists has been an absolute joy for the most part, but it is also not without its challenges when it comes to agreeing a rate. Rissington's tariffs are always low and always quoted per person and not per room, which seems to be a mysterious concept to the many who book for one person and then turn up with numerous friends, colleagues, children, babies, dogs, cats and budgies who are all going to stay in ‘their’ room for free (they think) because what difference does it make to us how many people there are? (OK, there have been no actual cats or budgies yet, but you get my drift.)

They are still only using the one room, they say, but, we then have to explain that, whilst this is indeed true, they will now use all the beds, all the hot water, all the shampoo, body lotion, extra towels (the rest of which they will pack and take home with them along with the odd blanket, the TV remote and even, in one case, a wall-clock). And they will all be having breakfast. They also say on making their reservation that they want to pay an even lower rate for booking direct, for being on business or for qualifying for a pension and that they want to bring in their own drinks and to dine on introduced-from-the-outside KFC. Next they will be asking for a discount because they didn’t finish off the salt and pepper in the restaurant and didn’t manage to use up all the loo paper (although they frequently pocket that and the boxes of tissues as well).

Talking of loo-paper, this situation has also spawned a new bunch of nutcases on online booking platforms who quite simply don’t know what is a reasonable expectation of a hotel … and this is not limited to first-time tourists. We recently had an experienced traveller stay with us, who scored us highly on the booking site but in her very wordy review complained that the loo roll was (most inconveniently) on the left and asked us to move it in time for her next stay. I mean why on earth shouldn’t it be on the left? And if that is too complicated for a right-hander to cope with, then what are left-handers supposed to do all the time? Sit backwards on the loo to get easy access to the lavatory paper? It adds a whole new meaning to the word ‘backhander’.

TripAdvisor – the Beginning of the End

Of course, every cloud, however huge, has its silver lining. Previously, to court online reviews was rather like asking someone how they are. Don’t ask, they might tell you. But our old friend TripAdvisor seems genuinely to have lost the plot and also to have haemorrhaged a handy total of R4 billion in 2020. For more details and further information about what they intend to do about it, you can click on this link: HERE

Rissington has had a grand total of 4 reviews on TripAdvisor in the past 12 months. All of them have been 100% positive. I told you the world would be a nicer place after all this, the Loo-Paper Wars notwithstanding.

Why Hazyview?

If you haven’t yet done so, take a look at the new Visit Hazyview website www.visithazyview.co.za which we have been building for our tourism association. You can also follow VisitHazyview on social media to keep up with what is going on in the area.

When we look at how Hazyview has grown in the past 25 years, it is funny to think that White River was once the area's only big well-established tourism town, what with its interesting history of Milner’s Men, all the lovely hotels and its proximity to the Kruger’s Numbi Gate. The story has it that in the early days, a hundred or so years ago, there was even a motel on the eastern side of the town with a tennis court made out of rolled termite mounds. Was this the original clay court, I wonder? And White River remains utterly charming.

Nowadays, though, everyone knows the much more full-on Hazyview, which has recently thus been nominated by a South African television show as one of the Top Three Towns in Mpumalanga. The area has come a long way since I first moved here almost 40 years ago when Hazyview boasted only 14 shops and a petrol station. Today, it is not only a large retail centre but also one of South Africa's most significant tourism destinations - a hub of adventure, adrenalin, foodie (and the inevitable gin and biltong) experiences, craft shopping, art, wildlife experiences, spas and wellness centres as well as some of the country's finest hotels and lodges, including, of course, Rissington Inn. The Phabeni Gate, which opened (unbelievably) twenty years ago, is Kruger’s newest access and it has put us right at the portals of the world’s greatest National Park.

So, Hazyview is ideally suited to the young new dynamic (Instagram-suicidal) market, while White River retains its country charm, high-end shops, market days and garden-openings. That is the difference between our new town and our 120-year old neighbour (and Nelspruit, which is a wild urban playground and even has its own ice rink!). Horses for courses, I guess, but I know that Hazyview is really making its mark at the moment.

Where in the World?

Travel has always been a luxury and never more so than now. The Tracker device on my vehicle keeps sending messages to my phone asking me why it hasn’t been moved for 72 hours but in reality, as for most people, it is more than 10 000 hours since I last travelled. That’s a lot of hours. Yes, I have been into Kruger for the day a few times and I have enjoyed some good weekends away from their school with our occasional and very-part-time barmen, JJ and Lungile, but that really is it. The world has changed but, after a brief hiatus, the Where in the World Competition is back with a tour of my house to see who can tell me where (on previous journeys) these seven items were obtained:

Do you know where they come from? Naming the country will be good enough, but hazarding a guess at the town or site would improve your chances of winning.

The most accurate answer received by 15th July 2021 and drawn from the hat will be awarded the MASSIVE PRIZE of a free week at Rissington for two people on a bed and breakfast basis. Our week-long stays at Rissington are so popular. You really need to try one!

A Great Book to Take Along on Your Next Trip

So much has changed and yet so much hasn’t. Indeed life gets better by the day and, as I keep on saying, the world will be a better place after all of this is over. We must simply learn the lessons.

While South Africa clearly still has its challenges, we only need to look back thirty years to remind ourselves how far we have come. This brings me to this month’s book recommendation. Quite honestly, I very nearly didn’t read this. I bought it because I have had some past connections with the author – he also coincidentally designed my book Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama – and I sat down to settle into it one afternoon. I read the back cover and took a big gulp. I don’t know why. Perhaps I thought it would be too depressing, too heavy, too turgid, but I put it down again and all but resolved not to bother. I steeled myself though, thank goodness, opened page 1 and was instantly completely gripped. I then read half the book in one sitting. It is an essential read for anyone with any interest in South Africa’s past or its future. In fact, William Dicey's 1986 (the year is the book’s title and its subject) is one of the best books I have ever read. Superbly put together, engaging, shocking, fascinating and absolutely enthralling. Very strongly recommended. Read it – and you will be happily reminded that we have come a very long way indeed since 1986.

Celebrating a New Rissington

We have much to celebrate at Rissington too. We have our amazing new pool, our newly-refurbished rooms, our beautiful open terrace and our wide-open spaces in the gardens. We have our sunshine, our wildlife, our new menus and our fantastically patient, professional and friendly team.

We also have a new Cocktails Menu, provided by our front-of-house expert, Marvellous Sifundza, who went on a course to become a cocktail-maker and -shaker. When I told him that he was now a ‘hotshot’ barman, he asked me whether he was really ‘short’ – so clearly he thinks he is ‘hot’ – but whatever he is, he makes a fine selection of Cocktails for a sunny evening on the new terrace.

Rissington has lost a number of talented staff in the shake-outs of the past year, many of them taking voluntary retrenchment with (I hope) generous pay-outs which have enabled them to become entrepreneurs and start their own businesses. Sipho, Rissington’s driver of 25 years, has become a chicken farmer, for example. Thandi, our talented chef, has opened a bakery and Cindy, who has held many roles here over the years, has gone on to train as a teacher.

These are but a few of the good-news stories that have emerged from all of this, but it is easy to forget that, while hospitality is a demanding industry, it is also a good broad training for running your own business in many spheres. As far as our guests are concerned, much of our regular client-base has been absent for more than a year now but there has been a smattering of overseas visitors finding a way to deal with the regulations or living with the quarantine requirements and travel is thus slowly starting to become easier.

You need us, we need you – so here’s the deal …

It is time to make your booking. If you decide to pay a deposit up-front, it will be fully-refundable in the event of unforeseen circumstances but we would really really really like you to come. We have so much to show you.

The million dollar question that many of our regulars have been asking is whether we shall be continuing with all our amazing special rates once international tourism returns so we have thought long and hard about this and decided that the answer is yes. Here comes the news you want to hear:

The current deal (which we have always offered in quiet times even before the current meltdown) allows anyone to stay here for a full seven nights including all meals for just R5500 per person (for the whole week) and we have decided to offer that rate to anyone and everyone who books a seven-night (or longer) stay in the future. This is a paltry $400 or £275 or €320 for a whole week at Rissington including breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now, we know things are complicated right now, so you don’t need to give us the dates yet (because who knows when many of you will easily be able to travel here again?) but you do need to pay now. So, for R5500 per person payable before the end of June, we will hold that rate and you can pick your dates when you know you can get here any time that suits you in the future. This allows everyone to benefit from our generous deals, whether they can currently travel or not. There are very few catches except that it must be a continuous seven-night stay and it cannot be used over Christmas or Easter. Otherwise, come any time. It is a huge bargain. Minimum 7 nights. Extra nights will be calculate pro-rata. Direct bookings only. May not be applied to existing bookings.

And if the cartoon below shows the future of beach tourism in Europe, I know where I would rather be planning my next holiday.

Finally… Hell is in the Past

You can check the website www.rissington.co.za for dozens more pictures of the upgrades and, while you are there, sign up to follow us on Instagram or Facebook or both. You will then receive your own Rissington dopamine fix every couple of days! (You can also sign up for the quarterly Rag to be sent to you Inbox, if you came across this by chance)

We are especially grateful to all the people who have stayed with us again and again during the past awkward year and in particular to our South African guests, who have really stood by us. Without you and your support, we would never have made it. Thank you. Please keep coming and we will keep up the generous specials for our loyal supporters.

The awfulness of the past year seemed to be summed up by two French youngsters in their early 20s who turned up at Rissington in February. They had jumped through hoops to get here – isolation, countless Covid tests and myriad flights and diversions – but their palpable relief at getting to us, sitting in the sun, swimming in the pool, eating out in the garden and drinking fine South African wines was, well, sobering. We watched them emerge from their misery and despair into a combination of relief and release as they explained what they had been through. So remember: there is life after Covid. It’s at Rissington – and it is great.

As the one of them said:

“You have no idea what it has been like. I am 22 years old. I have not been allowed to visit even so much as a bar for almost a year. It has been hell. This is paradise.”

They stayed a week and left thoroughly rejuvenated. The young lady was quite right. We have no idea what it has been like for the people in Europe and other more-restrictive parts of the world, but we do want you to come back to Africa now. And to recover. This is the real world. Not the hell you have been through. And if you need your African spirits lifted even further, try this month’s musical excerpt by the Drakensberg Boys Choir, as recorded recently for Mothers Day. What could be more African than combining Cover Me In Sunshine with Paradise?! This will really cheer you up: CLICK HERE

Come and stay. See you soon. We miss you.

Chris and the amazing Team Rissington.

The Rissington Rag - March 2021

2021-03-01T00:00:00+02:00

Welcome to the

March 2021

Rissington Rag

Dear Ragsters

Still there? So are we! And still keeping cheerful? So are we!

South Africa is celebrating today after the recent massive reduction in virus cases allowed us to move to the lowest level of lockdown at midnight last night. Just about everything is allowed now apart from night clubs and huge gatherings of people, so let's get on with it ...

This month's Rag is a ten-minute read. It’s time for some good news.

(Warning to superstitious Zimbabweans and others: towards the end, this newsletter contains a photograph of a chameleon).

Social Media rules, OK?

I never thought I would say this but … what is wrong with a bit of dopamine? It is now more and more evident that social media has become crucial for our sanity. For those who can’t see their friends and families because of lockdown, Facebook, Instagram and Zoom have become a lifeline. The key to staying calm and in touch. So, am I – so to speak – eating my words? Yes, I think maybe I am.

Just as we used to get a thrill from leafing through the post when it arrived and finding a letter, an invitation or a birthday card from a long-lost friend in amongst all the bills, I hope this Rag will give you a lift.

Writing The Rissington Rag is one of my greatest joys. It raises my spirits. It is like being in a room with thousands of like-minded people and having a really good catch-up in the knowledge that they probably love Rissington as much as we all do. And that if they could be here, they would.

Where a good email – like a well-written letter – is a real fillip on a bad day, a cheerful WhatsApp is also like a virtual hug (and well worth the risk of whatever it tells Mark Zuckerberg about us, which is probably absolutely nothing at all except what we buy online and might want to buy again – where is the harm in that? Just stop dodgy online shopping …)

So let’s keep in touch. You can now book with us and stay in contact on WhatsApp as well. +27 82 327 6842. Need a hug? Send us a message!

And while we are at it, let’s not miss the opportunity to share (because that is what social media is all about) a couple of lovely parodies of the paragraph heading. The expression 'Xxxxx Rules, OK?' seems to have originated with soccer clubs (as in Liverpool Rules, OK?) and gangs in Glasgow, but I particularly like these:

James Bond rules, 00K?
Dyslexics lure, KO.
Potassium Ethoxide rules C2H5OK.
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle probably Rules, OK?
Absolute Zero Rules 0 K
and (pre-Brexit anyway …) French Fishermen rule au Quai.

Isn’t language great? I also learned the other day that the word 'shampoo' came into English from the Hindi word champu for ‘massage’ and was appropriated as long ago as 1762. I mean we all knew about chutney and gymkhana and pyjamas. But shampoo? Which then gets absorbed into French as the fabulous ‘le shampooing, making it not only franglais but also frindi!

And here are some more English words you might not know were derived from Hindustani words: cushy, pundit, cot, tickety-boo, juggernaut, kedgeree (Rissington makes a great one), thug, loot and pukka (don’t tell Jamie Oliver). As I say, isn’t language great?

‘Oi, what you not lookin’ at?’

Challenges

We cannot ignore the plague altogether, of course, because it dominates all of our lives at the moment, especially in South Africa, Brazil and (bizarrely) Kent, an innocent county of England. What links all of us in those three places is the fact that we have a variant of the virus seemingly actually named after us. This, of course, is just a bit of bad luck, in that we were clever and open enough to identify a new strain only to find ourselves blamed for its existence and tarred with its brush. Kent has the advantage of being a relatively small proportion of England, where in Hazyview we are lumped together with the entire country of South Africa (and Brazil…) and, internationally, we are all stigmatised accordingly. If nothing else, it is an unneeded and unfair hurdle to tourism recovery.

We battle on, however, firm in our South African resolve to keep the lurgy at bay and to get on with our lives. The end of all this has to be nigh, after all, and restrictions are slowly being lifted worldwide, just as they are here. Our country now has very few restrictions but we continue to take all our precautions very seriously and there are tens of millions of vaccines on their way here, just like everywhere else. We have even been told that tourism employees will be in the second jab phase after essential workers (and, it seems so far, a lot of non-essential politicians!) so that we don’t infect our guests. Great idea!

It seems, elsewhere though, that desperation is really setting in. This headline says it all (but you can click on it for more details):

IN A SMALL SAMPLE OF AMERICANS AND BRITS, 39% SAID THEY WOULD GIVE UP SEX FOR A YEAR TO BE ABLE TO TRAVEL

It is an unusually-phrased headline but I think we know what they meant – and it is difficult to know how the organising body would check that the participants were sticking to the deal, especially when travelling. It is an indication, nevertheless, of just how keen everyone is to get back on the roads and planes and to indulge in mind-broadening voyages.

The end will come – just as it did in every other war we have ever fought – and with it will come joy, pride and relief. When I left my prep school in the 1970s I was given this certificate which was somehow quite moving (although I have no idea why it wasn’t given to the applicable child in 1946). As one would, I have framed it on my bathroom wall and it inspires me every day.

Let’s look forward to saying we defeated Covid-19 and let’s also learn the lessons it has presented to us. Then we can all be released and travel the world in search of the items we miss most, like Ribena and real British jelly babies.

Celebrating at Rissington

We have much to celebrate at Rissington. We live in a beautiful place. Our little lodge is looking better than ever. We have been able to welcome our (sadly very few) guests in a safe environment for most of lockdown. We have had plenty of rain to fill the dams and swell the crops.

We had a joyous Christmas and New Year, even if our celebrations of the latter were muted by a rather sudden alcohol ban and a curfew. Rissington created a fantastic Mocktails Menu for New Year’s Eve, served by JJ, Lungile and Megan, who worked here for the first time to help the team and to earn some spending money. They are pictured here in a booze-free bar …

So successful were they at selling alcohol-free gin-and-tonics, sangria and margaritas that everyone needed a good strong Virgin Mary for breakfast the next day to help them recover from the non-hangover. At midnight, we had all stood around the pool, as instructed by our State President, and raised a thoughtful candle to all those who had fallen victim to the virus around the world. That, too, was a sobering moment.

Our celebrations didn’t end there though. We have had so many people breaking out of their lockdown reveries and arriving here to celebrate all sorts of landmarks and successes. People need people, after all. Especially on their birthdays. So … until the end of this year, we are giving one free night’s accommodation for a birthday celebrated at Rissington within a week of the actual date. For one night of their stay, the person whose birthday it is will only have to pay for their dinner, drinks and other extras.

And today? Well, this Rag is going out on St David's Day - a crucial date in the calendar for our many Welsh readers who, I am sure, will be waving their daffodils with glee and thoroughly enjoying the current state of play in the Six Nations Rugby.

Everyone who stays here these days seems to be paying reduced tariffs – and receiving free upgrades too. We are also offering our week-long specials of R5500 per person for seven nights with all meals, teas and coffees for those staying any time in March, May and June this year. It’s the best deal in the whole world. Email info@rissington.co.za for more details or to make your booking.

What about April? Well, book early for April. It’s Easter at the beginning, the schools are out in the middle and there’s the Freedom Day long weekend at the end. Who doesn’t want to break free right now?!

Time to read …

Of course, it is not over yet, but I do think we are getting better at handling the uncertainty of it all. I found I couldn’t even concentrate well enough to read anything at all in the early days of the Covid era, as we were engulfed by the uncertainty of it, but now I can – as long as what I am reading has nothing whatsoever to do with the virus and the meltdown it has caused.

So, if you are looking for a wonderful, rompingly humorous South African book with some sneaky and thoughtful insights into growing up in this country in the 1980s, you should definitely get stuck into my good friend (and famous former Safari Live presenter) James Hendry’s Reggie and Me.

James is a wonderfully wicked (in-a-good-way) writer and – in case you are interested in following him further – is also now editor of Africa Geographic magazine. Reggie and Me is an irreverent joy from beginning to end.

Available in bookshops and also as an e-book online.

Living well in hard times

There’s no better opportunity than a hiatus such as this for us to reassess our expectations and aspirations. If you are anything like me, you will have cancelled numerous trips, cut back on countless expenses, cleaned out your cupboards more than once, weeded out your iTunes and Spotify collections, changed your supermarket, downgraded your car and looked on in amazement as other people carry on as if nothing has really changed.

This brings us to another question. Do we suffer from envy? Do we want be rich and famous? To be loud and omnipresent like Donald Trump? To divorce publicly like Kim and Kanye? To live in a big showy house? To be accompanied by the Orwellian (and ubiquitous in South Africa) ‘blue light brigade’ VIP escort whenever we go anywhere so that we can randomly drive other people off the road? Or are we simply glad to have come through this and happy with what we have?

I think the past year has been a real leveller with most of us quite simply ignoring famous and noisy people. They have also been hit by the restrictions and, in many cases, they have mercifully faded from view. Especially our politicians. They have become just distant stale air, wild speculation and pointless noise and they have lost their relevance as we all deal with bigger things at home.

Like so many other things we have given up for good, it makes us wonder why we ever listened to them in the first place, doesn’t it? And at least Lady Gaga got her dogs back.

Our homes have become our hotels

As Viz magazine famously said: Turn your home into a luxury hotel by installing a small fridge next to your bed and burning a £10 note every time you use it.

This may be extreme (and a bit unfair on hotels) but – just as we have improved our own hotel at Rissington during lockdown – so many people have made changes to the way they live and started appreciating the good things in life without even stepping out of the house.

Hopefully, when running your homes as hotels for yourselves and your families, you have not been faced with the same challenges we face as hoteliers. It is even tougher now as we try mask up and to provide what everyone is looking for in a post-Covid era.

Imagine what Basil Fawlty would make of all this! Imagine Sybil telephonically planning her social life in PPE and Manuel speaking English through a mask. And while Fawlty Towers, Hotel Babylon and the like might at first glance look a bit far-fetched, I promise you that, in nearly 40 years as a hotelier, I have undergone all those Fawlty-esque experiences. I have chased rats around my bar, shouted at complaining guests, run out of ingredients and made unusual substitutions; I have even had someone drop dead in my dining room (not at Rissington, I should add, where our closest has been a failed suicide attempt). Those shows may be comedies but they are not as far-fetched as you would think.

And while we are on the subject of the trials facing hoteliers, you may be wondering what is happening at our old friend TripAdvisor now that no-one has any travels to write about. Well, they are planning to charge you (and us) for a premium service. Don’t ask me how this will square up with their impartial neutrality or how they will deal with bad reviews on the hotels they have teamed up with but it is looking more and more potentially corrupt to me. Read the plan click HERE

I have long been saying that people will emerge from the current meltdown much more kind and forgiving. Let us hope that TripAdvisor is not the exception. After a year such as this, we should never complain again. And we should remember that travel is not only about our own experiences, it is about the people we travel with and the people we meet. Other people matter more than ever.

Musical section

We have two uplifting videos for you this month. In case you missed the first one on our Facebook page, here are our old friends the Ndlovu Youth Choir with their own colourful, cheerful composition We will Rise:

WE WILL RISE - NDLOVU YOUTH CHOIR

And here’s another thoroughly joyful bunch of rollicking youngsters having an absolute ball on the marimbas. I can only find this on a Facebook link, so I am afraid you will have to work out how to watch it there, but DON’T MISS out. Find a way. It is absolutely amazing. I have watched it simply dozens of times and it never palls.

fANTASTIC MARIMBAS

Competitions

The ‘Where in the World’ Competition has been taking a bit of a rest due to a lack of travel on our part but I feel that I have been remiss in not acknowledging some of the fantastic readers who have sent in thoughts and ideas in response to our appeals in the Rag. Like this poem, for example, from Eric and Anna Silk:

Rissington Values

The Rissington offers a quite unique mix

South African lodge, cosmopolitan twist.

While in other establishments prices may rise

At the Rissington restaurant you may be surprised

You are in for a treat, the cuisine is tip top

And wine prices go down more often than not.

The service relaxing, the sun always hot

But the value for money eclipses the lot

You may travel the world, you may wander and roam

But the Rissington Inn somehow always feels home.

It is humbling to know how much Rissington is loved and how much it means to people. And yes, some of the prices have indeed gone down! Thanks to everyone who has sent in pictures, memories and memes.

Let's talk about the weather

We have had some really extraordinary weather while you have all been away and, in January and February, we received more than our usual total annual rainfall in one sodden three-week period. Everything was soggy, our streams all ran into the donga, filling up the little dam which has chirped full of singing frogs every night since. And this magnificent fellow appeared in a small tree, right by the Rissington drive.

The bush has undergone a transformation. Thick, lush and green. Now we head into calmer seasons with lovely, clear, warm days and cool, comfortable nights.

Of course, our recycling spot remains open and very active, but here is a recycling story of a different kind. In March last year, the municipality's tractor reversed into a tree and knocked it flat, near the recycling plant. We had been carefully preserving this tree – a silver cluster leaf – ever since we cleared the bush to set up our planet-saving project, so we were a bit upset about its collapse. Not to be deterred though, we lifted it up, re-rooted it, planted a couple of poles alongside it, talked to it, told it stories, cared for it and nurtured it. Now it has recovered. Very rewarding. Everything comes back if it is well-enough looked-after. We would do well to remember that right now. You can see photos of the rescue process at the very bottom of the Rag.

You need us and we need you …

It has been a long haul but it really does seem to be coming to an end now so it is time for you to make your bookings. If you decide to pay a deposit up-front, it will be fully refundable in the event of unforeseen circumstances but we would really really really like to see you soon. We have so much to show you. Our new pool is fabulous. Our new terrace is amazing. Our new menu is delicious. Our gardens are brimming. Everything is painted and in top-top condition. We have even graded the road. Can you believe it?

You can check the website www.rissington.co.za for dozens more pictures of the upgrades and, while you are there (which you are already if you are reading this Rag online), sign up to follow us on Instagram or Facebook or both. You will then receive your own Rissington dopamine fix every couple of days, not months!

We are especially grateful to all the people who have stayed with us during this past awkward year. Without you and your support, we would never have made it. Thank you. Please keep coming. We are not out of the woods yet!

In addition, the generosity of Rissington fans is truly humbling. We have had offers of financial help for staff and even an offer to pay for vaccines for the team. What an amazing group of people the Ragsters are! See you soon. We miss you.

Chris and the amazing Team Rissington, all of whom have shown their typical stalwart stoicism throughout this tricky period. You are my heroes. All of you. It’s tough, I know.

The tree photographs, as promised. The Fall, the Rise and the Recovery ...

The Rissington Rag - December 2020

2020-11-29T00:00:00+02:00

Dear Ragsters

Welcome to the December 2020 Rissington Rag.

Two pieces of good news. Firstly 2020 is almost behind us … and secondly, this is a somewhat less wordy Rag – almost half the length of the September Rag and approximately a 15-minute read. Definitely worth making a coffee and setting aside the time to indulge. Let’s start with a statistic …

What's it all about?

Here’s a mind-blowing fact. We have spent more Rissington funds on upgrades and improvements, between the end of March this year and now, than I spent on the actual purchase of the property and its (then) two buildings in 1995. How is that for a great way of celebrating Rissington’s 25th anniversary? There's more on what we have been doing below, with some fantastic pictures too. But until then …

You are quite safe reading on, although it gets a tad more fun and even slightly racy further down. There is no mention of the virus, there are no cheap political swipes, not one jibe about a world leader. Or a world leader on the way out. Nothing. You are in refreshingly good hands. No need to wear a mask. There's not even a mention of Christmas until the very end. I mean, how can we talk about Christmas? We haven’t even had Easter yet, have we?

So how has your year been?

To be honest, ours has been an extraordinary year in so many ways, most of them good.

Notwithstanding the challenges that we have faced from some of our clients (see the next section – ouch) I have found myself reminded again and again what a privilege it is to live permanently amongst joyful, naturally-affectionate, spontaneous, fun and positive people. I think Africans are amazing. All of us. From whatever background.

There has been so much optimism on display and there has been so little complaining. The mutually-supportive spirit of the continent, known in South Africa as Ubuntu, has been to the fore throughout this entire challenging patch and the mountains and valleys around Hazyview have been riven throughout with smiles and cheerful laughter despite the obvious challenges. Our government has also done a great job of keeping a sense of balance.

Driving around the region now that most of the restrictions have been lifted, I have also been struck all over again by just how truly awesome is the raw rugged beauty of our corner of the continent, living, as we do, in the shadow of iconic mountains like Legogote and Mariepskop that can be seen for hundreds of kilometres and of the long spread of the magnificent escarpment that links the two. I don’t think I could ever take this for granted, but there is no doubt that I appreciate it all the more right now. Even after 25 years of Rissington, I still almost have to pinch myself every morning.

Staying positive

The positivity of Africans is deep in our very nature extending to every aspect of our being and this has been all the more noticeable when dealing only with South African guests, as we have since March. The best example of this – and it happened day after day while we were completing our improvements – was that not one person complained about the mess or the dust or the angle-grinders as we filled in the old swimming pool and built the new one. We stayed open throughout and, without exception, the reaction was to look out of over the carnage and say “Wow! This is going to be beautiful when it is finished. Good luck with it!” There were no complaints, bad reviews or threats to tell tour operators!

A cynic might say that Africa’s unselfconscious fatalism has its advantages in reducing stress because we don’t really expect things to work or to turn out as promised, but I am not as that cynical as that. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am filled with admiration for our continent and, as I have been reminded again and again over the past nine months, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. Not ever – and especially not now.

And if you want a sign of faith in the future, here it is. The long-awaited Hazyview branch of the world’s most famous store has finally opened. And why not? We are the future, after all. I must check out the Food Hall.

Missing items from Rissington rooms …

So … how has your year been? We have had a fascinating time. We have adapted from day to day, we have entered all sorts of new markets, we have contributed more beer bottles to recycling than ever before, we have started buying very cheap hair dryers (because there is an unwritten rule that if your own hairdryer is better than the one provided by the hotel, you don’t pinch the hotel one) and we are no longer automatically refilling the shampoo bottles for guests during their stays because we fear they must be drinking it …

But otherwise, it has been a doddle. So here, based on the experiences we have enjoyed with our domestic clients, is my list of …

How to stay popular in South African hotels by being a low-impact, undemanding guest …

Never complain. Remember we are an African hotel in the African bush, not an international hotel in Los Angeles or London.
Understand what a complimentary upgrade is and be grateful for it (preferably by spending more on food and drink purchases from the hotel)
Don’t argue about the table that has been allocated to you. If you don’t like it, you should have got here earlier.
Especially never complain about the road, even if you claim that you would have got here earlier had the access been better. You should have left earlier. This is Africa. Everything is unpredictable. Be ready for that. It’s not our fault.
Don’t complain about the WiFi. It is fine. This as Africa (see above). If our WiFi is really that bad, use your own for a while, until ours gets better again. Which it will.
Don’t complain about the shower pressure. You have water. And it is hot. Isn’t that exciting enough? And anyway our water pressure is better than in any European country I have visited.
Don't complain about the weather. In fact, if it is raining say (like a good South African) “Wow, isn’t this rain lovely? Let’s hope it carries on…” This protocol arises from living on a continent where the prevalence of rain is directly linked with the availability of food and is therefore critically important. This link doesn’t exist quite so clearly in the European mind but that might soon change with global warning. So, practise here.
Have well-behaved children. Have you noticed how immaculately polite and respectful all South African children are? And how they smile all the time and are easily amused without being glued to their phones?
If you must bring your own drink, be embarrassed enough to keep it hidden and be prepared to buy ice and lemon (and even tonic) from us to go with it.
Don’t complain about the noise of other guests. How can you be unhappy about someone else’s happy noises (although, yes – bad music is another story). As one guest said about another guest’s late-night shrieks of joy: “Don’t worry about the noise. We all like to party…”
Don’t complain about our music in the bar. We like a bit of Youssou N’Dour, Zahara, Ismaël Lô and Khadja Nin mixed in with our Sting and our Genesis.
If (as happens on very rare special occasions by prior arrangement) we permit you to braai in front of your room, you should buy your pap (mieliemeal) from us. And sheba (relish). And beer. And ice. And give us the leftovers.
Don’t bring in food from KFC (our chicken and chips is much better) or order deliveries from one of the pizza outlets. Bruno, the Rissington canis africanus dog, really hates the scooters and he pushes them off the road, so you might never get your super-sized Hawaiian with extra polony anyway.
If you are going to play loud music from your vehicle, especially when you park it in front of the lodge with the doors open while you check in or pay your bill, make sure it is something that everyone will enjoy. Jerusalema springs to mind…
If the sign says ‘Hoot once to open gate' and it is not opened immediately, do exactly that. Hoot ONCE and then be patient. Someone will see you eventually.
Poop on the floor is not a threat to mankind. We share this continent with a lot of wonderful creatures and they are all allowed to poo. Training them as to the locations where this is permitted is challenging, especially in the case of geckos.
Wear a mask in public areas and don’t complain about not being able to breathe. As a nation, we have an unusually high proportion of surgeons, exotically-dressed religious sects and traditional leaders, miners, bikers, welders, perlemoen poachers and deep-sea divers so we are used to wearing a mask. We don’t complain. Even when it is hot.
Health and Safety is not an African concept. Just be broadly sensible if you are sober enough to manage it. And if you do fall over, try not to land on anything too hard.
Always remember to compliment the staff in any review you might be thinking of posting. They are doing the most fantastic job under very complicated circumstances and should be lauded publicly for that as often as possible.
Don’t use the word ‘rustic’ to describe Rissington. We have just spent our life’s savings keeping the place open and upgrading absolutely everything. Relaxed – yes. Charming – fine. But not bloody rustic. Please.

And if you do get it into your head to write a negative review on a booking site, don’t hold back. Make it so wild, frenetic and outlandishly incorrect and untruthful that is clear that you are completely unhinged and readers will know to ignore your mad rant and follow the lead of the 5-star 95% reviews above and below yours.

And here’s a final warning from Thailand, where you can now be jailed for leaving a bad review on TripAdvisor. You can read it here: TRIPADVISOR JAILING

I think it is a great plan. We might even go the same way. I said at the beginning of the year that we would all be much better, kinder people by the end of this and I think it is working. We have had only one TripAdvisor review (highly appreciative, as it happens) since March and our reviews on booking sites are almost invariably exceptionally enthusiastic, with only a very few in the 'clearly unhinged' category.

So, let’s try to stick to that, shall we? No more cyber bullying, no more unreasonable requests. More giving and more self-sufficiency in our approach to travel (like learning to read a map and not asking for directions all the time or recommendations as to which ATM to use, or which petrol station; they all do the same job).

Let’s all be more African, in fact. Otherwise we hoteliers will sue. Now – that’s fine hospitality for you!

Butter wouldn’t melt …

There is only one area where we have really struggled recently. when dealing with many of our compatriots. There has rarely been a meeting of minds when it comes to the dogs.

Most (and I mean a huge majority) of South Africans are terrified of dogs. Seemingly, most have actually been bitten by dogs, so it is probably fair enough. Now, Rusty (right) is quite introvert and doesn’t really bother people much but Bruno is another story. He is effusive, excitable and – most of all – intrusively friendly. And he particularly loves the game where people scream and run away, upon which he chases them and tries to nibble their hands and they scream louder to the point of hysteria and he barks with excitement because the game just got a whole lot more boisterous and fun, causing even more terror … and so on … until someone bursts into tears ...

It is not a great success but we just don’t seem to be able to get everyone – even some of our regulars – to believe that we have, of course, realised that it would not be such a great idea to leave aggressive biting carnivorous dogs lying around all over the place, ready to pounce on random unwitting victims and to tear them to shreds before devouring them hungrily. We tell them that our hounds are in fact hand-picked for their laid-back and friendly non-human-eating personalities. It remains a struggle to convince many of them, however.

Upgrades and seriously exciting changes

At the risk of boring our Social Media followers, who have seen some of these shots before, these are our wonderful upgrades. They speak for themselves, I think, but take a good look at these pictures.

Remember what else has changed too. Rissington has a fully family-friendly offering with the addition of more wildlife and birding trails, experiential visits to local community projects, badminton, bowls, boules (pétanque), pool, table tennis, croquet, board games, treasure hunts, cooking and baking in the Rissington kitchen and so much more. Tell us before you get here – if at all possible – what you would like to do and we will make some plans.

Also take a look around the new website, if you haven’t already done so (you are on it already if you are reading this) for more pics - and there or more photos coming in the next few weeks, so return to the site soon. You can even book direct on the website and cut out all the awful online booking ‘services’ that have been holding onto your money throughout this mess and offering you vouchers instead of refunds. Or just us send an email at info@rissington.co.za. You are MUCH safer, these days, booking direct with us and getting to know us before you get here or – if you prefer - booking through a real person at a real expert tour operator. Someone who has been here. Not an inflexible, corrupt computer algorithm. And yes, we refund deposits if you are unable to travel due to restrictions so you are OK booking now. In fact, it is recommended. Some months next year are getting very busy.

Keeping your costs down

Despite all these improvements, we have made a concerted effort to keep our rates right down. It is a long-standing policy which has saved our business this year, with our domestic travellers looking for one of the best-value rooms in Hazyview and getting it at Rissington – and then, in most cases, being upgraded into a much bigger room.

Rissington started in 1995 as a country lodge hotel aimed at the South African market and it stayed that way for a good five years before gaining ever-greater popularity with the international market but it has been a pleasure to go back to our roots for a while. We are however. of course, really looking forward to welcoming back our overseas guests and thus appealing to the whole range of tourism again – both local and international. We hope to keep it that way at our fun, uncomplicated African hotel.

For this reason, we are holding our current rates until October 2022. In other words, there will be no increases whatsoever for two years, keeping us open and affordable to all and enabling everyone to get back here as soon as possible. In order to make it easier for families to stay here en masse, from now onwards, children under 16 will pay nothing at all for their bed and breakfast if they share with two full-paying adults in our garden suites and superior rooms. And the prices for children in the hillside suites have been significantly reduced too. In addition, as I have said, we have relaxed all our cancellation policies so that everyone (especially international visitors) can book ahead with confidence.

Follow us on Instagram and Facebook for occasional specials and for ongoing news and fun stories about what we have been up to. Our all-inclusive week-long specials have been particularly popular with our regulars, many of whom have recently taken them up and simply settled in and relaxed for seven nights or more. These frequent specials are only generally announced on social media. You may follow us now by clicking on the link in the black bar on the right at the top of this page.

And just for the fun of it, here’s another link to my book Do Not Take This Road to El-Karama in case you haven’t read it yet. Just click on the title for the e-book from Amazon. South Africans will also find it on Takealot. It may be a tiny bit out-of-date, but it is still fun, positive and occasionally thought-provoking.

The racy bit. Competition time – where in the world?

For a change, I am posting a photograph and telling you where it was taken. This was taken outside the Stressfree Lodge, opposite the Traffic Officer Training College in Mkhuhlu, 15km east of Hazyview. At least that’s what this establishment was called before they knocked the new loo window into the early part of the name, making it ‘Tress-free’ and therefore sounding more like a hairdresser. The HOURS AVAILABLE, painted on the wall by the gate, indicates that their esteemed clients are not obliged to pay and stay for a whole night, but just for as long as it takes. I imagine that this may potentially also be a creative way of enabling the paying of corrupt traffic officers by means of favours. I took the photo from my car, so I am unable to report whether the interior design matches the salubriousness of the exterior. (However tough times have been in the past nine months, Rissington has not once considered resorting to letting out rooms by the hour, you will relieved - but I hope not surprised - to know).

None of us has done much travelling this year, so to win a prize, you should send me your most amusing 2020-inspired travel (or non-travel) photo and I will publish the best one in the next edition of the Rag. The sender of the finest photograph will win three nights for the family (up to five people) bed and breakfast, in a hillside suite at Rissington.

The winner of the previous prize was Sharon Stone (not that one, I don’t think) who correctly surmised from last time’s photo that JJ was on his bicycle half-way up a tree on the Loerie Day Trail just outside Sabie. Sharon, come any time you like for your free stay.

The end of the year …

The last big dip in tourism was ten years ago in the recession of 2010. We weathered that and we will weather this. In 2010, the World Cup saved us. This year it has been the sheer tenacity of the Rissington team and the loyalty of our regulars.

It has, in truth, been yet another great moment of unity in South Africa and our enduring positive spirit spread worldwide through the Jerusalema dance routine, which went totally and utterly (excuse the pun) viral. The original video of the song has racked up over 250 million views on YouTube, not to mention the dozens and dozens of versions filmed and posted by tourism and other ventures, showing their teams of pirouetting chefs, housekeepers, managers and gardeners getting stuck into it. You have probably seen hundreds of versions of it by now but here’s something completely different, from the Waterkloof Air Force base in Pretoria. It is very refreshing. And, let’s face it, everyone needs some good old South African goose-bumps every now and then.

Watch it here. It is well worth it: JERUSALEMA - AIR FORCE STYLE

It’s time to dance …

And it is time to party. We recently had Rissington royalty staying as the May family celebrated the 80th birthday of Malcolm, their patriarch. The Mays were the original Rissington (Johannesburg) Welsh contributors of so much of the Welsh humour in the bathrooms (and not many hotels can boast Welsh humour in their bathrooms as a selling point, can they?). Three generations attended – a group of fourteen – and it was a joy to watch the party unfold. In fact, Marvellous, one of Rissington’s top ‘maître d’hôtels’ lent over the stoep and shouted to me: “This is what I have missed; these people really know how to party.”

So, if you have any reason to party, come to Rissington. Our new terrace and all the extra space are well-suited to any sort of safely-distanced get-together. Choose your reason and bring some friends and/or your relations and have a bash at Rissington. We will help with the planning and put together a special menu for you. Here in the Hazyview heat, apart from the obvious very-necessary precautions, we really are living quite normally ... so plan a visit to the Lowveld. Any excuse will do.

The Way Forward

My talented friend Pippa de Bruyn described South Africa as the ‘future of space tourism’ in an edition of Britain’s Daily Telegraph at the end of October. It is, of course, true. She is not talking about Virgin Galactica or and any other bonkers non-priority expansions to other planets. She is talking about the open air. The Kruger National Park, the Drakensberg Mountains, the Karoo, the Kgalagadi and the Richtersveld, the empty beaches of the West Coast, the new open dining terrace at Rissington. This country is the perfect destination for our new world. We all need to plan some travels in South Africa, whether we live here or elsewhere. We need to give ourselves something to look forward to and we need to support our favourite African destinations and as many of our community tourism projects and entrepreneurs as possible. As I keep saying, the only way is up.

Come for summer - now ...

We are a smaller, tighter and even more friendly team and we are proud of what we are offering you. We love what we have done to Rissington and we would like to show it to you.

There’s nothing that will cheer you up more than having a holiday booked. If you can't come now, why not pre-buy a Rissington stay? Or give a voucher to a friend or partner? A Rissington break could never be worth more than it is now, when it is just what everyone needs.

Keep in touch. Forward the Rag. Share it with your friends - and if this Rag was forwarded to you or you picked it up elsewhere, please sign up at the bottom of this website page for your own Rag link to be emailed to you when it comes out.

We shall all be working this December … including ‘the kids’: JJ, Megan, Ryan and Lungile. We would love to see you. We are still here and still strong and optimistic. Unlike both South African Airways and British Airways, we haven’t sold off the liveried plates, knives and forks. Or the toothpicks and trollies. We are very grateful to everyone who continues to support us. It keeps us going and we need that. And if you really can’t come in December, watch the social media and our website for news of specials, especially for long stays. There really is nothing better than a week at Rissington. Except, that is, for two weeks at Rissington. And I should know. I have been here every single day (with only one night away) since the middle of March – and I never tire of it.

We wish you all well. Oh – and we wish you a very Merry Christmas... or. as they sing in the UK, I'm forever blowing bubbles ...

Chris and the wonderfully cheerful and festive Rissington Team

(Photo of one of our fellow-guests, taken at Leopard Rock Hotel, Zimbabwe. Christmas 2018)

The Rissington Rag - September 2020

2020-09-23T00:00:00+02:00

Dear Ragsters

Welcome to Spring in Southern Africa. Here comes some exciting news - and also a bit of fun and some quirky facts as usual...

The September Reinvention Rag

Think about it. Hibernating animals go through this every year. They fall asleep at the fading of summer and then re-emerge with the dawn of spring, just as southern Africa has done this year, into a completely different world. The word 'hibernate' comes from the Latin hibernus for ‘wintry’ – hence the French word hiver – and we have certainly had an exceptionally cold winter in Hazyview, both literally and figuratively. There have been no permitted visitors from other parts of the country or from around the world to keep a warm atmosphere going – and the weather has been cold enough to freeze and even to kill off some of the macadamias along the banks of the Sabi river. Anyway, that's enough etymology and amateur meteorology. It is Springtime. Almost Summer. Read up on where Rissington is going in the New Era as we head into the Time of Afro-Optimism (Google it. It really is a thing.) The amazing photograph below is from the Afro-Optimism Facebook page: How could anyone live on such a beautiful continent and fail to be optimistic?

Firstly, a new format for The Rag

The whole world has been reformatted and your Rissington Rag is no exception. I hope you will like what we have done – and don’t worry… all the old favourite bits are still there. We have simply changed the layout and made it all a little punchier and (hopefully) a tad less rambling at times. The Rag will continue to be emailed to you quarterly but it will also be permanently available as a blog on the brand new rissington.co.za website. Take a look. After 25 years of Rissington and a somewhat introspective year, it was time for a few changes. Keep an eye on the website in future for any specials. They will be posted there first (and on Facebook as always) and there may even be a few infrequent interim blogs with quick updates, ideas and deals too. You won't want to miss those. You can also check availability and make all your bookings direct on the website, although we would also love to hear from you any time by email so that we can make sure you get exactly the room and activities that you want. Email us on: info@rissington.co.za

So … what has changed? Well, as they say, everything and nothing.

Further down this Rag, you will find a list. It is not a very long list … but it is a list, nevertheless, of the aspects of Rissington Inn that have changed forever. It is important that everyone knows what to expect and also understands that our client base has altered and expanded through the last six months. We are excited about this long-wished-for development which has been facilitated by the Covid era and we have adapted permanently and with enthusiasm to our new situation.

As a result of all the cancelled bookings from our overseas visitors over the past months and for the coming weeks, we have been able to attract in their place a broad range of South African families, couples, businesspeople and retirees of all hues and cries, interests and backgrounds, and we very much hope that we shall hold onto them whilst continuing to appeal to all our fans from around the world who are looking for a down-to-earth, authentic, entertaining and sympathetic African experience.

It has all been something of an eye-opener. At times, we feel a bit like extras in a Kardashians production (farewell to them!) as we watch some of the youngsters cavorting around and taking their selfies but more often it's like having a bit-part in some sort of quirky medical drama where every guest is now suddenly a doctor-and-politician-and-soothsayer-and-epidemiologist-and-mask-enforcer. Everyone has however been good-natured, charming and just plain pleased to be out and about. It has been an absolute treat watching South Africans get to know each other and bond in these times of confusion.

If you read the June Rag you will remember that I was talking about the book Rainbow Nation, My Zulu A*se (I am not putting in the full word for A*se as it apparently sent the last Rag into a lot of Spamboxes) by Sihle Khumalo and the ‘Sihle market’ is the exact group that we have enjoyed being able to accommodate the most. At last, because we weren't booked up months in advance, SA tourism – and with it Rissington – has been made available to everyone.

Coping during Covid – some stories …

So who are they, these new Rissington fans? Well, let me tell you a story or two …

The lodge sat completely empty for the month of April and most of May with a lockdown team preparing for the new cleaning systems and with the office handling seemingly-endless numbers of cancellations and refunds of deposits. It was a happy time with a great team and their many children hunkered down with us, as our Facebook followers will remember. In June, we decided to open for Essential Workers and the new story began.

I received a call from a police contact asking us if we would accommodate 12 police officers for 28 days. Of course, with no bookings at all in the offing, we jumped at the opportunity. They would need a room each (fine), no meals (also fine) and televisions in their rooms. Hmmm. Now, I am known for never having been a fan of TVs in hotel rooms, but we agreed to put them in. We needed the money and it was a question of survival. In return for the investment in 12 television sets, we would sit with a sudden dramatically-increased occupancy …

There were cops everywhere you looked at Rissington in June. Cops swinging in hammocks, cops playing loud music and cops revving their vehicles. Cops jogging through the bush with Bruno the dog, who was delighted to have some new best friends. Cops and cop cars coming in and out randomly, day and night. Cops breakfasting at 11am. Cops braaiing in the afternoons. Suddenly the cold room was filled with giant slabs of meat and cabbages and the kitchen was taken over by cop amateur cooks as Rissington’s highly-trained chefs took a back seat and watched their domain turned into a DIY Shisanyama.

These guys were armed to the teeth. There would be sudden scramblings of the masses, as they donned their Kevlar and loaded up arsenals of weaponry into their leg-holsters and the backs of their vehicles, before hurtling off in convoy to deal with whatever drama had unfolded and required their attention, the most radical of which was when the Bushbuckridge police station was besieged and robbed of all its armaments, requiring ‘our’ team to respond and retrieve. Exciting stuff. Hlengiwe’s nine-year-old son Ryan’s eyes nearly popped out of his head the one afternoon when he saw the car-boots-full of assault rifles preparing to set out on a manoeuvre.

Eventually I summoned up the investigative courage to ask them about their precise role and it emerged that they were the 'Tactical Response Team', specialising in the handling of ATM bombings and Cash in Transit heists.

“We don’t have many of those around here,” I said.

“That is because we are here,” they replied. Fair enough, I guess.

Their own security was something of an issue to them though, and we had to keep the gates firmly closed at all times and to have extra private security on-site to keep them safe, convinced, as they were, that (like their Bushbuckridge counterparts) they were going to be attacked and lose their weapons. Suddenly, having felt very safe from having 12 heavily-armed police officers on-site, we were now feeling very unsafe from having 12 heavily-armed police officers on-site. Especially with all the desirable firepower and brand new flat-screen televisions knocking around.

The SAPS team would come and go at all hours with their sirens blaring. If the gate didn’t open for them immediately, they would sound their sirens and hoot loudly until someone opened it for them. They stopped short of letting off a few rounds of machine-gunfire, fortunately. It wasn’t relaxing, but they were great people and it was money. And there was no-one else here. We loved them.

They told us that they would pay cash, which meant that every one of them would have to go to the bank and withdraw his or her portion of the bill. This resulted, in turn, in each of them turning up at our little office with their R11 200 in shiny new notes, drawn in a series of death-defying visits to the ATM. And this, of course, left us with the small matter of having R134 000 stashed away in the office and feeling somewhat vulnerable. Luckily, we had the perfect solution right here on the spot. The cops all helpfully donned full body armour and, tooled up with assault rifles and with screaming sirens and lights flashing on their nyala armoured vehicles, they escorted Sipho the Rissington driver all the way to the bank with the fresh cash that had literally only been withdrawn that morning. Yes. The same piles of cash notes from the ATM came all the way here from the bank with the 12 individual police officers and then, on the same day, escorted by the same 12 officers in the same vehicles, went straight back. Talk about validating your own relevance!

All of this was in the early stages of the pandemic so, when everyone else was sitting stone-empty, we were delighted to mask up, source suitable alcohol-based sprays and swabs and practise our sanitising techniques on the South African Police Services. I had never thought until now that there would be a time of my life when I would wake up thinking thank goodness for the South African Police. Or, even more bizarrely, thinking “I wish I was in cleaning products”.

At the end of June, to our chagrin, the police left us and a new range of clients began slowly to emerge, many of them impressively creative in their interpretation of the concept of what constituted an Essential Worker, as was then permitted by the regulations.

My favourite couple was husband-and-wife pensioners from Johannesburg whose essential service was the sale of oil. I assumed they had an oil rig or a pumpjack donkey in a previously un-drilled part of Mpumalanga but no. It turned out that they had managed to talk their way through all the roadblocks with a couple of 500ml cans of engine oil in the boot of their Corolla. When asked why they had so little oil, the answer was simple: “Sold out. Had a great day.” And then off they headed to the then-recently-reopened Kruger National Park (which was blissfully empty, too, whenever we visited it).

We’ve had construction engineers aplenty, many reps, National Parks managers, clinic doctors and nurses, shopfitters, hoteliers, tour operators, security guards and all sorts and it has been wonderful watching them settle in and make themselves at home at Rissington, even with the booze ban (where people were also, I must say, amazingly resourceful). And now with the further lifting of restrictions, we are getting genuine domestic tourists again. What a joy!

It has been an ongoing learning curve resulting from the unexpected recognition of just how low-maintenance our local visitors are to look after. They understand the staff and the menus. They all know where they are going without a map. They can get the WiFi on their phones first time. They are instantly relaxed and at home here. No-one since 25th March has complained about the condition of the road or the speed of the Internet or the occasional party music emanating from the neighbouring room or from the shebeens in town. They eat what they were offered and drink what we have (or had left when the earlier booze ban was imposed). And I think we introduced some unlikely takers to Craft Gin.

We are all obviously ready, willing and prepared though, when general tourism returns for a new range of even more unusual complaints. Maybe the quality (or the smell) of the sanitiser? Or the ‘funny foods’ on the menu, where we have now added a number of delicious new local South African dishes to our more regular items? Or the difficulties for our nonagenarians when it comes to lip-reading masked waitrons?

How Rissington has changed a little and improved a lot …

One aspect of Rissington that has not changed is the sheer space. If you want to socially-distance, we have got you covered (or should that be uncovered?) but you will notice a few subtle changes as a result of the new way of doing things, so here they are:

Table d’hôte menu: In the biggest change, the old à la carte menu has gone and we are now preparing a delicious 3-course table d’hôte (also known as a prix fixe) menu with a choice of three starters, three main courses and a few desserts every day. You can see some examples on the Dining Room page under Facilities on the website. This is available at lunchtime and at dinner. The menu is drawn from our significant repertoire of popular recipes on the previous menu including many of our popular vegan, vegetarian and gluten-free options. Our breakfast is not currently a buffet (although we hope to return to that soon) but it still retains its good range of cooked breakfasts as well as the usual cereals. juices, yoghurts and fruits. There is also a light meals menu available all day which includes some pasta dishes as well as a number of local dishes such as the ever-popular chicken and pap with chakalaka and some children’s options, pizzas and pasta dishes. Guests on long stays will be able to nominate some of their own choices to go onto the table d’hôte dinner menu as we go along.

Televisions : Yes, we really have put televisions into all the rooms (except for the two budget rooms) offering a broad range of channels including plenty of sport. They have caused much less trouble than expected but we have nevertheless all had to become experts in reprogramming when someone accidentally messes up the whole system by changing the source from HDMI1 to AV2. But we are coping!

Outside furniture : With the renewed emphasis on space and open-air living, we have invested in new tables and chairs for the terrace in front the main building, where we are offering all our meals for those who would rather eat al fresco. In addition, we deliver dining tables and chairs to the rooms and to their verandahs, for those who prefer to dine privately. The dining room is unchanged though and there is plenty of space there too.

The Herb Garden : We have created an additional outdoor dining area by the new herb garden just next to the dining room and under the hill. It is peaceful, shady and – at dinner – brimming with bird and animal calls, including nightjars, frogs and bushbabies. And (next paragraph notwithstanding) hopefully not human babies.

Family stuff : As promised, Rissington now caters more than ever to families and there is plenty to keep younger children and teenagers occupied. There are no computer games – of course, because they can do that at home – but we do encourage all sorts of active outdoor stuff as well as some more sedate activities like Uno and other card and board games. We have card tables, as well as table-tennis and a pool table, beach volleyball, badminton and boules (pétanque) and we are putting in a rather rough bowling green as well as a golf putting green and a pitching patch complete with a bunker. Plans for the new pool are still well in hand too, with a firepit already in position next to where it will soon be situated. Imagine magical summer evenings of swimming under the stars and then climbing out and drying off, drink in hand, around a great big fire. How fabulously African is that?

The wildlife : I mentioned in a previous Rag that we would be stepping up our environmental walks and I am pleased to report that the improved birding as a result of the lockdown is persisting into the new world with 194 species now on our current bird list for being visible at Rissington. Recently we have been enjoying regular sightings of the magical long-crested eagle and a number of other larger raptors. We also regularly catch our side-striped jackals and our porcupines on the bushcam and, unbelievably, we also had an elephant up behind the lodge for a few days. It presumably wandered here along the river beds from the Kruger.

Experiential tourism : We are also putting together some new ideas, especially with families in mind, for active and interesting days out visiting local schools and development projects. These are not charities, they are communities – and there will be an opportunity to really get to know people without patronising them. There will also be entertaining treasure hunts for family days out up the canyon as well as the option, for those who want to stay behind, to get stuck in with the chefs in the Rissington kitchen and to learn some of our signature dishes including our delicious breads and scones.

New website : For a catch-up and a fresh look at Rissington, be sure to have a look around our website, which has been completely redesigned. If you are reading this, you are on the website already! We hope you love it as much as we do. With everything still in something of a state of flux, offerings might change and a few of the activities that are often popular with our guests are still currently closed as they deal with the challenges of virus-control and social-distancing. This includes some of the adrenalin activities, although most are up-and-running. There are also some exciting new businesses opening up, such as the Kruger Station restaurant in Skukuza, which offers lovely meals and will soon have a 360-degrees cinema (whatever that is). And there’s a play area there, called Li’l Gricers, for over-ice-creamed kids to tire themselves out before they are loaded up for more game drives. I can’t believe I had never before heard the world ‘gricer’ for a fanatical railway enthusiast, but now I know – and that knowledge led me to a few more great words for train-spotters. How about gunzels? And ferro-equinologists?! Iron horses. I love it.

Lantana and re-indigenising : In order to further improve the conditions for the wildlife at Rissington we have also undertaken a huge clearance programme of non-indigenous species, which has opened up the property beautifully and allowed all our naturally-occurring trees – the acacias, the silver cluster-leaf and the kiaat, among others – to thrive again. Like everything else on the planet, Rissington is taking a deep breath.

Personality of the Month

Followers of Rissington’s social media feeds will already have seen this. (Find us on Facebook and Instagram, where we are getting quite a following for our great photographs of what we are up to.)

Meet our magnificent metre-high owl, pictured here at ground level with Bruno and then, at the bottom of the page, on his new perch with Lucky, who positioned him high in a jacaranda tree overlooking the Rissington steps, with a long view down the driveway. The owl is not the Personality of the Month though. That title belongs to its creator, James Delaney, who will be known to many readers for a variety of different reasons. Perhaps for his accomplished art and sculptures, for his photography or for his founding role in Hazyview’s Shangana Cultural Village or maybe for his dedication to all issues municipal and historical in the Johannesburg CBD and areas to the north, where he has been instrumental in celebrating many magnificent old buildings and cleaning up and rehabilitating The Wilds, a popular inner city park and nature reserve.

James generously created the owl for Rissington after he stayed with us before lockdown, so we mounted it right where the real spotted eagle owl sat last year when keeping an eye on its young brood in its flamboyant-tree nest below. Our sculpture is beautiful and wise and, if you can, zoom in and take a good look at its eyes. In these days of Afro-optimism, this is a real insight.

You can see more of James’s work on his website or at his studio in Johannesburg's trendy Victoria Yards. Look at his website on www.delaney.co.za for more information or to sign up for his newsletter.

Podcast of the Month

I mentioned Jayne Morgan in the last Rag and here she comes again. Now that you have mastered Podcasts, here is our next recommendation. Jayne hosts and puts together The Friendship File. The current world health crisis has highlighted all sorts of aspects of human relationships and although the timing of the podcast has nothing specifically to do with the virus, it nevertheless has a heightened relevance as a result of it. Jayne has just moved from Makhanda (formerly Grahamstown) to London so there are South Africans, Brits and even combinations of the two featured in these files. It is thought-provoking stuff and it will get everyone mulling over and valuing the most important relationships in their lives. Subscribe wherever you usually get your podcasts.

If you're on your phone, you can just click on this link to listen and subscribe (it's free - it just means you'll get new episodes as they come out) - or to find out more from wherever you are, go here www.thefriendshipfile.com. Don't forget to like, comment and rate with (preferably) five stars.

I know many people – myself included – are currently still finding it difficult, with all the interesting challenges we face, to concentrate sufficiently to be able to settle into a good book, so podcasts (and audio books) are the answer. If you haven’t done so yet, this is also another reminder to sign up for The Boring Talks podcast from the BBC. Go on. Do both!

Where in the World …

I am all for integrity and for not using Google in the Rissington competitions. Here is another honest winner, in response to the most recent Where in the World photo (left) of the hillside suite swimming pool:

Dear Chris,

I believe you are standing by the 2 lodges to the left of the main building.

One of the lodges name begins with an M can’t remember the full name. Since we were last there it looks like you have opened up the area as I remember it being enclosed. Hope I’m right. Take care.
Elaine & Stevie Bevan

You are right(ish) – and you have won a couple of nights at Rissington. The rooms names are Shonalanga (sunset – or west) and Pumalanga (sunrise – or east), so no M, but I can see where you were coming from. Congratulations!

Here (below) is this month’s mystery location. Where in the world was this cycling photograph of JJ taken? Win two nights for two at Rissington …

Refurbishments

The June winners’ answer – and the memory of how scruffy that pool used to be when it was enclosed with its shabby grass and its clunky peeling-paint wooden fence – reminded me just how much we have done at Rissington over the past few years and lockdown has been no exception. This month, we are finally finishing of the task of replacing all the tired old wooden doors in the garden suites with smart new aluminium sliding versions, for example, and the outside shower doors have also been replaced. We have given all the rooms a good sprucing up and applied paint and varnish. It is all looking really good – and with the recent early rain, the gardens are greening up well. I don’t think the place has ever looked better, largely because we have let the shrubs and plants do their own thing for a while and everything has thickened out beautifully.

Our Travels

So far, I have only spent one night away from home since the end of March, but it was unexpectedly memorable and a great example of how South African tourism products are having (and managing) to reinvent themselves for a new way of ‘doing tourism’. Savanna Private Game Reserve has long been one of my favourite places on earth and now it has been rendered available and more affordable to a much broader market with the launch of a self-catering option which includes two game drives per day with a Savanna guide. The house has a fully-fitted kitchen and open-plan sitting/dining room and sleeps six in three bedrooms with two separate bathrooms. There is a large outside verandah with a dining area and a private garden with a heated pool overlooking a private waterhole. It was really great and there is a magnificent view from the stoep over the western grasslands of the Sabi-Sand towards the sunrise. A rhino wandered right past us as we prepared our morning coffee to take with us on our game drive. What a way to start the day! Look up the website savannalodge.com and get in touch with the Savanna team.

Accolades for Team Rissington

Embracing all sorts of new guests with enthusiasm, I have watched with amazement and respect, the great dignity and calm maintained by the Rissington team through these challenging times. It is not for nothing that they are renowned across the country and around the world for their smiles as much as their skills. Sadly, with the downturn, we have had no choice but let a few of our most recently-employed team members go, at least for the time being. Those that have gone were offered full and (I hope) generous packages and a number of the longest-serving team members have taken the opportunity to take voluntary pay-outs and start small businesses of their own. We miss them, of course, but I admire their determination to take advantage of the world shake-up as a chance to start again. Those of us who are still here are fully aware of how lucky we are and we are giving it everything we have. There is no staff list at the bottom of this letter. You will just have to come and see us to find out who is still on the team but despite the (hopefully short-term) absences, I promise that many of your favourite staff members remain in situ.

In addition, our old favourite Tripadvisor has recognised Rissington for being in the top ten percent of all accommodation establishments worldwide in terms of exceeding client expectations by announcing that we qualify for the 2020 Travellers’ Choice award.

In Tripadvisor’s own words it “gives a Travellers’ Choice award to accommodations, attractions and restaurants that consistently earn great reviews from travellers and are ranked within the top 10% of properties on Tripadvisor.” Ag, well. I have to be excited, I guess! And yes, TripAdvisor has undergone a subtle reinvention as Tripadvisor. It is all in the attention to detail.

Guest Comments:

In yet another of the seemingly-endless lists of adaptations we have had to make to the way we do things, we have dispensed with our visitors book and our guest feedback forms in order to minimise contact between one person and the next person’s hands. So, in this world of distant waves, fist bumps and namastes in place of handshakes and high-fives, we are dependent on emails of thanks and online reviews for our guest comments and I will save those for the bumper Christmas Rag.

Now that we have backed down and put in televisions and our South African guests’ satisfaction with the road and with carrying their own bags, I am wondering what people will find to complain about. I am sure I will find out soon enough, but in the meantime, we shall continue to smile at our guests (and even laugh at the tricky ones) from behind our masks. And no-one will ever know!

And the Choir?

A Rag would not be a Rag without the Ndlovu Youth Choir's latest uplifting offering, would it?

Our President set us all a task for our Heritage Day public holiday this year, which falls on 24th September. This week. His idea for uplifting the nation was to challenge us all to film ourselves doing the famous dance routine to the sensational Jerusalema, a South African original and now a worldwide fad. Luckily for Team Rissington (because we are a bit busy right now!) our friends at the Ndlovu Youth Choir have recorded their own (somewhat shorter) version and we think they have absolutely nailed it (which spares us donning our white John Travolta outfits and shuffling around ourselves). Watch it here: Jerusalema Challenge

What do you think? Pretty damned good! There are literally thousands of these routines around. Compare it, for example, with one of the earliest videos (this one came of out of Angola) and you will see how far it has come: Angolan Jerusalema

Don't you just love Africa? Happy Heritage Day, South Africa!

Thanks to everyone …

… who sent us an email enquiring how we were doing. Many, many people did and many more posted on social media how much they were looking forward to coming back to Rissington as soon as they were able. It meant a lot and it saw us through. We are not out of the woods yet, of course, but things have improved dramatically and will continue to do so. If everyone reading this (and who is able to get here) were to book, we would keep going easily. If every one of those people sent some other people and recommended Rissington generally and widely, we would come through comfortably. So share this letter, please!

You can still buy a voucher, any time, for a friend or a family in need of a break – or for yourself if you like. Many have. It’s a great treat and it will give them or you something to look forward to. There are also still a few spots left for Christmas and New Year if you are keen. Send us an email and we will tell you all about it.

We have a fantastic tight little team here working their socks off to keep everyone happy, safe and excited to be out and about. The support means everything to us – and we will show our gratitude by offering generous room upgrades whenever we can to everyone who books direct for the rest of this year and the first half of next year. And forever if we can. Email us.

Any travel industry peeps reading this, please make sure you are also receiving our separate (and very occasional) communications explaining any changes in our supplier policies by sending us an email asking us to add you to that (different) mailing list.

Then, finally, to all the amazing people who sent money and tips for the team and who told us to keep the deposits they had paid and to share them between staff, you are amazing. Thank you. It was life-changing and you made them (and me) cry.

So, everything has changed but we carry on just as before. We are taking Covid-19 seriously but we are not letting it ruin our lives. It is a balancing act we think we have mastered and, in difficult times such as these, there is no substitute for experience. After 25 years or Rissington, we think we have plenty of that.

Come and stay. We need to see you. And you need us! If anyone understands how much you need to get away, we do at Rissington Inn, Hazyview, Mpumalanga, South Africa …

Wishing you all the very best,

Chris and the Amazing Rissington Team. Plus Rusty and Bruno. And JJ, who turned 16 in the middle of all this madness. Wow.

Having said that I wouldn't be naming any of the current team, pictured here in a tree with our owl, is the aforesaid Lucky without whom our lockdown would have been a lot tougher. Lucky is 22 and he has been my left and right hand throughout. From a timid and silent general labourer last year, he has grown into a confident and competent builder, landscaper, handyman (unasked, he fixed three broken irons that he found in the workshop), food expert (he ate at least four bowls of Cornflakes every day for five months) and security supremo. Thank you, Lucky. You are a hero. This would have been so much more difficult without your ever-willing ways, your long hours and your cheerful smile. And naturally, those of all your remaining colleagues too. Ngiyabonga.

Rissington Rag: Nostalgia Unlock Winter Edition

2020-06-28T00:00:00+02:00

This is certainly the most important Rissington Rag that I have ever put together and it is an edition full of ideas so, despite the ubiquitous reading fatigue, please put aside some peaceful time with a cup of coffee to catch up on our new way forward and to enjoy a rather different take on everything that is going on. It will be financially beneficial as well. We are offering some very interesting deals further down the page. Don't skip bits ... because if you do, you will miss out on great millennial-bashing, a bit of ill-informed Dolly Parton - Age, Husband & Songs - Biographytelevision criticism, a couple of dodgy cartoons, some fine photography and a chunk of important social comment, as well as unexpected appearances by Darth Vader, Dr Who and Dolly Parton. And some browsers clip the tops and bottoms of emails, so be sure that you see all the way to the sign-off and the names at the end of the message!

It is all very exciting, isn't it? It is like starting out in business all over again. For the first time ever, due to the countrywide ban on trading for the entire hospitality industry, Rissington had a zero percent occupancy rate in April, which was pretty depressing to be honest. By mid-May we had opened up again for Essential Workers which offered a small trickle of renewal and, although that didn't begin to cover our costs, it felt good to have a purpose again even for just a couple of people on a good night. Now, in June, we are currently able to accommodate all business people. We hope that the numbers will continue to grow as the lockdown continues to be lightened, with the imminent re-opening of restaurants and with the possibility of some leisure travel being allowed very soon. We have a group of a dozen cops staying right now - I will have some fascinating tales to tell about that particular scenario in the next edition when all this bizarre water has passed under the bridge - but we are still pretty much hand-to-mouth at this stage with the bank account totally shredded. And we are not alone in that, I know.

It reminds me very much of the early days of Rissington, 25 years ago, when we had absolutely no cash at all. If we received any income then (however small - even it was just the bank manager coming to lunch in order to protect his investment) I would become hugely over-zealous and rush out to buy a lampshade for one of the five rooms. Or a pillow. Or a towel. If someone stayed the night, I would squirrel away the proceeds and save up for a big investment, like a duvet with a cover or a lamp with a light-bulb to go with the lampshade.

In the meantime, we have all now been reluctantly absorbed into this bizarre new era of masks, sanitisers and no holding hands or kissing, making the whole world seem like a kind of macabre nightmare school-dance. No doubt it will all soon become second-nature - just as it did with the teenage dance fumblings. Yes. Even the mask-wearing will come easily, in the same way that we would now never think of driving without wearing a seat-belt or skiing without a helmet. The sooner we can get rid of the miserable medical mouth-covers the better though. Having the entire world dressed up as extras from Casualty is an unnecessarily depressing reminder of where we are with this extraordinary situation. Let's all therefore agree to WW2 Replica Gas Mask transparent PNG - StickPNGsport the type of face-wear that looks like bits of bikini, rather than the left-over surgeon's props from House. As a general rule, I am in favour of the polka-dot, paisley and leopard-spot - very classy - but, when visiting us, please take it easy on the WW2 gas masks and the Darth Vader outfits. You will frighten the dogs.

Wearers of seriously stylish facial accoutrements at Rissington will win prizes, so let's see what you are made of. Let your inner Versace or Vivienne Westwood fashionista flow. Anyone who looks even vaguely like a dentist will automatically be disqualified and, if you are stuck, Rissington has its own jaunty range of face-patterns available, duly sanitised, from Rissington Out, our very own little fashion outlet and book shop, where you can also buy our T-shirts, specially designed for easy inner-elbow sneezing.

A Long Journey for Tourism ...

If you are in any doubt about the impact that all of this has had on tourism, take a look at this map which shows the travel restrictions around the world as of 18th May 2020:

At that time, 100% of destinations (217 all together) had travel restrictions in place and 75% (163 destinations) had all their borders closed for international tourism. Some countries have since opened up a little, but it is all going to take a fair bit of unravelling. Countries with fragile economies such as South Africa - and in Europe, perhaps Greece and Italy - are among the hardest-hit. Interestingly, the countries that are most tourism-dependent are apparently the ones most likely to have completely closed their borders. Oh, to be running a hotel in Venezuela or North Korea, where you weren't honestly expecting noticeable numbers of international visitors anyway!

IATA has produced an excellent interactive map which constantly updates the status of every country in the world, allowing you to click on the country and check current restrictions. You can see it HERE and save it to your bookmarks. It is a great help when looking at how matters are shaping up in the world of travel.

This lockdown experience has reminded me (although perversely in terms of freedom to travel it is the opposite in so many ways) of the 100 days we spent travelling around Africa in 2006, which ultimately led to the writing of my book Do Not Take this Road to El-Karama (which you can buy for a pittance HERE or HERE). We were on the road for just over three months and little by little we noticed that we were hankering after strange and unusual items that we felt we were unexpectedly missing in our lives. We were all near-vegetarians, for example, by the end, because it had been so rare for us to be able to buy good fresh meat. We drank black tea and we were dying for a cappuccino, which was something we hardly ever drank at home. I suffered bizarre cravings for pain au chocolat but when I eventually found one at the Delamere Estates food outlet near Lake Naivasha in Kenya, it was bitterly disappointing. JJ says that his biggest suffering in lockdown (apart from not seeing his friends) is that he misses the Oreo pudding at his boarding school.

Of course, not only tourism is suffering but all its endless suppliers are too. In high season, for example, just the tourists alone in South Africa BEWARE OF Chicken Little Fans... The Cult of Constipated Crazies!eat as many as half a million eggs per day for breakfast. At the moment, there are no tourists, so what happens to all those eggs? Or to the chickens? Or to the people who feed the chickens? Or to the people who own the chickens? Or breed the chickens?

At Rissington, where we currently have a negligible income, we are still buying the cheapest food for ourselves; we wear our slo5ps (flip-flops) until our heels break through. We are cutting back on everything except (those of us that still have it) our hair. No cold room. No aircon. Everything is switched off - and we have reduced our electricity account by 70%. It is amazing what you can manage without, when you absolutely need to. And now that no-one is flying in with supplies from the UK, we are down to our last litre of Ribena and we have completely run out of British jelly babies, which are without a doubt the best in the world. This in itself is yet another chronic side-effect of the pandemic!

Where Do We Go from Here? Don't ask a Millennial ...

For several years now we have all known that our lovely Millennials hold the key to the way that things are going to be done 'going forward' (as they say) and it seems that their moment may finally have come now that, just like them, everyone is isolating and hiding their faces from the real world. This is the Millennials' Wartime. They will tell their grandchildren how tough life was in the time of COVID-19, when we were all confined to our homes except for rare and dangerous facially-protected forays to supermarkets, foraging for food and fighting over the last dragon-fruit and the little tubs of pomegranate seeds that would feed the need for superfoods to fight off the virus.

I read recently that the Snowflake Generation's latest sympathy-seeking whimper is that, on top all the other challenges that the world is throwing at them, many are now undergoing what they are (really) calling a ‘Quarter Life Crisis’, described as 'formative issues from being locked out when trying to find their way in the world'. Gosh. And that was pre-virus. Imagine what a state they must be in now. Three months ago, 60% of 22-35 year-olds were apparently suffering from this condition (now it is probably 100%) compared with fewer than 30% of their parents at the same time of their lives. They are, they say, 'trapped by career and relationship choices'. Or at least they were before COVID-19. Perhaps worrying about losing their jobs in the real world and being locked down with their boyfie or girlfie will have rebooted their priorities a little and focused the mind a bit. Back to the fumbling!

Local White River cartoonist and national treasure Dr Jack, in the cartoon above, has neatly summed up much of the nonsense that is being spoken worldwide (and if you haven't bought all three different editions of his South African Byrd Book, you really should).

So, in short, this unexpected era is going to be no time for shrinking violets. We are going to have to mask up and man up. We have to face the fact that, from a travel perspective more than from any other, things have changed forever. We have lived through the Golden Age of travel and we took it for granted. Fifty years ago, an exotic holiday was driving to an old-fashioned family hotel in the Drakensberg for organised putt-putt, quoits and bingo-in-the-bar-at-seven or a family trip by road and ferry to a Butlin's-style campsite in Brittany. Then along came Freddie Laker and, later, Richard Branson and by last year it seemed that most middle-income families in Europe were going on at least one, maybe even two overseas trips a year. Perhaps one to Florida and another for an African safari. We didn't bat an eyelid when every single contestant on every single quiz show said they would be spending their winnings on a family holiday to visit long-lost relatives in Australia or checking out the cherry blossom on the way to Mount Fuji, taking their 'fee-on-says' to Bali for a week or inviting their mothers on New York shopping trips to Bloomingdales. Flying was just something we did. Until now, when we can't ... and it all seems rather odd. All we can do these days is sit at home and dream of the Kruger National Park or, more proactively, watch a virtual game drive in the Sabi-Sand.

Sure. We will travel again. We will fly again. But it will be a bit more complicated and we shall never take it for granted again. Bucket lists anyway always seemed to me to indicate an unhealthy sense of entitlement. We shall just have to get smaller buckets and fill them with less extravagant desires.

South Africa is slowly emerging from the gloom and opening up little by little. Of course, domestic tourism will be first to open. The good news for us here in Hazyview is that we (and the rest of the people of the Mpumalanga and Limpopo Provinces) are now allowed to make day visits to the Kruger National Park, so we are doing it for you.

Naturally, we went in on the day that it re-opened and it was like a rebirth, with huge herds of wildlife as far as the eye could see. The game seemed to have completely forgotten about us and milled around in the road, absolutely unfazed by our return. Great piles of dung, that had not been driven over in weeks and weeks, lay everywhere. The birds seemed somehow louder than usual. At dusk, we saw a hyena with two tiny pups that would never have seen a member of the public before ... It was magic. It was so wonderful to be back that, in our four hours, we only covered a few kilometres as we marvelled anew and stopped for every bird and insect. We took dozens and dozens of photographs, even of the impala, of which we saw four huge herds over a hundred-strong. Not to mention the elephant in musth which had us reversing for about fifteen minutes as, unaccustomed to the intrusion, he strode determinedly towards us.

Soon we shall be able to share our park with the rest of the world again, but for now, it is simply a great privilege for us to be able to enjoy it ourselves!

Some of the hikes up on the Panorama Route are also open and we started off with the 16-kilometre Loerie Day Trail which follows the Sabie river and then climbs right to the top of the Bridal Veil Falls and back down through the forests. It is a tough hike (especially for Ryan, our Rissington nine-year-old) but we all really enjoyed the change of scene, the space and the open air. We didn't see another soul. The highlight was seeing two Knysna loeries/turacos, a metre away at nose-height, and literally hundreds and hundreds of butterflies of all kinds and colours.The Sabie river, as it runs down the escarpment towards Hazyview, is reputed to have the broadest range of different butterfly species of anywhere in the world. And from what we saw on that Sunday, I can believe that.

Am I making you envious? Sorry! But there is a solution at the bottom of the page ...

Travelling for a Reason

It is quite possible that some Responsible tourism with us ensures change and improvement each timeaspects of luxury might not seem so important in the future and that our basic needs will be simply to feel safe from disease and to escape into the open spaces. And of course that is where South Africa comes into its own, both for South Africans and visitors. I believe that we are entering a new age of travel. Let's call it the Silver Age, when everything is about getting out and sharing experiences with the communities around us. Sharing our 'silver' yes, but also sharing genuine hospitality, immersive experiences and experiential learning for everyone's edification. The idea of community tourism is very close to our hearts at Rissington and we are spending much of our current downtime plotting ways to relaunch our whole area for safe walking, cycling, visiting and self-drive tours for dynamic youngsters (and oldsters) who really want to get out-and-about and to meet people. And I can promise you, if we are involved, that there won't be a staged tribal dance in sight. Everything will be spontaneous and for real. This will be about getting involved, but it will not patronising in any way. It will take visitors right into our communities and inside their lifestyles, for the benefit of everyone. The Silver Age becomes the silver lining.

Intra-African travel is also going to be a large ingredient in the way forward. We shall need to share our funds and our ideas right across the continent of Africa, where the already-wobbly economies have been absolutely knocked for six by the past couple of months. With very few flights available, we therefore need to hit the road and drive to Zimbabwe, Namibia, Botswana, Mozambique and further afield to East Africa as soon as we humanly can. We need to engage and support neighbouring nations in every conceivable way. If you are reading this in Europe or Asia, you might just have to fit out a vehicle and drive down from your end. If you are in the USA or Australia, you might even have to swim a bit first (!) until the flights are back, which, of course, they will be sooner or later.

Art for more than Art's Sake

Let me give you an example of how this kind of co-operation can so easily work. The above piece of artwork now hangs above the fireplace at Rissington in a spot that has been in need of a centrepiece for 25 years. Crown is the creation of a highly-talented youngster named Shearer Ngobeni (shown), whose father works at a private game reserve called Londolozi and who lives with his family in the rural village of Hluvukani, 30 kilometres east of Hazyview. Shearer was at school with JJ thanks, partially, to support from The Good Work Foundation, a local educational initiative supported by many of us in tourism. You can see more information on their education project in our rural communities HERE.

Anyway, I digress. Shearer approached me at his own initiative, with the suggestion that we might commission an art piece - the choice of subject would be ours - and that the funds raised would go towards the purchase of equipment and materials for Mother and Child Industries, a company founded by Shearer and his mother, Minah Dzimba, to empower women and the disadvantaged through the design and creation of clothing and home accessories. So that is what we did. The picture fits the Rissington focal point perfectly and Shearer and Minah have now launched their first range. Here are a couple of samples.

I love the simplicity, practicality and lack of pretension. Communities can, should and must work together as equals. This is a perfect instance in which tourism can work for everyone without even so much as a thought for issues of race, history or blame. I am going to make it my main challenge, from now onwards, to identify further opportunities to demonstrate this simple premise. Anyone with any suggestions is welcome to contact me. And when you come and stay, let's go exploring and look for new possibilities!

Crucial to this process is the need for us to focus on creating tourism products in South Africa for all South Africans. To see tourism as exclusively the domain of international tourists, or of the rich, is never going to work or to be sustainable, or even to be safe, for so many reasons. If you want a fascinating insight into the frustrations of being a black South African tourist in your own country - and we have recommended this before - you should read Sihle Khumalo’s excellent, entertaining and occasionally unsettling book Rainbow Nation My Zulu Arse. You can download it from Amazon HERE and Takealot HERE. I am proud to say that Sihle and I shared a publisher and an editor at one point of our writing lives, although nowadays he is much more prolific and intrepid than I am.

In short, yes, we have to rebuild tourism but not, I think, as before. This really is an opportunity to deal with the over-tourism problem, the non-representative problem and the patronising box-ticking of 'doing' places, as in "I have done South America". New tourists need not to 'do' places, but to immerse in places; to twin their lives with others, if you like, and to create bonds and support systems and not 'look at me' photos. Reinventing tourism not by ticking off countries but by becoming part of them, even from a distance. And without patronising people or asking them to dance for us.

Enough Lectures, it's Time for 'Turn Again Rissington' ...

So what is Rissington going to do to reinvent itself as it emerges from the recent ordeal? Well, everything really and a little bit of nothing ...

Firstly, of course, we are taking health issues seriously and we are following every single recommendation and more, when it comes to keeping people safe. The last thing any of us needs is for the effects of the lockdown to be perpetuated even for one second longer than necessary, which means sticking to the rules and making sure that we look after ourselves and each other. I say above that we shall all very quickly become accustomed to taking extra precautions and Rissington will be no exception, but we must also not lose sight of the fact that, even before the shenanigans of the past few months, Rissington was always uncrowded, always clean, always open-aired and is now ideally-suited to the new requirements for space and social distancing. We shall also be looking at all sorts of interesting ways to expand our offering in terms of outdoors activities. We are still planning to dig the bigger pool we promised, but we shall also be adding badminton, lawn bowls (a bush version), jukskei, croquet, table-tennis and all sorts of other fun activities (yes, maybe even including quoits but maybe not bingo-in-the-bar) as well as treasure hunts and wildlife walks on the property with JJ, Ryan or me. And probably the dogs!

We believe that there are going to be two major market surges from this, the first consisting of dynamic solo travellers and the second (and most prolific) being family holidays. We intend to cater fully for that in our rooms, in our style, in our health-consciousness and in our sense of fun. Those of you who have been coming here for years should not notice the difference too much, but if you bring along your families you will notice a world of new opportunities that you had never been aware of, not only at Rissington but in the area generally. What is more, all these additional Rissington facilities will be absolutely free. And if you are wondering what the wildlife looks like, here are some of the more exciting creatures we have caught on our bush camera over the past couple of days.

We even caught a hippo on the camera a couple of weeks and I will give a Rissington water bottle to any under-16 who can tell me what the fuzzy animal is in the background in the third photograph!

Rissington Turns 25 When Nobody is Looking!

Rissington's much-anticipated 25th birthday celebration eventually morphed into what is now termed a 'behind closed doors' event, a bit like the Bundesliga and the Austrian Grand Prix, but we nevertheless had a great celebration on our social media pages and we received dozens and dozens of emails wishing us well. Thanks very much for those. They meant a lot. Of course most of the staff were off at the time as we were closed but they were all involved throughout the weekend on a WhatsApp group which we set up to share messages and where Betty Khosa, one of our housekeepers, recorded a wonderful unaccompanied solo rendition of Happy Birthday from her home and posted it for us all to hear.

When Rissington opened in the middle of 1995 we were seven staff including me. Of those, three are sadly no longer alive, one now works for the Kruger National Park and two are still with us. (And I am fine too.) Rissington has a fantastically loyal team and as testament to that, at the bottom of this letter, I have capitalised the names of the people who have been here for more than ten years. It is almost half of them ... and if you think how the team has doubled in number in the past ten years, it shows a very low staff turnover. While we are on the subject of the original line-up, let's also pay tribute to the wonderful Joseph Malandula, with his fabulous sense of humour and energetic mirth-filled story-telling skills, who worked here from the day we opened until the day he died. Likewise we shall never forget Kuki Ngobe who was similarly integral from day one and who helped me to create so many of the wonderful dishes that we have all known and loved for so long on the Rissington menu. And then there were all the loyal and energetic Rissington dogs over the years too, who gave their lives up to keeping our guests happy: Fitz, Sandy (aka Isicabu), umQombothi, Bull and, greatest of them all, Sport, who moved to Rissington with me in 1995 and then lived alongside me here for a total of 19 years. What a hero!So to mark the event, as promised, here are a few more 'Before and After' shots from the building works and the opening look in 1995 compared with same view now in the present day:

In the early days, the bar was out on the verandah (and I lived where the bar is now!)

The sitting room was originally a kitchen and we knocked the arches and the bay window out of the solid larder walls

Building the stoep roof and designing the gardens were both major projects

This old workshop and staff quarters building was knocked down in 1995 was replaced five years later with our first garden suites, Sycamore and Ivory.

The work continues though, and most recently, this (below) is what Lucky has been doing to Sycamore and Ivory during lockdown. New sliding doors have taken the place of the tired old wooden one doors and windows and the rooms have undergone a complete refurbishment. Rissington never stops updating and continues to bring us joy day after day as we continue to keep it in tip-top condition even when there is almost nobody here ...!

Of course, so much has changed in the past twenty-five years and to highlight that, let's not forget that Rissington started out in an era when, to telephone us, you had to 'phone the Hazyview exchange and ask the operator to put you through to 'Hazyview 700'. To make a booking you had either to be unusually successful in 'phoning or to send a letter though the post. The fax had, in fact, just come into being and we had one very soon after we opened (with that shiny rolled paper that faded after a month or so) but hardly anyone else had one, so most of our bookings came in the form of hand-written or typed (on a typewriter) letters. To pay a deposit, you sent a cheque and we went to the post office to pick it up and then to the bank to deposit it. Was it awful? No, not at all. In a strange way it was much more personal than today's ubiquitous Internet-based form-filling communication, although it was a bit more time-consuming (as was personally visiting a high street travel agent as opposed to the impersonal system of booking online). The first Rags were also typed out on paper and then photocopied and sent out by post. And instead of ghastly TripAdvisor reviews, people used to write us thank you letters and post them to us. Yes, they really did. Many, many of them. It was all so much more genuine - and in all that time only one cheque ever bounced.

Much more will change in the next twenty-five years as well, of course, but I can tell you one thing for sure. Whatever happens in the coming months or, heaven forbid, years, Rissington will still be here for its fiftieth birthday. I shall be only 81 years old, but I trust that the next generation will have taken over by then. And as we plot our way through the coming challenges, we shall be making sure that we already start the process of preparing Rissington for the adaptations it will be making in preparation for its half-century celebrations in the year 2045 ....

Ndlovu plays Dolly Parton

Bearing in mind that Ndlovu is isiZulu for an elephant, this is potentially an alarming headline, but we are talking about the fabulous Ndlovu Youth Choir. We love them and we love everything that they stand for, having been proudly involved by hosting founder Dr Hugo Tempelman and many members of his team and his fund-raisers at Rissington for many years. For those who aren't 'with the story' the local South African choir was a star performer on America's Got Talent 2019 and had the whole country - indeed the whole world - talking. They have also performed at many other big events including 'The Match in Africa'. the record-breaking exhibition tennis match in Cape Town between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer (and Bill Gates and Trevor Noah!) earlier this year, and they were due to be the headline act at this year's Hazyview Festival which was unfortunately postponed. The choir is a large and talented part of the fund-raising efforts of the Ndlovu Care Group which operates a number of crucial clinics in the Mpumalanga and Limpopo provinces of South Africa. You can see more details HERE

They were also due to perform at Rissington's birthday but instead they sent us a lockdown video of themselves singing Happy Birthday from their headquarters in Groblersdal. You can see that on the Rissington Facebook page. For your watching pleasure in the Rag this time, here they are with their very own version of Dolly Parton's Jolene.

Many real old-timers (if I may call you that) in South Africa will also remember, in the early days, that Rissington had a strong association with SAfm, the radio station that was born out of the old 'English Service of the SABC' around the time of the transition to democracy, and particularly with the station manager and popular presenter Tony Lankester (latterly of the Grahamstown/Makhanda National Arts Festival). Many of our early guests initially heard about us on the 'Rissington Challenge' - a brainteaser set either by me or Tony and aired weekly on his Saturday morning SAfm Weekend show. Anyway, the point of all this is that Tony's and (his wife) Jayne's son, James Lankester, has also launched a part-time music career and this is him with has friend Nathan Nadler-Nir, performing one of their works under the name WokRing. We like to have something for everyone in the Rag and I think this is oddly beguiling. 'Like' at will!

And, for something yet again completely different, you know how we South Africans really love our national anthem. Well, this makes me cry every time. It was recorded remotely during lockdown by 1000-plus proud patriots led by well-known South African performers including Busiswa, ProVerb, Leah, Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Andre Schwartz, Donald, Katlego Maboe, Zolani Mahola, Tumi Morake, Khaya Dladla, Danny K, Relebogile Mabotja, Caroline Grace, Moonchild Sanelly, Willem Botha, KB and others.

I challenge you to keep a dry eye:

Did anyone spot the cameo performance in the video by one of those vehicle-invaders from the Outsurance ad? Apparently he is on breakfast television, but when I told JJ that, he said "Breakfast television? Whatever is breakfast television?" Not knowing this is, of course, a strong sign of a good upbringing. How, though, do you explain that particular intrusive red-sofa-filled iniquity to someone who has never been subjected to it? I can however see a clear link between breakfast television and the invasive Outsurance campaign...

Passing the Time, Podcasts and Anti-social Media

Tragically afflicted as I am with a persecution complex, I half-expected all the keyboard warriors, trapped in their houses during their recent incarceration, to take it out on us hoteliers with bullying reviews born out of boredom, but this has not turned out to be the case. Maybe this is the first indication that the world really is going to emerge from this a kinder place, as we have so often optimistically predicted. Maybe we can still expect revenge postings from people who didn't buy travel insurance and who resent being charged cancellation fees but I hope not and anyway they are few and far between as almost everyone has simply re-booked for a later date (and benefited from generous discounts in exchange for their loyalty). I have done the same myself with my planned travels. We are refunding all deposits for those who no longer wish to travel, although we are obviously trying to persuade everyone to postpone rather than cancel, in order to save jobs and keep up the incentive to re-schedule. After all, they were all planning to come at one point, so why would they no longer want to re-book as soon as they are able?

Here's a shocking thought - and I never thought I would say this - but I have really enjoyed the far more frequent interactions we have been having with our guests on Facebook and Instagram throughout this drama and I shall continue to do so. It has been fun finding ways to illustrate what it has been like for us and our lockdown team, confined to base with no visitors whatsoever. I have said this a few times too: it is every hotelier's imagined dream to have his hotel to himself, but I can tell you now that the novelty wears thin very quickly. And after 12 weeks, desperation sinks in and you start to dream of any guests, even the nightmare ones, just to have someone to host.

Social media must also have been a sanity-saver for so many people cut off from their families. I can see that very clearly, just as I appreciate how lucky we have been to have had a small selection of members of the fantastic Rissington team isolating with us. I am filled with admiration for the young here - mid-teenagers JJ and Megan as well as nine-year-old Ryan - who didn't leave the property even once in ten weeks. Instead, they have plugged themselves into school on Zoom, day after day, and interacted with their friends that way. I find them, their patience and their kindness to each other and to all of us absolutely admirable in our times of stress, Thanks, team. Thanks, family.

Anyway, if you want to see what we have been up to - and some of it really has been quite a laugh - visit our social media pages and follow @rissingtoninn on Inn-stagram. We would also like everyone to join the ‘Inn Crowd’ on Facebook and Twitter, as well. Facebook followers will benefit from our extraordinarily generous Facebook specials. There will be quite a few of those popping up, as and when the provincial and international borders open.

Now, completely un-Rissington-related, here are a couple more recommendations. Firstly, if you haven't already done so, you HAVE to get into Podcasts. They are the thinking man's 'YouTube' ... simply because you don't have to stop what you are doing in order to listen to them. Good podcasts are the solution to long car journeys (if only we could do those) and the antidote to bad radio, with which, as a nation, we are criminally cursed. (Exceptions exist, of course, dear Radio Friends, I know.) And if you don't know where to start, you could do no better than to listen to The Boring Talks Podcast by James Ward from the BBC. There are currently over 40 of them to enjoy and the vast majority are as un-boring as anything I have ever heard. You won't regret it for a second and you will find out about all sorts of riveting topics you never dreamt you could have been interested in. Do it. I have been enjoying them so much that I even left my first-ever online review. Ask a 12-year-old to help you get set up.

Another mystery which continues, but has become all the more evident since there has been no cricket or tennis to watch, is the bizarre predilection of British people for crime dramas (as seen on South African television) which turn all their tourism regions into murder hotspots and make even C-19 look relatively harmless. We have mentioned Midsomer Murders before, and the carnage wreaked therein by murderous farmers, shopkeepers and priests right across the Chilterns, but the bloodshed has now spread to the Cotswolds (Father Brown and Agatha Raisin), Northumberland (Vera), Devon (The Coroner) and even Stratford-upon-Avon (Shakespeare and Hathaway). On the darker side there's the Cymru Noir of Hinterland, turning Welsh Aberystwyth and its beautiful surrounding marshes and mountains into a killing ground and, even more isolated, Shetland leaves those Scottish islands' beaches littered with corpses. Considering that only 700 people are murdered in the UK every year, the crimes covered on all these shows combined must alone just about make up all of them, so it should be safe to assume that all other regions are totally risk-free when it comes to being murdered..

And as if that is not enough, the Brits have now taken to filming weekly deadly events in the places where they love to go on holiday, like the Caribbean (Death in Paradise), the Côte d'Azur (Riviera) and the Balearic Islands (The Mallorca Files). It's all very interesting and there is some fantastic scenery but don't we have enough trouble in tourism right now, without feeling that we have stumbled upon a perfect murder scene every time we step out into a glorious landscape? If the virus doesn't get you, a demented farmer on a combine harvester will mow you down and mince you up as you hike the lovely hillscapes or the local craft cheese-maker will break into your charming thatched cottage in the night, hack you into little pieces and then sell you off as the mouldy bits in his melt-in-the-mouth Mendip Blue. I think crime should maybe relocate and leave tourism regions alone for a while. We have enough problems already.

The 'Where in the World' Competition

This was last month's picture and it was, as so many people correctly surmised, the new Chinese-built suspension bridge linking Maputo with Catembe/Katembe across the Bay of Maputo. The winner of two nights for two at Rissington, for giving the best answer to come out of the hat was Kirsten Whitworth, not for detail but for honesty. In her own words:

I think the photo is the new(ish) bridge in Maputo between Maputo and the suburb across the bay whose name I've forgotten - and googling would be cheating.

Quite right. It is a simply enormous construction, at just over three kilometres long and with a span of 680 metres bridged, unsupported, between the two pylons, it is the longest suspension bridge in Africa - and I found myself becoming almost nerdily obsessed with it, taking literally dozens and dozens of photographs. It is such a treat in modern-day Africa to find a structure that still manages actually to enhance its already-beautiful environment, just as I hope the next one does. Here is this month's competition picture:

As you can see, we haven't done much travelling. In fact, so seriously have we taken lockdown and keeping our staff (and now our few guests) safe, that until last week, my only breakouts had been in the form of five trips to Hazyview's Checkers supermarket for supplies - and absolutely nowhere else. So, no prizes for guessing where this was taken, but there will be a prize if you give enough detail to show that you have worked out exactly where I was standing.

Entries to info@rissington.co.za by 31st July 2020 to go into the hat for the prize-draw to win two nights for two at Rissington in the best room available on the day of booking. Go for it! We'd like to see you. Actually we'd like to see anyone!

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

With turmoil all around us, world experts seem even more ubiquitous than ever and unusual people, who would normally beaver away in the background and out of the limelight, suddenly become household names which we need to learn and pronounce correctly, like the Director-GeneraThird Doctor - Wikipedial of the W.H.O. Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus. His fame is so unexpected that, Googling 'WHO Doctor' to check the spelling, I was re-directed to TARDIS.

A so-called 'World Crisis' also gives far more airtime to all of our leaders, allowing them almost unfettered access to the public, for better or worse, Noticeable, though, is how we refer to them. South Africa, for example has a 'Cyril' and Britain a 'Boris'. Russia a 'Putin' (never a Vlad) and the USA has a 'Trump' (never a Donald, but sometimes an oddly egotistical 'The Donald'), In the old South Africa we had FW, PW, DF and so on. Our leaders then seemingly did not even have first names, and if they did, they used them all at once, as in Frederik Willem de Klerk. In the new South Africa, our politicians either have incredibly long names like Nkosasana Dlamini-Zuma (known as NDZ for short) or punchy short nicknames like 'DD' Mabuza and 'Juju' Malema.

Truly great African leaders are known by simple terms of respect, as with Nelson Mandela, who was known variously as Madiba and Tata and with Julius Nyerere who was known always as Mwalimu (The Teacher). Nicknames are a very African concept and while Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe is rather menacingly known as 'The Crocodile', President Museveni of Uganda is now commonly known as M7 and João Lourenço of Angola is even known as JLo. Very cool.

Our Travels

Like everyone, we haven't actually been on any travels so, instead, maybe we should talk about where we haven't been from our extravagant bucketful of plans. Our half-planned June skiing trip to Argentina was canned altogether and I also currently have credits from cancelled bookings with South African Airways (although I can probably kiss that goodbye), British Airways (a stake tantamount to a shareholding), Kruger National Park (from a trip that didn't happen at Easter but which we hope to take up soon) and seemingly most of Madagascar's accommodation establishments from a trip we were planning for September.

Right now, I could really do with the money instead but, being in the industry, as I said above, I fully understand why no-one wants to refund it to me. It won't take much pressure for the tourism house of cards to collapse altogether so I will give them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully someone somewhere will get their priorities right and put some serious thought into propping up the travel industry before all those egg-bound chickens implode, but we can't be overconfident, given that humans landed on the moon in 1969 but didn't think of putting wheels on luggage until 1970. For anyone in science who is reading this and may not have picked it up, this vaccine is very important. But probably not as important as it is for all of us to change the way we live and to show more respect for the planet and for each other.

There are plenty of scare-stories going around regarding how long South Africa's borders are likely to remain closed and a confusingly-worded statement from South Africa's Minister of Tourism even led to a speculation that international tourism might not even open up here until February. This was intended to be very much a worst-case scenario and remains exactly that. Absolutely worst case! It seems much more likely, given the low trajectory of the disease on the continent, that we may be fully opening up in or soon after September. Let us all very much hope so. Be positive. Book now. For any date from now. It will make you feel better and you can always change the booking without cost if things change. Domestic tourism could be opening up any day now.

It's the real deal

Claustrophobia is not all about the lingering after-effects of being locked in the cupboard by an errant sibling as a child. We are all - even the introverts among us - currently feeling trapped. It can be caused by anything from not being able to leave the bedroom (if we have 'the symptoms') to being confined to the house, or the garden, or the province, or the country we live in. No-one could have imagined that it would ever come to this. Strangely, though, I find that it is not so much not being able to travel - after all, we would often go through long periods without travelling - but the cooped-up nature of knowing that we could not travel even if we wanted to do so. We couldn't visit family or friends overseas. Or even in Cape Town. In fact, I think this must be especially tough for the Capetonians who can't get to the bush. To be honest, I don't mind the lack of intercontinental travel and I think I have visited most of the places I want to see (with the exception of Russia, maybe) but I would be really miserable if I couldn't drive through Africa. And I imagine almost everyone else reading this feels the same.

With the possibility of travel slowly returning, Rissington is looking at a number of ways for you to get out into our open spaces to soak up some warm South African Lowveld sunshine. A number of them focus on families, because we believe that a change of scene will do you a power of good, especially if shared with family members you may not have seen for a while. Can you think of anyone? Grandparents? Uncles and aunts? Children? Even old friends?

If everyone who reads this makes a booking, we will somehow survive. If everyone who reads it then forwards it to someone else, we will comfortably survive (and if someone forwarded it to you, please sign up at the bottom of this page to receive the Rag every three months so that you can always be part of the fun). At this stage, all we know is that we are open for anyone travelling on business and that as soon as we are allowed to accommodate everyone else, we will do so with enthusiasm. We can't wait, truly! Whether all our fellow local products will survive is hard to say right now, but you can be sure that Hazyview will bounce back as fast as it can and that soon it will once again be a haven of peace, space, light and smiling faces. And Rissington, as always will be at the heart of it, but just tucked away a little! Here are some ideas:

STAY FOR SEVEN :

Our seven-night stays have always been popular. The current rate is R5500 per person for the full seven nights with all meals included. So the only other costs are extras like laundry, drinks from the bar and any other little add-ons like your zebra-stripe bikini-top fashionista mask from the 'Rissington Out' shop. (Add an extra R1500 per person and you can have two days of open-vehicle game drives in Kruger, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Conservation fees not included, minimum 2 people). TEN-NIGHT OPTION: R7500 per person all included as above and with same add-on game drive option.

RENEWAL WEEKEND :

A weekend of spoiling in any way that we can find that appeals to you. Tell us what you have missed and what you like : a spa visit, gin-tasting, shopping for art, eating local dishes, craft beers, locally-grown coffee, driving through beautiful scenery, throwing yourself into adrenaline activities. What else? Let us know and we will shop around, tailor-make it for you and give you a quote. Starting from R1100 per person for two nights and R1600 for three nights, bed and breakfast.

FAMILY WEEKEND :

Time to let the family run riot in the open air. Rissington has endless fun and games for them now that the thrill of online-gaming has finally worn off due to excess. Badminton? Croquet? Soccer on the lawn? One of our prize-winning treasure hunts? Chasing the dogs ... (Bruno is a match for anyone!). Learning to cook some of our dishes with one of Rissington's friendly chefs? Book four or more of you for a weekend and we will also throw in a half-day private open-vehicle game drive in the Kruger National Park with a fully qualified guide. All you need to pay for is the conservation fees and a tip for the guide. (Minimum age limit for game drive 4 years). From R9800 in total for a three-night stay with all meals for a family of four (maximum two over 18s). Shorter stays also possible. Ask for a quote.

THE BUSH-BASHER:

As South Africans, we are accustomed to thinking that we cannot afford private game reserves, but we have found you an exception which, combined with a few nights at Rissington, would give you a really good-value and exciting trip to the Lowveld, where the sun always shines. Take a look at Tsakane Safari Lodge HERE and then book yourselves a couple of nights at Rissington to recover and then a couple of nights at Tsakane to renew your acquaintance with the wild. We will handle the bookings for you. Tsakane offers a minimum stay of two nights including all meals, game drives and bush walks. There is also a three-night option. Here are some pictures of Tsakane, just to whet the appetite:

And if none of this appeals, then tell us what does. Are you celebrating a birthday? An anniversary? A well-timed pension payout? Or simply celebrating your freedom again? Come and see us. We are just a host of happy faces, waiting for people to smile with ...

We are also still operating our voucher scheme and now seems like a good time for you to give away a stay at Rissington to someone who matters and who needs a break but might not feel they can afford one. Has someone really been good to you during the recent plague, for example? Why not buy them a week at Rissington? Or one of our weekend packages?

For our bona fide Business clients, from now onwards, you will also automatically qualify to earn our UMNDENI POINTS. For every ten nights you stay on business, you can bring your family for a night for free. So stay 20 nights in a year and they can come for the weekend with fully complimentary accommodation for up to five of you in a garden suite. Free, mahala and for niks.

All true. All because we want you to come and to send your friends. Or, even better, to bring them along with you.

Guest Quote of the Month

Alas, we have had no guests to quote, so let's go with a couple of tourism industry quotes. The first is from me, aboard my high horse (again):

I honestly think that most people find the words 'work' and 'home' to be completely incompatible. Everyone claims to be doing it but, believe me, it takes years of practice to work at home. Ideally you need to have written a book and proved to yourself that you can dedicate a year of your life to one ongoing project without being distracted. And you only know that you have mastered it when you find A Rant about Telephone Calls | Bibi Baskinthat you can't stop and that you are quite simply working at home the whole time. Not sleeping, not eating, not stopping for coffee and biscuits, not watching innocent villagers being murdered in quaint English villages on the television. Writers are used to it - and are as productive as ever in the current scenario, if not more so, because they can't go out even if they want to. Hence this long Rag, which has taken me the best part of a month to write The rest of the world seems to think 'working at home' actually means 'not-working at home and instead playing with the cat and watching a lot of television, becoming news-aholics and social-media-fanatics, doing crosswords, completing a nine-year-old's schoolwork because it is easy and it makes them feel clever, baking and eating much more than usual'. Thank goodness, again, for the fact that there hasn't been any cricket or tennis to watch - or most people would have achieved absolutely nothing useful at all since the end of March.

Personality of the Month

And secondly, the words of a tourism national treasure. Many of you will know Frank Watts but you may not realise it. He is the ranger and 'the voice' in the famously viral YouTube clip which became known as Battle at Kruger. Well, Frank is about as dedicated a ranger as it is possible to be and, on top of that, he is a philosopher, a gentleman and a storyteller of note. Frank has spent the months of lockdown putting his feelings down on paper; Not wearing his heart on his sleeve, but clearly and entertainingly explaining how the loss of freedom we are all suffering is exacerbated if your version of 'working from home' means that you are usually out all day in the Kruger National Park with the animals and you now find yourself holed up, housebound and immobile day after day instead.

As Frank says, you can read his short story for the price of a cup of coffee and you can't visit your local coffee shop right now anyway, so give yourself a treat and get it online here https://www.freedomwriter.co.za/ for R30 then settle down and hear what it feels like for our real outdoorsmen to to be totally dis-empowered. It is not a happy tale, but it is very valid. Buying it online is simpler than ordering cup of coffee and goodness knows even that can be complicated enough. Flat white? Latte? Mocha breve? Café bombom? No, I will just have Frank's short story, thanks very much! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

And if you haven't seen the extraordinary Battle at Kruger, you can see it on YouTube HERE. Those buffalo put up an extraordinary performance and the incident even has its own Wikipedia page.

That's all for now ...

As we say in South Africa, Salani kahle! Stay well. Keep in touch. Tell us how you are doing. And by the way, drive carefully. People seem to be shockingly poor at driving with these masks on. Also, in another recent warning, apparently there are reports of over-ardent hand-washers suffering hallucinations (or maybe enjoying them?) after using too much hand sanitiser. Take it easy. There are new, unprecedented and unexpected perils stalking us out there ...

Please come and see as soon as you can, in sunny warm Hazyview, Mpumalanga, South Africa ...

Rissington Inn Blog - Rissington Inn

The Rissington Rag - March 2026

It’s now full-on summer in Hazyview and time for a laid-back, easy-going, musing sort of Rag – so pull up a drink and an armchair so that you can settle in for a good read …

Summertime and the Living is Easy

So, what are the Current Travel Trends?

What a racquet … or racket …

Generations … again:

Portraits of life …

More me-me-me

Music and what it tells us about ourselves:

Music time:

Chapeau!

Challenges in hotel management:

Thabiso and the Rissington dogs:

Competition Time - Where in the World:

JJ’s photos - and Rissington's media going forward:

Winter specials:

That’s all:

See you in the warm, Lowveld winter, we hope - and you will hear from us again in May …

The Rissington Christmas Rag - December 2025

Welcome to the December Rag and to all the wonderful celebrations that go with it: Summertime in the southern hemisphere, three decades of Rissington and, of course, Christmas, New Year, festivals, fun and holidays.

A letter from the bank :

Plenty of tweaks and treats :

In other news, Philippa leaves Rissington; Waidon joins :

And what has the owner been up to?

Bookish travel:

Keeping it affordable:

Formophobia :

Rissington photography

AI and travel issues (again) :

Living the good life ... in France :

It’s a deal - sort of :

Amazing scams just go on and on :

Under African Skies :

Making your mark on Rissington :

Living with wildlife :

Competitions :

Some music to end the year :

It’s Christmas and the sun is beating down on beautiful Africa :

Merry Christmas and a very Happy 2026. All the best from all of us:

The Rissington Rag - September 2025

Welcome to the September 2025 Rissington Rag as we continue our celebration of 30 years of Rissington with a few more stories and a photo shoot. Enjoy the new pictures dotted around this Rag. There’s also a generous competition.

South Africans really are the friendliest people in the world

They even talk to their cars …

Now, let’s talk about the weather

An icon remembered

The modern world

It’s all in the details:

Saving the planet. And Australia.

Inn-Spirations – the Spa at Rissington

Wandering around Rissington

It’s all about marketing

Talking of Marketing

The Competitions – a huge prize to be won

Are we busy? Yes we are!

Come and stay soon. We’d love to see you.

The Rissington Rag - June 2025

Welcome to the June 2025 Rissington Rag – a light, short, fun winter edition. Back to more of our old favourite subjects and some lovely photos, this time of Rissington as it is now. At 30 years old. Three decades.

The Small Nut-Brown Gentleman

Another Guest Story. This time a Traffic Cop.

Remembering Guests. And Oil Barons.

Tea and Cake

A New(ish) and Utterly Fascinating South African Tourism Offering

Animals Caught on Camera

Exhaustion and Travel Trends

Back to the Books

From the Loo

Competition Time

Now, Back to the Present – Another 30-Year Competition. This time it's creative.

Specials for June – Name Your Price

Rissington at 30

Back to the Spa

Social Media

The Rissington 30th Birthday Rag - March 2025

WELCOME TO THE MARCH 2025 RISSINGTON RAG

MARKING THREE DECADES OF FINE HOSPITALITY

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TEAM

OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

CELEBRATIONS HAVE BEEN A HUGE PART OF OUR LIVES

NEW R40 ENTRANCE AND SIGNAGE